How Do You Keep Your Resolve?

[eek]

I have remained sober and tee-total for nearly 2 years. However, even now I still sometimes have an overwhelming urge to drink and some days or just moments at a time its very hard. The temptation to drink is often still strong.

I have been ok out in company (i was mainly a private drinker in any case) but i think if i had had any alcohol at home I may not have been able to stay away from it. I hope i could..but dont want to test that theory out yet.

For those in a similar situation, is the temptation something you still feel also? Is it a feeling that lessens over time? How do you keep from drinking 'just that one drink' (which of course i know was never the case with me, so as much as i would like 'just the one', i know i cant)

Fed up with it really. So, how do you handle it?

As a side note (in case anyone suggests) I went along to an AA meeting here a couple of months ago, but found it a bit oppressive and intimidating tbh, so I dont think the meetings is for me.

p.s: Any potential jokers please, to put it nicely, kindly P-off ty

[jumnien]

Try another AA meeting. You might find that you just hit a bad meeting or it just wasn't your day. Different meetings have different characters; try a different venue. It took me 2 years before I learned to like 12 step meetings. Anyway, I found the cravings and thoughts dissipating over time especially when I started helping other people to get thru those first tough days. Less thinking of myself and the freedom of concern for others really worked magic. Good luck with your endeavor. Don't go too long trying to do it alone unless you really enjoy that. "We absolutely insist on enjoying life" is an essential part of recovery. It's gotta be fun or that drink is going to start calling you.

[garro]

Meditation works for me

[Naam]

Meditation works for me

works for me too... with the help of a glass of Port or Sherry.

[jumnien]

Meditation works for me too!

[garro]

I previously drank after two years sober and I wouldn't recommend it. It took me nine years to stop again but I was lucky. Look at Jackson Pollock, he drank again after two years and within a couple of years was in liver failure with ascites and jaundice and was only saved the pain of dying from liver failure due to a fatal car crash. There are many stories like this. It is very lucky (good karma) to be able to stop once but twice or more is asking a bit much.

I found that drinking again after a long period of sobriety meant that there was no enjoyment left in it. It is easy to start again but there is no gaurantee we can stop again. It did get worse for me when I went back.

Perhaps Mdeland is right and maybe a stint in AA will repower your resolve. If it was a choice between me drinking again or attending AA I would go like a shot, but I am doing fine without.

BTW, congratulations on two years

[eek]

Ty for the honest replies.

Although i find AA meetings intimidating, im considering trying it out again. Need to do something really.

Received a pm from a TV member who is in a similar boat so will maybe go along together.

Cheers, with plain soda on ice

[ProThaiExpat]

Staying sober for a person with a drinking problem can be very difficult, if not impossible, without help.

Your physical addiction is only one component of your problem. The mental component is the one you are struggling with now and help is what you need.

With help for the mental component of alcohol addiction, your craving for the stuff will disappear.

After two years without a drink, your mental problem is probably the obsessive-compulsive syndrome. Your obsessing about drinking and have yet to compulsively act out on the obsession.

Try to connect the two in your mind. Whatever the form of the obsession takes, relaxation, romance, warm glow, whatever, should be connected mentally to what happens to you when you drink.

Instead of romanticizing about what a drink will do for you, switch immediately to what the drink will do to you in reality, ie. your worst experiences from drinking. For surely, it is those worst case scenarios that will be the result of you drinking again, not the fantasies that initially occupy you mind.

Alcoholic fantasy, or what is often referred to as "stinking thinking", is when we think of drinking in a fantasy framework, rather than a reality framework. When I had those type of fantasies, I always dreamed of what I wanted alcohol to do for me, not what it actually did to me in reality.

[eek]

That, I must say, is very insightful, very true, and very useful.

[Simmo]

You should be congratulating yourself on your achievement - 2 years is a long time. If you made it that long there's nothing that should stop you.

[ThaiPauly]

You should be congratulating yourself on your achievement - 2 years is a long time. If you made it that long there's nothing that should stop you.

A direct quote from AA is that alcohol is Cunning Powerful and Baffling.

I think that Pro-Thai Expats comments were spot on the money.

I think the OP could be a 'Dry Drunk", which is to say that although he is not drinking he is thinking about it a lot which is spoiling his life.

