Zyxel

Upon completion of her annual physical exam, 23 year old Emily sits across from the doctor as they go over the results. “Well Emily, you’re in perfect health except for those red and raw scaly patches on your knees and elbows. How do you account for them?” Rather embarrassed, Emily confesses that she loves having sex doggie style, but it causes friction burns. The doctor replies, “That’s no big deal and you needn’t be embarrassed. I’m simply going to prescribe some cortisone ointment to help clear up the raw patches. And; until they do, please limit your sex to missionary position only. “ Emily grimaces and says, “Oh doctor! Do I really need to do that????” The doctor is surprised and asks, “What’s wrong with using the missionary position?” Emily says, “Doctor, Have you ever smelled a St. Bernard’s breath?”

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.. The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and *poof* she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks. "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. St Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."