Age Gaps In Relationships

[Little Black Duck]

Phil..Don't you think you were a wee bit hard on the lad ???

He sounded to me like a healthy boy growing up and gaining some experience

that enabled him to find a suitable wife..

No need to take the scum bag thing out of text my friend..

We had a PM in OZ that loved those two words..

Hey, it's early morning and the caffein hasn't kicked in yet. Anyway SB was his description not mine. Personally I consider a lad of 24 with a wife and child already is taking things a little too fast but that is my opinion. Anyway, best of luck to the guy and his family and I hope them all the happiness they could wish for.

Phil..Like your posts and you have been spot on the mark most times..

I just felt you were a little hard but nice to know you are compassionate..

I agree they need to live a little before embarking on raising a family..

[In the Rai!]

You might be right that guys in their 20's does not have that much experience to draw their conclusions from...

Experience has nothing to with any of this... Isnt the issue more about morals.

[Ulysses G.]

I mean there is a guy that is 62 married an 18 year girl. That I am afraid is sick.

My buddy married a 20 year old girl when he was 70 and doesn't have enough money to live comfortably so they both work to make ends meet. Both of them are hard workers and enjoy their careers.

Due to his help and encouragement, she has turned into the number one salesperson for her company in ALL of Thailand and makes A LOT of money, so she could easily dump him if she wanted to, but she remains happy and committed.

They are happy and in love and there is nothing "sick" about either one of them!

[In the Rai!]

I mean there is a guy that is 62 married an 18 year girl. That I am afraid is sick.

My buddy married a 20 year old girl when he was 70 and doesn't have enough money to live comfortably so they both work to make ends meet. Both of them are hard workers and enjoy their careers.

Due to his help and encouragement, she has turned into the number one salesperson for her company in ALL of Thailand and makes A LOT of money, so she could easily dump him if she wanted to, but she remains happy and committed.

They are happy and in love and there is nothing "sick" about either one of them!

read the post again ( I said 18 is sick) 20, 21 ok they are old enough to make their own choices.

I lso said that an ag gap is fine it depends on the age of the younger party but sub 20 is definately a no go zone for a 50 plus guy. IMO

[JacknDanny]

my singaporean wife is 10 years older than me.

got married at 22

what a mistake that was.

oh well only another 10 years until the kids are grown up.

[tropo]

I assume most of the Guys on this forum have been married before to a female farang in UK/USA/Aussie etc.

How would you react if your Daughter brought home a bloke who was 20/25/30 years older than her?

Don't know, but I can tell you that I have a great relationship with my girl's parents who are almost 10 years my junior. They have pictures of me all over their wall and are very proud.

[Grover]

My buddy married a 20 year old girl when he was 70 ... They are happy and in love and there is nothing "sick" about either one of them!

Assuming their happiness and love are genuine, it seems to be a band aid for a deep, rather serious mental problem, exposed by their huge age difference. Sick, yes, but happy and in love :-)

[tropo]

Regarding looks, I'd have to disagree, I find Asian women look fine up until about 25/30, and then go down hill real fast....

Very romantic, so when your current gf reaches 25 or if shes luck 30, she is due to be replaced by a younger model?

Not at all, I'll be close to 60 by then (and God willing, if I make it) and hardly concerned about looks with a girl that I would have been living with by that time for over 10 years.

It's all relative. The longer you stay with a woman you love, the less her looks become a factor...especially when I've reached old age.

If we finish for some reason (you never can predict the future), then it's possible a younger model could be on the cards.

Edited December 16, 2006 by tropo

[tropo]

I mean there is a guy that is 62 married an 18 year girl. That I am afraid is sick.

My buddy married a 20 year old girl when he was 70 and doesn't have enough money to live comfortably so they both work to make ends meet. Both of them are hard workers and enjoy their careers.

Due to his help and encouragement, she has turned into the number one salesperson for her company in ALL of Thailand and makes A LOT of money, so she could easily dump him if she wanted to, but she remains happy and committed.

