The week that was in Thailand news: Welcome to Thailand – what’s your name again?

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Welcome to Thailand – what’s your name again?

 

 

You can always tell when the cops haven’t got a clue. They announce that they can’t reveal details just yet because it would surely jeopardize the case. The fumbling fuzz are fine when their special techniques induce instant confessions but when it comes to investigation in a difficult case they usually resort to some vague attempt to hide behind a veneer of professionalism.

And so it was this week as we were treated to an entire seven days and more of guessing what was going on in the case that has come to be known as the foreigners and the freezer. As perhaps befits a case that began with passport forgery, the ringleader had a lot of names going from Peter to Herbert to Charlie! The police had clearly got out their pins out and used one of those books people buy for naming babies.

There! “Cheu farang!” That’ll do! Tom, Dick and Harry, you’re next.

Yes, it was terribly inconvenient for chief Sanit and his long arms that the suspects were saying nowt; some criminals these days have absolutely no morals. But there’ll be hell to pay when the sentencing comes – no half measures for you lot!

Admittedly it was a tough one. The body in the freezer was cut up into all of six pieces – one helluva jigsaw for forensics to put back together in the right order. But when they had managed that and even had the good sense to find a fingerprint inside the bin bag wrapper – someone clearly had been watching CSI – bingo! Peter or whatever his name is, started to squeal.

I’m sure the black eyes he sported were just for the want of sleep.

So there it was. Houston, we have a semi-confession! The only problem was that it didn’t fit the facts and by now the case was being followed internationally and mindful perhaps of the bungling of Koh Tao here was a chance to look good. So after all that we were treated to the cops disputing “Peter’s” claims! Priceless!

Forget Hawaii 5 – 0 this was Bangkok 555.

At least by the end of an eventful week the constabulary had managed to exhaust the list of nationalities and come up with some definitive efforts. The suspects were Yanks and the body was Hungarian born – now reduced to ‘ghoulash’ after all that cutting up by the suspects and prodding by forensics.

In other cases of less magnitude nationality was also tricky – some black guys were rounded up with a few hundred ATM cards in their back pockets. Aside from the laughs generated by their claims (see the Rooster Awards section later) was the problem of where they came from – was it Niger or Nigeria! We’ve had Austria or Australia now this! What’s next? Ireland or Iceland! What a headache!

Maybe that’s why the stories in the Thai press headlines talk of more easily quantifiable concepts when it comes to nationalities – such as land of beer (Germany), land of perfume (France) or, for some unknown reason, land of gentlemen (Britain). The rest are just black or Chinese….

Anyway, the Nigeriens (I needed Google for that, I knew Nigers must be wrong) were caught pressing ATMs in Nana so they must have stuck out like a sore thumb making it easy Lumpini’s finest.

The antics of plod made for a fun week, though, as all and sundry chipped in to remind us how much we love The Land of Smiles.

Khun Kobkarn at the tourism ministry got the ball rolling once again by announcing an initiative to attract high end tourists by bussing them in on Nok Air. Should be a chance to get more “zero-dollar” tours.

Then former PM Yingluck was blamed for the 2011 floods and almost on cue the authorities started saying that this year’s inundation would not be as bad as five years ago while they started ordering more pumps.

I’m off to buy a tin boat so I can run a delivery service to the end of the soi in the coming months.

One wonders whether in five years hence a little chap with a waning bark might similarly be brought to book for the floods of 2016.

Listening to some forum posters on Thaivisa you would think that Thais only blame foreigners – in my experience they blame everyone with equal abandon. A case in point this week was the Thai air hostess recounting the story of the Thai celebrity who made her shift hell on the way to Europe.

Defamation laws being what they are no names were mentioned though after the forced prostration story on Air Asia a couple of weeks back there is an increasing feeling that the customer is not only always wrong but a complete pain in the derriere.

Another airline story was much more light-hearted – security were called to the airport in Bangkok after mysterious vibrations emanated from a bag being loaded into the hold. A “silver-bullet” was found but this was ammunition for laughter. It was hilarious seeing the prim and proper Thai ladies on the TV news kind of pretending to keep a straight face as the story unfolded.

I feel sure the passenger in this case, too, was glad their anonymity and face were preserved.

Surveys and censuses of various kinds were big news this week with those from different camps putting their own spin on the “facts”. The story from the Thai press trumpeted the news that 41% of Chinese tourists said they would come back to Thailand while most forum posters pointed out that in their view this was very little. Don’t visitors always tell their hosts “see you soon!”? Even the Owens of Hua Hin fame did after their hospital bills were paid.

