Intellectual Whore

[impulse]

1 hour ago, NancyL said:

I've noticed in my circle there are single women who go out for dinner, in groups with western men and often the men have Thai partners who aren't included in the dinner party.  Male and female partners.  Would the OP call these women "intellectual whores"?  Or could it be that the proper term for these people are "friends"?

 

Perhaps the OP is finally getting a dose of what we, as average Joe's, have gotten all our lives.  Women we're attracted to -even Platonically) putting us in the "friend zone", but more than a little eager to cry about how the bad boy she's currently dating screwing is mistreating her.   The sex is amazing, but there's something missing that she seeks outside the relationship.  

 

The analogous "bad boys" here in Thailand are Thai women.   The sex is amazing, but....

 

Edit: We didn't refer to ourselves as "intellectual whores", though.  "Friendly eunuch" is the preferred term.

 

[rijb]

1 hour ago, buddhalady said:

The sight of an intelligent farang woman is like a red rag to a bull, revealing misogynism second only to that of the USA's appalling president elect! 

 

What does "an intelligent farang woman" look like?  Do you wear a diploma around your neck?

 

Based on your "provocative" generalizations about men, I don't see one.

[dave2]

re

 

You would have to ask the op to post a photo

 

as she hardly likely to do that

 

this is an old thai boiler ( water / shower heater )

 

ps ... in england .. an old boiler

 

is usually an older woman said to be past her sell by date  

 

dave2

[Jingthing]

A root of the complaint seems to be the assumption that these men are not sexually interested in the O.P. That may be true in most cases but I'd say you never know. Is she sexually interested in any of them? What's wrong with engaging with possibly interesting people where there is no sex interest? I do understand a lot of older male expats here are creeps or worse, but it's not fair to assume all of them are based on superficial appearances. 

[buddhalady]

1 hour ago, canthai55 said:

 

Not for me. Not for the Western people I associate with. Happily married, and only a slight age difference. 18 year old heart in a 60+ body.  Your bias is showing ...

You're rare - be proud!

[cyberfarang]

The OP seems to be a typical arrogant, paranoid western woman, thinking that men who try to be hospitable and friendly must have ulterior motives, that people are staring at her and assumes they are making judgements, probably thinks other Farlang women are bitches (met many who do) and Farlang men think they are superior with only one thought on their minds.

 

The OP openly praises herself on how great she looks and how gracious and generous she is within the Thai community where she lives. She seems to consider herself as a cross between  Sharon Stone and Mother Teresa. Well, have I got news for her. Most of us as Farlangs do seek out others they can relate to on similar intellectual levels, it`s only natural being as we are only a small minority here and why the Thai visa forums are very popular.  If she does receive negative or hostile responses from others, then this is probably caused by her own negative and condescending attitudes towards them. 

 

If not careful these Farlang women will end up living here as very lonely old maids and it`s no wonder that some western men wonder why these women bother coming to Thailand at all? 

[mesquite]

1 hour ago, impulse said:

 

Perhaps the OP is finally getting a dose of what we, as average Joe's, have gotten all our lives.  Women we're attracted to -even Platonically) putting us in the "friend zone", but more than a little eager to cry about how the bad boy she's currently dating screwing is mistreating her.   The sex is amazing, but there's something missing that she seeks outside the relationship.  

 

The analogous "bad boys" here in Thailand are Thai women.   The sex is amazing, but....

 

Edit: We didn't refer to ourselves as "intellectual whores", though.  "Friendly eunuch" is the preferred term.

 

 

"Emotional douche bag" per Sam Kinison

[impulse]

3 hours ago, buddhalady said:

One point, however - the OP states she's had the chance to chat about current affairs but has rejected the opportunity. I should be so lucky! Go with the flow, girl, and enjoy impromptu conversations when they occur whilst keeping you right to end them when you need to.

 

Kudos to you for acknowledging that.  I was a little disappointed in a couple of the female posters characterizing the encounters as "a waste of time".  It's only a waste of time if there was an expectation going in- that wasn't met.  Or a sense of dread going in that was.  Otherwise, a couple of minutes of my day to connect with another English (as a primary language) speaker has rarely been a waste of my time- regardless of gender or looks.  

