ballpoint

Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee four two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong Eye have run this poem threw it am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. (Unlike my buddy, who got a job in Pyongyang.)

Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half. It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.

Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15 ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, Face down on the floor. Dead! At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes.............. Then a moment of pure inspiration........ ....McDonalds do Breakfast until 11:00!

David Blaine is said to be gutted because his record of doing f- all in a box for 42 days has been broken by Harry Kane.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

It's that time of year again, when I'm looking at my 2022 calendar. It's days are numbered.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat. And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat. And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine. And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine. And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats. And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION..... Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

I wonder when some of the remaining oligarchs will get together and spend a bit of their money on securing their futures by eliminating the cause of the problem?

Mr Potato head goes on the naughty list.