At the end of it, what would you do

[BEVUP]

Hello all

Ok you may have come across my previous posts but I'm at the point to sum it up

Well over (lets say 9 yrs ) all i have discovered is that I,m continuosley going backwards

I ( or ok lets say wife , but we know ) , have lost 5 Mill to family & as i just found out after losing face another 1/2 mil ( my wife watched me dealing with Toyota to purchase new car & blatently knew i could not trade in old one since she with family hocked it) 

The point is we could of had it all but the beggars just keep coming, which in reality affects my sons future ( 8yrs old ) as I wont be able to take it 

I don't see the point of coming back & then trying to buy or upgrade something only to be told yet again that it was refinanced

What would you do ?

[colinneil]

Well my friend you are not alone, been there done that, then got jailed.

How do i handle it now after remarrying.

Present wifes family vultures/thieves,.

My solution was getting an electric motor fitted to ,the gate, nobody gets in without my approval.

In your case not so easy, as a child is involved.

[BEVUP]

1 minute ago, colinneil said:

Well my friend you are not alone, been there done that, then got jailed.

How do i handle it now after remarrying.

Present wifes family vultures/thieves,.

My solution was getting an electric motor fitted to ,the gate, nobody gets in without my approval.

In your case not so easy, as a child is involved.

The gates not the issue as my wife is the willing financier, it all happens whilst I'm not here as i still have to work abroad 

They all come along with the promise & the shit hits the fan they don't even tell you so you also end up with a substantial late fee

I'm sure I paid for the BIL house

& I reckon even the Thais are doing better then me ( at least they can get a new car )

[colinneil]

1 minute ago, BEVUP said:

The gates not the issue as my wife is the willing financier, it all happens whilst I'm not here as i still have to work abroad 

They all come along with the promise & the shit hits the fan they don't even tell you so you also end up with a substantial late fee

I'm sure I paid for the BIL house

& I reckon even the Thais are doing better then me ( at least they can get a new car )

 Well mate if your wife is like that you have no hope.

Only thing you can do is get the hell out of there fast.

[BEVUP]

6 minutes ago, colinneil said:

 Well mate if your wife is like that you have no hope.

Only thing you can do is get the hell out of there fast.

Yes i think it has come to that point as I am sick of going backwards 

The wife is thinking that she has the income that i give her per month to cover everything is going to continue to be the same , but in reality it should be reducing as we pay of the debts (Had to pick up half the loan 2 yrs BIL failed to pay) , now it has started again

She is thinking she has done well on the promise of 10 Rai but has nothing to show for it (I think it went to BIL as he came around a mth later of refinancing car with MIL who had a face on her resembling a sour grape ( not what one would expect after coming from her sisters in Rayong & then to visit daughter who she doesn't see much ) - lucky my young lad took a photo

She's not a fincial wiz as I told her who is going to pick up th 200,000 interest bill

[Been there done that]

On 7/13/2017 at 2:25 AM, BEVUP said:

Yes i think it has come to that point as I am sick of going backwards 

The wife is thinking that she has the income that i give her per month to cover everything is going to continue to be the same , but in reality it should be reducing as we pay of the debts (Had to pick up half the loan 2 yrs BIL failed to pay) , now it has started again

She is thinking she has done well on the promise of 10 Rai but has nothing to show for it (I think it went to BIL as he came around a mth later of refinancing car with MIL who had a face on her resembling a sour grape ( not what one would expect after coming from her sisters in Rayong & then to visit daughter who she doesn't see much ) - lucky my young lad took a photo

She's not a fincial wiz as I told her who is going to pick up th 200,000 interest bill

You.

[OmarZaid]

On 13/07/2017 at 7:09 AM, colinneil said:

 Well mate if your wife is like that you have no hope.

Only thing you can do is get the hell out of there fast.

Agreed .... trade her in .... there are plenty of decent women to be found here as long as you stay away from bar girls

[colinneil]

BEVUP i feel for you, i have been there.

My ex was just the same, money,money,money, no matter have much i gave her it was never enough.

Always a family crisis that needed a money fix, never ending.

I lost nearly 4 million baht, car / house/ motorbikes, even my clothes, i flew back to the UK with only the clothes on my back.

Got over it, got back on my feet, determined not to let her win, or stop me enjoying Thailand.