No comment by Thai social critics was made in the census story that said Thais in Generation Y are losing their virginity at 15 and city residents are having an average of 5 sexual partners before the age of 19.

Years ago this kind of stat would have meant national soul searching – I get the feeling that most Thais have just accepted the fact that their society is no longer the paragon of virtue claimed by out of date officialdom as in the past.

Going bonkers bonking in Bankers now seems as much a pastime of young locals as its visitors from abroad used to be blamed for. Great to see sexual equality becoming more widespread.

Sad sights of the week were two dead animals and an equally stiff copper who really had himself to blame. The first animal was the dog called “Ay Long” (the lost one) who had been waiting for its owner by the side of the road after being abandoned. Do-gooders feeding the mutt and scaring it led to it being tranquilized by dog catchers. But that was bungled and the dog ended up running into passing traffic. Everyone blamed everyone else online and in public.

The next was the elephant pictured tragically under the wheels of the number 99 bus on its way to Chiang Mai.

While the dead policeman was a cop moonlighting in a taxi. After all the money they have asked me for over the years one wonders why this was necessary.

The officer concerned was responsible for police training so hardly surprising that he swerved to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in a Saraburi klong after being seen going the wrong way round a U-turn. Sadly he drowned, though I would not be surprised if the motorist who was going the right way is charged with negligence – anything is possible on the Thai roads.

Fun stories in pictures this week mostly concerned potholes. Everyone from a model to a bunch of grannies were pictured having a bath in one, then villagers ramped up the sarcasm by getting the placards out proudly proclaiming “This is Thailand!” and inviting a monk along to witness rice planting in the holey roads. Designed, of course, to attract social media attention they even got top billing on the BBC website for their ingenuity in shaming the authorities into action. I wish the Thais did more stuff like this – when they set their minds to it they excel at irony!

And so to the Rooster Awards of the Week – the Cock of the Week prize (formerly known as Darwin award) goes with warm congratulations to the entire DSI for finding just two shops selling illegal jeans at Ma Boon Krong. You guys deserve more than just a slap on the back.

Hoot of the Week went to the aforementioned Nigeriens who asked cops to believe they had brought 568 ATM cards with them “to buy stuff for their relatives” back home.

Best Post of the Week I present to Thaivisa forum’s “prestburypark” for his reply to ‘My Thai Girlfriend’ in the newsletter on Friday morning. Too long to repeat here but well worth a look, though none of the things mentioned could possible ever happy to me…….

This week’s “You Don’t Have to Enter the Lottery to Get Lucky” award is jointly given to the woman who drove off in Bang Plee seconds before a truck trailer would have demolished her car and the trader on a motorcycle who ended up with his head under the wheel of a minivan.

Though it must be noted that being hit by a minivan is only slightly more dangerous than being accepted as a passenger in one.

The comment “vegetable trader avoided becoming a vegetable” is also worth a mention in despatches.

Despite the passport forgers police didn’t get Catch of the Week in the last seven days – that has to go to the Briton who landed the biggest Siamese Carp on record. It can’t go into the record books because it came from stocked waters but the happy angler bought his prized fish to stock his own pond. He’ll doubtless make that money back from fishermen trying to hook it all over again.

Sure beats Pokemon - there was not a single story about them all week, have they all been caught?

Finally Rooster is now off to see how the other half lives at the Thai Expat 2016 show in Sukhumvit Soi 36 today. It will be joyous to see all those smiling expatriates with their weird names and nationalities having fun with their welcoming Thai hosts.

I just hope there isn’t dual pricing on the door. 

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2016-10-02

 

[canuckamuck]

Quote

Best Post of the Week I present to Thaivisa forum’s “prestburypark” for his reply to ‘My Thai Girlfriend’ in the newsletter on Friday morning. Too long to repeat here but well worth a look, though none of the things mentioned could possible ever happy to me…….

 

Link?

[metisdead]

10 minutes ago, canuckamuck said:

 

Link?

 

I think this is it:

 

 

[DoctorG]

Really enjoy this weekly wrap-up. Thanks.

[Colabamumbai]

Excellent post. Nok Air great, just rated one of the unsafest airlines in Thailand besides 3 others.

[JayBeeee]

Shouldn't there be links to all news items referred to in these summaries?

If I may raise a few points on your presentation...

A little study in punctuation would make this kind of thing far more readable and less ambiguous.

Fewer colloquialisms and some consistency in your choice of language, e.g., English or American, would appear more professional, though I thought English was supposed to be used in these forums.

When you say, "Listening to some forum posters on Thaivisa...", are you saying that there is an audio version, or do you mean when you read using a 'text-to-voice' application?

Are members of "The News Team" meant to be professional reporters, or is it something anybody can do?