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fatter than harry

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Posts posted by fatter than harry

    The Benefits Of Marrying A Prostitute?

    in General Topics

    Posted

    So please tell me why a normal educated person would marry a prostitute.

    Erco, have you not seen Pretty Woman?! Richard Gere is normaly an educated person, except when it comes to gerbils* Julia Roberts wanted the dream.....and she got it

    You strike me as the kind of greasy monkey p.a that Gere would have need to punch towards the end of a film. [this italic button is winners]

    * Urban Legend

    How Do Ex Pats Earn A Living In Phuket

    in Phuket

    Posted

    neenthewiser, I greatly repsect your researching techniques!

    So many new bars sprining up and closing down again in a few short months, I feel a bit sad for some of these guys, they come charging in with gusto and great ideas then realize its the same idea and retreat.

    awww.

    Phuket's Best Bars

    in Phuket

    Posted

    Captain Kirk's has gone down hill loads from its best days, still I think thats the rule in Soi Easy, most of the bars seem to have closed down. Seadragon is always a winner, the Lions Den is interesting.

    In Kata I used to enjoy watching the world go by in Sue's bar (just at the brow of the hill next to the peach hill Elvis place) Good girls, good beer, footy, and the rest, haven't been there for a while though.

    Bussiness Opportunity

    in Jobs, Economy, Banking, Business, Investments

    Posted

    This is it?!!

    The Ball Polishing machine is specially designed to quickly and carefully clean and polish billiard balls to ensure that there are always clean billiard balls available during competition. The standard color is a black metallic painted casing but all colors are available on demand. With the use of a eccentric turning disc mounted under the balls, equipped with a changeable polishing discs (cotton) it is possible to polish Cannon, Snooker and Pool balls.( optional spacers )

    Eight balls can be polished at any one time.

    Perfect for pool halls, sportbars and private table owners.

    Price : 310 euro or 14990 Bath

    www.eightballs.esmartbiz.com

    I take it back, an excellent product, you'll do very well, if only you could do something about those pool tables in Samui made from old doors - then we'd all be a happier bunch.

    :o

    How Did You Hear About Thaivisa

    in General Topics

    Posted

    same as bc, i found it on a search engine, i only subscribed to get news emails, then one day i found this forum and i'm now addicted to it.

    Same as DaveThailand, I signed up for the news emails, I think I found the forum by accident. :o

    Hey Gent, whats the url of your site?

    Whats The Best Bar In Phuket Without Bs Girls

    in ASEAN NOW Community Pub

    Posted

    Shit

    VERB: Inflected forms: shit also shat shit·ting, shits

    INTRANSITIVE VERB: Vulgar Slang To defecate.

    TRANSITIVE VERB:

    1. To defecate in.

    2. To tease or try to deceive.

    NOUN:

    1. Excrement.

    2. The act or an instance of defecating.

    3. shits Diarrhea. Used with the.

    4a. Something considered disgusting, of poor quality, foolish, or otherwise totally unacceptable.

    4b. A mean or contemptible person.

    5. A narcotic or intoxicant, such as marijuana or heroin.

    6. Things; items.

    7. Foolish, deceiftul, or boastful language.

    8. Insolent talk or behavior.

    9. Trouble or difficulty.

    10. A small or worthless amount: He doesn't know shit.

    INTERJECTION: Used to express surprise, anger, or extreme displeasure.

    PHRASAL VERB: shit on To treat with malice or extreme disrespect.

    IDIOMS: get (one's) shit together To get organized; put one's affairs or possessions in order. give a shit To care the least bit. no shit

    1. Used to express disbelief.

    2. Used to express contemptuous acknowledgment of the obvious. shit bricks (or a brick) To become extremely worried or frightened. up shit creek (without a paddle) In dire circumstances with no hope of help. when the shit hits the fan When the situation goes awry; when trouble starts.

    ETYMOLOGY: Middle English shitten, probably from Old English -sciten (as in besciten, covered with excrement), past participle of *sctan.

    Clay

    NOUN:

    1a. A fine-grained, firm earthy material that is plastic when wet and hardens when heated, consisting primarily of hydrated silicates of aluminum and widely used in making bricks, tiles, and pottery.

    1b. A hardening or nonhardening material having a consistency similar to clay and used for modeling.

