ravip

VID-20220921-WA0021.mp4

cos it's not a joke?

*Comfortable attitude at Old Age* I asked one of my friends who has crossed 60 & is heading to 70. > What sort of change he is feeling in him? > 1) After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my friends, *now I have started loving myself.* > 2) I just realised that I am not *“Atlas”*. The world does not rest on my shoulders. > 3) I now stopped bargaining with vegetables & fruits vendors. > After all, a few Rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket *but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.* > 4) I pay the taxi driver without waiting for the change. The extra money might bring a smile on his face. *After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me* > 5) I stopped telling the elderly that they've already narrated that story many times. *After all, the story makes them walk down the memory lane & re-live the past.* > 6) I have learnt not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. After all, the onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. *Peace is more precious than perfection.* > 7) *I give compliments freely & generously.* After all it's a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me I have learnt not to bother about a crease or a spot on my shirt. > *After all, personality speaks louder than appearances.* > 9) I walk away from people who don't value me. *After all, they might not know my worth, but I do.* > 10) I remain cool when someone plays dirty politics to outrun me in the rat race. *After all, I am not a rat & neither am I in any race.* > 11) I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. *After all, it's my emotions that make me human.* > 12) *I have learnt that its better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. After all, my ego will keep me aloof whereas with relationships I will never be alone*. > 13) I have learnt to live each day as if it's the last. *After all, it might be the last.* > 14) I am doing what makes me happy. *After all, I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to me.* > I decided to send this to many, because why do we have to wait for so long, why can't we practice this at any stage and age...

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, - "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and.. grunts, - "Tree." The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, - "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, - "Rock." The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, - "Man riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both. The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way? The chief replied, - "My bike."

A Talibani, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the spot only to find a Sindhi tailor selling ties of different kinds. Talibani asked, "Do you have water..?" The Sindhi tailor replied, "There is no water here, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead..? They are only $10." The Talibani shouted, "You idiot..! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water..! I could kill you, but I must find water first!" "OK," said the Sindhi, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a British Army Officers' Mess. It has all the ice cold water and food you need." Cursing him, the Talibani staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration and gasped .... "They won't let me in without a tie..!"

Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

VID-20220826-WA0047.mp4

VID-20220826-WA0017.mp4

VID-20220826-WA0015.mp4

VID-20220821-WA0018.mp4

You know the difference between 68 & 69 ? Blow me and I owe you 1

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out. The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron which is ironic. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. I think my neighbour is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

Found this article by accident and found some useful information. I hope it would be of some use to you too! Android’s home screen is immensely customizable. While users mostly focus on icon packs, widgets, and launchers, one small, incredibly useful feature often flies under the radar: your ability to add shortcuts right to the home screen. Android introduced the concept of actionable shortcuts years ago, and many popular apps have embraced it. Those are the options you see when you press and hold an app icon on the home screen. For example, a long-press on the icon for the Notes app might show you an option to create a new voice note, while Spotify lets you start a search without actually opening the app. Tried on a Samsung A71 running Android 12 One UI version 4.1 Full article

*NAPKINS for Special occasions My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet that said "sanitary napkins" . I then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins" in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for big people on 'special occasions' (her second mistake). Now fast forward a few months .... It's a special Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion napkin" at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little flaps in so they didn't hang off the edge!! My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. 'But, Mom, you said they were to use for big people on special occasions!!!'

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day to yerself .This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call.