ballpoint

My wife asked me to go out and buy something that would make her look nice.

I came back with 4 bottles of whisky and a litre of vodka.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

When I was young I was poor.

But now, after years of hard work and perseverance,

I'm no longer young.

Before becoming famous Bob Dylan and Eric Clapton were parcel delivery drivers in the Welsh valleys.
That's the origin of the song "knock knock knockin' on Evan's door"

The maid asked for a raise. The woman asked her why.

Maid : "For three reasons. Number 1, I iron clothes better than you."

Woman : "Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband said that"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "Secondly, I cook better than you"

Woman : " Who said that?"

Maid : "Your husband"

Woman : "Oh"

Maid : "And the third reason is that I am better at sex than you"

Woman (furious): "Did my husband say that too?"

Maid : "No, the gardener did."

A man went to the hospital with a golf ball jammed up his nose.

Th Doctor took a look and said it had gone up a fairway.

Three pregnant mothers are in the waiting room. One announces:
"I read in a magazine that I'm probably having a boy; he was on top"
"Ah!" - says another - "Girl for me; I read the same article and so I went on top."
The third begins crying,
"I don't want puppies!"

Dave says it far better than I can, and I agree with every word:

After 30+ years of overseas travel at least once a month for work, I'm enjoying staying in Thailand fulltime.  Life is pretty much as normal up country, and it's not too hard to travel to other provinces if you really want to.  I'm in no hurry to get vaccinated, but will take one if offered, including the Chinese one.  I can't see myself wanting to travel overseas for a while, and when I do I'll look at the vaccination requirements at that time and take the appropriate action then.  Not much point in trying to run around complying with todays requirements when tomorrows could be different.