ballpoint

For anyone interested, and having the time, this is an excellent article on the laying of the FLAG cable (Fibre-optic Link Around the Globe), a 28,000km long cable from the UK to Japan, laid in the 1990s. While not up to date, it's still entertaining, educational and relevant. It also includes a history of under-sea cables, which began with the Trans-Atlantic ones in the 19th century. There's even a section on Thailand, as it was one of two places where this cable crossed land - taking a short-cut to avoid having to go around Singapore. The article is by Neal Stephenson, who also happens to be one of my favourite novelists. Mother Earth Mother Board | WIRED "In which the hacker tourist ventures forth across the wide and wondrous meatspace of three continents, acquainting himself with the customs and dialects of the exotic Manhole Villagers of Thailand, the U-Turn Tunnelers of the Nile Delta, the Cable Nomads of Lan tao Island, the Slack Control Wizards of Chelmsford, the Subterranean Ex-Telegraphers of Cornwall, and other previously unknown and unchronicled folk; also, biographical sketches of the two long-dead Supreme Ninja Hacker Mage Lords of global telecommunications, and other material pertaining to the business and technology of Undersea Fiber-Optic Cables, as well as an account of the laying of the longest wire on Earth, which should not be without interest to the readers of WIRED."

Survival Tip Guys. If your woman grabs a knife, grab a jar of mayonnaise. Her feminine instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich.

A retired man purchased a home near a secondary school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. One afternoon early into the first term, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so every day, until finally the retired chap decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a pound if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The boys were more than happy and continued to bang the bins every day on their walk home. After a few days, the old man walked out and greeted the kids again. However this time, he didn’t have a smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income." he told them. "I'm going to have to cut it down to 50p a day to keep you kids banging the bins.” The kids were obviously unimpressed but they accepted the reduction in payment and continued their afternoon activities. A few days later, the man approached them again. "Look," he said, "I haven't picked up my pension yet so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 20p to bang on the bins. Will that be okay?" "That's it!?" the 'drum leader' exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these around for 20p a day, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" ....... And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

I remember my mum used to say "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Lovely woman, terrible cardiac surgeon

I remember my dad always used to say "take everything with a pinch of salt" Lovely man, terrible at making a cup of tea.

Reports are coming in that an entire city has gone missing in Yorkshire. Police are said to be combing the area for Leeds.

I asked a priest if it was OK to kiss a nun. He said it was fine, as long as I didn't get into the habit.

A woman decides to test her three Son in-laws for their good nature. For this, She goes for a walk by a river with the 1st Son-In-Law and jumps in. He saves her. Next morning he finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note: " From your Mother-In-Law". Later she goes for a walk by the river with the 2nd Son-In-Law and jumps in. He too saves her. Next morning he also finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note: "From your Mother-In-Law". Next day she goes for a walk by the river with the 3rd Son-In-Law & jumps in. He ignores her and walks away. Next morning he finds a BMW M5 parked outside his house with note: " From your Father-In-Law!"

A golfer sees a an empty car rolling down the green towards some Arabs. He sprints as fast as he can towards them and with a mighty dive manages to push the one in danger out of harms way, unfortunately at the expense of his own golf bag and contents. The Arab says: "You saved my life! Whatever you want, if it can be bought, I will get it for you!" "just a set of golf clubs please" replies the modest guy. A week later his phone rings and its the Arab "About these golf clubs. I’ve got you a lovely set but one of them doesn't have a swimming pool. Is that okay with you?"

If they could only close his mouth as well, then it would be a good day for justice.