 

Unless they were scammers, but that's not the majority.  Full disclosure, though- I've never been to Chiang Mai, I'm in Thailand (BKK) only for the paycheck, and I have no interest in starting a relationship that would complicate repatriating when it's time.

 

[impulse]

7 minutes ago, mesquite said:

"Emotional douche bag" per Sam Kinison

 

Funny as he is, I don't take seriously any relationship advice from the guy.  

 

Edit:  But, yeah.  That's accurate.

[Trujillo]

A "whore" receives money for services rendered. Does the OP take money for her conversations? If not, perhaps the term, "intellectual slut" might be better. 

 

Men want to talk to you, because, as you know, 99 percent of the Thai girlfriends/wives can't speak English well and are undereducated (besides the cultural barriers -- why would a Thai know about  Emily Brontë or Leo Kottke or the rules of cricket?), therefore the men, without meaning to probably, are starved of meaningful conversation. 

 

By the way, I don't believe for a second this is a real OP post. 

[KC 71]

Sounds like a good name for a song ![emoji846]


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Jingthing]

23 minutes ago, Trujillo said:

A "whore" receives money for services rendered. Does the OP take money for her conversations? If not, perhaps the term, "intellectual slut" might be better. 

 

Men want to talk to you, because, as you know, 99 percent of the Thai girlfriends/wives can't speak English well and are undereducated (besides the cultural barriers -- why would a Thai know about  Emily Brontë or Leo Kottke or the rules of cricket?), therefore the men, without meaning to probably, are starved of meaningful conversation. 

 

By the way, I don't believe for a second this is a real OP post. 

Free coffee?

Face it, people "use" each other in all kinds of relationships that aren't literally prostitution.

It's a matter of consent. The OP usually doesn't want to consent to these offers, and more power to her! 

[cyberfarang]

27 minutes ago, Jingthing said:

Free coffee?

Face it, people "use" each other in all kinds of relationships that aren't literally prostitution.

It's a matter of consent. The OP usually doesn't want to consent to these offers, and more power to her! 

No problems with that, but why get offended and complain about people who do?

 

 

[sharktooth]

7 hours ago, what2do said:

I guess off-topic question is why aren't Western women attracted to Thai men (as much as Western men toward Thai women)?

 

They don't even touch the sides "allegedly"

[canthai55]

4 pages - 77 posts - no reply from the OP.   Hmmmm ...

[HooHaa]

Amusing how defensive many here are.

 

I would suggwst tbere are many out there who married out of desperation with wives that they have little in common with and even less to speak about.

 

I have certainly seen it enough.

[HooHaa]

7 minutes ago, canthai55 said:

4 pages - 77 posts - no reply from the OP.   Hmmmm ...

 

Indeed. One might even have to assume she has a life and cant be bothered to spend entire days sitting in front of thaivisa waiting for replies to her topic.

 

What nerve.

[rijb]

6 minutes ago, HooHaa said:

Amusing how defensive many here are.

 

I would suggwst tbere are many out there who married out of desperation with wives that they have little in common with and even less to speak about.

 

I have certainly seen it enough.

 

Enough about yourself.  What do you think about the op?

[Simbaya]

OK, 

 

Reply time.  I'm not a troll, and my experiences are real.

 

I think I included information about my appearance for three reasons:

 

1)  In an anonymous forum, I can be honest.  "Humble-bragging, " I'm afraid, is a fair counter-point, and I'm taking that one to heart.  But I included this info to paint a picture of who I am: not "old-old," fairly attractive, and someone who is approachable-looking.  I am not one of those ladies in baggy clothes who are almost the fraternal twins of the old, sloppy dudes we see every day.

 

2) I am a bit of a rare breed here: Single/ younger than most retirees.  I don't see many of "me" here.  Again, trying to paint a picture.

 

3) Wine--two glasses.  MIld disinhibition.  There, I said it!  But I also wrote my truth .

 

A couple of posters asked if these were the same men--those that disparage, and those that seek mental stimulation.  NO, not the same men, but (and this is a big leap, and a generalization, to be sure), they are *potentially* the same men.  

