soap

Turned into Multichoice yesterday to see if there was anything just out of interest

BBC was on perfect picture 'Who want to be a millionaire' 3 or 4 others were also there all with strong signal + some with sound but no picture... yet last weekend they had gone..

Maybe it is coming back ?

I watched the South Africa v Mexico game in English on Super Sport 3 Multi Choice last night

hope this is FTA for the rest of the world cup

Sorry

Glued to the RADIO

BBC entertainment is back, after doing a Auto Transponder Scan

but its Sound only no picture.

But what the hel_l

Who wants to be a Millionaire is a lot better with sound only

and years ago before Television the BBC had a very popular radio show called

Archie Andrews and his Ventriloquist Dummy

everyone was Glued to the Television lisening to a Ventriloquist Dummy

Congratulations Stuart

Hope everthing goes well for you and Wanika,give her my families best wishes

Just read this on a Sattelite forum

It might be a wind up or a case of

Where theres a will theres a way

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Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

Report no:79 15th May 2010/2053

Bang Hong O area ,west of C.R. town.

‘Rather warm’

We had set the trail in the morning. A balmy 38.C. By the time 4pm came round it was a sweltering hot afternoon (104.F for the benefit of any ‘oldies’ amongst us, humidity 60%) and who’d be mad enough to turn out in that heat… well… 39 Hashers and one dog were. Perhaps it was the promise of ‘no hills’ that did it. I thought no one would be there, and with the excuse of recovering from an infection, harnessed myself to a fan for the afternoon, leaving Oddjob to manage alone. He, as sweeper, got to walk the course twice. Brownie points have been allocated.

After a course briefing, the starting pistol cracked and a number of FRBs ran off into the distance. Gorf, followed by Just Steve completed the course in an amazing 45 minutes. Since it had taken us an hour to cycle round on one of our reconnaissance runs, it’s obvious we need to upgrade our bikes.

The more (sensible) Hashers set off at a much more sedate pace, with the last ones coming in after 1hour 45mins. The Hash trail took us , after a rather less than salubrious start past a ‘fly’ rubbish tip, over some gently rolling countryside to the west of Chiang Rai town, a fairly new rubber and fruit plantation, with a mix of natural and man-made lakes. A four legged Hasher enjoyed the benefit of these on the way round. There were views of the Reclining Woman Hill at Mae Yao, the White Buddha at Doi in Cee, and Doi Khao Kwai, all from the safety of low altitude. Wild Woman appeared to appreciate the scenery.

5 v-checks were set to slow down the front runners, and, reportedly, worked well. Oddjob had ‘failed’ to mention at the briefing that our course would take you close to a very large working quarry. At quarter to five, when half the hillside was blasted off, those Hashers nearby didn’t know whether to dive for cover or run for it. Ahh! Simple pleasures.

The extreme heat took it’s toll on a few, and the sweeper led a small party of wilting ones on a short cut to take them into the middle of the Hash group again. If only they had been a bit more discreet, they might have got away without anyone noticing.

Able Seaman, after completing the course, turned up in his truck to offer a lift back to those who were finding it too much, and a small number gratefully accepted.

He commented to Oddjob later on that he nearly hadn’t come along as he thought that the course would be too easy, as it was, however, with the weather, it turned out to be ‘about 6km too long’. Here we should confess that when we originally set the course it was only 6km long, but bits just kept getting added, and it ended up about 7.5 km in length. So well done everyone for finishing.

By the time OddJob got back in with the last few, lychees and drinks were being consumed in great numbers.

The Circle

Shocking called us to form a circle, and virgin hashers (? number) were given the traditional welcome.

Two Hashers received their Hash names. A combination of fatigue – well earned- and Shocking’s scouse accent rendered OddJob at a loss as to what, precisely, these were. He thinks the following information may hold an element of truth:

The better half of ‘MacMuff(?)’ was given the name of ‘Spicy prik sauce’, and the second lady the name ‘ Hom noi’ or ‘little sweet scent’.

As I’m sure you appreciate by now – unlike in Wirgin Bruce’s reports – accuracy, reliability and honesty haven’t had a starring role since he handed over the scribes’ baton to us.

Which reminds me – apologies to Able Seaman are due – apparently it was a 10 baht coin, not a paltry 5.

Shocking sold more of our splendid Hash T-shirts. “There’s a five year guarantee with each one’ he said, ‘if not completely satisfied, you’re more than welcome to ask for your money back’.

Asking and getting ,however, are two different things. The Hares also received their complementary ones.

Do it Yourself, back in his former post for one month only as ‘Hash Beer’ was thanked. It was ‘the highlight of his career’ he stated, eyeing up the possibility of leftovers as ‘thank you’ gifts.

Plastic cups were not used for the downers, the bottoms of some empty plastic water bottles were hastily cut off instead to use as drinking vessels. From what you know of our Hash, which of the following is the most likely reason?

It was because:

A. It was felt we should be more environmentally friendly and recycle.

B. Someone forgot the cups.

Hares for the following months were confirmed.

June – Hard wired and Begging for it

July – Namron

August – Do it Yourself

September – Fired Up

October - ???????

November – Gorf and Able Seaman. This promises to be a grand event with the Hares setting a trail in celebration of Gorf’s marriage. Hashers from even further afield than usual are anticipated to be coming along.

Thank you all for volunteering. We certainly enjoyed our first venture into trail setting, so much so that we’re already looking out another one! OddJob reckons there’s money to be made. If you lay the trail, you also know the shortcuts. A few extra baht could come his way for showing these to exhausted Hashers.

Hope to see you all next month.