I also think that he is not far away from saying that he has been dry for 2 years so obviously he can handle "Just One" ...then as Garro said the cycle stats again...but worse.

Please do not think these are derogatory remarks Eeek, its just my pesonal thinking

But thats what happened to me....I was in AA for 2 years, stopped going , had another 2 years of sobriety , but wiithout the support of AA I fell into the "Just One won't hurt" trap...and within 6 months my wonderful life turned into a living nightmare.

I am not really that qualified to give advice...I am trying hard to get sober again myself, but I was an AA Branch Secretary...and probably the best 2 years of my life were in AA...so I am gonna give it another try anyway.

Good Luck to you...you have to find your own way to cope...but there has been some good stuff on this thread for you to take in.

Kind Regards

TP

[Neeranam]

I am not really that qualified to give advice...I am trying hard to get sober again myself, but I was an AA Branch Secretary...and probably the best 2 years of my life were in AA...so I am gonna give it another try anyway.

I'd say you're very well qualified to give advice, as you've got experience.

The cravings for me to drink completely vanished when I did Step 3 of the AA program.

I stayed sober 'by myself' for 6 months once and by the end it was a nightmare, worse than drinking so I went back to drinking. The 'dry drunk' is horrible.

Best wishes to the OP.

[eek]

I agree that the 'dry drunk' observations are valid. Something i need to get my head round. I guess the AA thing is the most usual way and probably most helpful way of going about it. Just need to get over my fear of attending the meetings. Im decided to come to a conclusion on that one (AA meetings) in a weeks time. (im still having a little fight in my head about it: "Im not drinking so how can i have a problem" seems to be the favorite at present.)

I am not really that qualified to give advice...I am trying hard to get sober again myself, but I was an AA Branch Secretary...and probably the best 2 years of my life were in AA...so I am gonna give it another try anyway.

My thoughts are with the on that one Paul. Hope your keeping your resolve. GL buddy.

[MiG16]

dont have any word of wisdom or practical advice to add....but still wanted to wish you all lots of willpower, and whatever else it takes

best,

MiG

[totlanh]

I have,nt had a drink for 4 years 8 months.I stopped drinking myself and never have attended AA.Recently though i have really been thinking a lot about drink and missing it.This in turn has made me feel bitter as i feel like im being deprived and am beginning to wonder if i could drink again.I never did try to cut down and im wondering of i could drink now sensibly.I gave up once before for 9 months as well so i know i can stop......

[eek]

Well done totlanh

Personally, i have a feeling if i were to drink, it would be like opening Pandora's Box. Yes I still miss it, sometimes, but it seems to be less and less. Fleeting moments of craving. I would rather feel that that go back to how things were for me.

Only you can know if you could drink sensibly. From what i gather, most seem to not be able to do that though. Take time to think about why it is that you feel deprived and want to drink. Question yourself on it. Most of all, remind yourself why you felt you needed to be t-total in the first place.

All the best.

[garro]

I have,nt had a drink for 4 years 8 months.I stopped drinking myself and never have attended AA.Recently though i have really been thinking a lot about drink and missing it.This in turn has made me feel bitter as i feel like im being deprived and am beginning to wonder if i could drink again.I never did try to cut down and im wondering of i could drink now sensibly.I gave up once before for 9 months as well so i know i can stop......

Hi totlanh,

I congratulate you on your almost five years of sobriety.

You should be proud of your achievement.

I remember drinking again after two years in AA.

I was during my first year in university, and I felt really angry with being left out of the fun around me.

I started again and for a few months it felt like I had some control.

It took me nearly a decade to stop again, and during that time I did quite a bit of damage to my liver.

The problem, for me at least, is that if I pick up again I have no idea if or when I will stop.

I doubt very much that I could stop again to be honest.

I have been given two chances already and I doubt if there are many more for me in this life.

I didn't use AA or any other support group this time to stay sober.

It is coming up to eighteen months for me.

I got sober in a Thai temple and when I left it was my conviction that my former addiction had been removed.

I can't tell you what will happen to you if you drink again.

I do really hope you think very carefully about it.

I really hope you stay sober.

Best wishes

Paul

[JimsKnight]

If you can drink in moderation (which is what I do) you should be ok. If not, find a different outlet or release that can take the place of your need for alcohol.