They are happy and in love and there is nothing "sick" about either one of them!

It's nice to hear a success story amongst all this doom and gloom, especially when the gap has been stretched to an unimaginable 50 years.

[Fun2Fun]

It is said that love have no boundaries, which might be right and as such can negate age gaps.

And of course a younger person can find an older person attractive and they can have a fullfilling relationship.

This can be a relationship based of fullfillment of mutual needs, like financial security for the younger person and familly and his/her taking care of the older person.

It can also start out like that and then grow into a loving and caring realtionship.

As for the other concept of younger women prefeering older men, yes that has merrit and within a certain age range does ring true. The age range can be said to stretch a little further in Asia than in western countries.

BUT, if you can not attract a younger person in western countries using your looks, wit and charm then you probably can not do it here eighter. You can still get a younger partner here, but that is more based on that persons lack of choices, where their daily situation does not give them the luxury of indulging their own wishes and wants.

I say each to their own, live and let die.

BUT if you are one of those living in a fairy tale world of your own creation, don"t expect that much sympathy when you come back later and tell a sad sob story about how your partner is a bad person who screwed you over.

Edited December 16, 2006 by Fun2Fun

[tropo]

read the post again ( I said 18 is sick) 20, 21 ok they are old enough to make their own choices.

I lso said that an ag gap is fine it depends on the age of the younger party but sub 20 is definately a no go zone for a 50 plus guy. IMO

You really are obsessed with numbers aren't you. It's totally illogical to be arguing numbers to such an extent. All people mature at different times in their lives.

Here's a little story that may attract a little attention. My girl was supporting her whole family at age 14....no shit! A family of 8...a very poor family. She built them a house (nothing flash) before she turned 15.

Ready for the next shocker: Her sister is pregnant now at age 14 (to a Filipino) and will give birth to a child a few months after she turns 15. She lives with her BF who took her virginity back in July. The families and barangays are all ok about this. This is just normal Filipino tradition in many provinces...nothing unusual. You make far too much fuss about age.

Trust me, now at age 19 my girl is probably more mature that you are. In many areas she's more mature than me.

Now have a little gander at your numbers. You say 20 is ok, yet 18 is sick?? What's the age gap there? between 1 and 2 years depending on birthdates. If she's a day off 19, then the difference is 1 year...can you see how ridiculous your number crunching is starting to look?

Edited December 16, 2006 by tropo

[Ulysses G.]

I mean there is a guy that is 62 married an 18 year girl. That I am afraid is sick.

My buddy married a 20 year old girl when he was 70 and doesn't have enough money to live comfortably so they both work to make ends meet. Both of them are hard workers and enjoy their careers.

Due to his help and encouragement, she has turned into the number one salesperson for her company in ALL of Thailand and makes A LOT of money, so she could easily dump him if she wanted to, but she remains happy and committed.

They are happy and in love and there is nothing "sick" about either one of them!

read the post again ( I said 18 is sick) 20, 21 ok they are old enough to make their own choices.

I lso said that an ag gap is fine it depends on the age of the younger party but sub 20 is definately a no go zone for a 50 plus guy. IMO

Well, he was dating her when she was 18 and he was 68. Is that sick?

I'm sorry, but I can't see how a year or two difference in age can make all that much difference in maturity or anything else. The fact that they are still together with few problems more than five years later pretty much says it all.

[Fun2Fun]

Here's a little story that may attract a little attention. My girl was supporting her whole family at age 14....no shit! A family of 8...a very poor family. She built them a house (nothing flash) before she turned 15.

Ready for the next shocker: Her sister is pregnant now at age 14 (to a Filipino) and will give birth to a child a few months after she turns 15. She lives with her BF who took her virginity back in July. The families and barangays are all ok about this. This is just normal Filipino tradition in many provinces...nothing unusual. You make far too much fuss about age.

No shocker, this situations is very much in the same venue as many stories from rural Thailand too.