On,On! OohMatron and Oddjob

Housekeeping

A concerned Hasher reported that he had spotted a small number of Hashers throwing their empty water bottles into ditches/ onto the ground during this month’s Hash. This is not what is expected from C.R.Hashers.. If you can be bothered to carry a full bottle, then surely it’s not too much to ask to carry your empty one back to base. Please.

Directions and details for the May Hash

When : Saturday 15th May at 16:00 prompt.

Where : Ban Hong O water tower

Hares : Oddjob and Oohmatron

Distance 6 km

Type of terrain Flat – (no hills), with broad paths.

Very little natural shade.

Directions.

Starting from Big C, head north up the Super Highway.

At the first lights (Si Sai Mun intersection) turn left.

Stay on this road through three sets of traffic lights, the last set being the Den Ha crossroads.

1.3 km after the Den Ha crossroads turn left at a small parade of shops – sign posted to Mae Fah Luang Art and Cultural Park.

After 100 metres turn right at the “T” junction and proceed past the entrance to Mae Fah Luang Art and Cultural Park (on left hand side). Set your trip meter to zero here.

After 1.5 km you will be at the top of a small hill and approaching Ban Hong O – get ready to slow down.

500 meters after the Ban Hong O welcome sign turn left onto Soi 1. Signposted with a standard “HHH” marker.

After a further 400 meters stop at the water tower.

A small map is attached for boy scouts and girl guides.

On on

Oddjob and Oohmatron

Who would have thought that bread could cause such grief and heartache eh??

Its called

"Using Your Loaf"

Chiang Rai Hash

The ‘start slowly and taper off’ Hash

April 2010 Route 1121 Km.marker 19 , 1.5km up a track. Report No 78.

‘Incoming!’

Periodic bombardment from local heavy artillery supplying an unusual sound-track, it was a good start to the Thai New Year.

Unbeknownst to our Hares when they were setting the course, the junction of the main road and track leading to the starting point had been commandeered by a large group of rocketeers, intent on blowing themselves up.. Fearful that we would prove to be in the firing line, we were initially denied access to the track by the parking mannie. (‘Blooming powerful rockets’, we thought, as our starting point was 1.5km further on.) All was not lost, however. With our numbers building up and the Hash pack starting to look mildly undisciplined, it took an audacious claim by Fat Cat that he owned ‘all the land’ behind the road side to swing things our way and we were allowed to proceed- under our own recognizance.

A grand turnout of 37 Hashers from all 4 corners of the globe ( have you ever thought about how odd that phrase is?), and 1 dog, were called to attention by our Hare, Tony the Lonely and his 2nd in command Able Seaman (Ian). The more astute amongst you will have noticed that the starting point was the same as for February’s – this was not just because of the potential for knackering us all over again on the many inclines and slippery paths, and the grand scenery, but because Ian had previously lost a 5 baht coin , and was determined to rescue it.

Wild Woman,- minus Wirgin Bruce who was probably in an airport somewhere waiting for a certain volcano to stop-, was carried away by the spirit of Songkran, and greeted us all with a water blessing, When her supply ran dry, the last lucky few Hashers were treated to her icy isotonic drink being poured down their backs. Since she also treated us to steam buns and cake for after the hash, we can only say “Thank you”.

34 of us started off up the first of many hills – (did any fellow Hashers find ANY flat ground? I didn’t). Three stayed behind to enjoy the scenery of the reservoir from the shade of the sala.

Our Hare had already walked the course in the midday heat, so he parked himself sensibly in the shade towards the end of the course to commiserate on our condition as we came back in. Ian acted as scout and travel guide, popping up all over the place to check on progress.

It was another challenging course. This can be best illustrated by the fact that Ian had appeared at the start still armed with the spade he had used to cut footholds in one of the steeper descents. The FRBs were few in number – and all the more credit to them for keeping up a good pace on this terrain and in the temperatures of 38.C plus. One virgin Hasher who had come along with Fat Cat (Mike) boldly set off at a cracking pace, but by the time he had got up the first hill and spent fruitless time looking for the trail at a checkpoint which allowed the rest of us to catch up, he was only to happy to heed Fat Cat’s remark of ‘You don’t have to run, you know’, and finished the course at a more sedate rate.

As in February, we spent a lot of time tracing the footprints of the Hasher in front to keep on a safe trail, plodding onwards and ever upwards – with occasional precipitous descents - through the suffocating heat. 3 bridges were encountered. The Hash definition of a ‘bridge’ is , judging from all the examples we’ve seen, ‘ any rickety, unsecured, termite ridden piece of bamboo (or two, if you’re lucky) thrown haphazardly over an obstacle’. Angela had the additional problem of having vertigo so had to hold on to the Hasher in front and cross each one with her eyes closed, feet at duck position. You never have a camera with you when you need it.

We had two casualties , Angela and Shocking sustaining grazes, and a number of us only avoided falls by proceeding on our bottoms down some slopes, and one near miss, with a virgin hasher showing signs of dehydration on return.

Paul (Handcock), in training for an ‘important event’ and intent on staving off any signs of age, kept up a cracking walking pace throughout, but declined to actually break into a run.

Rumbles of thunder mixed with the occasional bang of a rocket provided a background noise, but the rain held off until everyone was back in.

The first Hasher in was Wi Hartmann, where does she find her stamina? Second was Peter (Doesn’t Matterhorn) closely followed by Sven (Do it Yourself) and a virgin hasher from the USA was one of the next ones in.

The Powderpuff girls and parents, a young visitor from Canada were also amongst those back and looking well rested by the time we arrived.

A slight hiccup ( Ian, acting as Hash Beer, had locked his truck up with most of the beer and soft drinks and crisps inside) meant we had to delay full-on celebration of the end of the hash until he returned, escorting some of the last ones in. A near mutiny had been narrowly prevented by finding a small supply of beer in a cooler which kept the needy going.

