Prubangboy

The child is a hostage used to extort cash. And when push comes to shove, the child will side with the mother, not you. Eventually, the mother and the child will leave and/or find another branch to swing to. After 6 years of a worsening situation, it's time to go. I supported someone else's kids for 8 years. Those kids don't speak to me, through no fault of my own. It's a loss, but I got over it. And so will you.

Looked hard at Borneo. You're pretty much locked into a pricey tour these days. Sulawesi is unique among junglish places with a little bit of anthropological interest in that it lacks a strong touristy brand. You virtually never hear about the place. I'd liken it to Trinidad, a place with a lot of interest that doesn't really need or particularly want tourists due to natural resources and port status. See also: Amazon Rain Forest, Madagascar, African Safari, Easter Island -other expensive places where you're kept well on a leash. Small boat cruises to the little Indo islands run about $500-$800 a day, with a painful single supplement if you go alone. Oddly, Antartica cruises are very forgiving about the single supplement these days. But doing them outside of the summer months is pure misery. This coming burning season is my year to push out the boat, travel-wise. I want more of an Indiana Jones type experience than luxury (but not too onerous) It's not been hard to find places to take my money. The adventure travel segment has plenty of vacancies.

Doggedly not deciding is really just stealth-deciding. My friend in Laos who wrote a big Laos Culture book got a secret vasectomy so as not to be bothered. That's stealth-deciding I can get behind.

The common denominator among the late age Dads in Roi Et is that they were really unhappy, relationship-wise, pre-Thailand and finally feel emotionally supported and useful. Could they have gotten that kind of joy elsewhere? Who can know? I was fine back home. I've had a lot of great love from women and can prob always be with someone high quality if I want to be. Here or there. That's not me being more evolved or desirable than Roi Et-Dad, that's just the dumb luck of the draw of who you meet and how you play it. Where does the urge to merge come from? Hopefully, not a place of scarcity.

I am agog at the number of late age dads here who are happy. Partic when they came here for a good time instead. Read their stories; are you like those guys? Me: no double-way. As my friend dying in a dead bedroom marriage in Japan said: "You go to bed with Suzie Wong and you wake up with Yoko Ono". -Don't be that guy. If she's 35 (and Thai?) the train is leaving the station for her. You'll be fired soon enough, so front load the anal now.

Other than my wife and my Sulawesi-bound friend, the world pretty much forgets I exist whenever I leave the room. Any real judgment of me is reflexive and very short lived. People just want me to be cheery and brief. Thailand is a very good teacher of this.

I see a lot of disappointment and hardship in the parents I know (including my wife). People assume I am regretful about being childless. If I can get away with it, I'm happy to let them think of that. There's a ton of stuff that I'm supposed to l want, or think or buy. And when nobody's looking, I just don't.

Happiness never sticks around. Someone here made the point that most people have a set happiness point, like their metabolism. Any gym goer will tell you that trying to nudge your metabolism is hard work. And that when you stop, your wonky metabolism resets quickly. There's another good book called How To Be 10% Happier. 1 sentence summary: Just be less enamored to happiness and more accepting of the current moment.

My pre-Thailand story has a lot of rage and sadness in it. So pretty much the same as just about everyone else's pre-Thailand story. I feel that old rage and sadness every day. A lot of it resonates with much older rage and sadness. It comes and goes. I have a very good life. At 71, to be still doing my wife is like winning the Oscar. If I'm still unhappy, please take me out and shoot me. Since you're self-help-ish, google Constructive Living, a zen based approach to getting over yourself. Prime quote: Suffering is mandatory. Misery is optional (ie. don't dwell on it).

Had I knocked a woman up, I would have hopped a freight train like a hobo.

I've helped raise a couple, and my wife has an adult daughter -but no (thank god).

My fave teacher said that for people who don't want to meditate, a thing they might instead try is just to ask themselves a few times a day: "What the hell is going on?" Are you tense, are you tired, are you lost in some imaginary conversation? Over time, you will gain a little insight into your thought process. Said Ram Dass: "Become an educated connoisseur of your own very exquisite neurosis".

.....more to the point, try relaxation response and yogic breathing. The other stuff like detachment and patience work is accomplished by lowering your ego. Meditation is a very roundabout approach to that. Try Buddhist psychology instead. Two books: Why Buddhism is True and Buddha Brain will lay out the logic of why your ego is just a pile of nonsense. Then it would be a very slow, water on a rock process to be a little lighter.

It's very unpredictable. It's like tennis camp. Some people have a gift for it and take to it, others just find it to be a miserable slog. 99% of people who do a 10 day retreat on vacation in Asia never meditate again. Less than 1% have a daily practice. It's also very mentally grueling. For general self improvement like you are suggesting, it's not very helpful. It's a spiritual pursuit. Said my fave teacher, "It would be a shame if the 5,000 year tradition of searching for enlightenment to be of service to others got dumbed down to being a mental cocktail that just makes you feel a little bit better". Mae Hong Son has a place with no strict schedule and no silence requirement. Try 3 days there and see if you want to do more. I've done a few 30 and 90 day retreats. Do I seem particularly evolved or Dali Lama-chill to you?