And as for the sister, if it does not work ot with her filipino husband, she will then be a single mother on her own with little or no prospect of finding a new filipno husband. (Its even more difficult for a single mother in the Filipines than in Thailand)

By the way, in Thailand a girl can now get away with not being a virgin and still be a good prospect for marriage by local standards, in the Filipines on the other hand she faces much more difficulties in the same situation.

Edited December 16, 2006 by Fun2Fun

[tropo]

As for the other concept of younger women prefeering older men, yes that has merrit and within a certain age range does ring true. The age range can be said to stretch a little further in Asia than in western countries.

BUT, if you can not attract a younger person in western countries using your looks, wit and charm then you probably can not do it here eighter.

That's not true. Asian girls are no where near as concerned about their partner's looks as Western girls. They're not even close. If you fail in the West, hit the East because you're almost assured of success.

You forget that a lot of us guys are in the East expressly because we have passed our use-by-date in the West. A lot have been through marriages and come out at that other end too old to start again in the West.

Edited December 16, 2006 by tropo

[GracelessFawn]

Here's a little story that may attract a little attention. My girl was supporting her whole family at age 14....no shit! A family of 8...a very poor family. She built them a house (nothing flash) before she turned 15.

Ready for the next shocker: Her sister is pregnant now at age 14 (to a Filipino) and will give birth to a child a few months after she turns 15. She lives with her BF who took her virginity back in July. The families and barangays are all ok about this. This is just normal Filipino tradition in many provinces...nothing unusual. You make far too much fuss about age.

No shocker, this situations is very much in the same venue as many stories from rural Thailand too.

And as for the sister, if it does not work ot with her filipino husband, she will then be a single mother on her own with little or no prospect of finding a new filipno husband. (Its even more difficult for a single mother in the Filipines than in Thailand)

By the way, in Thailand a girl can now get away with not being a virgin and still be a good prospect for marriage by local standards, in the Filipines on the other hand she faces much more difficulties in the same situation.

A filipino tradition? Really?

[jamman]

The most attractive women usually end up with good-looking, powerful men at least ten years older than themselves because those men can offer things the youngsters haven't got yet: superior sexual experience and prowess (better believe it!), financial security, sophistication... the list goes on.

At the same time, I don't think anyone living in the real world would deny that the younger guys and gals that DO have 'it' DO indeed have an edge and are preferred by young and old alike. Older women aren't the only folks using hair dye.

If you give a close read to some of the thoughtful posts on this thread, you'll see that younger guys that DO have it, are still younger. Old guys have things that young guys do not and can not have. Experience, wisdom, maturity, and more patience.

My girlfriend is one of the sexiest in her city. I know this, because at the huge disco there is a weekly "sexiest girl in cebu" contest, and every time she danced for that she got by far the most enthusiastic response. She was 21 when we met.

I'm balding, and a bit short for a westerner. Even my girlfriends refer to me as ugly. And for the last two years I've been poor.

I've seen some of the suitors that she passed up to be with me. Very handsome, very fit young men, of all types. Some quite wealthy.

I left her for a year, during which she pined after me intensely. She dated other guys - some young and rich. But she still wants me. She wants to marry me even.

And I've seen a similar response with other girls. Very attractive women, with a great many options, not making choices based on either looks or money. This is the reason I prefer to not look good or have money - because it limits options to people I prefer to be with - the passionate ones. Girls like this are not so rare. And someone who does not yet know strong passion can be woken up.

Another poster mentioned that a man in his late thirties knows women better, and so has an advantage. You don't know what you don't know until you know what you know. Young guys don't know what they don't know. No matter what age you are, look back five or ten years, and compare your wisdom now with what it was then. I should hope you'll see a noticable difference. This change keeps changing - you will get wiser as you age.

In my case I feel more attractive and capable at 40 than I did at 25. And it isn't just empty talk - both in the west and in Asia, dating got easier for me as I aged.