The Circle

Shocking called us to form the circle, and welcomed us all.

· With visitors from Los Angeles and other parts of North America, Canada and Australia, and some returnees to the area, he had a total of 6 virgin Hashers who actually did the course, and 2 who turned up after we had already started off, who stayed to join in the Circle.

· There was no-one for a naming ceremony.

· Thanks to the Hare for a suitably challenging course. (We should also congratulate him for not once getting lost or losing anyone, and for removing 3 inclines and 2 descents from Ian’s original proposal. Much appreciated.)

· He had greater success with selling some of our T-shirts as very worthwhile souvenirs of a visit to CRH.

· We had run short of paper towards the end of the trail and flour had again been used. I don’t think many of us had noticed through the waterfall of sweat from our foreheads. Pat (Shocking) proposed the purchase of a shredder to overcome this problem – particularly pressing as the rainy season is – hopefully- nearly upon us. Flour and water makes nice pancakes but poor trail markers. (N.B. Shredder has now been purchased, and even as I write this, a family member has been shackled to it with reams of my rejected Thai language homework to destroy.)

· Pat called again for Hares for future Hashes. The following have now been confirmed:

May – the scribes

June – Angela and Hard-wired

July -

August- Sven and Do it Better

Sven will act as Hash beer next month – though he did check the quantity of beer left over in the coolers closely before deciding it was “worth my while”.

Thanks were given for a splendid turn-out – we hope to see you all again soon.

Safety Advice for Virgin Chiang Rai Hashers

On a more serious note – and it may seem patently obvious -, but we don’t tend to walk on paved paths or always in the shade , so whilst our Hash routes are suitable for all, and are not as difficult as many other areas’ Hashes, could you bear in mind the following few points that will help make your first Hash an enjoyable one:

Flip flops and heeled sandals are not the best footwear to try to clamber up and down in. Walking sandals or more robust shoes like trainers or even tropical weight walking boots are definitely safer.

Even if you regularly exercise vigorously in cooler parts of the world, Thailand gets HOT. Everyone should carry water with them. The Hash supplies water prior to the start – if you haven’t got any with you, make sure you collect a bottle(s) from the Hash supply before you set off – ask one of the people wearing a Hash T-shirt to direct you to the stock. On return, whether you drink soft drinks or beer – rehydrate yourself fully. Heatstroke kills.

Take a hat!

If you feel ill on a hash, don’t struggle on in the heat, sit down under nearest shade near the trail. The Sweeper, or next Hasher along, will find you , and we will organize things from there as required.

P.S We haven’t ‘lost’ anyone yet.

Next month’s Hash is on the 15th May and is promised to be a fairly flat trail in honour of the rains and the hares’ poor level of personal fitness.

On, On!

Ooh Matron and Oddjob.

I have known Cor must be 15 years now.

Very sad news

DIRECTIONS TO THE SONGCRAN HASH ON 17TH APRIL START 4-00PM

The trail is about 5.5 to 6 kms and we aim to start at 4 pm.

Go south down the Old Chiang Mai Road , Highway number 1211 until you reach Kilometre Stone 19. The kilo stones on the Old Chiang Mai Road have three numbers on them. KS 19 has the number 19 facing the road. Please bear this in mind.

At this point, slow down. On the left hand side of the road, you will see a new building under construction; after another couple of hundred metres or so, you will then see a rubbish dump on the same side. Continue on for a further hundred metres and then turn right on to a dirt road. There will be a Hash sign positioned here.

Continue down the dirt road for 1.5 kms until you reach a reservoir complete with car park and salak. This is our meeting point for the April Hash. Drivers of saloon cars should take the dirt road at a sensible pace since there are a few ruts along the way.

The more observant might notice that this is the same starting point as the February hash. The trail will cover different ground!!

on on

Oddjob

I'll vote for the CAT card.

It is a Thai gov't agency that has a monopoly on IDD (international direct dial). Other cards either route through CAT, or use a VoIP connect.

Buy them at Tops, Seven, wherever.

I pay 1 B/minute to the US, it's perhaps a different rate to UK, EU, etc.

When I first came, I used Skype, but due to dodgy internet connect, I quickly found the CAT card to be a way better option, with no drop offs, echo, etc.

As they say- your mileage may vary.

If you have a mobile, you dial 1544. It uses up no airtime on the mobile.

Then you dial your PIN, and the number you're calling (009, country code, etc).

Clear as a bell, 1 B/min. Check it out.

Looks like you finally pulled one over on me.

I tried the CAT International Calling Card, from 7 Eleven. 200 baht. 20 minutes and 47 seconds of calling time.

Edit- Maybe there are different CAT International cards and I bought the wrong one.

I'll keep searching for a better deal.

You should go to the MAIN C.A.T office (not far from Overbrook hospital) you can buy 300 Baht International phone card that you can use

to phone the UK for less than 2 Baht per minute,used them for over 3 years without a problem

Bad news fellow Blues fans, Dan Gosling was injured at Wolves, 9 months out with cruciate ligament damage, feel for the lad. On a brighter note here is an interview with Gordon West on Nil Satis Nisi Optimum, certainly gives an insight into old fashioned values. There are some real gems in this interview.

http://www.evertonfc.com/news/archive/2010...on-west-q-amp-a

Did not know Alex Parker had died

Very sad what a great player

Not only is Air Asia often more expensive than ordinary airlines, they are also grossly misleading their passengers.

I went to their homepage in order to book a oneway ticket from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, departure 12.30.

The first thing you are welcomed with is a sign saying:

NO ADMIN FEE - PAY ONLY FARE +AIRPORT TAX

I went in to book and here is what they charged:

1 Guest 1,671.96 Baht

Airport tax 100.00 Baht

VAT 124.04 Baht

And then:

Services and fees 288.90 Baht

Total convenience Fee: 50.00 Baht

Total 2,334.90 Baht.

