The week that was in Thailand news: “Going Troppo!” It’s not just for the Westerners

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: “Going Troppo!” It’s not just for the Westerners

 

 

I have always loved the expression “Gone Troppo!” – the one that refers to Westerners who have gone just a bit barking after spending a tad too long in the tropical heat. But while I fully admit to the condition I have always thought that the locals in my adopted homeland are hardly free of the complaint themselves.

I mean, haven’t most of them been here longer than us? Surely their ‘troppo’ symptoms could be even worse than ours….

As if to prove the point it was another bumper week in the kingdom as everyone from the prime minister down treated us to their idiosyncratic take on the vagaries of what passes for Thai reality.

Prayut confirmed his status at the head of the brains trust this week with not one but two assertions that the country was heading in the right direction after his inspired years at the helm.

Nicknamed Big Too (the word ‘too’ in Thai means acquiring possessions by force) declared that he had put the smiles back in the Land Thereof. Then he said we were all on the “cusp of greatness” careering head first like a truck with dodgy brakes into the First World.

It was reassuring to know and I would have felt utterly blissful on hearing the news had it not been for the criminal goings on at his press conference – I refer to the grating noise that passed for the karaoke “singing” he used to spread the happy word about the country’s undoubtedly fine future.

It reminded me of my other affliction acquired in Asia – “karaokephobia” - whereby I come out in palpitations and rash when in earshot of locals with a microphone at their lips.

Naturally the curmudgeons of Thaivisa forum rejected not only the First World image painted by the PM but pooh-poohed the whole notion of happiness but hopefully a week spent surfing the local news will have put some smiles back on their faces.

First up was the welter of Thais seeing lottery numbers in the most unusual places. Hardly news I hear you say but this week winners were sought in everything from caves, to two headed jingjoks to the PM’s plane and van….to fungus.

I thought it worth a look between my toes but drat! - the damn powder I’ve been using had cleared up the ailment and there wasn’t a single digit among my digits. Incidentally, Thais refer to athlete’s foot as Hong Kong foot having a tendency to blame the occasional foreigner.

Frankly, I was a bit surprised at the need for all this lottery madness – surely the junta with its happiness and wealth for all has made it quite unnecessary to even buy a ticket.

Then I thought of my ex and the penny dropped; it’s only greed….

Several of the grisliest murders to darken the forum’s doors this year made us realize that the PM’s happiness had yet to permeate to everyone.

One man in Udon had a day he is unlikely to forget when he went round to his neighbor’s to find him indisposed. Or perhaps that should be disposed as he found his drinking buddy’s head and torso in a fertilizer sack and his detached arms and legs sticking out of a bucket. The case that originally looked like a family dispute now may be a serial killer on the loose as another innocent man was later found slashed.

While in Bangkok a man went prepared with a foot long kitchen knife to make up to his wife who was cleaning at a cram school. The new maid will need some extra detergent after the couple’s reconciliation attempt ended with them covered in red in a third floor classroom.

Also causing blood loss at a school was the 58 year old PE teacher who hurled a coffee cup in the direction of an attractive 17 year old student. Well, she was attractive until the cup connected with her face disfiguring her.

Predictably the school circled the wagons to defend teacher Paitoon – while the M5 student needs a lot more medical attention after the parties failed to agree compensation.

Isn’t it time that compensation and criminal liability were completely separated – I’d like to see these so called teachers thown in jail first, then made to pay up later. As it is they usually just grudgingly fork out a pittance, keep their jobs and carry on regardless. Some role models.

Total “Wuss of the Week” award went to the Blighty tourist who Britain’s Sun newspaper said had to suffer the “Hell-on-Earth” in a cockroach infested Thai prison. Maybe he was misquoted as I do use the terms ‘newspaper’ and ‘the Sun’ with an oxymoron alert warning.

Seeing the lovely clean detention center with its almost fluffy bedding wanted me to get on down to Homepro to upgrade my own “hell-hole” apartment. Jeez, these first world Brits need to get out more – perhaps by visiting Cleethorpes on a wet Sunday in November for a touch of true Hades.

Never far from the news this week, PM Prayut tested the upper limits of the “gone troppo-meter” with his assertion that Thailand would be “corruption free within 20 years”. I am sure he must have been misquoted too what with the Thai pronunciation and all – perhaps he meant to say “corruption fee”.

I am not altogether sure I can actually picture in my troppo-mind’s eye a Land of Smiles where corruption doesn’t exist. I think I would miss it as it seems so interwoven into the very fabric of the Thai dress and way of life that our honorable leader loves to promote.

If nothing else the whole language will need to be adjusted with charming Thai euphemisms like “can you help me out here” and “buying tea for the cops” being replaced with statements like “pay the stipulated fine at the counter and get your authorized receipt”. Boring old First World that – I’d have to leave and go somewhere I’d recognize like Nigeria….

