Zyxel

Two gold fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “How the f*** do we drive this thing”

I just saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. It was a little condescending.

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerk called 911 when she saw him collapse to the floor.The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. Do you have health insurance? she asked.He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"He replied, "No money in the bank.""Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.He said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun."The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

The owner of the local bar is hosting a lively music talent contest, and says, “The winner gets free drinks for a year! Who's up first?” The first contestant is a young man who proudly announces that he can play any song on the piano blindfolded. Sure enough, he bangs out a series of fun drinking songs with the blindfold on. The second contestant says she can play a complex opera piece with no more than empty beer bottles. She does this flawlessly, and is now front runner. Then, from the far corner, an old drunk boasts, “I can sing out my a$$!” The bartender replies, “You're drunk as f..k. Get the hell out of here.” But the old drunk persists on having his shot at the big prize. “OK, here's your song. Let's see what you got!” So the drunk pulls down his pants and takes a giant sh.t all over the bar. The bartender asks, “What the f..k was that?” The drunk says, “Relax, I just had to clear my throat!”