So much for Air Asia's NO ADMIN FEE, in fact you pay 338.90 Baht in ADMIN FEE's, they just try to mislead you by calling it SERVICE and CONVENIENCE FEE's.

Very inconvenient indeed!

On top Air Asia try to lure you to an unnecessary insurance and to pay for a reserved seat by making it difficult and unlogical to cancel it, when you do the booking.

I then called Thai and booked a 11.20 departure from Chiang Mai to Bangkok same day.

No nonsense, no extras and the total came to 2,015 Baht.

or 319,90 Baht cheaper than the so called low cost airline Air Asia.

On top I get a cup of coffee, snack and a newspaper.

I will strongly recommend you compare prices in the future, as Air Asia think they have established that they are low cost and people automatically will book them to save on the fare.

I agree with Niman,i was told by Air Asia the fare BKK--CXN WAS 2,300baht plus i knew i was 4 Kilo over i went to the Thai desk and was told the

same fare was 2,050 bhat plus up to 20 Kilo for baggage.

Yesterday i helped my daughter and her 3 friends check in on a domestic Air Asia flight,they had 4 cases total weight 45 kilo (i think one case was half a kilo over)

Then Air Asia wanted another 965 baht extra because they said there is now a BAGGAGE HANDLING FEE. I was thinking they had made a mistake and were charging one person for the 45 kilo weight but after speaking to the Manager he confirmed this BAGGAGE HANDLING FEE started from the 1st March.

Can anyone confirm that if you check a bag into Air Asia even if its under the 15 kilo weight limit they will still charge you this BAGGAGE HANDLING FEE

Thanks

The Chiang Rai ‘Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

March 2010 Hash no. 77 “ The Hash that nearly didn’t happen’

Location: reservoir off Route 1020,Km.14 marker, beside the reservoir.

The mercury rose, the humidity climbed higher and the pollutant level went off the scale as we looked forward to our monthly burst of exercise.

Assembling in the pleasant surroundings of a reservoir, we made up a very multi-national group of 35, women and children outnumbering the men. Five hash virgin visitors – from the UK, USA and Switzerland joined us. No leprechauns turned up, despite Pat’s invitation. As the smog level in north Thailand had reached ‘don’t venture out unless you have to’ levels by Wednesday, and with quite a few regulars offering apologies for being unable to attend for other reasons, we were surprised by the size of the turn-out. The Hares were Shocking and Pat on the Back.

Shockings’ scouse rain dance (contact him for choreography and music, patent pending) earlier in the week meant we benefited from a downpour on Thursday leading to slightly better air quality and Chiang Rai province suddenly having hills again. At least we would be able to see where we were going on the course.

Because of the weather, the majority of Hashers slowed their usual strolling pace to that of an amble (from the ‘fast’ ones in the front) and to a barely perceptible shuffling motion (requiring slo-mo photography to fully appreciate the lack of forward momentum achieved) from those in the rear. Even this resulted in severe gentle glowing from all participants.

The course was through a mixture of rolling countryside and man-made water holes. We were met 2/3rds of the way round the course by Shocking and the pick-up with water supplies for those in need and kind offers of a shortcut back for any one overcome by the heat. I think we all opted to tough it out, even Well Oiled had reconciled himself to the fact that his brand new Trainers were by now unrecognizable/unsalvageable underneath their layer of dust, and he might as well carry on and complete the course.

Some of us chose to walk even further than intended. With the FRBs long gone, and Titanic disappearing off in front of us, Scotch on the Rocks (see you again in 6 months) and yours truly found ourselves in the lead of a little group. Heading down the only noticeable hill on the course and setting off down a promising road on a paper trail, we were all so busy chatting we failed to notice the paper had run out at some point. Distant shouts penetrated the haze after about fifteen minutes. Turn around, get caught up with by Titanic who looked like he would welcome an encounter with an iceberg, and slog back up the, now, very noticeable hill, eating the dust of everyone else. This is becoming a habit.

. I don’t know who came in first as I forgot to ask – being so far behind I had lost interest by the time the finish was reached and then replenishing lost fluids took priority. Oddjob is on his final warning as he failed to get this vital information as well.

Shocking and Pat on the back were quite right though – the views over the reservoirs made up for the small amount of road work we had to do.

The Circle

After enjoying a post St Patrick’s Day treat of Irish stew and other victuals provided by the Hares and other kind souls, we approximated a circle and Shocking got down to business.

· Hares from the two previous Hashes were presented with their complimentary (new design) T-shirts and exclusive Hare badges as ‘thanks’. A virgin hasher who had purchased his own one was called upon to display it so we could appreciate the full glory. Worth every penny – or should I say 200 baht.

· The problem we have finding Hares was brought up – Able Semen thought it might be sensible to adopt the practices of other hashes who list regular Hashers and expect everyone to take a turn when their name is reached on the list, or swap with another Hasher if it isn’t convenient. This idea was put on the back burner for the moment to allow for more volunteers to come forward, but, we may need to re-open the subject. See our comments later on in the Hash report.

· We had 5 virgins to welcome at the start of the hash, but only 3 stayed for the circle, the 2 Americans probably unaware of the tradition.

· The PowderPuff girls and Swiss Cream were toasted warmly for their resilience and outstanding fitness displayed in the last 3 hashes. Not only do they all run in looking cool, calm and collected, they clearly look as if it would be no bother to go around again.

· Ann and Roget from Belgium were called into the circle. Denying any memory of their previous Hash names and, ignoring alternative suggestions of ‘flat pack’ and ‘thesaurus’for Roget, they were promptly re-named ‘Forget-me-not’ (Ann) and ‘I can’t remember’.

