Subject: Aberdonians

The first people in the country to have double glazing were the Aberdonians so their kids couldn't hear the ice cream vans.

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How many Aberdonians does it take to change a light bulb?

Och! it's no that dark.

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Have you heard about the lecherous Aberdonian who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings?

He sold her four of them.

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An Aberdonian took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi. She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter

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A very popular man dies in Aberdeen and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the Aberdeen Evening Express and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"

The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"

The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads

"Peter Reid, fae Kincorth, deid"

He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads

"Peter Reid, fae Kincorth deid. Ford Escort for sale"

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Jock was out working the field in the vale of Tullos when a barnstormer landed.

"I'll give you an airplane ride for £50," said the pilot.

"Sorry, cannae afford it," replied Jock.

"Tell you what," said the pilot, "I'll give you and your wife a free ride but if you get scared it'll be £100."

So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said, "Got to hand it to you, for country folk you sure are brave!"

"Aye," said Jock "But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell oot!"

Nothing stingy about Aberdonians - it's a myth!

Did you hear about the Aberdonian Kamikaze pilot?

He crash landed in his brother-in-laws scrapyard!

Did You Know?

In reality, the Scottish man or woman gives more to registered charities per head of population compared to any other part of the United Kingdom. FACT

But let's get back to where we were........

Copper wire was invented by two Aberdonians fighting over a penny.

They heat knives in Aberdeen restaurants, so you don't use too much butter.

An Aberdonian never buys an address book. He scores out the people he doesn't know in a telephone directory.

Scotsmen started wearing skirts because it was free for women to get into the football.

A Scot diving in a puddle to retrieve a five pence piece created Loch Lomond.

The most common ailment in Aberdonian hospitals is backache caused by locals stretching for their wallets.

An Aberdonian goes to a wedding with elastic on his confetti.

If an Aberdonian takes a coin out his sporran the queen blinks.

An Aberdonian invented a cure for seasickness. He leant over the side of a boat with a ten pence in his mouth.

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Johnh101 went into a barber's shop and asked the cost of a haircut.

"Six pounds," replied the hairdresser.

"What about a shave?" asked the big man.

"Three pounds fifty pence," answered the hairdresser.

The Scot retorted, "Well,Shave my heed then."

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