The poisonous Brother in Law

[Rc2702]

Please do not share your great brother in law story if any do exist.

 

My brother in law is 37 and has never done more than a weeks work in his life.

 

He lives at home with his mom and dad and spends his days blaming them for his failed marriage, his slightly gimp leg, his 5 year old son that does a dump anywhere and I do mean anywhere.

 

The guy litrually spends his days messaging his sisters asking for large handouts. His idea of working is to plant a bit of sigawa for a few days and then wait and hope the crop can pay off. He does nothing else in the meantime that is his plan for a better life. He has three Sisters two have cars and since the younger sister has got one he has spent the last 2 months fantasising and begging for a car believing it will solve his problems. Problem here is he has done it so much that now he has changed his need to a tractor because the lad he dislikes in the village is using one and now he actually has the ear of his parents who are now trying to get the ear of his sisters.

 

Must be hundreds of cases like this and it seems like an opportunity for some former military honcho to set up a reform school whereby an intervention is performed to turn lazy good for nothing self pitying layabouts into volunteering to work for 6 months with no pay in a harsh labour style camp.

 

Plenty of people would pay 10k baht to get their lazy relative instilled with a work ethic and the beauty of it is that they would be forced to work for free for 6 months and by the time they are rehabilitated they will have the motivation to actually work and get paid for it. A free labour force for the upstart a very harsh lesson for the layabout and the results may even restore the pride that has long been forgotten. 

 

Next step. Turn it into a television show so thai people with such problematic sons can see that there good for nothing layabout sons are curable and the current solution of throwing money at problematic lazy sons is never going to get them anywhere

Edited July 1, 2017 by Rc2702

[tifino]

 

somchai kardashian want all to give him, for just being him

[swissie]

Nothing wrong with your "Remedy". But within a (large) Thai-Family, at least 1 "Black-Sheep" is always part of the extended family. They will accept this as a "Buddha given fact". Not likely, that the family will agree to expose the Black-Sheep to such "harsh-treatement". (After all, he is a family member).

I woulden't push the issue. You may be qualified as a heartless bad Farang. Not a good position to be in....
Cheers.

[naboo]

"Brother-in-law" you say? I think I've heard this story before.

Edited July 1, 2017 by naboo

[tifino]

water buffaloinlaw

[Rc2702]

5 minutes ago, swissie said:

Nothing wrong with your "Remedy". But within a (large) Thai-Family, at least 1 "Black-Sheep" is always part of the extended family. They will accept this as a "Buddha given fact". Not likely, that the family will agree to expose the Black-Sheep to such "harsh-treatement". (After all, he is a family member).

I woulden't push the issue. You may be qualified as a heartless bad Farang. Not a good position to be in....
Cheers.

You mean like cutting off funding the parents who fund the fool. Already in motion. If people do not act now whilst they have the chance what hope in hell has this layabout got when they are gone. 

[Rc2702]

3 minutes ago, naboo said:

"Brother-in-law" you say? I think I've heard this story before.

Given I attended the fools wedding and can see his mug in all family photos from ye high I think you have your wires crossed if that was your implication. 

[swissie]

7 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

You mean like cutting off funding the parents who fund the fool. Already in motion. If people do not act now whilst they have the chance what hope in hell has this layabout got when they are gone. 

Cutting off funding the parents who fund the fool is something that I would do. But knowing, that Thai-Thinking would be: Farang is also taking bread off the table of the parents. = Opening a can of worms, me thinks. Go slow!

Cheers.

[starky]

Though I understand your frustration he is 37.  So without being rude when did you come on the scene? Bit late to be changing your spots at near 40 don't ya reckon. On the other hand if you have been around for a long time what have you done to help guide him in the right direction? Or is this just another impotent, go nowhere rant. Gave me a good laugh though. Basically if you haven't been in the family long how is it your business and if you have been well I imagine there was plenty of time that you could have instilled something in him. Me I just accept that there is likely a bad apple in a lot of families and for the most part that is how they will remain no use doing head miles over it IMO

[rhodie]

12 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

Given I attended the fools wedding and can see his mug in all family photos from ye high I think you have your wires crossed if that was your implication. 

He has got to you in a big way. Nothing you can do will change things. Tighten the tap by all means, but you can't win that fight. Just try ignore and not let it get to you by keeping your money in your pocket. May cost you your marriage, but really you are just an outsider.

[Rc2702]

3 minutes ago, starky said:

Though I understand your frustration he is 37.  So without being rude when did you come on the scene? Bit late to be changing your spots at near 40 don't ya reckon. On the other hand if you have been around for a long time what have you done to help guide him in the right direction? Or is this just another impotent, go nowhere rant. Gave me a good laugh though. Basically if you haven't been in the family long how is it your business and if you have been well I imagine there was plenty of time that you could have instilled something in him. Me I just accept that there is likely a bad apple in a lot of families and for the most part that is how they will remain no use doing head miles over it IMO

I have only been on the scene 3 years and the go no where rant is based on uk tv shows who have found a revenue stream by outing fat people with fat camps, tools for boyfriends with that uk's biggest tool and many more similar shows so with such an epidemic proportion of lazy brother in laws why on earth can the same not be done here. The guys 37 not 17 a gentle hand is not going to brainwash a lifetime of doing bugger all its painful to see as he's my family but he's had a free ride his whole life and never committed to anything so I have a hard time contributing to my Mrs parents for them to waste it on him so that is where it is my business.