· The scribes were asked to send an e-mail to themselves to remind them to put down who were going to be Hares at the next 2 meetings.

The circle drew to a close and we all set off into the early evening haze.

(Sort of) Helpful Hints for virgin 2010 Hashers

Arrive in plenty of time on your first Hash; do not do anything that might draw particular attention to yourself. If you do, you will find that – apart from elephants- Hashers have the longest memories of any mammal, and you will never, ever be allowed to forget any mishap, blunder, inappropriate clothing event or other boo-boo. Settle into the background and observe the antics. It will make sense eventually.

You will be approached by a tall Swiss gentleman asking you for money. He is not wanting you to fund his bar bill, this is ‘Hash Cash’, a.k.a “Doesn’t Matterhorn”, a.k.a Peter, and he wants a paltry sum of money for your post Hash soft drinks or beer and ‘entry’ fee.

Some terminology you might hear:

A FRB is a ‘front running bastard’ – considering that our motto is ‘the start slowly and taper off’ hash, they form an elite small group who cover the course at speeds in excess of most of our ambling (barely ambulant) efforts.

The Hare is the person(s) who sets that month’s course and gets a chance to show their evil side. The sole intention of most Hares is to lose ½ the Hashers who set off to heat exhaustion and to set checks that lead astray any unwary ones away into scrub, forest and over unnecessary hills.

The Sweeper, so-called because he/she sweeps up all the detritus, stays at the rear of the Hash group, and is supposed to ensure that everyone gets back safely. Handcock, please note.

Hash Beer is another elected official who has the onerous task of providing and safeguarding the drinks for each Hash. This is a highly regarded and much sought after appointment for some reason.

When on a Hash set by 2 hares do what Oddjob does. Casually follow the 2nd Hare as they are guaranteed to stay on course. This worked well this month until he realized Pat on the Back was disappearing into the bushes for a comfort break, and he had to beat a hasty retreat. Stay alert.

Never let yourself get thrust to the front of the pack (a FRB). If you do, you will have to: a, know what the funny chalk symbols mean, and b, spend time and energy trying to establish where the trail goes at the check marks.. Leave this to the idiots/keen hashers with enthusiasm and energy. You just want to concentrate on getting around in one piece and without exerting yourself more than necessary.

If you do find yourself ‘out in front’ – i.e everyone else is an experienced Hasher and has sensibly slowed down to let you get into that position,- sit down and feign problems with footwear or cardiac health until they catch up.

If you buy new trainers, remember to cut the piece of plastic that holds them together, this can greatly increase your stride length.

Wild dogs rarely attack the middle of the Hash pack, and they are unlikely to catch the FRBs. You should be aware that being at the very back signals that you are the sickly one of the herd and ripe for picking off. Positioning is everything.

Upon encountering a shaky bridge (and there are never any other kind on a hash), be polite. Help others onto the rickety structure and observe their crossing techniques closely. Render assistance if there is a structural collapse. Only cross when you have seen someone larger or seemingly less fit than you do so.

If someone falls face first into mud it is bad form to laugh out loud and it can be messy to offer help. Here your footwear will come in handy again (see Helpful hint No. 6 for delaying tactics).

In the rainy season it is considered wimpish to turn up with an umbrella or protective outerwear. The wet T-shirt look really is just as fetching on an XXXXL Hasher as on a more svelte form.

Choice of clothing colour is also important. If you haven’t yet purchased one of our stunning hash shirts then remember that stinging insects like white, yellow, orange, light blue and farangs, and that black (whilst slimming) will heat you up quicker than a sausage on a BBQ. Pink coupled with a bright red face clashes badly – N.B all photographic evidence of OohMatron from February’s Hash has now been deleted.

Collecting provisions from along the route is an acceptable alternative to shopping at Tesco/Big C. If sourcing live food, please make sure no-one of a squeamish nature is around before you start crunching into the crickets.

Finally, the Circle. A number of non-barbaric tribal practices occur. Hash Virgins are initiated, people who have proved their stamina by attending 3 Hashes are re-named usually based on some mildly unflattering aspect of their physiognomy or character, but mostly we stand around eating and drinking and generally ignoring most of what the person in the middle of the Circle (the chairman) is saying.

If you want to find out more about Hashing, Wikipedia has an excellent history and list of ‘official’ terminology on it’s website under ‘Hash House Harriers’

A call for volunteers

We had a close call this month with the original Hare volunteers becoming unavailable at fairly late notice. Both Able Semen and Shocking stepped up to the mark and volunteered alternative Hash routes – at great personal sacrifice – and saved the day for all. Since Ian (A.S) had just given us a splendid February hash, Pat (Shocking)and Pat on the Back took up the baton for March. Many thanks from us all.

We don’t have a Hash without a Hare and it’s unfair to expect the same small group to keep coming up with the routes, so all of us who attend regularly should be prepared to take a turn once in a while. Pat reports that Sten suggested he use ‘Goggle Maps’ to get route ideas, and that this has proved very useful as you can easily pinpoint routes without cycling or walking miles to no avail. Any Hare volunteers for any Hash will be gratefully received. Angela is keen, but would like to team up for her first time with an experienced Hasher. Remember each Hare is rewarded with an exclusive Hash t-shirt for their efforts and a clear conscience for at least a year.

Hares for the following months have been found:

Tony (the lonely) for April. (Please bring any spare compasses, bloodhounds and GPS, Tony is reportedly able to get lost in a telephone box and we may need them to find him if he acts as sweeper.)

Odd job and OohMatron for May. Guaranteed to be a flattish course.

Hope to see you at the next hash, 3rd Saturday in April. On,On.

