ravip

My neighbour banged on the wall at 4:30 am this morning!!!! Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music. They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?" I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but this ones for you"

No, no... Agent Vogel fixed the guy!

There was a young lady named Banker Who slept while the yacht lay at anchor She woke in dismay, When she heard the mate say, "Now hoist up the topsheet and spanker”

Testing a fishy theory Two sailors are talking: Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.” Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.” Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”

Last night a storm blew away 25% of my roof. oof

The Woman and the Farmer A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'... This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.' 'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.' 'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different cock,' he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'what a coincidence'!

I tried catching fog the other day... Mist...

I'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.

A man with a gun walks into a bar. Everyone ducks for cover. He screams, "Who the **** had sex with my wife?" Hearing this, the bartender said meekly, "You don't have enough bullets."

The duck was very illusive! But my mind was very imaginative, until I saw the duck!

VID-20210811-WA0055.mp4

Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, one says “Who is it?” followed by a man’s voice saying “Blind man”. Figuring the man wouldn’t see anything they open the door. The man walks in and says “Nice t1t5 ladies. Now where do you want me to install these blinds?”

Me and Tim a-huntin went, Met three whores in a pop up tent. They was three, and we was two, So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.