is my thai wife cheating on me?

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, dumbdumb said:

[...] she really wants her eyes done again because they don't look good and she wants to look good for me (?!?).  I have already told her that coming to Thailand in December is too much for me (the trip would cost $4000-$5000 Canadian including her support payment and I am already in too much debt) ...   

How about you tell her you love her the way she is now and you will use your money for the trip to see her and it is really not necessary that she does that operation to look good for you? Maybe even ask her if this month your can give her a little less support money because you love to see her and you need extra money for your trip. I think it's pretty obvious how she would answer if she loves you and how she would answer if she cares more about the money and not so much about you. Just try - but be prepared to receive the answer you don't want to hear.

[smotherb]

1 minute ago, Ahab said:

Technically they are different.

 

Ignorance is not knowing about something (could be intentional, e.g. not asking questions). Incomprehension is not being able to understand the information available (e.g. asking questions, but not understanding the answers are lies).

 

So ignorance is not incomprehension, however in this particular case "incomprehension may be bliss" since the information is already available, but obviously not fully understood.

 

Not my call, but in any relationship that goes bad there are hints, clues, or gut feelings that something is not right. The difference between being a fool and getting out early is being able to recognize that something is not kosher, and trusting what you see, hear, and in your gut know is the truth. No one can make that call for you.

Not sure of your pseudo-literate version of technically, but incomprehension is a recognized synonym of ignorance--see the citations below.

 

As far as your statement, " . . . any relationship that goes bad there are hints, clues, or gut feelings that something is not right . . .," that is the point; in ignorance or incomprehension, the cuckold does not see/feel those " . . . hints, clues, or gut feelings . . ." He simply does not comprehend the situation.

 

noun: ignorance

1. lack of knowledge or information.

"he acted in ignorance of basic procedures"

synonyms:

incomprehension of, unawareness of, unconsciousness of, unfamiliarity with, inexperience with, lack of knowledge about, lack of information about; More

https://www.google.co.th/search?q=synonyms+for+ignorance&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-ab&gws_rd=cr&dcr=0&ei=9s4YWrL-Dob3vgTs8LTwAQ

 

ignorance | Synonyms of ignorance by Oxford Dictionaries Thesaurus

"Synonyms of ignorance - incomprehension, unawareness, unconsciousness, inexperience, innocence."

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/thesaurus/ignorance

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, mettech said:

It has to be funny that a grown man would let this kind of situation appear it would cost a lot of money and also doomed to go sour.

Find a real Thai lady who has been around the block a few time  than you might become lucky.

I think that may be the OP's problem. It appears his lady has been around the block far too many times. I believe your best chances with any woman is to find one with the least baggage--in the form of exes, children, needy family, bad habits and displaying a similarity to a porcupine--you know, if she had as many sticking out as she has had stuck in, she would look like a porcupine.

[scorecard]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think that may be the OP's problem. It appears his lady has been around the block far too many times. I believe your best chances with any woman is to find one with the least baggage--in the form of exes, children, needy family, bad habits and displaying a similarity to a porcupine--you know, if she had as many sticking out as she has had stuck in, she would look like a porcupine.

 

And perhaps add; assess yourself when you meet someone on the basis of:

 

- Am I just in love with the idea of having a gf / partner / wife / bf, or

 

- Am I really taken by this specific girl (or boy) for the right reasons?

 

Further, if there are behaviors you don't really like (e.g. selfishness), then ask this question, 'will the selfish behavior ever change?'  And the answer is very very probably 'NO'.

 

Then move on... fast...before it becomes complex. 

[smotherb]

20 hours ago, Dazinoz said:

Was going to get a T Shirt made up "you might be number one but you are not the only one"

Had one made in Angeles many years ago, it said, "Business is business and love is bullsh*t."

[Straight8]

Yawn.... another one to the stats.

[blackjack69]

 

RUN NOW !

[smotherb]

20 hours ago, Sparkles said:

Please lets not all tar Thai women with the same brush. having said that long distance relationship rarely work no matter what the nationality.