CHAINGRAI HHH MARCH 20TH HASH DIRECTIONS START 4-00PM PROMPT

Ah Be Jesus

St Patricks namesake Shocking assisted by the miracle worker Pat On The Back are the Hares for this

St Patricks Day Thai Time Hash (Its Only 3 Days Late) Leprechauns go Half Price

LOCATION----HUAI SAK RESERVOIR

DIRECTIONS

Head South pass the Big C, at the first set of traffic lights opposite the Little Duck Hotel turn Left onto the 1020

Travel this road past Kilometre Stone 14.You will come to a set of traffic lights,TURN RIGHT at the lights HHH sign

Proceed along this road for 3 Kilometres and park up at the Reservoir HHH sign

ON ON

Shocking

If you need a lift PM Soap

The Chiang Rai (start slowly and taper off) Hash

Fuddled 2003

20th February 2010/2553

Hash No.76 Venue: Route 1211, Kstone 19, the reservoir on the right

Our Hash this month was a special one, with about 30 Chiang Mai Hashers joining us at the event and a post-Hash meal (for those who had the stamina to attend).

We assembled for a 15.30 start to allow time for everyone to finish the course(s) before gloaming. We made a joint turn-out of 58 people, though a small number did not stray from the start. Randall had broken the directions code and got there too this time.

Before we set off, Pat ‘Shocking’-with a superb bit of salesmanship – managed to offload (or, should I say, that a few fortunate Hashers were able to purchase at very reasonable cost) most of our vintage and, now, rare CRH T-shirts. This is prior to the launch of our new design ones coming on the market very soon. Have your cash ready next meet. He also presented one of these rarities to Square Rooter for his endeavours.

Disappointingly, Shocking had purchased a new pair of shorts since the last Hash, so we were unable to play ‘will they/won’t they’ again.

There was a bit of a difference of opinion about the most appropriate footwear from sandals to stout boots with gaiters being displayed by Hashers. As it turned out, on some parts of the courses, crampons would have been the best choice.

The Hares were Able Semen of C.R.H and Square Rooter of C.M.H. They had laid 2 trails for our amusement.

The Hares welcomed us all. A standing invitation was made for everyone/anyone to join the other group’s Hashes. They explained the courses, emphasizing the more arduous nature – particularly of the longer one (approx. 11 km) and the need of participants to be sensible about which to choose to do. Since it hadn’t occurred to most of us that walking more than 8 km in only one day was possible, the decision making was easy. Able Semen warned that there may be a lack of paper trail at the top of the hills as the weather had been gusty since the trail was laid. A drinks stop had been organized for the long courses’ 8km mark, to be manned by himself (oh, the sacrifice, guarding all that beer), and anyone reaching this point after 17.40 was required to come back in the truck for safety reasons. No-one was getting lost on this Hash.

The Hares also explained the Hash course symbols we would meet. I’d always wondered what those pretty chalk patterns were, so this was enlightening. Our more sophisticated southern visitors made much of our lack of geometrical knowledge. Apparently a cross ‘check’ is not circular.

The Long Course (a.k.a trial by fire)

These few brave souls were sent off sharp by the Hares. Since neither of us scribes chose to run this one (please do not laugh, it is cruel to mock the incapable), we can only rely on participants’ comments. Apologies if the standard of this report, therefore, differs from our usual meticulously researched and accurate ones.

Natural hazards were plentiful enough, with very few areas to run at any great pace. We felt it was a little extreme for the Hares to complicate matters by arranging for Hashers to meet with a mad dog and then have to cross a wall of fire. This was not an Indiana Jones movie.

Peter ‘Doesn’t Matterhorn’ said it was ‘hard, very hard’, with some tricky inclines and worse descents, resulting in some Hashers painfully covering ground using their bottoms rather than their feet. The last hill was ‘the worst’, taking up to 20 minute to climb. Though the view from the top was ‘magnificent’, Peter decided to re-lay the trail to divert any lagging followers around it to spare them the punishing ascent. Roger commented on the ‘quietness’ – but was this because he wasn’t on course? All agreed that this was not a trail for the wet season.

Frank ‘Gorf’ , CR/MH raced in first in a magnificently athletic manner, well ahead of the field. A CMH came in second (our apologies for missing your name), followed by Doesn’t Matterhorn. Well done to everyone who finished. Able Semen came back with a few bodies in the truck who had lingered too long taking photographs, and all were counted back in.

The Wimps Course (a.k.a the conga trail)

Having been lulled into a false sense of security by our last 4 or 5 Hashes, it was a shock to the system to be faced with a more challenging one.

Slippery leaves over a hard shiny clay ‘path’ at a 45 degrees angle meant the first part of the course was spent looking downwards to find a safe footing, resulting in at least one nasty crack to a CM hasher’s forehead from overhanging bamboo. It was a Hash trail that had a lax interpretation of the word ‘one’ as used in the phrase “ there is only one hill”. The very narrow track meant progress via a slow conga around a reservoir, grabbing hold of bamboo to maintain balance or risk a slide into water. There wasn’t any room for overtaking, even if anyone had felt so inclined. Patricia ‘Scotch on the rocks’said it was a course best suited to the Haggis ( a beastie famous for having developed one leg shorter than the other, the better to balance while running around on the notoriously steep Scottish hills).

Finally we reached slightly more open ground and the pack split up. The checks were time-greedy, our own Hash Beer being one of a few brave souls to sacrifice themselves manfully to descend and re-ascend the ulu to find the correct trail on each occasion. Whilst they clambered up and down ravines, sensible Hashers loitered at the checks waiting for guidance.

It was nice to see that the CRH tradition of food gathering en-route is shared by CMH, one lady Hasher spotted diligently collecting baby eggplants.

We had a number of ditches to cross, the Dutch law-enforcer, once more out on patrol with us, showed considerable compassion and strength by pulling the more infirm (O.K, me) up one such ditch side.

