Pros & cons of dating a Thai(man).

[Hiro357]

33 minutes ago, varun said:

What is your ulterior motive in this?

If she is not your wife or girlfriend, why do you care?

 

Are you part of a love triangle? Somchai is the A, she's the B and you're the C?

 

Maybe she has daddy issues or is seriously messed up in the head.

Maybe the more he abuses her, the less inclined she will be to leave him?

 

Why do you feel obliged to interfere in her relationship?

Please don't be an idiot and just get on with your life.

Her problems should be the least of your concerns.

Are people so cynical that they believe the only reason a guy wants to help a girl is that he wants to sleep with her?  

Momoko doesn't know Thais. She only knows her BF. That's why I hope others here could give me their opinions on Thais in general, so to assist her in making her decision if she would likes to stay in Thailand(not necessarily with him) or go home.

 

For all we know, she could stay single in Thailand and meet another Thai guy who will put her through the same.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Hiro357

[Pdaz]

On the bright side his todger will be a few mm's larger than what she's used to.

[cmsally]

6 hours ago, Hiro357 said:

Since the BF is from a somewhat respectable family with business establishments. I highly doubt it would get that ugly.

If this is indeed the case  ie talking about a reasonably wealthy family. They are probably thanking their lucky stars that she is Japanese. A similarly placed Thai family would most likely be looking for a substantial settlement after he tried to beat her up.

I hope his next girlfriend is a black belt in something and wraps his head around a railing somewhere.

[Beryl123]

17 hours ago, Ruffian Dick said:

Well, Hiro, are you Japanese? Correct me if I'm wrong, but a typical Japanese person doesn't want to think of himself or herself as lazy, untruthful or unreliable. I'm not saying that most Thais are lazy or liars, but I wouldn't count on that....

I would.

[Beryl123]

7 hours ago, Hiro357 said:

Thanks for voicing my concerns. Yes the reason we are not contacting the police is that we heard the local police are usually corrupted and would always side with the natives. I can't believe violence can be a "culture"!....

Is it possible that the BF lies just out of habit? She notices a consistent lying nature in all members of his family. I'm asking this because I want to understand the BF, not to bash the Thais.

What you see is  the true  face of Thailand, oh  sure  many  will pipe up with "generalising/bashing", for me there are  too many lazy liars here, met a few decent ones but majority are selfish and  greedy.

Appearance is everything, the truth irrelevant, not what I'd  call a  decent society

In my Wife's family of 9 children, 3  do all the work and the other 6  look for handouts, sit around  doing nothing much.

Violence in relationships is accepted, sad but true.

[Hiro357]

2 hours ago, cmsally said:

If this is indeed the case  ie talking about a reasonably wealthy family. They are probably thanking their lucky stars that she is Japanese. A similarly placed Thai family would most likely be looking for a substantial settlement after he tried to beat her up.

I hope his next girlfriend is a black belt in something and wraps his head around a railing somewhere.

Why is it a good thing she's Japanese? So that the cops wouldn't care as much?

[Hiro357]

1 hour ago, Beryl123 said:

What you see is  the true  face of Thailand, oh  sure  many  will pipe up with "generalising/bashing", for me there are  too many lazy liars here, met a few decent ones but majority are selfish and  greedy.

Appearance is everything, the truth irrelevant, not what I'd  call a  decent society

In my Wife's family of 9 children, 3  do all the work and the other 6  look for handouts, sit around  doing nothing much.

Violence in relationships is accepted, sad but true.

Appreciate your candor. It really blows that nowadays people are so sensitive about everything that they would rather hinder the truth than risking offending some snowflakes. Your answer is the first straight up no BS answer I got in this thread. I've talked to more people about this, and my general impression about Thais is similar to yours.

 

So does that mean that women in Thailand have nowhere to go to for help after being abused??? That's really messed up! Also I've often heard about Thai wives/GFs chopping off their husbands/BFs' penises. Do they actually get punished for it? What do the society think of such incidences?