 

I never understand why anyone would any to hook up on a dating site unless they were in the same country, at the same time

 

I have a friend who got caught up in a scam and only because his girlfriend ,who he was sending money too for a hairdressing course emailed him by mistake it was meant for boyfriend B. My warning to  him that long distance relationships rarely work , was ignored

 

I used  to teach mature age students in Bangkok,mostly young  women 21-30 ,and it was quite common for some of them to have  2 on  the go at once.

 

They expected me to correct their emails  and when I refused and gave then a verbal volley they were quite bemused.

 

Some students,who still keep in touch, have long and mutually rewarding relationships so not all are bad but to

the OP move on, your chance  of a  trusting  relationship now is practically zero 

 

 

 

 

The current online game is really very old, it goes back to manual days. In Vietnam over 50 years ago, I knew a bar girl well past her prime, but she did alright writing letters for the younger girls whose prospects were better, but whose English was not. The older matron was on top of it; she kept a library of responses and simply copied a tried and true story inserting the proper names, dates, and places to personalize it for her clients. Some clients had several cuckolds at one time, each sending money after receiving letters of professed love.  A common problem was many of the girls were illiterate in English, so they would place a letter in the wrong envelope sending love struck Fred, cuckold John's letter. I had a friend who received such a letter and was convinced the poor girl missed him so much she was doing drugs; thus, committing the errors in names, places and dates in her letter to him.

 

Knew a cute little thing in the PI in the early 70's who had two Germans sending her $250 a month each, supposedly to rent an apartment and cover school and expenses so she did not have to sell herself in the bars. Well, she did get an apartment, but continued to work in the bars. All she had to do was make sure the two never visited at the same time--she kept that up for a few years, even added a third benefactor before she was outed. I know, I used to stay in her apartment when I visited Cebu.

 

So, gullible farangs is nothing new.

[bazza73]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

I think that may be the OP's problem. It appears his lady has been around the block far too many times. I believe your best chances with any woman is to find one with the least baggage--in the form of exes, children, needy family, bad habits and displaying a similarity to a porcupine--you know, if she had as many sticking out as she has had stuck in, she would look like a porcupine.

You've reminded me of the old joke about how porcupines make love - very carefully.

[sead]

Rule nr 1

Never tell or discuss that with your wife/gf!

 

[smotherb]

17 hours ago, khunPer said:

–however, the worst farang rip-off stories I know, are all by non bar girls or massage girls, the worst even by a hi-so Chinese lady from a fine family with high profile military relations...

But I agree with Xonax, that there seem to be many loose ends. And like Xonax, my first Thai girlfriend, whom I met as a true blue-eyed novice in the nightlife (disco), I also heard many small things about why she needed little extra money for this and that; hard to believe them all, especially in a long-distance relationship before I was able to take a early retirement, and I really had a feeling of being bullshitted most of the time, even I could not prove her stories were untrue. At the end, after about 1½ year, I had enough, when she finally admitted some untrue story.

 

As for OP's story, I would have second thoughts, if it was me – and based on my be now quite long Thai-experience, I would seriously consider if a relationship/marriage like that has been build on the right foundation.

 

Wish all the best for OP...

 

EDIT: I should ad that we farangs often risk, that when someone "more rich" and "more handsum" appears, we're off the hook – many ladies keep on looking for the knight on the white horse...