    2. Geology A sedimentary material with grains smaller than 0.002 millimeters in diameter.

    3. Moist sticky earth; mud.

    4. The human body as opposed to the spirit.

    ETYMOLOGY: Middle English clei, from Old English clæg.

    hmmmm, you need to calm down young man, go here: http://www.rathergood.com/kittens/ and come back when you're relaxed

    Any Idea How To Hack A Email Account ?

    in IT and Computers

    Posted

    Classic!

    Put me in mind of this article (which I can't link to because there's some swearing in the url):

    The Phone Saga

    by John Cheese

    It was my day off, and I had postponed my update until the morning so I could get some actual sleep for a change. It wasn't much in the way of comedy, but it did contain vaccine formulas for seventy-six diseases, which until that point had been considered incurable. Yeah, I know I should keep this site on a theme of "funny," but d@mn it, I had worked hard on those cures, and I wanted to show them off. Anyway, I figured if I was going to make that article any funnier, I had better sleep on it and come back to it when I was less groggy.

    I woke up around eight in the morning, and went through my usual routine of breakfast (cold pizza and warm beer), shower (washing my balls in the sink), hit-list, and buttering myself from the waist down so I could fit into my tight, leather pants. Once I was whole again, I sat down at the computer and double clicked my dial-up connection. It read "dialing" a bit longer than usual, and a frown slowly spread across my face like a. . . something that spreads really slow. . . across faces. . . marking displeasure or frustration. Except not like that at all. In fact, now that I think about it, the frown didn't really "spread" as much as it just kind of appeared there. At least, I'm guessing. Because without a mirror, you can't see your own face. But that's how I imagined it would look. For the sake of argument, let's just say that I was staring blankly at the screen, not really noticing that it hadn't connected yet, but rather wondering if I should've gone to the bathroom before buttoning those pants. And then kind of skipping over to the thought of how funny it would look if my wife didn't have any eyebrows. I giggled a little and got up to go get a razor.

    But before I could even leave the living room, the Windows warning beep shattered the morning silence. I hate that warning beep. It's never a good sign. . . well, that and with my "John Cheese" theme installed, instead of beeping, it screams "she loves my COCK!!" Ever had your entire family woken up from someone shouting the word "cock?" My family wakes up that way every morning. And it's never a pretty sight. My wife burst into the room screaming something about turning down the speakers on my computer, but I just told her to shut her stupid little face and threw a beer bottle at her, and she shut right the he11 up. Turning back to my screen, I read the error message.

    Windows cannot establish a dialup connection because it is gay. We'd love to fix the problem, but we're so f#cking stupid, we can't even begin to fathom complex ideas like squancho, let alone dialup connections, so I guess you're just screwed. Check your f#cking password and try again. Homo.

    I kind of changed that, too. But I did as it said and retyped my password and tried to connect again. Thirty seconds went by, and the warning reappeared. She loves my COCK!! Again, my wife stormed into the room, and yelled at me to turn it down. I didn't have an empty beer bottle this time, so I just spit on her and scowled. With an angry sigh, she slammed the bedroom door and left me to my work. I turned back to the screen.

    "Check your password," I thought. "That's odd. I know I typed it right." But just to make sure, I typed it again. Thirty seconds later: She loves my COCK!! The bedroom door shot open and Carrie stormed into the room like a woman possessed. Something hard slammed into the side of my jaw, and I slumped to the floor. Vision blurred, and thoughts jumbled, I glanced up in time to see her hand edging toward the volume button on my speakers. With one, swift motion, I pulled my butterfly knife from my pocket and jammed it into her palm, pinning her hand to the table. She buckled under the pain, and screaming, fell onto the keyboard, mashing down random keys that once again brought up the error button. She loves my COCK!!

    "AHHH!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I HATE YOU!!!"

    "Yeah, you weren't hating me two months ago when I was feeding your cocaine habit, were you?"

    "I DON'T DO COCAINE, YOU DUMBASS!!! YOU JUST BOUGHT IT BECAUSE IT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE A ROCK STAR!!"

    "The first sign is denial, baby."

    With that, I pulled the knife out of her hand and gave her the keys to the car.

    "Go get that stitched up. I don't want company coming over thinking I'm abusing you."

    "You are one sick bastard, you know that?"

    "Whatever. Take the boys with you. I'm trying to write and article here, and I don't want to put up with having to feed them and stuff."