There are many ways to hack a computer. There are many ways to win the heart of a woman. Looks only gets initial interest. It helps, but you don't need great looks for strong fiery passion. And a forty year old can provoke strong fiery physical passion in a 19 or 23 or 29 or 30 year old woman. I'm sure a fifty year old guy, if he keeps on his game, can too. I plan on it.

I think a main reason for young guys thinking things are askew if an older man has a young woman is territoriality. We are not supposed to be competition - we are supposed to be outsiders. Once you get older, you'll see your feelings for young women don't change. But your skill at seduction should have improved, and you should be a better man than you were.

I made a blog post about how to be in relationship here.

I couldn't have written that even five years ago.

Edited December 16, 2006 by jamman

[Grover]

The fact that they are still together with few problems more than five years later pretty much says it all.

Couples as in this case are sometimes bound together with more than 'love'. They are on the fringe of acceptance by society, and therefore have invested themselves heavily in their "choice". Doing backflips is ego crushing - societies reaction: I told you so. They have lots to lose if they break up. A terrible confontation with reality. On the surface, it would be essential for such a couple to maintain a "happy and loving" relationship.

This may not be the case, but I am giving another possiblity to your implication that "five years pretty much says it all."

Edited December 16, 2006 by Grover

[astral]

A filipino tradition? Really?

Asian traditions and customs are not the same as the West, and the sooner people

start respecting that, the better for all concerned.

[tropo]

No shocker, this situations is very much in the same venue as many stories from rural Thailand too.

And as for the sister, if it does not work ot with her filipino husband, she will then be a single mother on her own with little or no prospect of finding a new filipno husband. (Its even more difficult for a single mother in the Filipines than in Thailand)

By the way, in Thailand a girl can now get away with not being a virgin and still be a good prospect for marriage by local standards, in the Filipines on the other hand she faces much more difficulties in the same situation.

It's not all doom and gloom for young relationships.

Most of the girls who give birth at a young age stay with the guy for life...families are very important for them, and they do love each other. They're not big on seperation (divorce is not a choice in PI) in the Philippines.

[Fun2Fun]

As for the other concept of younger women prefeering older men, yes that has merrit and within a certain age range does ring true. The age range can be said to stretch a little further in Asia than in western countries.

BUT, if you can not attract a younger person in western countries using your looks, wit and charm then you probably can not do it here eighter.

That's not true. Asian girls are no where near as concerned about their partner's looks as Western girls. They're not even close. If you fail in the West, hit the East because you're almost assured of success.

You forget that a lot of us guys are in the East expressly because we have passed our use-by-date in the West. A lot have been through marriages and come out at that other end too old to start again in the West.

Assured of success yes, because the east have plenty of hard up young girls with little or no choices. So they have to grab what they can get to secure their own and their famillies future.

Eastern girls place a much higher value on obligations towards their famillies and most actually feel gratefull towards their parents, which make their plight even more accute since they have to always also consider their obligations toward their parents and siblings over and abow their own wishes and wants.

Edited December 16, 2006 by Fun2Fun

[tropo]

A filipino tradition? Really?

Sorry, I've used the wrong term there. What I mean to say is that in poor provincial areas it's very common...definitely in all the areas I've visited.

Maybe you're middle or upper class and don't "see" what goes on in the poor communities.

Edited December 16, 2006 by tropo

[svenivan]

I tried before to say that this "agegap" thing is most a western thing.

An example from life. A year after my divorce, I was 36, I met this very beautiful 22 year old girl. After a week she moved into my apartment where I lived with my two daughters, 7 and 11 (!).

We had so much fun together, she was much mature than most girls I met and she was so curious about everything. She had already been abroad working in Canada for a year. And my daughters loved her and she loved my daughters.

BUT, then we had to confront the outside world. Her friends couldn't belive she lived with this very old guy, 36 years old, and with two children!!!

And my friends, especially the wifes of my friends, they never accepted her. They did not even want to talk to her. They did not want to learn to know her.

After 6 months this lovestory ended. She got sick of this Swedish sh!te and left to go back and work in Canada again. I understood her then and I understand her even more today.