Later in the course, the effects of dehydration and sun having taken their toll, we saw her and Scotch on the rocks attempting to demonstrate their slaloming skills down a hillside.

The last part of the course saw some of us going slightly off course, doing a controlled fall down a precipitous slope and traversing a rickety bamboo bridge. At this stage it was anything to avoid going back up that hill. We then re-entered the bamboo thickets for a fun-filled mad dash to the finish line.

Despite the challenges, we all enjoyed the afternoon, arriving back flushed with pleasure and the heat.

After enjoying some welcome drinks, we stood and watched the runners come back in from their route and the last group from the Wimps course, safely gathered in by Square Rooter who acted as Sweeper.

The Circle

Thanks were given for a great Hash. Unfortunately we had to leave early so we still don’t know what use the blue water pipes and what looked like pumping equipment are put to by CMH. We did stay long enough to see Namron demonstrate what those ice blocks were for. I’m sure a good time was had by all.

Things we learned from Saturday’s Hash

Able Semen

· Don’t get a lift from this Hasher – by his own admission he can’t control the wind.

· He is unable to tell the difference between a hill and a mountain.

· One hour ten minutes to ‘walk the course’ means 2 hours for lesser mortals.

Comments for the attention of the CMH

We liked the V- check symbol, it could be very effective, but only works well when not reached first by Chiang Rai Hashers who consistently scrubbed out the wrong arm of the V. Sorry.

Please ensure the Big C car park attendant who was mugged for his administrative aid (whistle) has it returned. This was altogether too efficient a tool for us to use to signal the route. We prefer a muted ‘on,on’ as there is much more chance of losing the lazy ones at the back doing it our way. We play by Darwin Rules here, survival of the fittest.

It was very nice to see you all.

Thank you for reading this mammoth report. Don’t miss the photos attached.

Next Hash , 3rd Saturday in March. Hares are Begging for it and one other.

On!On!.

Scribblers: OohMatron and Oddjob

In a perfect world one day that scheming mafia-sponsored fat Premier titleless lump Gerrard will break his arm as he takes a dive yet again under a fly-light challenge.

He goes down so often in a game he could get a job on Soi 6.

Your so right Sharecropper

DIRECTIONS FOR CHAINGRAI HHH DATE 20TH FEBRUARY

The start time is 3:30 pm (15:30) prompt

1 If starting from Chiang Rai, proceed south along the Old Chiang Mai Road - 1211 - until you reach Kstone 19. Alternatively, proceed south along Superhighway - 1/AH2 - to the White Temple traffic light; turn right and proceed along this road to the Stop sign at its end; turn left on to Old Chiang Mai Road and go to Kstone 19.

Here you will see a new building under construction to the left of the road. Slow down and in 200 metres you will then see a rubbish yard (recycling plant) also on left of road. Just beyond this yard, there is a dirt track on the right hand side of road. There will be a Hash sign here. Turn on to this track and proceed along it for 1.5 kms. This will bring you to a reservoir. Go over the dam into a parking area with a salak. This is the meeting point.

From the hotel, the CM visitors should turn right out of the hotel drive. Carry on along this road until you reach the Stop sign at its end. Avoid any and all turnings off this road until you get to the end. Turn left and this is the Old Chiang Mai road. Proceed as above.

2 If coming direct from CM, either

Turn left on to the Old Chiang Mai Road - 1211 - from the main Chiang Mai Road if you know this turning. Proceed to Kstone 20. Then look out for a Hash sign on left side of road. Turn left here on to dirt track and proceed as above.

Or, if you miss this turn, carry on to 1/AH2 traffic lights. Turn left on to AH2 and go to the next set of lights which are those at the White Temple. Turn left here and then proceed as above.

(There is a short cut from new CM Road to Old CM Road which might be known to some. If you know this road then take it. If you do not, then don't even look for it!)

Just email the British Embassy telling them you wish to apply for a British passport for your son who is under 16

they will send you the passport form giving all the information.

I dont think your wife needs to sign anything

Marc Faber has made some really good calls in the past...he was right on the button about the baht in 1997...called the tech wreck in 2000 and was imploring people early 2007 to get out of the US and European markets ...I enjoy and always pay attention when he is on CNBC Asia

I agree 100% with this post

Marc Faber also PREACHED to buy Gold when it was about 350 usd a ounce

Hash House Harriers

The Chiang Rai ‘ Start slowly and taper off’ Hash

Floured 13th November 2003

Report of HHH run 75. 16th January 2010/2553 .

Venue: somewhere in Chiang Rai province, north of Rajabhat University.

365 ways to cross a paddy field

An unseasonably hot afternoon saw 33 of us gathered for the start for the January meet. Children (5) and women (14) outnumbered the men. Set in the well cultivated countryside north of Chiang Rai and dominated by big hills to the left, our trail, thankfully, left them well alone.

Prior to setting off, Paul ‘Handcock’ finally gained our attention to give a brief pep talk. Apologies were given about the paucity of trail markers. Our supply of shredded paper had dried up, so flour had been used instead. (One Hasher later confessed that, on starting off, he had initially looked out for piles of flower petals as markers). The Hash was ‘easy’, ‘flat’ and ‘almost impossible’ for even CRHashers ‘legendary’ sense of misdirection to get lost. Those were the words of our Hare.

Within 100metres of the start we had gone completely off course. Only the commanding voice of the Hare – visibly smirking, it has to be said – calling us back, averted disaster. Pointing us into a paddy field via a ditch (it’s not a Hash unless there’s water, preferably muddy, and this was), we set off again. For a heady 10 seconds, having been at the rear, I was in the dizzying position of being a FRB.