    "I hate you."

    "Yeah, but you love my COCK!!"

    After that, she was only too eager to leave. Well, that and the fact that if she didn't, she could very well die from blood loss. For the next four hours, I continually tried my dialup connection to no avail.

    .....

    Part 2: The Discovery

    Carrie stumbled through the door around noon, her hand hanging limp at her side. Jason yelled "BALL" at me and sprinted to his bedroom as Meanrock Destructotron crawled haphazardly after him. My wife gazed around the room in a half-stupor as I double-clicked my dialup connection.

    "You're drunk again, aren't you," I asked.

    "It's pain medication, you moron. You stabbed my freakin' hand. I drink about as often as you don't."

    "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that."

    She loves my COCK!!

    "Are you still trying that? Have you ever considered the fact that the phone lines might be down?"

    I stared at my wife the way a dictator would stare at a peasant who just suggested he might not be running the country in the best of the nation's interest. For a long while, we both said nothing. The only sound in the room came from the incessant ticking of the clock, which only mocked the situation with its tireless record-keeping of the tension between us. Still glaring at my wife, I double-clicked the dialup again.

    She loves my COCK!!

    "This can't be right," I told her. "I've checked my password at least two thousand times, and it still keeps telling me to check it again. Maybe I should call Bill gates and see what the problem is."

    "Yeah, why don't you do that. Then, when you find out the phone is shut off again, maybe you'll stop being retarded and give that thing a rest."

    "Then again, maybe I'll just have to find a new hobby. Like beating your ass."

    I picked up the phone and dialed information. Nothing. And just like that, my world collapsed. For a long while, I just sat there, staring dazedly at the screen which used to bring me so much joy. . . phone still pressed against my ear. My heart raced, and my bottom lip trembled as I tried to piece together the chaos which littered my thoughts. What would I do? How did this happen? Why did God hate me so much? Who would I call gay without Gale around? Where was I going to find free porn without having to leave the house?

    Carrie stood her ground, smug and solid, awaiting the opportunity to slip in a good "I told you so." I could feel her staring at me, her gaze pressed into the back of my neck with an eerie pressure that sent a shiver up my spine. Thinking quickly, I spoke into the phone.

    "Uh, yes. Operator person? I need the number for Bill Gates. . . . yes? OK, thank you."

    I immediately hung up and dialed a random number. Using my cunning phone knowledge, I deduced that I would have to wait a couple of seconds to simulate ringing, and just as Carrie began to jump in with a smartass comment, I spoke.

    "John, you know--"

    "Hello! Mr. Gates? Yes, this is John Cheese. My computer is acting strange. When I try to connect to the internet, it screams she loves my COCK!! and then tells me to check my password. What's the deal? Yes. . . Oh, OK. Yes, I understand. Thank you for your help."

    I hung up and crossed my arms as Carrie started her gloating.

    "Wow," she spat out in sarcasm. "I can't believe you got through to Bill Gates so easily. Since when did he become a computer repair man?"

    "Since he invented the computer, smartass. And for your information, the reason I'm not able to connect to the internet is because a hacker got into my computer and erased the part of it that lets it dial. So what Bill Gates did for us is, just for a safety precaution, he shut our phone off right after that call so a hacker can't mess with us anymore until we pay our next phone bill."

    "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why can't you just admit that you faked that call and our phone is already shut off?"

    "Because it wasn't! I'm not going to sit here and bold-faced lie to you and tell you our phone was shut off when it wasn't. Bill Gates shut it off to protect us, and you should be more thankful to him for it, you selfish harlot."

    "And what happens when they turn it back on? I suppose Hitler will personally oversee our internet account to keep out the evil hackers."

    I glared at my wife until she finally just gave up and left the room.

    "He still has my belt," I yelled after her.

    "No, he doesn't, John. Your belt-- just forget it."

    -------

    For part 3 and more John Cheese go here: http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/johncheese/index3.html

    Phuket's Best Bars

    in Phuket

    Posted

    ...because we all have so much knowledge on this subject :o

    Been living in Phuket for more than 2 years now and am finding myself going to the same old haunts - I wanna broaden my horizons, reach for the stars, go to new bars!

    Can you list the bars that you rate above others and why? Hopefully we can build an area by area bar stool guide, a bit like Top Gun, only with beer instead of F15's.

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