And reading all these posts from the younger lads here, nothing has changed the last 20 years in western thinking.

Fortunately here in Asia people don't care about these "agegaps" that much. They are accepted, as are the ladyboys, as are gay people.

In the "developed West" in many places gay people are beaten up and what would happen to a ladyboy, I would not even want to think of.

So once again: Everyone is not the same, we are all different. Some people can be mature when they are 20 years old, some behave like 15 year old schoolboys even when they are 50+.

Here in Thailand I noticed that if Thai people look down on my girlfriend, 95% are young, uneducated guys like motorbiketaxis etc. And it is not about agegap. I notised the same 7 years ago when I had a girlfriend 40 years old and I was 51 (of course looking like 42).

And I almost never see it here, up in Chiang Rai, even if the gap is much bigger.

And I can say one more thing, if I had had the same wonderful relation with my exwife 25 years ago as I have today with my Thai lady, I would never divorsed her! And it has nothing to do with age!

[Fun2Fun]

You forget that a lot of us guys are in the East expressly because we have passed our use-by-date in the West. A lot have been through marriages and come out at that other end too old to start again in the West.

This i can belive

[Diablo Bob]

John1000, So youve spent a whole 3 weeks in Thailand and that makes you an expert on Thai Falang relationships, Maybe you should read the whole of the thread before you start coming out with that crap old man. Not all relationships are like that, what about the younger couples like myself or the several females i know who are married to thai men.

Just stating facts they speak for themselves. ( all the hard luck stories on this forum alone ) And I was talking about age difference situations between Farang and Thai not young couples.

I have friends who have been coming for years and also got to know alot of ex pats. Lets face it why choose LOS in the first place??? No guesses needed.

Well John, I don't see any facts, just your observations, flawed as they might be.

We have over 26,000 members on TV and by your 1 in a 100 ratio(?) only 260 are in a "Loving relationship".

While some of the TV family has been given the short end of the stick, many if not most haven't.

Your assumption that we all have chosen Thailand for "Cheap dates and young girls" is blatantly BS. Unlike you, a 3 week wonder, some of us have a history in this country that goes back decades, and some of us believe it or not actually moved here before we were old enough to even date.........

Lighten up, present facts if you have them. But please keep your jaded opinions to yourself.

You mean you moved to Thailand all by yourself before you were old enough to date? Fcukin' <deleted>! If, and I repeat if, you did indeed come to Thailand that young then you were brought here by mummy and daddy. Unless you are talking mental age in which case it seems that you haven't aged at all.

As you want facts then tell us how many of the "over 26,000" TV members are in loving relationships. I'll accept a plus/minus 5% tolerance being the generous soul I am.

Well Phil, believe it or not, not everybody experienced Thailand the first time as a sex tourist. I moved here with my parents (1959-1967) before there was any Patpong sex area, no Soi Cowboy nor Soi Nana. Pattaya consisted of a US Military bungalow resort and a dirt road out to Sukhumvitt.

As to your facts, my comment to John was he presented no facts and "HIS" ratio was BS, I don't have a clue as to the percentage nor do you.........

Drink your coffee....... wake up.

[I Go With You]

I dont think the 2 sides are about the age gap as much as the age of the younger party. I think there is nothing wrong with age gaps as long as both parties are happy. Meaning that if there is a 30 year difference then so be it if they are genuinely in love. I think it has now turned into an issue of the age of the younger girl/boy. I mean there is a guy that is 62 married an 18 year girl. That I am afraid is sick. I am only 30 and havent been married in the west, had plenty of girlfriends (wish I had more) but now have a Thai wife. I know enough about Thailand to know that at 18 yrs of age Thai females especially have no idea about alot of things . I teach at a university to 3rd year students (20/21 years old) and I consider them too young mentally.

I am not saying that 20/21 is too young (18 is ) but I am saying that you either dont have a good understanding of the Thai language to see how immature these young girls are (my 18 yr sister in-law is a perfect examle) or you got one that is alot more mature for her age compared to the rest of the pond.