Found a new Thai lady, married her, and we have a fantastic marriage, she has never in nearly 7 years asked me for even 1 baht.

[transam]

Sounds like you are being "worked" by the family...You are not the first and you will not be the last.......Tough decisions ahead for you which you must face and act on...

[henry15]

Sorry to say Sir. But you are an idiot. Don't blame your wife or you're family in law, but yourself, to let this thing happening.

[robertson468]

As with buying a car, a house or whatever, including taking a female on as your Wife/Partner, you need to do you due diligence.  That means not only checking her out, but her whole Family as well.  There is no such thing as Social Services in Thailand, so those who have are very prone to getting whacked by those Family Members who have not.  And they will keep coming and coming until you are stony broke.  They think you are the proverbial money tree and can come and pick your fruit whenever they like, and that goes for the less educated Wife/Partner who thinks she has got a wonderful benefactor and will 90% of the time support less well off Family Members, which improves her status within that society.  If you can't afford it and you will certainly not be able to change the situation, there is only one solution...........GET OUT NOW!

[henry15]

3 minutes ago, robertson468 said:

As with buying a car, a house or whatever, including taking a female on as your Wife/Partner, you need to do you due diligence.  That means not only checking her out, but her whole Family as well.  There is no such thing as Social Services in Thailand, so those who have are very prone to getting whacked by those Family Members who have not.  And they will keep coming and coming until you are stony broke.  They think you are the proverbial money tree and can come and pick your fruit whenever they like, and that goes for the less educated Wife/Partner who thinks she has got a wonderful benefactor and will 90% of the time support less well off Family Members, which improves her status within that society.  If you can't afford it and you will certainly not be able to change the situation, there is only one solution...........GET OUT NOW!

Or move 500 km away.

[dotpoom]

Same people can only rip me off time and time again,  if I allow them to....that would be my experience?

[transam]

The old saying...."Give folk an inch they will (may) take a yard".....

 

Seen it happen many times in LOS....Even with no farang involved....

[quandow]

This is why I only rent, NEVER own.

[pumpjack]

On 13/07/2017 at 1:05 AM, BEVUP said:

The gates not the issue as my wife is the willing financier, it all happens whilst I'm not here as i still have to work abroad 

They all come along with the promise & the shit hits the fan they don't even tell you so you also end up with a substantial late fee

I'm sure I paid for the BIL house

& I reckon even the Thais are doing better then me ( at least they can get a new car )

im sorry to seem rude or rash but .....

STOP BEING A BLOODY FOOL & A WALKOVER & GROW A SET OF BALLS  !!!

[pumpjack]

53 minutes ago, OmarZaid said:

Agreed .... trade her in .... there are plenty of decent women to be found here as long as you stay away from bar girls

bar girls,  here we go again,  well let me tell you over many many years ive found some bar girls to be really decent human beings.

dont matter if its a bar girl or a hi so type ,  some are cnts and some are not !

im my expirience its the office hi so type who are most greedy and dishonest ! 

[1FinickyOne]

I would first try and educate my wife - as well as taking safeguards to it happening again. Sure, she should be more responsible but sometimes family pressures are overwhelming...

 

I am lucky - both my wife and her family appreciate anything I do for them and they know the difference between a gift and a loan. Tough it rarely happens that they need a loan, they do get paid back 100% and they appreciate that I do not charge interest. 

 

Set limits. 

[Emster23]

Doors song line, good view: "But I never been so broke I couldn't leave town"

Git, skeedaddle, leave....

[thaiguzzi]

Bad family.

My MIL is one of the nicest human beings i ever met anywhere.

The whole family (inc BIL) are careful with money, because they were born with nought.

All hard workers, no lazy ones. Er, apart from a nutter aunt and a useless uncle, but they are kept at arms length.

As my missus always says if you don't love money (appreciate it), money will never love you (you won't have any because you spend it all)....

[BEVUP]

Thanks all & I did or thought i took steps IE : Usufrut on house  (  to no avail as loan shark didn't mind)

That left them the only thing that was left - The car ( which this time I shall put it in my name after getting Yellow Book )

PS: I do have a set - You just can't see me hitting the roof & cutting her money back ( just about everything bar belting her )

[transam]

1 minute ago, BEVUP said:

Thanks all & I did or thought i took steps IE : Usufrut on house  (  to no avail as loan shark didn't mind)

That left them the only thing that was left - The car ( which this time I shall put it in my name after getting Yellow Book )

PS: I do have a set - You just can't see me hitting the roof & cutting her money back ( just about everything bar belting her )

All you farangs should have your ride in your name..........

