Zyxel

Adam's first words when he met Eve "Stand back honey I don't know how big this thing gets"

Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant? -She blew them both...

Gary: "Your new secretary is very sex.... Larry: "Thanks! She's actually a robot named Doreen.... If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she types letters. Will work as long as you like, no complaining, no sick days, no medical, no dental.... !!! I'll lend her to you for a day & you can see how functional and efficient she is." Next day, Gary calls Larry from the hospital & shouts: "Larry..... You bastard! You didn't tell me that the hole between Doreen's legs is a Pencil Sharpener..."

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realized that the doctor had *both* his hands on my shoulders!"

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?" Farmer: "That's right." Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?" Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.

A rich woman tourist goes to Paris to visit the art galleries. She decides to hire the services of a guide to show her around the Louvre. "Oh!" said the woman looking at a painting, "That's a Monet, isn't it?" "No Madame, almost, it's a Manet." replied the guide. "And that one, it's a Pissaro?" "Er... no, I'm sorry, Madame, that's a Monet." "Oh, I see. Now that one I’m sure of - that's a Picasso, isn't it?" ".... no Madame, that's a mirror."

After his sermon, a rabbi approached his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a terrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to own up and apologize.”No one moved. The Rabbi continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart the guilt will be lightened. Now stand up and admit your lies.”Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous lady with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the back of the synagogue. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”