[jenny2017]

1 hour ago, Hiro357 said:

Appreciate your candor. It really blows that nowadays people are so sensitive about everything that they would rather hinder the truth than risking offending some snowflakes. Your answer is the first straight up no BS answer I got in this thread. I've talked to more people about this, and my general impression about Thais is similar to yours.

 

So does that mean that women in Thailand have nowhere to go to for help after being abused??? That's really messed up! Also I've often heard about Thai wives/GFs chopping off their husbands/BFs' penises. Do they actually get punished for it? What do the society think of such incidences?

 

   Abused wives in Thailand are usually trying to keep that for themselves. It's not common that a abused wife talks to the family or friends to seek help. Thai society has its own laws and regulations regarding marriage and wealthy men can have one, or more Mia Nois.It means the "second wife, or little wife." In most cases, even when the husband is using extreme violence, the victims seldom go to the police. One reason might be that they don't want to lose their income, but they want that he stops his behaviour. 

 

Not too long ago, a wife really belonged to her husband who could do with her what he wanted. These old regulations are still around, at least in some heads. 

 

   Marriages with "Mia Nouis"  are accepted and the man has to make sure that both women, or more, in some cases also younger girls have equal rights. The first wife has more rights, of course does all get quite complicated when these men are also having "gigs." The definition of gig has become quite difficult to explain. There are so many different types of gigs, that you easily lose control. 

 

Considering that you'll find marriages with Mia Nois who do not want any financial help. Then it's getting really complicated to stay on topic. 

 

  I've never heard that a wife/gf who'd cut her husband's or bf's penis off, got punished by a court. But it would fill many pages to explain that all to you. regarding the violence in Thai marriages, please see attached file. Enjoy it. 

 

P.S. Edited to add: Please send the file to your friend and let her read it. Anyway, he's beaten the shit out of her once and that's something your friend should always keep in mind. It will only get worse, there's no way that he'll stop and understand that he's doing something wrong. It's always easier to blame the victim. Tel her to stop contacting him, block his phone, e-mail etc..

 

By: Associate Professor Boonserm Hutabaedya,

 

School of Human Ecology, Sukhothai Thammathirat Open University, Nonthaburi THAILAND

 

Thai women typically encounter more than one kind of abuse. Physical abuse is the most common kind of abuse, followed by psychological abuse. The key factors contributing to wife abuse are personal characteristics of the husband and cultural factors followed by economic, sexual and substance abuse triggers.

 

Please click on the link:

 

  

Boonserm Hutabaedya - Wife abuse in Thailand PAPER FINAL 15042013.docx

Edited October 25, 2017 by jenny2017

[Golden Triangle]

Sounds exactly like your typical lazy, self centred, uneducated, ignorant, uninformed, cretinous, moronic & witless Thai male, tell your friend to ditch him at the earliest convenience and move to another continent before she ends up in a shallow grave somewhere. If you think I'm joking hang around here long enough and you will soon find out I am not.

 

[Hiro357]

3 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

Sounds exactly like your typical lazy, self centred, uneducated, ignorant, uninformed, cretinous, moronic & witless Thai male, tell your friend to ditch him at the earliest convenience and move to another continent before she ends up in a shallow grave somewhere. If you think I'm joking hang around here long enough and you will soon find out I am not.

 

Is it REALLY that serious??? What do you mean by shallow grave? Is her life actually in danger? That kind of thing is almost unheard of where I'm from. Even in a country like Thailand they have laws to protect women's lives.....don't they??

[Golden Triangle]

10 minutes ago, Hiro357 said:

Is it REALLY that serious??? What do you mean by shallow grave? Is her life actually in danger? That kind of thing is almost unheard of where I'm from. Even in a country like Thailand they have laws to protect women's lives.....don't they??

I'll see if I can find some threads to highlight what I mean.

 

There you go, and that was just a quick check, happens nearly every day,

Edited October 25, 2017 by Golden Triangle

[jenny2017]

11 minutes ago, Hiro357 said:

Is it REALLY that serious??? What do you mean by shallow grave? Is her life actually in danger? That kind of thing is almost unheard of where I'm from. Even in a country like Thailand they have laws to protect women's lives.....don't they??

