fatter than harry

Love is not a factor......ruthless rational need is !!

There you go, we can quit all the lovey dovey questions on this forum, Ned's just summed it all up for ya!

Can I put that on a T-shirt?!

We have also worked out why his GF doesn't work. She's too busy clambering up mango trees to supplement her diet of bananas

I think she's putting up a sign saying "Fat German required, apply within"

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't f#ck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

What does "RATFLMAO" mean ?

Run Around Tesco's Frowing Lemons Mangoes And Oranges

What the ###### did you do to them?!!

Did you kung <deleted> them? did you mash them with a baseball bat? - if their breath smelled of tuna good on ya!

Indeed!

May I refer you to the Star of Light Bar in patpong

Remember new years ??

Ned, is that a plea?, I'd put money on you not remembering New Years!

I'm all for zonning on Songkran - I'll zone my mobile and my pants, to He.ll with everything else, lets throw water!

Is that a rocket in Major Gordon Cooper's trousers, or is he just pleased to see me?

Of course there are Aliens out there, have you not seen the excellent documentary on this very subject by Steven Speilberg called E.T.?

I was just staring at it for minutes, getting sucked in and pulling back, getting sucked in and pulling back, getting sucked in and pulling back, getting sucked in and pulling back.

The internet can be so rewarding.

Thanks Monty, really appreciate your advice, way back when in the UK I bought my first computer from TIME.....I shudder now looking back, tried to upgrade the graphics card and there was no slot in the motherboard as they made their own.

Anyway, I'll print all this out and scuttle on down to the depths of Big C where they have a few good computer shops and see what we can put together.

Apart from the topic content, that last post looked real pretty

He's Bald?!!

hmmmm, but what if one were to want a computer solely to play graphically intensive games and download, er 'music' and didn't want to buy a pre made model?

I would love to talk to some bargirls

You've read this thread, right?

Quite right.

Made up fictitious appointment this morning allowing me an extra half an hour in bed, dropped off washing and played with launderama lady's dog - god it loves me, if only I could find a woman who would show the same unblinded adoration when I stoked her flanks - another bastrd of a drive into work - I need a new tape for my car, stupid dixie chicks - work is gay, quiet today, only paperwork to do - can't get motivated, kow pad for lunch....spend time thinking on how to get same response from women as I get from dogs - apart from keeping them under bed and training them pavlovian style from birth I can't see how to do it, mmmm.........kow pad

Could you apply to Schindler?

Try to avoid renting a sonic - those things are like wasps on crack - they are death machines and they make you look silly whilst riding them, unless of course you are a seasoned crack addicted wasp rider.

In any case no problems with your passport if you hire one of these as you'll be going home in a jar, two friends have crashed on these and one is still undergoing corrective surgery 18 months later.

A friend of mine wanted to buy a bar just off Soi Bangla in Phuket, he had a 'sweet' deal whereby he didn't have to pay any key money, just 30,000 rent / month.

He was going to be different to other bars by adhereing to a strict musical policy of what he liked as opposed to the rolling Eminem song that you can spend all evening listening to if you are on a bangla crawl.

A month in and no customers, he started buying Eminem / ketchup song / dido cd's and turned himself into another part of the bangla jukebox, bless him.

He managed to last 3 months in all and that was only because he ran a book on the EPL and gave better odds than the Thai bookies - and don't let that be taken as sound advice as two months undercutting the Thai bookies is about as long as you get with your own kneecaps.

Incidentally there should be a study made on the octopus bar at the end of soi seadragon - great location, air con, no customers, up for its fourth or fifth sale in 18 months? - how did that happen? Should have been a winner.

A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins and emptying

them into his dustcart. He gets to one house where the bin has not been left

out so he has a quick look for it in the front garden and then in the back

garden. Still not being able to locate the bin he knocks on the door.

No answer, so he knocks again.

Eventually a Japanese bloke answers.. "Harro".

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.

"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke looking perplexed.

Realising that the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and

says "No mate, where's your dustbin ?"

"I dust bin on toilet, I toll you" says the Japanese bloke.

"Mate" says the binman, "You misunderstand me. Where's your wheely bin?"

"Ok.. Ok.." says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank"

Yeah, where are they?

Essential reading

I've spent a few afternoons translating emails for BG's and it made me feel a very integral part of the please-send-money-for-sick-pappa type sagas.

I mean these girls spend hours giggling over Hans' broken heart, better to let the Hans' know what they're in for....

12. You don't know what time your local closes

anymore.

Thats true

(Its all true )

I'd like some looso's please, also some rubber O's and fork handles

Dear Khun Fatter than Harry,

The Phuket Gazette and the Nation will have a seminar in English on Mar 27 ( Please see details below). It would be nice if you can join with us.

Hope to see you there.

Best regards,

Phatsara (Yui) Phengnu

Phuket Gazette

********************************************************************

The Nation and the Phuket Gazette present:

Can Zoning Save Phuket?

a seminar in English on March 27, 2004

Traffic congestion, noise, trash and other environmental problems are threatening

tourism, property development, investment and the quality of life in Phuket.

Policymakers and private sector experts will debate whether or not planning and zoning will move from talk to action soon enough to save the island from falling off the world's tourist and investment maps.

The seminar takes place at Le Meridien Phuket Beach Resort from 2:30 pm to 5:30 pm.

The seminar is free of charge for readers of The Nation and the Phuket Gazette.

For more details please contact [email protected] or [email protected]

talking of going to the dogs...

Can I reccommend The Star of light in Pat Pong 2 - I think it used to be called star of love.

It's just the best bar in the world

Sounds foul FTH....foul indeed

Foul?, no, thats chicken flu