ballpoint

This morning my wife said that she is leaving me. I asked why? She said because you don't take me seriously. I just laughed.

Proudly putting the "worst" into the worst joke thread:

I had thought the clothes dryer was shrinking my clothes, but it turns out it was the fridge all along.

The retired colonel who spoke out against the invasion, telling some uncomfortable truths on live Russian TV a few days ago, reappeared the following day. He's changed his tune and is now singing from the Putin song book. Amazing how persuasive the Russian choirmasters can be:

What is the difference between fear and panic? Fear is the first time you can't do it twice. Panic is the second time you can't do it once.

But she did give them all the clap.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute little bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is a bit surprised that a man would have such a collection of teddy bears, especially one so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him and is actually quite impressed that he can so freely express his sensitive side. She turns to him ... they kiss .... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man they are lying together in the afterglow, the woman leans in to him and whispers "Well, how was it?" The man says "Not too bad, help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!" Doctor: "That's the worst case of parking sons ever."

Pfizer have announced new Viagra eye drops. They do nothing for your sex life, but they do make you look hard.