Hope that helped

[ThaiPauly]

Totlanh,

I never drank for 4 years.

Then I thought because I had not drank for so long I could manage to drink sensiblly.

Then I stopped again for 6 months and thought exactly what you are thinking now.

As a result of that thinking I have since become diabetic, have high blood pressure and have done damage to my lver willl more than likely condemn me to an early grave.

I have still not stopped again and continue to have medical issues.

Mine is not the case in point here though, these are my choices and I have to live with the consequences of my actions. I am in no way an "all day drunk" but I still hit it quite hard after nightfall...most nights..... every time I go to see a Doctor they tell me to quit altogether.

But I never do.

If you want to be like me then by all means have a drink...then spend the rest of your inevitably shortend life regretting it

Think it through VERY carefully...do you really want to heap all that misery back on yourself?

Its your choice to make...nobody can make it for you I'm afraid.

Good Luch and I hope hat you choose the right path

TP

[totlanh]

Hi,

Thanks for all your replys and support.EEk you know its funny the inclination to drink pretty much left me as well and around the 2 year mark i hardly thought about it but i dont know why but certainly for the last 6 months i have been missing alcohol.You know i once heard Alcohol related problems being described as a romance and you know it is a fair analogy as i guess im missing my first love again.Thaipauly thanks for your words and i guess i could end up going down the route you have taken and i suppose the question i need to pose myself is why risk it.You know Garro i to believe i recieved deliverance from alcohol from God and therefore i suppose it would be tragic to snub that gift.Its just hard and i miss it at times so much and i think in reality i have never found anything that replaces it.

[garro]

Hi,

Thanks for all your replys and support.EEk you know its funny the inclination to drink pretty much left me as well and around the 2 year mark i hardly thought about it but i dont know why but certainly for the last 6 months i have been missing alcohol.You know i once heard Alcohol related problems being described as a romance and you know it is a fair analogy as i guess im missing my first love again.Thaipauly thanks for your words and i guess i could end up going down the route you have taken and i suppose the question i need to pose myself is why risk it.You know Garro i to believe i recieved deliverance from alcohol from God and therefore i suppose it would be tragic to snub that gift.Its just hard and i miss it at times so much and i think in reality i have never found anything that replaces it.

I suppose it can feel like that sometimes.

Alcohol was a very important part of my life too.

I remember going to AA meetings at twenty and wanting to scream that I'm not like this lot.

Listen to Thaipauly.

I have never heard of anybody going back to alcohol and making a success of it.

You earned your gift.

Try and keep it.

[B Fuddled]

I hope I’m not off topic here, but please bear with me. I’m sober today because of people who shared their experience, strength and hope.

I was a low bottom drunk for some 20 years. Several times over that period I’d manage to go without a drink for up to 90 days but I was just substituting other drugs. One time I was very proud of my “sobriety” but I was forced to go back to drinking for economical reasons, I was snorting up to a hundred dollars worth of heroin a day. I tried AA meetings at least once a year but figured it wasn’t for me because it couldn’t prevent me from going into the first bar on the way home from the meeting. The last time I got dried out a bit, which was 3 days, I told myself that I’d if I could let my head clear for 90 days I would be able to understand the AA program.

I stood on the first step for those 90 days – I’m powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable when I drink. I then went to a meeting and listened with a clear head and did everything that was suggested. It worked for me. I haven’t given anything but a rapidly passing thought to taking a drink for over 18 years. I’m still powerless over alcohol and my life will again become unmanageable shortly after I take that first drink.

Peace, friend and hang in there one day at a time.

[garro]

I hope I'm not off topic here, but please bear with me. I'm sober today because of people who shared their experience, strength and hope.

I was a low bottom drunk for some 20 years. Several times over that period I'd manage to go without a drink for up to 90 days but I was just substituting other drugs. One time I was very proud of my "sobriety" but I was forced to go back to drinking for economical reasons, I was snorting up to a hundred dollars worth of heroin a day. I tried AA meetings at least once a year but figured it wasn't for me because it couldn't prevent me from going into the first bar on the way home from the meeting. The last time I got dried out a bit, which was 3 days, I told myself that I'd if I could let my head clear for 90 days I would be able to understand the AA program.