 

Many expat men left their country of origin to seek out a Thai wife or girlfriend.  IMO, some men here show a palpable, simmering disrespect for the women of their homeland.  A poster said I was projecting; however, I have often been projected on by Western men here.

 

I know many Thai wives or girlfriends would not mind their partner making a coffee date to chat--but I suspect many would not like it one bit!  This is why if feels like a form of cheating.

 

Think of the opposite situation:  a man is married to his cultural and intellectual counterpart, but seeks out "sexy time" with someone else.  Without moralizing, many would see this as a form of cheating--unless they had an agreement about extramarital relationships.  

 

Now flip it back:  A Western man is married to a Thai woman.  This woman shops, cleans, cooks and provides physical pleasure.  But something is missing....  And when I say "intellectual," please understand I am not denigrating Thai wives/GFs--I simply mean that said Western man misses talking about politics, current events, etc., that may not hold interest for his Thai partner.

 

And here is the dichotomy (IMO):  Contempt for, yet a lingering attraction to the Western woman.

 

Two last things (and this, probably, will be my final post on this thread).

 

A poster made a comment that straight women seeking out gay men was parallel to the relationships I've alleged.  WOW.  Yes--right, right right!  I am guilty as charged, and have some serious soul-searching to do.

 

Last, Nancy L--you underestimate your beauty!  You are one good-looking woman.   A lady who does facials back in US told me something I'll never forget:  true beauty resides in the eyes and smile.  Therefore, true beauty is timeless.

 

Nancy, you have true beauty in spades!

 

'Night all.

 

 

[sharktooth]

16 minutes ago, HooHaa said:

 

Indeed. One might even have to assume she has a life and cant be bothered to spend entire days sitting in front of thaivisa waiting for replies to her topic.

 

What nerve.

 

Not a bad reply from a punter hitting the 4000 posts mark.

[cyberfarang]

4 hours ago, NancyL said:

The OP wasn't clear in her post, but I've got to assume that she's writing about two different types of men.  

 

As someone who is a little older, and doesn't claim to be as fair in form and face as she does, I still must admit, I've definitely encountered western men who are hostile to the idea of the Thai gov't giving long-term visa to western women and my husband says he has encountered peers who don't understand why someone would "bring a woman with them" when they retire here.

 

These are not the same guys who will strike up a conversation with you in a public place, usually while you're waiting in a queue or perhaps eating or drinking by yourself, say at a mall food court.  When we first came here I used to study Thai sometimes in Kad Suan Kaew and sometimes retired guys would sit and talk.  Yes, those guys were time-waisters and it almost always turned out that they lived with a Thai lady.  They came to the mall to have an opportunity to talk with other English speakers.  The fact that I was married never "scared them off".  I don't think it mattered that I was male or female.  They were just looking for someone to talk with.   If the guy was interesting and I had nothing better to do, I might chose to talk with him, otherwise, I could say I needed to get ready for a test and ask him to leave.  No harm done.

 

I've noticed in my circle there are single women who go out for dinner, in groups with western men and often the men have Thai partners who aren't included in the dinner party.  Male and female partners.  Would the OP call these women "intellectual whores"?  Or could it be that the proper term for these people are "friends"?

 

 

 

 

You really do surprise me and you come across as a bit of a fraud. How can you as a person that runs a social club say that retired guys who want to have a chat with you are time wasters? Obviously they don`t care if you are married or not because they are wanting a little social interaction and will start a conversation only with good intentions purely as an ice breaker with someone they believe they may be able to relate to.  What difference does it make if they have Thai wives or not? They are extending a hand of friendship not trying to chat you up.  In fact someone like you should be encouraging these people to have more interaction with their fellow expats.

 

This is probably why the majority of your members join your social club and it`s seems you are on a different wave length from your members and also have very low opinions of what they say and how they conduct their private lives, that to me reeks of arrogance and hypocrisy.

[LivinLOS]

7 hours ago, Thaiwrath said:

Intellectual Whore

 

Oxymoron ?

 

I have actually met some very smart ones.. 