 

 But when men who enforce these laws have a similar thinking, you're only banging your head against a wall. 

 

 

Thailand: In Bangkok’s largest suburb, 50 percent of married women are beaten regularly.—Pacific Institute for Women’s Health.

 

https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102001802#h=22

 

  There are too many links on that topic, please Google. 

Edited October 25, 2017 by jenny2017

[Hiro357]

6 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

I'll see if I can find some threads to highlight what I mean.

 

Thank you. BTW it seems the general opinions of Thais/Thailand on this forum is rather low. Then why would so many farangs wish to settle down here for good? Is it because everything's cheaper? Or the women? I get the feeling from people's response here that Thailand is not a safe lawful country. Personally I would only be here for vacations over a short time.

[Ruffian Dick]

19 hours ago, Hiro357 said:

At first glance they do wish to give good impressions of being respectable and decent though.

And I guess that fools a fair number of folks....

[Hiro357]

16 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

 But when men who enforce these laws have a similar thinking, you're only banging your head against a wall. 

Is that why it's almost unheard of that a foreign female would date a Thai man? The unjust treatment towards not only a foreigner but also a female?

I think Momoko needs to read this. She sees the abuse inflicted on her as "accidental" and "exceptions". How many (roughly) percent of the Thai males would you say are untrustworthy as her BF? Is it safe for her to stay if she finds a new Thai bf? That's my main concern.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Hiro357

[Ruffian Dick]

5 minutes ago, Hiro357 said:

Thank you. BTW it seems the general opinions of Thais/Thailand on this forum is rather low. Then why would so many farangs wish to settle down here for good? Is it because everything's cheaper? Or the women? I get the feeling from people's response here that Thailand is not a safe lawful country. Personally I would only be here for vacations over a short time.

I don't know if it's that "black-and-white". You gotta know what you're dealing with, the general character of the country you're in.

Every culture has its pluses and minuses.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Ruffian Dick

[Hiro357]

1 minute ago, Ruffian Dick said:

And I guess that fools a fair number of folks....

Certainly fooled her. 

She was very impressed with the bf's family at first. They dressed well, acted very diplomatically. But when shit happened to her, the mother would tell her to "not think about it" and refused to mention the problem at all. When she insisted on discussing the problem very politely, the mother accused her of being "disrespectful".

[Hiro357]

3 minutes ago, Ruffian Dick said:

I don't know if it's that "black-and-white". You gotta know what you're dealing with, the general character of the country you're in.

Every culture has its pluses and minuses.

I understand. And that is the exact reason for this thread. Not to bash anyone or to generalize a whole nation, but to look into the Thai culture, and see what my friend has gotten herself into.

[Golden Triangle]

2 minutes ago, Hiro357 said:

Thank you. BTW it seems the general opinions of Thais/Thailand on this forum is rather low. Then why would so many farangs wish to settle down here for good? Is it because everything's cheaper? Or the women? I get the feeling from people's response here that Thailand is not a safe lawful country. Personally I would only be here for vacations over a short time.

I haven't been here long enough to comment my friend, I have only lived here for 6 years and used to holiday for 2 months every year for 10 years prior to that, but I think you will find that most educated guys from the West would consider the Thai male to be inferior in many respects - Mostly emotionally, they cannot handle rejection, they cannot handle their alcohol, and they are inherently lazy.

 

My GF of 7 years lived with a Thai guy before me, she sold live fish in the wet markets of Pattaya, not a job she enjoyed, her boyfriend at the time would spend his time getting pissed, gambling and taking drugs on the money that she made,  he would tell her that he would pick her up at such and such a time when the market was shutting down but rarely turned up as he was too busy getting high and pissed and gambling so maybe she got home at 1 or 2 in the morning, is it any wonder that Thai girls like a reliable, honest and caring boyfriend or husband.

[jenny2017]

1 minute ago, Hiro357 said:

Is that why it's almost unheard of that a foreign female would date a Thai man? The unjust treatment towards not only a foreigner but also a female?