Though seeing as I already have a couple of Thai wives I don’t think I am a candidate for their charming brand of Romance Scam! The latest marital mischief makers this week were a horizontally challenged Thai woman and her black toy boy who, amusingly, pretended to be white to lure his victims.

After some videos I was told about recently it got me thinking that were the scams committed in Japan the fraudster would probably be a white guy pretending to be black. Each to his own I suppose; the fact remains that hundreds of Thai women continue to be duped by their own in league with Africans.

The sweet talking foreigners get the balls rolling as much with dollar signs as the promise of true love while their Thai women partners step in later posing as customs officials who need a little of the still available “nam cha” to release the presents that just arrived at the airport.

Sad to say, there really is no shortage of vulnerable forty plus women who seem to be packing the kind of brains usually associated with what many men are reported to have in their boxers.

Once again the raiding parties were busy this week though I think they may get a rap on the knuckles in private from the PM as their activities could hardly be conducive to happiness. Climax – normally associated with loud noises – fell silent in Sukhumvit Soi 11 while the more Thai style “Fields of Isaan” in Kaset where a large picture of a buffalo behind the stage serves as a backdrop to the drug taking youngsters, was shut for five years. This might be just enough time for the owner to be located.

“Darwin Award” of the week was a very close run thing. In fact after due consideration I shall have to declare a Thai, I mean a tie.

For while the motorcyclist called Panya – that the reporter correctly translated as brains – did exceptionally well to fall asleep, drunk, perched on his bike on a U-turn bridge, there was also real claims to the award from the maid who pinched half a million baht from a Japanese woman then didn’t question the good sense in returning to the same apartment weeks’ later for a follow up job.

The police were involved in both of course – in the former doing their bit for happiness by letting Panya zigzag back home on his Honda while the maid was well and truly stung.

Well done cops – my only complaint was that the editor missed the headline prize on the story that really should have said “Thai maid cleans up at Japanese house”. Consequently the award goes to the “pull of the phallus” reference as another tourist “knob head” scaled the Hin Ta stone on Samui.

Hoot of the Week – maybe we should call it Hooters due to their size and prominence – had to be the met police initiative to solve the capital’s traffic woes not with policing and enforcement that seemed vaguely sensible the previous week but with….wait for it….before and after flags.

Putting aside the fact that no one had any idea what the flags were for, I do feel it is much too early in the education department’s English-language-for-all-in-ten-years drive to expect humble coppers to understand complicated concepts like “before” and “after”.

Perhaps the flags should have been printed with the lovely Thai expression “chart naa, torn bai bai” – in the next life in the late afternoon – as it will take at least that long before Bangkok’s traffic problems are sorted.

Finally I would like to thank forum poster “seabear” who kindly said he would buy my book if and when I publish my weekly musings. I am pleased to say that the happy folk at Thaivisa are considering options for a publication that may satisfy your desires and I’m also delighted to announce that your suggestion of a name, previously proposed by some others, has been adopted – henceforth just refer to me as good old Rooster.

Rather than that annoying cock that wakes you up too early on a Sunday.

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2016-09-17

[kg1947]

Amazing Thailand .....  indeed ......  keep posting please !!

[ksamuiguy]

More to come I hope.

[elgordo38]

32 minutes ago, ksamuiguy said:

More to come I hope.

You can pretty well count on that. The land of smiles is a never ending source of items that fill the cup of life to overflowing. I have become a believer in "Ripleys Believe It Or Not" and the "Guinness Book Of Records" since moving here. My one flaw in life is that I always have taken for granted that people know what they are doing. Since moving here well I am learning to scrutinize things carefully making sure all the t's are crossed and the i's dotted. I again had a incident of this last Thursday thinking that a bank employee knew what he were doing and he obviously did not. One clue that I missed was the fact that every time I go to this bank the faces seemed to have all changed. I let my guard down just a bit and it cost me 4 hours of my time and 500 bahts for taxi fare to rectify the problem. Well I must soldier on in life and add this to many lessons learned in the long journey behind me.

[aslimversgwm]

3 hours ago, kg1947 said:

Amazing Thailand .....  indeed ......  keep posting please !!

Once again thanks for brightening my Sunday on this very, very wet morning up here in CM.

Yes a book would be great - you really should do it for the sake of all us long-suffering residents in the Land Of so many Smiles!

[NeilSA1]

"Rather than that annoying cock that wakes you up too early on a Sunday. "

 

but your partner may enjoy it ........

[SiSePuede419]

I see the OP's problem.

 

Assumes said people "Gone Troppo" weren't already gone before they even arrived.

 

555

[flyingdoc]

Keep up the good work!

[joeyg]

Do you ever post any good news?