True, I'm almost tempted. Sulawesi is also a cheap/unspoiled place for rain forest lodges and wildlife viewing of not seen elsewhere animals. There's a town with funny roofed houses where their way of life is based around elaborate funeral planning. Every attraction is a day's drive in between or a very fickle flight. There's enough to fill 12 days without even going to the Togean Islands. All of the islands def take some time to get to (no flights). Most people do long stays on a single island or two. The far flung Indo islands are still very untouristed. 95% of Indo-bound tourists just go to Bali. Maybe Medan for the orangutans and Lake Toba for hippies after Medan. The rest of Indo sees few whities, partic the non-beach parts. Not that cheap. Call it $60 for a passable room and the same again for someone to drive me around. But Borneo would cost double and Papua is too dangerous.

I'm going to Sulawesi in April. My friend describes it as Muslim Laos. 'Wouldn't mind a cruise of the little islands like Ambon either. Youtube shows Sulawesi as some really ugly towns with low class soup restaurants. It's like less developed Sumatra, a place you drive thru spectacular scenery to samey dumps. As far as Asian Muslims go, Indo's are my fave. If they're eating pork at every meal, they're def Allah-lite. My friend had 2 Muslim Tinder scores in Jakarta.

4 seconds of googling reveals that common law marriage is not legal in Thailand. You feel powerless, hence this paralyzing depression. You truly are largely powerless in this situation. Much empathy to you.

-Can we hear more about your life experience with lubrication on demand women? Do you think you were merely KY Jelly-duped? Lubricating "freely"? How much of a gusher are we talking about here? Please, tell us more.

I'm looking out from my 9th floor condo in Chiang Mai, and I keep failing to spot the office tower that these new brainiacs would work in.

I moved here from The Blue Ridge Mountains, USA. I had every good thing of that life: a nice house, the four seasons, living in a deep forest, organic gardening, family. I now live in very touristic Nimman, Chiang Mai with one suitcase of possessions. I'm 1,000% happier. I just had to much of a mono-good thing in the states. I love this life where I can have every last thing when I want it, and have people cleaning, laundering, driving me for peanuts. To be in a place where most people you meet are either blissed out on vacation or restarting their life gives me a huge lift -partic. after being stuck in a town that was literally dying. 20% of my county RIP from Covid. Crazy ranting at me for wearing a mask in Walmart. They're now all in a grave; I feel like I was dug up from one.

I liked, but didn't love Hua Hin. Cha Am would be my next kill a week at a low key beach-place. 3K would be the top end there.

As long as I'm here, Motown Christmas Album and the James Brown Christmas record def get a yearly spin. Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson are good too. For deep trad, there's the Christmas godfather, Andy Williams. Chris Rea -unknown in the states at likewise unknown Nick Drake-levels. If people heard him, they'd love him.

A Drink With Shane McGowan pops up in used bookstores in Thailand. Super-fun read. I prefer his drunken interviews to his records, but it's all good. Saw him, the band was terrible, but he held the audience in the palm of his hand Ala Rod The Mod. -Def a loss, poss at the Tom Waits/Nick Cave-level.

Been 6 times, including twice for meditation. Prob the best vipassana teachers in the world. U Pandita literally wrote the book. Hard to spend $5 a day on that plan. Go to the market first and get a plastic chair with a back on it and a pillow; the local meditators will all be sitting on bare concrete with perfect posture. For 10 hours a day. Net impression: very depressing, very compelling. Would love to see the Himalayan section, even tho it's a very gov-vetted tourist theme park. The beachy southern part is very unspoiled. Food: Lovely -once you're in Thailand again. Except for the airport, I never had a passable local meal in Myanmar. In Chiang Mai, there are at least five 4* Myanmar restaurants within a 5 minute cab ride or even walking. Rangoon Food House is lovely and near the airport. Burmese Swan just south of the Old City is the best. Always a lot of pride taken in Myanmar places here with nice decor, lots of plants, English-speaking staff.

I do the gym in the AM, research of various stuff in the afternoon at the co-work space across the street (bond funds lately, Thai language private classes next). Then I read a bit of SEA cultural stuff, and order dinner in around six, 5 nights out of 7. A bit of Netflix (Squid Game meets minimum standards) after sushi/Pad Thai/Indian, then bed around ten. In between those bits, it's wife-time, meditation, maybe peak in here and Hotmail. I like Daily Beast, Slate, and NYMag for a news-graze. Porn? I used to like Literotica, but it went all Femme Dom. I tried to imagine that it was a guy rodgering a girl instead, but it was too much work. And they kept dressing the guy up as a woman, which I just couldn't think myself around. Reading Gay porn works better for sex-reversing. But at that point, I may as well just think something up myself. Or review my greatest sex hits, many of them even occurring within the last quarter of a century.