I think Momoko needs to read this. She sees the abuse inflicted on her as "sccidental" and "exceptions". How many (roughly) percent of the Thai males would you say are untrustworthy as her BF? Is it safe for her to stay if she finds a new Thai bf? That's my main concern.

 

     Your friend is in his eyes not much more than his toy. And he can do with his toy what he wants. Of course would such a guy never be satisfied when his toy would change the owner, without his okay. Then you're waking up sleeping dogs.

 

   The physical abuse was in no way accidental and it wasn't an exception. The guy can't control his anger and he might think she belongs to him. When your friend told him that she'd love him, it wasn't a good step for her to get out of that relationship.

 

    I've met quite a few Thai/foreign couples with a foreign female partner, but these relationships do not seem to be healthy for a longer period of time,. Of course are there exceptions. To be honest, it's not safe for her when she's looking for a new bf in the same area. That would be the biggest mistake your friend could make. 

 

If she wants to stay here, then please tell her to move far away and tell the guy that she went back to her home country. He'll be looking for her, that';s for sure.  

 

   The woman beater could not live under such circumstances and would do all, and i mean all, to end this. Even when some people have to die. It's impossible to come up with a number, or a percentage, but the number is high. 

 

  

 

  

[jenny2017]

15 minutes ago, Hiro357 said:

Certainly fooled her. 

She was very impressed with the bf's family at first. They dressed well, acted very diplomatically. But when shit happened to her, the mother would tell her to "not think about it" and refused to mention the problem at all. When she insisted on discussing the problem very politely, the mother accused her of being "disrespectful".

Well, Hiro, there's the "Mai Phen Rai", the no problem no matter what has happened and the family who stick to their son. If something went wrong and their son did the cruel beating, I'm sure that his mom blamed your friend for it.

 

  It's impossible that their son would do something that's so brutal and unfair. On the other hand would he never tell his parents the truth, it could be another trap to lose face. So, they continue to change stories to something where nobody has done anything wrong and nobody lost face. 

 

When his mom accused your friend as "being disrespectful", because she wanted to discuss something that was a problem for her, but it wasn't one for them, ( because they knew they were wrong), it's clear that the parents were the only ones who were disrespectful to your friend.

 

But that's also an age problem, a younger person in Thai societey can never tell an older one what's right and what's wrong, especially not a foreigner. 

 

   It's always easier to blame somebody else for your own mistake seems to be their motto.  

[chickenslegs]

3 minutes ago, Hiro357 said:

I understand. And that is the exact reason for this thread. Not to bash anyone or to generalize a whole nation, but to look into the Thai culture, and see what my friend has gotten herself into.

Looking into Thai culture will not help your friend at all. It is not Thai culture (or any other culture) to beat the cr*p out of one's partner.

 

Some people are good, some are bad, some are very, very bad - everywhere. 

 

She needs to distance herself from him as soon as possible and as far as possible, regardless of whether he is Thai or a foreigner - but you know that, and so does she.

[jenny2017]

16 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

Looking into Thai culture will not help your friend at all. It is not Thai culture (or any other culture) to beat the cr*p out of one's partner.

 

Some people are good, some are bad, some are very, very bad - everywhere. 

 

She needs to distance herself from him as soon as possible and as far as possible, regardless of whether he is Thai or a foreigner - but you know that, and so does she.

Here's the experience of  a foreign woman who'd made the mistake to fall in love with a Thai man.

 

                                         Why I will never date a Thai guy ever again

 

Cheating

Most Thai men cheat. It’s just the way things are here and you’d best be prepared for it. Ask any Thai girl. They don’t seem to be able to help it, maybe they see it as their right as a man. This is something I have seen time and time again much to the sorrow of my poor Farang friends who dish out all their backpacking money, only to end up going home with their tail between their legs wondering why he didn’t love them when they get caught out with some other unsuspecting backpacker. But you have to admire their acting and lying skills.  Most Farang never find out till it’s too late.
So, you’re at home while they are out and when you want some freedom it can turn into a battle. “Where are you going?, when will you be back?, who are you going out with?”

