I lay upon a grassy bank

My hands were all a quiver

I slowly undid her suspender belt

And her leg fell in the river.

- a poem by Sir Paul McCartney

There once was a vampire called Mable

Whose period was extremely unstable

One late afternoon

She sat down with a spoon

And drank herself under the table

There once was a vampire called Mable

Whose period was extremely unstable

One late afternoon

She sat down with a spoon

And drank herself under the table

There was a young man from Bengall

Who went to a fancy dress ball

He thought would he risk it

To go as a biscuitt

But the dog ate him up in the hall

There once was a member on Thai visa,

Who's girlfriend was a right ole teaser,

He met her in a bar, and signed over his new car,

and now he's a foot sore ole geeza!

My contribution to life the universe and everything.

There once was a member on Thai visa,

Who's girlfriend was a right ole teaser,

He met her in a bar, and signed over his new car,

and now he's a foot sore ole geeza!

My contribution to life the universe and everything.

There was a young man from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

Within just the hour

Hisnose was a flower

And his head was a riot of weeds

Sitting Shitting I Read Your Letter

The More I read I <deleted> the Better

The Ground Is Bare There is No Grass

So with Your Letter I wipe My Are Here We Are

There once was a plumber from Lee,

was plumbing a maid by the sea,

said the maid 'cease your plumbing, someone is coming!'

said the plumber still plumbing,

'Its me!!'