ballpoint

Stop horsing around. I was going to post all 500 pages, but with all the nagging on here it's giving me nightmares.

I found it, but I got crabs along the way.

Police are searching for a thief who threatens his victims with a lit match. They are desperate to find him before he strikes again.

Bill was out with his drinking as normal, but the others noticed that he had been quiet and thoughtful, worried even, all evening. Being close friends they naturally ignored this for an hour or two, but then one spoke up and asked what was wrong. "Well", Bill explained, "It was our wedding anniversary today and the wife wasn't happy about me coming out with you lot instead of doing something with her at home." Sympathetic grimaces from around the table. "We argued and eventually she gave me an ultimatum; either I could stay home with her or I could go to the pub and I would come back to find that I was single." "It's been preying on my mind all evening. What if she was bluffing?"

A bloke walks into a literary agent: "This is a book i wrote. Total 500 pages." "500 pages?!... What's it about?" "On the first page I wrote One King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle. And on the last page i wrote The King reached the Jungle." "So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?" "I wrote; Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik ti tigdik tigdik... Tigdiki tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.... tigdik... Agent :- (stunned) "AND what's that????!!!!!" "That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain." "AND Who will read your story?" "Stick it in the AN worst joke thread. The people there will read anything... In fact, one of them is reading it as we speak!

The OP needs to switch off, and unplug where ever possible, everything electric in his condo and check to see if the meter is still spinning.