 

Controlling

Wow my guy needed to control a woman and he didn’t seem to know the meaning of the word trust.  Word of warning! It’s the ones that can’t trust and who get jealous that are like that because they can’t trust themselves. This applies to all cultures.

But you are not allowed to ask any questions at all when they go out. Women can’t control men in man world. Why they think they can control a western free spirited woman is anybodies guess. Most of the controlling mothers we are now half a world away from can vouch for that. Try to control most western women and you are left controlling your frustration when they leave you.

 

It can get so bad that they may even start to try to dress you and style your hair. Now I have a deep respect for other cultures and at my age I don’t prance around in mini skirts and boob tubes. So you can imagine my surprise when we go to the market and I have unintentionally employed a personal shopper who hasn’t the foggiest idea what I like.
Annoying.  I began to feel like a little dolly being dressed up and shown off to his friends.

Whenever I tried to say anything I was told I talked too much!

 

Thai men still to a degree view women as inferior, no matter how much they make you feel like a goddess in the early stages when they are trying to get into your panties. This is why we struggle to mix well with them. I mean there was no bra burning going on over here.  Western ideas on equality in relationships are slowly creeping in but the men appear to still fight it. We’ve come a long way in the western world but Thailand, beautiful as it may be, still has it’s darker side if you decide to sample what the men of this country have to offer.

 

After all, was it not Buddha himself that said that women can only hope to be reincarnated as a man because only men can be enlightened? Says a lot doesn’t it!

 

Final word

My experience ended with me fleeing like a fugitive amid death threats when I refused to return to such madness. I vowed never to return to a place that I loved, as I wasn’t about to find out if the death threats were empty or not. Unsurprisingly Thai guys have lost all appeal to me.

 

I was still being harassed and receiving threats daily by email (his only way to get in touch) months later and I was forced to change my email address and loose contact with good friends for fear that he will track me down somehow. Even though I seemed to annoy him and make him crazy jealous, he strangely thinks he loves me and we have to be together forever! Very fatal attraction and I seriously feel he would benefit from a stay in a mental hospital. Of course I understand that this should be a rare story and that maybe I was just unlucky, but when I moved into my new neighbourhood and shared my story I discovered my little hiding place had been a safe house for many other western girls fleeing their crazy Thai ex’s.

 

So apart from the misunderstandings, the hypocrisy, the drunkenness, the cheating, the spitefulness, the death threats and the controlling side of my Thai man. I can highly recommend them.

 

Read all here: http://www.bangkokdiaries.com/2010/09/28/why-i-will-never-date-a-thai-guy-ever-again/

 

[Rc2702]

21 hours ago, Hiro357 said:

I agree. Would the local police be able to help or will they side with the natives?

They would expect to give her a hiding too. Sorry.

[Hiro357]

1 hour ago, jenny2017 said:

Well, Hiro, there's the "Mai Phen Rai", the no problem no matter what has happened and the family who stick to their son. If something went wrong and their son did the cruel beating, I'm sure that his mom blamed your friend for it.

 

  It's impossible that their son would do something that's so brutal and unfair. On the other hand would he never tell his parents the truth, it could be another trap to lose face. So, they continue to change stories to something where nobody has done anything wrong and nobody lost face. 

 

When his mom accused your friend as "being disrespectful", because she wanted to discuss something that was a problem for her, but it wasn't one for them, ( because they knew they were wrong), it's clear that the parents were the only ones who were disrespectful to your friend.

 

But that's also an age problem, a younger person in Thai societey can never tell an older one what's right and what's wrong, especially not a foreigner. 

 

   It's always easier to blame somebody else for your own mistake seems to be their motto.  

WOW you actually are spot-on! But how can any problems be solved if this is their attitude? They will keep hurting others in order to "keep face". That's just so wrong! Are most Thais like this? And is there anyway to make them speak honestly about the problems they have caused at all?

Also after everything that the BF has done, his mother told Momoko that her son was "a very good man". WTH.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Hiro357

[Hiro357]

1 hour ago, chickenslegs said:

Looking into Thai culture will not help your friend at all. It is not Thai culture (or any other culture) to beat the cr*p out of one's partner.