I stood on the first step for those 90 days – I'm powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable when I drink. I then went to a meeting and listened with a clear head and did everything that was suggested. It worked for me. I haven't given anything but a rapidly passing thought to taking a drink for over 18 years. I'm still powerless over alcohol and my life will again become unmanageable shortly after I take that first drink.

Peace, friend and hang in there one day at a time.

I really enjoyed your post as it's truly inspirational stuff.

I have a lot of respect for Bill W. and his motley crew.

I personally don't use the meetings, but I definitely acknowledge the transformational power of the 12 steps.

A recovery without a spiritual basis would be pointless to me.

As a Buddhist monk pointed out to me, addiction is often used to hide a spiritual thirst.

I feel very grateful for my recovery and very thankful for yours.

I look forward to hearing a similar post from totlanh and Thai Pauly in ten years time.

I also hope that I too can post the same at that time also.

Opps, and I mustn't forget eek too.

Sobriety really is a blessing.

Edited November 14, 2007 by garro

[Tung_Thaid]

After 16 years of being drunk every single day - I could see where things were heading - and at 2pm on Sunday 26th June 1983, I just decided to call it quits.

(And the cigarettes had to go as well at the same time).

Haven't had a drink or cigarette since.

For years afterwards, I would come home from work and immediately have a glass in my hand: Fruit juice / soft drinks / cordials and sodas. (But never trick drinks like no-alcohol wine - that is too close to the bone.) Old habits die hard. Did not go to a hotel or a party for quite a while - the temptation was too great and difficult to deal with.

I had been to AA previously. Initially I just concentrated on the 'one day at a time'. And the realisation that there was absolutely no way I was able to have "just one drink". Ever.

Do I feel better for it ? Did it make my life turn around ? Nope. Still O&C about stuff. But I am alive. And had I continued drinking - I wouldn't be.

If I think about booze now - I can still smell it. Almost taste it. They say you cant recall pain - but I can sure recall some of the feelings from those years.

How did I keep my resolve ?

Every one of those days off the sauce, was a day in the bank. And the bigger the bank balance, the more determined I was not to squander it.

Deciding to not drink was the easiest part. And keeping on that path became easier as my bank balance became bigger.

And I tell people about it. Remember the anniversary of the day I stopped. More significant than a birthday or Christmas.

Sharing our experiences is what sobriety allows us to do.

I haven't got any magic answers. But just asking the question "How Do You Keep Your Resolve?" is great. Well done.

Edited November 14, 2007 by Tung_Thaid

[ThaiPauly]

There are some excellent posts here.

As a result (I'm sure) of posting here yesterday I did not have a drink last night.

I don't think I am gonna have a drink today either...but its too early to tell...but its my aim not to.

Then tomorrow is another day and...you never know ?

Sometimes you can start stopping without realising it

[garro]

There are some excellent posts here.

As a result (I'm sure) of posting here yesterday I did not have a drink last night.

I don't think I am gonna have a drink today either...but its too early to tell...but its my aim not to.

Then tomorrow is another day and...you never know ?

Sometimes you can start stopping without realising it

Definitely the best post on here today.

Well done mate.

I remember what a victory one day without alcohol was and at the end of the day it is all any of us have.

I agree with the AA folk who say that if you haven't drank today you are a winner.

[totlanh]

Yes ThaiPauly that is great news i would love to read a thread from you in say a month saying that you still hav,nt had a drink.Good luck pal!!!!

[eek]

Good luck Pauly, and to all as well... and yes, please post back after a month. Hoping too, to read that you havent had a drink.

[B Fuddled]

You're going in the right direction, Pauly. One of the biggest mistakes people make is telling themselves they will never drink for the rest of their lives. That's an overwheling undertaking for anyone.

One day at a time is much easier to handle. You're very fortunate because at any time night or day you can open this forum and read and reread our words of support and encouragement.

[totlanh]

Wise words b fuddled.When i stopped drinking it was because we had a child on the way and i did,nt want her to have a drunk as a father and also there were new financial considerations.I never however have told myself that i shall NEVER drink again as when my daughter has flown the nest i will start again however i think ive been telling myself this too much lately and hence the reason im questioniong if i could/should start drinking again.