While I have indeed seen and heard stories of hi-so/good girl, rip-off artists; the overwhelming number of stories come from ladies of negotiable virtue--prostitutes. First, most farangs do not meet hi-so or good Thai girls--hard to find them in the girlie bars, massage parlors, pick-up places, booking joints, etc., most expats frequent. Second, many farangs who did make a former prostitute their wife, refuse to acknowledge that fact and claim they married a good girl. When something goes wrong, the novice observer may think a good girl done him wrong. Third, I do not necessarily equate the most costly with the worst; some barstewards can afford the money, it's the ones, rich or poor, whose unrequited love leaves a broken heart filled with mistrust and contempt for anything female--as is so often espoused here on TV. Some cuckolds may even suffer such self-loathing they attempt suicide.  Fourth, there are women who have responsible jobs, but use them just to meet farangs. I know an attractive lady who works for a tourist agency here in town, she will arrange a private tour in her car for those she deems gullible- or moneyed-enough. I knew another young woman who worked for an ISP,  she kept hounding me to find her a boyfriend, "just like me."  Come to find out, she had already done four or five of the foreigners I knew in town. Were either of these a hi-so or good girl? Absolutely not; they were simply prostitutes with a different MO.

[sead]

And now when i read it all.

My gf went outside window on 7th floor and stood on an 20cm side crying to show me how much she loved me and why i didnt trust her. 

She cut her wrists another time.

Lets say that i were right and she did cheat many times which she now after 3 years of seperation told me.

Yes in Thailand you wife is loving you but cheating is a sport/ here.

It was no goodlong distance relationship

[smotherb]

16 hours ago, tryasimight said:

Rubbish. We are in the digital age and it is commonplace. 

The digital age does not mean you should try to find love on a dating site; it only means you can.

[jenny2017]

14 minutes ago, smotherb said:

The digital age does not mean you should try to find love on a dating site; it only means you can.

Even reading books in the digital age could help some people to prevent a huge loss of cash and trust. 

 

  Here's a website where somebody is offering his/their service:

 

     https://www.stickmanbangkok.com/thai-bargirl-girlfriend-investigations/

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, smotherb said:

The current online game is really very old, it goes back to manual days. In Vietnam over 50 years ago, I knew a bar girl well past her prime, but she did alright writing letters for the younger girls whose prospects were better, but whose English was not. The older matron was on top of it; she kept a library of responses and simply copied a tried and true story inserting the proper names, dates, and places to personalize it for her clients. Some clients had several cuckolds at one time, each sending money after receiving letters of professed love.  A common problem was many of the girls were illiterate in English, so they would place a letter in the wrong envelope sending love struck Fred, cuckold John's letter. I had a friend who received such a letter and was convinced the poor girl missed him so much she was doing drugs; thus, committing the errors in names, places and dates in her letter to him.

 

Knew a cute little thing in the PI in the early 70's who had two Germans sending her $250 a month each, supposedly to rent an apartment and cover school and expenses so she did not have to sell herself in the bars. Well, she did get an apartment, but continued to work in the bars. All she had to do was make sure the two never visited at the same time--she kept that up for a few years, even added a third benefactor before she was outed. I know, I used to stay in her apartment when I visited Cebu.

 

So, gullible farangs is nothing new.

A long time ago when I still lived far away from Thailand I received a letter from my holiday darling. It was printed and similar to this:

"Dear ______, I miss you so much." and at the end "Please send money to my account  ___________". My darling just sent me the template and forgot to fill in the blanks...

[khunPer]

3 hours ago, smotherb said:

While I have indeed seen and heard stories of hi-so/good girl, rip-off artists; the overwhelming number of stories come from ladies of negotiable virtue--prostitutes. First, most farangs do not meet hi-so or good Thai girls--hard to find them in the girlie bars, massage parlors, pick-up places, booking joints, etc., most expats frequent. Second, many farangs who did make a former prostitute their wife, refuse to acknowledge that fact and claim they married a good girl. When something goes wrong, the novice observer may think a good girl done him wrong. Third, I do not necessarily equate the most costly with the worst; some barstewards can afford the money, it's the ones, rich or poor, whose unrequited love leaves a broken heart filled with mistrust and contempt for anything female--as is so often espoused here on TV. Some cuckolds may even suffer such self-loathing they attempt suicide.  Fourth, there are women who have responsible jobs, but use them just to meet farangs. I know an attractive lady who works for a tourist agency here in town, she will arrange a private tour in her car for those she deems gullible- or moneyed-enough. I knew another young woman who worked for an ISP,  she kept hounding me to find her a boyfriend, "just like me."  Come to find out, she had already done four or five of the foreigners I knew in town. Were either of these a hi-so or good girl? Absolutely not; they were simply prostitutes with a different MO.