This paddy field became the scene of a battle for the next 20 minutes or so, with an extraordinarily diverse set of opinions from various platoon leaders being shown about where the trail was. The Front runners went off one way, only to be caught up with again briefly by the pack, taking an alternative path. A herd of cattle joined in the trail finding but failed to lead us further astray and eventually stampeded off in a flurry of dust and hooves. Even the presence of an ex- policewoman failed miserably to control this crowd. Savvy Hashers, staying to the rear, had only to watch which direction the leaders were going and then cut across the field to save time and metres.

Pat ‘Shocking”, newly returned from sunny Liverpool, and clearly re-invigorated, was briefly up near the front – steaming in like the Mersey ferry from a shortcut to the right, but a pit-stop at the pig farm put him amongst the back runners again.

( N.B. The term ‘back runners’ may, here, be regarded as a linguistic flight of fancy, a misnomer even, it is not meant as an accurate description of either their speed or athleticism.)

The Hare did say, later on at the Circle, that the Hash had gone ‘pretty much as anticipated’. This I doubt; it would have been impossible to imagine a more disorganized melee than the one displayed by us happy Hashers criss-crossing the field that afternoon.

Once across the field, we headed in a more organized fashion onto some welcome shaded paths. The FRBs were probably already back by the time the main group reached this point. The majority of the Hashers enjoyed a convivial brisk walk and came in pretty much bunched together. No incidents or accidents were reported, and even our trusty food collectors, who can usually be guaranteed to find something to eat long the way, came back empty handed. There were no pineapple- shaped lumps under T-shirts as far as we could make out.

First in was Doesn’t Matterhorn, then the mini Marathon winning on fire Wi Hartmann, closely behind was Able Semen. A very easy flat run for them - once they were put on the right trail.

Oddjob and family trailed in last, handicapped by Barney and Poppy who insisted on watering every twig and stone encountered. The hounds certainly didn’t catch the hares that day.

An oversight on the part of the Hare – who was supposed to be acting as ‘sweeper’, left us back runners to our own devices. He reportedly hadn’t realized that there could be any people behind himself, -I think he meant to say ‘slower’, but was just being kind. We proved him wrong. Relying on Indian tracking skills when the trail was lost , we found our way back by following the distinctive footwear pattern in the dust of Noongbenz’s sandals.

Beautiful late afternoon light, golden stubble in the paddy fields, bee swarms, fields of pineapples and some enormous skinks sunbathing, added to the usual pleasurable Hash.

The Circle.

Pat ‘Shocking’stood in as G.M., slightly hampered by shorts that insisted on travelling south. We were spared our blushes by the prompt hoicking up of said garment by his better half whenever a critical level was reached. Thank you.

Thanks were given to the Hare, a very enjoyable hash it was agreed. A few Hashers had a little difficulty finding the starting point, and one failed to find it at all (thank you for your e-mail, you will be relieved to see you weren’t the only one, we will see you next month, Rand)

No virgin (Hashers) attended, and we spent some considerable time finding the appropriate Hash names for the Hare’s sister and brother –in-law, with the vote finally going to Second hand and Bangcock.

Scotch on the Rocks was welcomed back to the Hash (slightly belatedly as she was at the Xmas one) from the isle of Arran.

Namron called the FRBs to account for their underuse of those magic words ‘on,on’ at this Hash.

The topic of our lack of G.M. was briefly touched upon. We await developments.

The subject of Hash T-shirts was re-visited, and an amendment was made. Hares will now receive (FREE) 2 T-shirts – in whatever size we have available – as thanks for their efforts. Pat will take control of their supply. Any Hasher may buy a t-shirt; a suggestion that regular Hashers attending not wearing this garment should be penalized was not voted in.

Suggestions for possible sources of shredded paper were asked for. Begging For It will chase up one possible lead – but if you know of any supply, do let us know. Either that, or as Able Semen said, the Hares have got plenty of time to get busy with scissors and paper.

And, finally, a request was made, on behalf of the Chiang Mai Hashers, who intend to visit us, for accommodation suggestions in the form of local Hotel/guest houses. They usually go to the Pimann Inn, but would like alternative suggestions in case there is a problem. They need somewhere that can supply 15-20 rooms. Preferably cheap and close to a brewery. If you have any ideas, please e-mail them to us and we will forward the info.

Hares for the following Hashes:

February – Able Semen

March – Begging for it (and another)

April – Tony the Lonely

See you next month, weather permitting. On,on.

OhhMatron and Oddjob.

I got a dish etc. for our parents very cheap here on this forum

Thanks Sven! It works like a dream!

Can you share on the forum "What Works Like a Dream"

Please state what Sattellite your receiving with this dish and what receiver your useing

I sold the complete system absolutely too cheap!

Please don´t tell anyone how much I gave it away for !

They will laugh at me for years! (ch35, soap and the others that sell equipment)

But I am happy that is is working fine for your parents !

Sven

We all know you are renowed for your Generous nature.

And in order to stop your 65cm dish and Dynasat receiver gathering a lot more dust that its gathered in the past 2years

you let your system go for a song.

CMJANTJE

Very glad to hear you have Svens system "working like a dream"

There are a couple hundred Farang in Chaingrai who have the same set up that Sven gave away also gathering dust in some outhouse

who would love to know what use you have put it too for it to "work like a dream"

I got a dish etc. for our parents very cheap here on this forum

Thanks Sven! It works like a dream!

Can you share on the forum "What Works Like a Dream"

Please state what Sattellite your receiving with this dish and what receiver your useing

Will

I would check out the Australia Network Web site

i think you will find you can receive this channel FTA on 1S-8 @ 166%E

but its C-BAND that means about a 6 foot dish

i know you could receive this channel on True Visions up to last week when they changed the channels around,

but the signal was poor and the picture kept on breaking up