I was 42 when I met my 18 y/o gf and she started living with me right away. Now I'm 45 and she just turned 22. I do not wish to marry and we are happy as we are. This is and has been a dream relationship for both of us. All this talk that an 18 y/o tg being too immature is total nonsense.

[Colonel_Mustard]

I tried before to say that this "agegap" thing is most a western thing.

I disagree. It's not that common for Asians in to be married to someone 40 years older unless it's to a Westerner. As someone pointed out before, it is nowhere near as common in wealthier Asian countries as it is in poorer Asian countries. In my opinion it's a wealth and security thing in the majority of cases.

[Colonel_Mustard]

Asian girls are no where near as concerned about their partner's looks as Western girls. They're not even close.

It amazes me that people keep on believing this. Go into any Thai teenagers bedroom and look at the posters on the wall. Do you think you might see attractive local or Western music/movie stars or a poster of a fat, 60-year old farang?

[GracelessFawn]

Asian girls are no where near as concerned about their partner's looks as Western girls. They're not even close.

It amazes me that people keep on believing this. Go into any Thai teenagers bedroom and look at the posters on the wall. Do you think you might see attractive local or Western music/movie stars or a poster of a fat, 60-year old farang?

This shows immaturity.

Any mature person who is in-love or in a relationship is not solely there because of how his/her partner looks! There are other things that should matter in relationships like compatibility, communication, understanding each other's differences: different socio-economic background, cultural differences, different up-bringing, etc. etc. etc.

Every individual has a criteria, (how they want their relationship to be, who they wanna be with, the qualities of who they want) the order depending on what matters more to them. Putting physical attraction as first in the list is a bad move! It does not only show immaturity, but it shows shallowness and bad taste as well!

[Colonel_Mustard]

Asian girls are no where near as concerned about their partner's looks as Western girls. They're not even close.

It amazes me that people keep on believing this. Go into any Thai teenagers bedroom and look at the posters on the wall. Do you think you might see attractive local or Western music/movie stars or a poster of a fat, 60-year old farang?

This shows immaturity.

Any mature person who is in-love or in a relationship is not solely there because of how his/her partner looks! There are other things that should matter in relationships like compatibility, communication, understanding each other's differences: different socio-economic background, cultural differences, different up-bringing, etc. etc. etc.

Every individual has a criteria, (how they want their relationship to be, who they wanna be with, the qualities of who they want) the order depending on what matters more to them. Putting physical attraction as first in the list is a bad move! It does not only show immaturity, but it shows shallowness and bad taste as well!

And where exactly did I say that physical attraction is in first place on a list? I was merely responding to a post that Asian women did not value looks as much as their Western counterparts.

However, I do feel that initial physical attraction is important. Why do you think that some older men choose much younger women, rather than women nearer their own age?

[Chuck_Norris]

[Chuck on]

Nobody has pointed out the obvious, If a man who lets say 45 years old goes his whole life in another country without finding love, or failing at past relationships, then, how is it possible to find "true love" after spending a month in Thailand?

This story comes up time and time again from members convinced that something amazing resides in this country that allows them to find the most perfect girls in amazing amounts of time, it's simply wishful thinking IMO. The amazing part comes in the form of folding dollar bills.

Then we have tropo's way of thinking... Try to convince members that he has found true love on one hand, then go on to say that women over about 40 go downhill like a pile of bricks. This explains true motivations, which from my point of view are pure physical attraction/lust.

Do I agree with that? well, I think it's sick to be quite frank, as other posters have pointed out. The maturity of Thai women at an age far less than their farang counterparts. IMO a 19 year old Thai girl acts like a 14 year old farang girl... hel_l even the Thais know that, anyone under the age of 20 is considered a child.

The impression people get of Thailand sex trade and child sex trade are becasue of people like this, I don't know why many people defend that.. its hardly a good thing.

[/Chuck off]

Edited December 16, 2006 by Chuck_Norris