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to learn you had so much bad experience with birds from the nightlife.

[amvet]

13 hours ago, Acemaker said:

I have always wondered why anybody would hook up with a Thai Girl for anything other than a short time !

Education.  Normally the more educated a person the less likely to stereotype people based on ethnicity.  

[MyFriend You]

She is playing every Thai Bar Girl trick in the book

 

Denial, its not me, my friend did it to check to see if you were cheating

I love you, never answered any man in Thai Friendly, only you

OH, total shock I talk to my friend but she in China

You come here, I love you, only you, if you no come I kill myself

She talks to other men and they want her to stay with them - <deleted> kind of marraige is that??

 

what you didnt say was how long you knew her before you got married, and why you have this long distance relationship in the first place, why did you get married when it is obvious you are not ready for it...........

 

You really need to dump her or maybe this whole thing is a troll Post??

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, khunPer said:

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to learn you had so much bad experience with birds from the nightlife.

Do your legs ache often; from jumping to so many conclusions? Although I do enjoy the bars and talking with the ladies, I do not partake of the ladies of the night; I learned long ago, they are a bad bet. The women I have called wife or girlfriend have been good girl types and one may even be called hi-so, which is why I took exception to your story. I never had a bad experience from any of them. 

[Janner1]

Just a thought that may help you, you need evidence if you are going to end the marriage, so say no more about it to her behave as though you have accepted her story. Then look for another profile in Badoo, facebook, or any of the similar sites even TF and if you find one set her up with a friend or aqiantance to arrange to meet her.

 

When you are looking for a profile in any site try to be specific, look in the area she lives in, the area she came from "if not the same" and her age, even one year iether side, that will save you hours of plowing through thousands, and if you have not scared her off you will find her, but this time don't tell her.

 

If you are ending the marriage it will not matter if they consumate the meeting but it will surely help you with divorce proceedings, just think about it.

 

I dont give a s---t what anyone else thinks about this suggestion because quite frankly if she is playing around she is putting your life at risk of an S T D. 

[anicemanian]

What an amazing wife you got mate. I’m so jealous. Send her more money and even cash in your life insurance policy. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

I do not partake of the ladies of the night; I learned long ago, they are a bad bet.

The problem with the bar girls are often not the girls but the expectations of the customers. The girls make money from being nice to the customers, that's their job. If a guy asks them if he looks good and if he if funny and if he is a good lover they will obviously tell him what he wants to hear, because that is their job. If they would tell the guys they are ugly, boring and horrible in bed the girls would not make much money. That principle shouldn't be too difficult to understand. Lots of guy pay the girls to play the loving girlfriend routine and then the guys wonder why the girl played only a role when she told him she loves him...

[jenny2017]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The problem with the bar girls are often not the girls but the expectations of the customers. The girls make money from being nice to the customers, that's their job. If a guy asks them if he looks good and if he if funny and if he is a good lover they will obviously tell him what he wants to hear, because that is their job. If they would tell the guys they are ugly, boring and horrible in bed the girls would not make much money. That principle shouldn't be too difficult to understand. Lots of guy pay the girls to play the loving girlfriend routine and then the guys wonder why the girl played only a role when she told him she loves him...

 

 The problem with bar girls might be that 99.9% of their speech are lies. That starts with the usual "I love you too much" and ends ( not really) when mom gets a heartattack where she needs a lot of cash to pay for the hospital.

 

But the foreigner in question should know that all Thais usually have an insurance. 

 

   But what do people expect when marrying a prostitute? The old saying is true. You can get them all out of the bar, but the bar will remain in their brains. 

 

  I think it's damn stupid when a guy's sending a woman money, not knowing her, because they can only communicate by using yes, no questions and answers. 