 

Some people are good, some are bad, some are very, very bad - everywhere. 

 

She needs to distance herself from him as soon as possible and as far as possible, regardless of whether he is Thai or a foreigner - but you know that, and so does she.

You try convince a naive young girl who's been bombarded with lies and sweet talks. It's really not all that simple I'm afraid.

[wildewillie89]

7 hours ago, Hiro357 said:

Appreciate your candor. It really blows that nowadays people are so sensitive about everything that they would rather hinder the truth than risking offending some snowflakes. Your answer is the first straight up no BS answer I got in this thread. I've talked to more people about this, and my general impression about Thais is similar to yours.

 

So does that mean that women in Thailand have nowhere to go to for help after being abused??? That's really messed up! Also I've often heard about Thai wives/GFs chopping off their husbands/BFs' penises. Do they actually get punished for it? What do the society think of such incidences?

You seem to compare Thai with Japan a lot. In 2015, 1 in 4 Japanese women were abused and felt their were no services available to help them and felt the police wouldn't do anything. You say things are not as simple as they seem, and then make ridiculous comparisons about subjects that even developed countries haven't got a handle on. Seems the post is just a Thai bashing after all.

 

In terms of chopping off the penis etc, if either a woman or man catch their partner cheating in the act then they are entitled to be violent and generally will not be prosecuted in Thai. But has to be caught during the act. Like other Asian country divorce laws, cheating is focused more on than in the West in relation to law.

 

It is the girls life, be there as a friend, don't try and control her. The more you push, the more she will want him. A friend is there to pick up the pieces, not make the decisions. The massive generalisations you seem to agree with though, rather than taking each individual based on factors like education, family background etc, tends to show it is just a Thai bashing post unfortunately. Either that or you're incredibly naive or uneducated yourself. 

 

Violence may well be accepted in some families, like it is in some families in all countries, but it's not on the most part. Some hospitals even write down injuries are a result of domestic abuse so the woman has evidence to take to his work place. Rarely do you see a good thing written about Thai men on here, and interestingly enough it seems you have ignored all good things and only replied to the bad. Which suggests you came here already with a preconceived thought. You can understand now why people think you have ulterior motives, the theory doesn't add up if you just wanted to 'help' a friend. 

 

I think you said you were Japanese. So that means I should assume you beat women also? As 1 in 4 women are beaten in your country. See how ridiculous such generalisation are? If this guy has done it then support her. But to generalise about all aspects of someones life due to where they are from is ridiculous. 

 

So I wonder why bother making the thread to begin with? Its questions are impossible to answer accurately regarding your actual circumstances.

Edited October 25, 2017 by wildewillie89

[Ruffian Dick]

I don't see anyone calling Japanese flawless or even better than Thais.

People get abused everywhere. Some statistics which I assume are from the US:

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
https://ncadv.org/statistics

 

I think Hiro is trying to understand his friend's predicament.

[1FinickyOne]

Yes. Of course she should leave... nobody should get hit and stay...I can't imagine why this is even a question... Sounds like she didn't choose too well either... 

 

Different cultures lie in different ways... non-confrontational lies are Thai style... 

 

Your way of lying is to denigrate Thai people, taxi drivers, etc.. and then think it is ok because you say you are not hating on them while you are hating on them... so, that is your style... 

[wildewillie89]

41 minutes ago, Ruffian Dick said:

I don't see anyone calling Japanese flawless or even better than Thais.

People get abused everywhere. Some statistics which I assume are from the US:

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
https://ncadv.org/statistics

 

I think Hiro is trying to understand his friend's predicament.

And the only way to do that is to learn each guy in the relevant context. As everyone is different. Not make a generalisation from one situation and apply to the whole country. The OP hasn't even shown  signs of acknowledging any positive things about Thai men. Which suggests he had preconceived thoughts which are not open to change. So why bother with the thread to begin with? Just to try and ignorantly confirm these thoughts based on incredibly restricted experiences members have had with the odd Thai guy?