 

Hell one of Soi six's star performers holds a law degree.. I have met multiple qualified nurses and similar 'educated sorts.. Opportunity doesn't always come knocking.. Also bright lights and party life is like moths to a flame for some. 

 

[LivinLOS]

5 hours ago, buddhalady said:

Being in a similar situation myself since I was widowed, I have a lot of sympathy for the writer of the original post. Like her,  I'm slim, presentable, intelligent and on a retirement visa and,  like her, I find the attitudes of farang men in CM to be so difficult to accept that I just avoid them like the plague.

 

Let's face it, girls, older farang men don't come here for the weather, the food or the laid-back lifestyle, they arrive looking for their lost youth as regards their long-since faded attraction for the opposite sex. The sight of an intelligent farang woman is like a red rag to a bull, revealing misogynism second only to that of the USA's appalling president elect! 

 

OK, I'm being verbally provocative - but I've found the same problems since my husband died. I live outside town on the edge of a small farang community comprising guys married to Thai girls mostly less than half their ages, few of whom speak much English. The local mom and pop shop bar is the meeting place, with the men sitting at one end drinking, talking and listening to 60s/70s pop and the girls at the other end playing with their smartphones and chatting between themselves. I'm expected to sit in silence with the girls - if I don't and attempt to join in the conversation, I'm told I'm stupid more often than not. On the other hand, the girls are friendly and fun, but it's impossible to have a real conversation as my attempts to learn Thai are not so successful. Result - I can go a week or more without having any English language communication with another human being, especially since the massive increase of traffic here often means a 1.5 hour drive to town rather than the former 35-40 minutes! 

 

Some of the  replies to the OP could easily have come from the above-mentioned group of sad old guys who simply can't accept intelligent women as worth even talking to. One point, however - the OP states she's had the chance to chat about current affairs but has rejected the opportunity. I should be so lucky! Go with the flow, girl, and enjoy impromptu conversations when they occur whilst keeping you right to end them when you need to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was going to attack the post for the "farang men don't come here for the weather, the food or the laid-back lifestyle, they arrive looking for their lost youth as regards their long-since faded attraction for the opposite sex. The sight of an intelligent farang woman is like a red rag to a bull, revealing misogynism second only to that of the USA's appalling president elect" but as someone still a decade away from my geezer visa maybe I wasnt included.. 

 

Then I read the rest.. and suddenly it was more pitiful..  Why on earth would you suffer such an existence ?? Is that really the best environment you can find ?? Surely not ?? Thats shockingly depressing.. Surely theres social options ?? Surely theres other countries or ?? 

 

 

[jpinx]

1 hour ago, Simbaya said:

OK, 

 

Reply time.  I'm not a troll, and my experiences are real.

 

I think I included information about my appearance for three reasons:

 

1)  In an anonymous forum, I can be honest.  "Humble-bragging, " I'm afraid, is a fair counter-point, and I'm taking that one to heart.  But I included this info to paint a picture of who I am: not "old-old," fairly attractive, and someone who is approachable-looking.  I am not one of those ladies in baggy clothes who are almost the fraternal twins of the old, sloppy dudes we see every day.

 

2) I am a bit of a rare breed here: Single/ younger than most retirees.  I don't see many of "me" here.  Again, trying to paint a picture.

 

3) Wine--two glasses.  MIld disinhibition.  There, I said it!  But I also wrote my truth .

 

A couple of posters asked if these were the same men--those that disparage, and those that seek mental stimulation.  NO, not the same men, but (and this is a big leap, and a generalization, to be sure), they are *potentially* the same men.  

 

Many expat men left their country of origin to seek out a Thai wife or girlfriend.  IMO, some men here show a palpable, simmering disrespect for the women of their homeland.  A poster said I was projecting; however, I have often been projected on by Western men here.

 

I know many Thai wives or girlfriends would not mind their partner making a coffee date to chat--but I suspect many would not like it one bit!  This is why if feels like a form of cheating.

 

Think of the opposite situation:  a man is married to his cultural and intellectual counterpart, but seeks out "sexy time" with someone else.  Without moralizing, many would see this as a form of cheating--unless they had an agreement about extramarital relationships.  