 

  

[OneMoreFarang]

2 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

 

 The problem with bar girls might be that 99.9% of their speech are lies. That starts with the usual "I love you too much" and ends ( not really) when mom gets a heartattack where she needs a lot of cash to pay for the hospital.

 

But the foreigner in question should know that all Thais usually have an insurance. 

 

   But what do people expect when marrying a prostitute? The old saying is true. You can get them all out of the bar, but the bar will remain in their brains. 

 

  I think it's damn stupid when a guy's sending a woman money, not knowing her, because they can only communicate by using yes, no questions and answers. 

 

  

You must talk a lot with bar girls when you know "that 99.9% of their speech are lies". I talk to a lot of them casually, mostly in Thai. I buy them a drink or two and we talk. It must be many years ago that one of them told me she loves me too much or someone is stick, etc. It is possible and not difficult to talk with them like with any other person. The problem happens if guys pay the girls to pretend to love them and the girls do a good job pretending and then somehow the guys forgets that he hired the girl to pretend.

I think it's somehow similar to hiring an actor or actress to play a role. And when the actor plays that role perfect then people start to think the actor and the role he plays are the same. They are not the same. Keep that in mind and that should answer lots of questions.

[Ahab]

10 hours ago, smotherb said:

Not sure of your pseudo-literate version of technically, but incomprehension is a recognized synonym of ignorance--see the citations below.

 

As far as your statement, " . . . any relationship that goes bad there are hints, clues, or gut feelings that something is not right . . .," that is the point; in ignorance or incomprehension, the cuckold does not see/feel those " . . . hints, clues, or gut feelings . . ." He simply does not comprehend the situation.

 

noun: ignorance

 

1. lack of knowledge or information.

    

"he acted in ignorance of basic procedures"

 

synonyms:

incomprehension of, unawareness of, unconsciousness of, unfamiliarity with, inexperience with, lack of knowledge about, lack of information about; More

https://www.google.co.th/search?q=synonyms+for+ignorance&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-ab&gws_rd=cr&dcr=0&ei=9s4YWrL-Dob3vgTs8LTwAQ

 

 

ignorance | Synonyms of ignorance by Oxford Dictionaries Thesaurus

 

"Synonyms of ignorance - incomprehension, unawareness, unconsciousness, inexperience, innocence."

 

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/thesaurus/ignorance

 

Dude, you really need to get a life. I was sort of agreeing with you.

[jenny2017]

35 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

You must talk a lot with bar girls when you know "that 99.9% of their speech are lies". I talk to a lot of them casually, mostly in Thai. I buy them a drink or two and we talk. It must be many years ago that one of them told me she loves me too much or someone is stick, etc. It is possible and not difficult to talk with them like with any other person. The problem happens if guys pay the girls to pretend to love them and the girls do a good job pretending and then somehow the guys forgets that he hired the girl to pretend.

I think it's somehow similar to hiring an actor or actress to play a role. And when the actor plays that role perfect then people start to think the actor and the role he plays are the same. They are not the same. Keep that in mind and that should answer lots of questions.

I have to admit that I had no idea what the guys on the plane were on about when they said if you could smell them already. That was my first trip to Pattaya, all dirt cheap and hotel all inclusive.

 

 That was around 25 years ago and I had quite a few of short and longtime relationships, of course all based on me paying for a service that included holding hands, kissing, and of course plenty of other things. 500 baht for 24 hours and 120 baht barfine was the paradise for people who didn't want to stay here alone. LOl 

 

  I could always differentiate between having paid for a service and being in love. But I also had two relationships where I felt something that I thought I'd love them. That's when the <deleted> hits the fan, in my eyes.

 

  I came to Thailand three to four times a year and experienced stuff that I couldn't understand. My former gf from BR and her friend who received good money from an Aussie sat at a Brit's bar in Soi 8 when they're asking me if I wouldn't like to celebrate her friend's birthday party, the girl was a real stunner, and she turned 23.