[CharlieH]

Wont be the first and certainly wont be the last, so dont be too hard on yourself.

Love/lust can do strange things to people, more so when a child is in the mix. Personally, after the first instance of financial deciet I would be out of there. An old saying often repeated on this forum "never invest more than you are prepared to walk away from" and its very true.

Your situation is complicated by a child. BUT dont be surprised if that child is used as a weapon to extract more cash.

 

Either stay and totally stop any possible access to any money whatsoever, be hard and firm with them.OR just walk away, game over.

 

Neither is an easy choice, best of luck and trust your gut.

 

 

 

[BEVUP]

6 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Wont be the first and certainly wont be the last, so dont be too hard on yourself.

Love/lust can do strange things to people, more so when a child is in the mix. Personally, after the first instance of financial deciet I would be out of there. An old saying often repeated on this forum "never invest more than you are prepared to walk away from" and its very true.

Your situation is complicated by a child. BUT dont be surprised if that child is used as a weapon to extract more cash.

 

Either stay and totally stop any possible access to any money whatsoever, be hard and firm with them.OR just walk away, game over.

 

Neither is an easy choice, best of luck and trust your gut.

 

 

 

Thanks Charlie but I know the wife wont use the child

& as Transam mentioned I will be working on that but it will be at great cost & I know they cant touch the house as It is joint names of wife /son which would require a court order for any financial decision 

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, henry15 said:

Sorry to say Sir. But you are an idiot. Don't blame your wife or you're family in law, but yourself, to let this thing happening.

I have to agree; you BEVUP are the enabler. You failed at figuring out your wife before you got married and had children; you failed at stopping your wife even after you knew what she was doing; you continue to cry about it and seek the help of strangers for some panacea to save you. The truly sad part is you are not alone--look at some of the comments on this forum; your sad story seems rather commonplace. 

 

[smotherb]

11 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Wont be the first and certainly wont be the last, so dont be too hard on yourself.

Love/lust can do strange things to people, more so when a child is in the mix. Personally, after the first instance of financial deciet I would be out of there. An old saying often repeated on this forum "never invest more than you are prepared to walk away from" and its very true.

Your situation is complicated by a child. BUT dont be surprised if that child is used as a weapon to extract more cash.

 

Either stay and totally stop any possible access to any money whatsoever, be hard and firm with them.OR just walk away, game over.

 

Neither is an easy choice, best of luck and trust your gut.

 

 

 

Well, he does have at least one other choice; let it continue.

[BEVUP]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I have to agree; you BEVUP are the enabler. You failed at figuring out your wife before you got married and had children; you failed at stopping your wife even after you knew what she was doing; you continue to cry about it and seek the help of strangers for some panacea to save you. The truly sad part is you are not alone--look at some of the comments on this forum; your sad story seems rather commonplace. 

 

Well yes I do take some of the blame (maybe you could say a hard learner ), but this is why these Forums are here so we can learn (may be it late) & the wife was quite normal (well what's normal) for a few years until the family really started to grasp 

[transam]

28 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Well yes I do take some of the blame (maybe you could say a hard learner ), but this is why these Forums are here so we can learn (may be it late) & the wife was quite normal (well what's normal) for a few years until the family really started to grasp 

Nobody can read the future regarding a wife or her family......If we could we would all probably remain married and never divorce.....

Mrs.Trans family are a complete "bunch", thankfully she knows it too...

[jippytum]

Hoe long are you prepared to being bashed over the head by your wife and her family .This situation will only get worse and only end with you being bankrupt then see how long your wife sticks around .Putting up with your situation for the sake of your child is not a reason to be' taken to the cleaners .' over a period of years without the balls to do something about your situation .Time to man up

[Tony125]

1 hour ago, BEVUP said:

Thanks Charlie but I know the wife wont use the child

& as Transam mentioned I will be working on that but it will be at great cost & I know they cant touch the house as It is joint names of wife /son which would require a court order for any financial decision 

One as you well know the car should have been in your name only, stop being lazy could have done that before and saved the money your out now. You say they can't touch the house but didn't you say you had a Usufruct but the loan shark didn't care?