 

Now flip it back:  A Western man is married to a Thai woman.  This woman shops, cleans, cooks and provides physical pleasure.  But something is missing....  And when I say "intellectual," please understand I am not denigrating Thai wives/GFs--I simply mean that said Western man misses talking about politics, current events, etc., that may not hold interest for his Thai partner.

 

And here is the dichotomy (IMO):  Contempt for, yet a lingering attraction to the Western woman.

 

Two last things (and this, probably, will be my final post on this thread).

 

A poster made a comment that straight women seeking out gay men was parallel to the relationships I've alleged.  WOW.  Yes--right, right right!  I am guilty as charged, and have some serious soul-searching to do.

 

Last, Nancy L--you underestimate your beauty!  You are one good-looking woman.   A lady who does facials back in US told me something I'll never forget:  true beauty resides in the eyes and smile.  Therefore, true beauty is timeless.

 

Nancy, you have true beauty in spades!

 

'Night all.

 

 

 

Jeepers -- talk about "over-thinking" !!  Thailand is the place to relax and enjoy whatever company you're in.  If you need to go out of your way to find company, you need to check your soap and look in the mirror.  !  My culture is one of "everyone is a friend until they prove otherwise" , so we talk to anyone and banter about any topic.  It's for enjoyment, not competitive, point-scoring verbal duelling! 

There are asses in every community, it's not hard to identify them within the first couple of exchanges in a conversation and it's easy enough at that stage to bring the conversation to a polite end and move on. 

 

 

 

 

 

[cyberfarang]

6 hours ago, buddhalady said:

Being in a similar situation myself since I was widowed, I have a lot of sympathy for the writer of the original post. Like her,  I'm slim, presentable, intelligent and on a retirement visa and,  like her, I find the attitudes of farang men in CM to be so difficult to accept that I just avoid them like the plague.

 

Let's face it, girls, older farang men don't come here for the weather, the food or the laid-back lifestyle, they arrive looking for their lost youth as regards their long-since faded attraction for the opposite sex. The sight of an intelligent farang woman is like a red rag to a bull, revealing misogynism second only to that of the USA's appalling president elect! 

 

OK, I'm being verbally provocative - but I've found the same problems since my husband died. I live outside town on the edge of a small farang community comprising guys married to Thai girls mostly less than half their ages, few of whom speak much English. The local mom and pop shop bar is the meeting place, with the men sitting at one end drinking, talking and listening to 60s/70s pop and the girls at the other end playing with their smartphones and chatting between themselves. I'm expected to sit in silence with the girls - if I don't and attempt to join in the conversation, I'm told I'm stupid more often than not. On the other hand, the girls are friendly and fun, but it's impossible to have a real conversation as my attempts to learn Thai are not so successful. Result - I can go a week or more without having any English language communication with another human being, especially since the massive increase of traffic here often means a 1.5 hour drive to town rather than the former 35-40 minutes! 

 

Some of the  replies to the OP could easily have come from the above-mentioned group of sad old guys who simply can't accept intelligent women as worth even talking to. One point, however - the OP states she's had the chance to chat about current affairs but has rejected the opportunity. I should be so lucky! Go with the flow, girl, and enjoy impromptu conversations when they occur whilst keeping you right to end them when you need to.

 

 

 

 

You are slim, presentable and intelligent. you are on a retirement visa and over 50 that means the reality is you no longer hold a desirability to men as you once used to and maybe find that difficult to accept.

 

If you find it impossible to have a decent conversation with Thai women, then that`s your problem not theirs. You are in Thailand and up to you to move into their world not vice-versa.

 

Farlang men with women half their age, partying, drinking, out with their mates. I wouldn`t exactly describe them as sad old guys, sounds like they`re having a wow of a time to me and good luck to them.

 

You seem like many of the disgruntled older Farlang women I have met here in the past, that have grudges about Farlang men because they are able to adapt better and make the most of it. This is not a if you don`t like it here go home message, but I cannot understand why women like you come here in the first place and what exactly you expect once you are here?