 

Personally I would like to hear a few bad turned good stories but maybe I'm dreaming and your right it's a go no where rant and I'll just accept he's a bad apple and stand by and do nothing.

[Rc2702]

18 minutes ago, rhodie said:

He has got to you in a big way. Nothing you can do will change things. Tighten the tap by all means, but you can't win that fight. Just try ignore and not let it get to you by keeping your money in your pocket. May cost you your marriage, but really you are just an outsider.

Yep your right I'm an outsider my Mrs transferred our savings for a house to me as I'm an outsider, never asked her but when our son was born she made this decision and I have to say I've never felt more out side.  Spot on.

[Been there done that]

2 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

I have only been on the scene 3 years and the go no where rant is based on uk tv shows who have found a revenue stream by outing fat people with fat camps, tools for boyfriends with that uk's biggest tool and many more similar shows so with such an epidemic proportion of lazy brother in laws why on earth can the same not be done here. The guys 37 not 17 a gentle hand is not going to brainwash a lifetime of doing bugger all its painful to see as he's my family but he's had a free ride his whole life and never committed to anything so I have a hard time contributing to my Mrs parents for them to waste it on him so that is where it is my business.

 

Personally I would like to hear a few bad turned good stories but maybe I'm dreaming and your right it's a go no where rant and I'll just accept he's a bad apple and stand by and do nothing.

Stand by and do nothing. Have a feeling that you are good at that. 

[Rc2702]

18 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

Stand by and do nothing. Have a feeling that you are good at that. 

Late night troll. Enjoy, nice night tonight.

[Been there done that]

3 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

Late night troll. Enjoy, nice night tonight.

[oldhippy]

Yes there is always one.

In your case the brother in law.

Could have been the sister, the father, the son, ....

And yes, there is a good chance that it will ruin your marriage.

Farangs are the Thai version of unemployment benefits for the lazy.

 

[colinneil]

No point in you getting upset about your b.i.l.

You are only the farang.

You will get kicked out, he wont, he is family, you are not.

[whatawonderfulday]

21 minutes ago, colinneil said:

No point in you getting upset about your b.i.l.

You are only the farang.

You will get kicked out, he wont, he is family, you are not.

That is very true but the lure of money will bring them round usually.  By the way it is usually a lifestyle handed down from Father to Son in Thailand, sort of a tradition.  Many families of course have a greater sense of responsibility but it is  often, but not always, associated with the poorer people who unfortunately have also a limited education due to the disenfranchisement by consecutive governments for decades after decade in Thailand.

[oldhippy]

2 minutes ago, whatawonderfulday said:

That is very true but the lure of money will bring them round usually.  By the way it is usually a lifestyle handed down from Father to Son in Thailand, sort of a tradition.  Many families of course have a greater sense of responsibility but it is  often, but not always, associated with the poorer people who unfortunately have also a limited education due to the disenfranchisement by consecutive governments for decades after decade in Thailand.

The lure of money? That is offset by the self destruct function that is built into Thais.

 

[bannork]

Recommend to the parents that the idler becomes a monk.you can dress it up as claiming he need to learn actions, or non-actions in his case, have consequences, ie no work , no food.

Alternatively, as others wisely warn, cutting off funds for the parents will result in you being considered heartless. Do your sisters- in - law feel the same way as you, and does your wife? If there is agreement all round, then you could try to get the parents to move out for a while to live with one of the daughters ( if they live far enough away), and explain there is not enough room for brother-in-law to come too. Left at home alone with no funds, he may suddenly feel the urge to get a job.

[Odysseus123]

1 hour ago, bannork said:

Recommend to the parents that the idler becomes a monk.you can dress it up as claiming he need to learn actions, or non-actions in his case, have consequences, ie no work , no food.

Alternatively, as others wisely warn, cutting off funds for the parents will result in you being considered heartless. Do your sisters- in - law feel the same way as you, and does your wife? If there is agreement all round, then you could try to get the parents to move out for a while to live with one of the daughters ( if they live far enough away), and explain there is not enough room for brother-in-law to come too. Left at home alone with no funds, he may suddenly feel the urge to get a job.

I have never seen any change in No 1 BIL who is a grade A bludger and sponger.Takes from his miserably oppressed wife and any other female in the family and has astonishing delusions of grandeur-which certainly do not encompass the concept of work.

 

Unfortunately my wife and other members of the family contributed to his last enterprise which was a karaoke bar where he and his mates promptly drank all the profits.

 

"He my brother...we are family."

 

Fathers,uncles,brothers and sons-it really makes very little difference up here where I live.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Odysseus123
clarity.

[oldhippy]

It is beyond my  understanding that Thais don't realize that this borrowing / subsidizing leads to nowhere.