 

   An older, really ugly guy came to the bar and we were first shocked about his appearance.Quasi Modo at night would have been easier to meet than this guy. A real shock for all of us. He really locked like a figure right of a horror movie and we wanted to leave.

 

  When we were looking for our friend to go to the restaurant to celebrate her birthday, she's gone. I spoke to my gf and wanted to know where she's gone, but she didn't know it either. So we waited at the corner a few more minutes, but she didn't come by.

 

  When we decided to go to the restaurant then the next shock. Our friend just walked out of a short time place with the horrifying guy in her arms. The Aussie guy she "loved so much"  sent her 35,000 baht every month and wanted to marry her. These were all lies, she never stopped not even one day !

 

 So yes, I've spoken with many bargirls from Pattaya, and it got much better when I could speak some Thai. I've stayed at my gf places and heard all the lies they told each other, but also the lies they said to customers at the bar.

 

  Those who are the best cheaters are high up the ladder in their eyes, because they think that they're smart.

 

Well, they're one way, the other. I've basically heard all available lies, had to write letters to foreigners for her friends and other things, all based on lies.

 

They will tell you many things, once they know that they can can trust you.That was also the reason for my first post where I've told the OP to run. The woman he fell in love with, is full of sh..e

 

  I broke up with the girl I loved because she told me that she'd worked at a GoGo, but the smoke was too much and it was too cold. And I was back home, sent her money and thought she'd stay sober. 

 

  My next holiday destination then wasn't Bangkok/ Pattaya. I flew to Phuket, took the next van and drove to Khao Lak after my mom passed away in my arms, trying to get over it.

 

    That was the time when I met my wife who'd worked at a hotel in Kao Lak. I didn't sleep with her for quite a long time and we got to know each other. She didn't speak English and that's a good sign.

 

We fell in love with each other and it was so nice to see a truly loving woman, not based on money. It was only possible because I could speak Thai good enough to have easier conversations. 

 

  I married her after almost a year and we're still married after 15 years. Life's good.  

 

  

  

Edited November 25, 2017 by jenny2017

[fanjita]

On ‎11‎/‎24‎/‎2017 at 7:30 AM, dumbdumb said:

While we were talking about her found profiles she was crying and saying she was faithful and didn't care about money then got angry and said I give her so little and I gave more to others then to her....

I've tried to read all the posts and it would appear no one has picked up on the above.  

[steven100]

8 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The problem with the bar girls are often not the girls but the expectations of the customers. The girls make money from being nice to the customers, that's their job. If a guy asks them if he looks good and if he if funny and if he is a good lover they will obviously tell him what he wants to hear, because that is their job. If they would tell the guys they are ugly, boring and horrible in bed the girls would not make much money. That principle shouldn't be too difficult to understand. Lots of guy pay the girls to play the loving girlfriend routine and then the guys wonder why the girl played only a role when she told him she loves him...

and that's exactly the same in any other country.  They will say what you want to hear because it's all about $$ as it's their job.  Nothing new ....

Edited November 25, 2017 by steven100

[Nemises]

Probably too late now, but I would have had your friend contact her on one of her other profiles.

 

My decision to remain with her would have been dependent upon your wive’s responses to your friend’s (fake) amorous and very generous, advances

 

 

 

 

 

 

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The problem with the bar girls are often not the girls but the expectations of the customers. The girls make money from being nice to the customers, that's their job. If a guy asks them if he looks good and if he if funny and if he is a good lover they will obviously tell him what he wants to hear, because that is their job. If they would tell the guys they are ugly, boring and horrible in bed the girls would not make much money. That principle shouldn't be too difficult to understand. Lots of guy pay the girls to play the loving girlfriend routine and then the guys wonder why the girl played only a role when she told him she loves him...

Oh, you have to ask the girls before they tell you those things, do you? I am well aware of the game and how to play it; I did not reach my conclusion the easy way so long ago in Vietnam. Many of the girls are the way they are because of how the customers have treated them. However, I do still like to run the bars and rattle with the ladies. I have some pretty good friends among the ladies of negotiable virtue.