[FolkGuitar]

2 hours ago, Simbaya said:

OK,

Reply time.  I'm not a troll, and my experiences are real.

I think I included information about my appearance for three reasons:

1)  In an anonymous forum, I can be honest.  "Humble-bragging, " I'm afraid, is a fair counter-point, and I'm taking that one to heart.  But I included this info to paint a picture of who I am: not "old-old," fairly attractive, and someone who is approachable-looking.  I am not one of those ladies in baggy clothes who are almost the fraternal twins of the old, sloppy dudes we see every day.

2) I am a bit of a rare breed here: Single/ younger than most retirees.  I don't see many of "me" here.  Again, trying to paint a picture.

3) Wine--two glasses.  MIld disinhibition.  There, I said it!  But I also wrote my truth .

 

 

Again... "I am." "I said." "I wrote."  And yet I still don't have any idea of just what it is you are saying. From the varying responses by other women who seem to be agreeing, yet agreeing to very different things than those you are mentioning, it seems they, too, really don't have a clear idea of what it is that you want to get across.  Female solidarity is keeping them in your corner, but it doesn't seem to be the same corner that you are talking about.

 

Do you want men to talk to you?  Do they have to be single men, or can married men talk to you as well?  Can they discuss serious issues, or does the conversation have be banal? Do you really believe that all farang men over the age of 60 came here looking for sex? Fact is, even in America or England, it's easy to get laid. No need to come all the way to Thailand for that. But it's damn hard to find someone you want to talk with afterwards. Even in America or England. Probably harder here.  Can you tell us? Just what is it that you want?

 

[NancyL]

2 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

You really do surprise me and you come across as a bit of a fraud. How can you as a person that runs a social club say that retired guys who want to have a chat with you are time wasters? Obviously they don`t care if you are married or not because they are wanting a little social interaction and will start a conversation only with good intentions purely as an ice breaker with someone they believe they may be able to relate to.  What difference does it make if they have Thai wives or not? They are extending a hand of friendship not trying to chat you up.  In fact someone like you should be encouraging these people to have more interaction with their fellow expats.

 

This is probably why the majority of your members join your social club and it`s seems you are on a different wave length from your members and also have very low opinions of what they say and how they conduct their private lives, that to me reeks of arrogance and hypocrisy.

 

Cyberfarang, in your replies on this thread to the women who have posted, you really do come across as someone who thinks that western women shouldn't be granted long-term visas to remain in Thailand.  You do like to hide behind your keyboard and attack women, don't you?

 

Plus, you obviously lack reading comprehension skills, too, or else you would have realized that I wrote about my experience in having western men starting conversations with me was "When we first came here I used to study Thai sometimes in Kad Suan Kaew"   and have remembered that I wrote " If the guy was interesting and I had nothing better to do, I might chose to talk with him".

 

I'm not a fraud at all.  In fact, it was through these interchanges that I realized many retired guys here lack an outlet for social activities.  You know, I haven't been president of CEC forever.  Part of why I asked Dave if he could increase Breakfast Club from once-a-month to twice a month after I became president of CEC was because I knew there were many retirees interested in good food and a chance to get together to talk, in an environment that doesn't involve alcohol.  Ditto on setting up the category of "Community Sponsors" and promoting "Outside Group Activities" so that retirees can get involved in activities and give back to the community.  

 

I don't have a "low opinion" of the members of CEC or how they live their lives.   Those early years seeing and talking with the lonely guys with Thai wives at KSK helped me to realize there was a need for CEC to be doing more than it was at the time.

[stament]

2 hours ago, canthai55 said:

4 pages - 77 posts - no reply from the OP.   Hmmmm ...

she might be at immigration or out for the day, internet issues, give her a chance

[jpinx]

5 minutes ago, stament said:

she might be at immigration or out for the day, internet issues, give her a chance

I've just realised that this is in the Chiang Mai forum - no wonder it wasn't making sense to me!     Having said that -- why on earth do people need all this hand-holding to go socialising, having conversations, inter-acting on a human level?

[mesquite]

 

9 minutes ago, stament said:

she might be at immigration or out for the day, internet issues, give her a chance

 

See post 81