 

My wife and her family were just about ruined by putting themselves up as guarantors for a bank loan of the elder brother. You would think that as a result the idea of lending money would have become taboo.

Recently my wife's son wanted to set up a coffee cart. He did not ask me - I am known to be keenoi (? stingy in English). So he borrowed 20.000 from BiL (yes, for a coffee cart) - 4 weeks later no more coffee cart, no more 20.000.

But lazy ass son and BiL still get along well!

 

Maybe it is that weird local abomination of buddhism?

 

 

 

[Odysseus123]

21 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

It is beyond my  understanding that Thais don't realize that this borrowing / subsidizing leads to nowhere.

 

My wife and her family were just about ruined by putting themselves up as guarantors for a bank loan of the elder brother. You would think that as a result the idea of lending money would have become taboo.

Recently my wife's son wanted to set up a coffee cart. He did not ask me - I am known to be keenoi (? stingy in English). So he borrowed 20.000 from BiL (yes, for a coffee cart) - 4 weeks later no more coffee cart, no more 20.000.

But lazy ass son and BiL still get along well!

 

Maybe it is that weird local abomination of buddhism?

 

 

 

It is funny that you say that..

The oppressed SiL,who runs a modest street cart,and now looks about 110 years old is mercilessly berated by ol' granny whenever she dares to complain about her husband and she is certainly encouraged to "accept" her lot in life as all part of the Buddhist cycle of life.

 

It is quite striking to note that female subservience is encouraged by the other,more elderly women,most of whose husbands have either never worked,deserted them or dropped dead from  the massive imbibing of Lao Kow long ago.

 

Sidestepping the demands of lazy,greedy males is an art form that I have never quite perfected tho' they do leave me alone now.A foreigner at the other end of the village has just about suffered the ultimate financial penalty for overlooking what his wife and her two male sons  were  up to.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Odysseus123
clarity.

[rhodie]

11 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

Yep your right I'm an outsider my Mrs transferred our savings for a house to me as I'm an outsider, never asked her but when our son was born she made this decision and I have to say I've never felt more out side.  Spot on.

Mate, don't take it personally. I am not having a go at you. I am just trying to tell you how it is. Yours may be different, but as a family unit you are on the outside of their family. But, I wish you good luck. It is extremely frustrating.

[colinneil]

Thai families !!!! bloody frustrating being married to a Thai lady.

Family think they are everything, you the farang are only there as an ATM.

My wife was told before we married i will take care of you, but not your family.

Now as most members know i am paraplegic, what help do we get from wifes family?

Absolutely sweet <deleted> never help for even 1 minute.

A while back my wife asked her father to remove some branches etc, from the garden.

He answered how much the farang pay me, my answer the second word was off.

 

[Odysseus123]

6 hours ago, colinneil said:

Thai families !!!! bloody frustrating being married to a Thai lady.

Family think they are everything, you the farang are only there as an ATM.

My wife was told before we married i will take care of you, but bot your family.

Now as most members know i am paraplegic, what help do we get from wifes family?

Absolutely sweet <deleted> never help for even 1 minute.

A while back my wife asked her father to remove some branches etc, from the garden.

He answered how much the farang pay me, my answer the second word was off.

 

Ha..ha.

 

There is an old British army saying.."To swear like the army in Flanders"probably from Marlborough's time but between the useless Bil and my wife's 24 year old son,I am probably swearing more like the Aussie army on Gallipoli.

 

Never mind,the issue will be resolved in two weeks time.

 

Strangely enough I do not blame my wife,intellectually she is as sharp as a tack,but the grinding,relentless demands have certainly worn her down too..she wants out.

 

Sorry to hear about your paraplegia-I am a monopedal (one legged) ATM.

[colinneil]

1 minute ago, Odysseus123 said:

Ha..ha.

 

There is an old British army saying.."To swear like the army in Flanders"probably from Marlborough's time but between the useless Bil and my wife's 24 year old son,I am probably swearing more like the Aussie army on Gallipoli.

 

Never mind,the issue will be resolved in two weeks time.

 

Strangely enough I do not blame my wife,intellectually she is as sharp as a tack,but the grinding,relentless demands have certainly worn her down too..she wants out.

 

Sorry to hear about your paraplegia-I am a monopedal (one legged) ATM.

9

So between us we only have 1 leg to stand on,, worse than being legless when drunk.

[Odysseus123]

Yeah Colin,I have read some of your posts-you are a bloody brave man.

 

See..swearing like an ANZAC again...

[Kwasaki]

Seems like every Thai family has one or two  like that,  l don't get involved they don't bother me,  l let the family deal with them. 

[marko kok prong]

The problem here is most Thai boy's are treated like little emporers and never subject to discipline,my ex wife stepson was the same,at 13 he had the brain and attitude of an 8 year old,so no wonder they grow up to to be useless ,feckless adults,really no more than adult children,this does not apply across the board,many richer Thai familys take a much more disciplined approach. My current girlfriends children are wonderful,polite,well bought up,and actually do work around the house,such as cleaning,sweeping ect,polar opposites from my ex wife's son.