Relationships and age differences, a personal case study

[GoDucks]

Its been years since I took some really SERIOUS abuse.  Maybe I miss it!  Apparently I do because I am about to tell you my story.

Wish me luck.

I am a 54-year-old American but this story begins 2 years ago, when I was 52.  I was divorced about 4.5 years ago and moved to Bangkok where I met a respectable Thai woman, 37 with a good (80k per month) job.  I am not rich but as an entrepreneur I am better off than most, myself.

That lasted a year, but for the last 4 months I was just trying to get out of it--she was not nearly as nice as she initially seemed.  And it was officially over just over 2 years ago.

So for six months I was just dating, mostly girls off of a few of the dating sites.  Nothing serious and I told all the girls just that--I have just ended a marriage and a rebound relationship and I plan to stay single, perhaps for the rest of my days.

But I kept dating one girl on a pretty consistent basis.  She knew I was dating other girls and I let her know she was free to date other guys as well.  But I did enjoy hanging out with her.  We had a lot in common, but mostly she was just chill.  She never wanted or expected anything from me.  Just to hang out.  Sure I paid for a few movies but she was adamant that she did not want anything from me.  I did buy her a dress once, on sale from H&M, for 490 baht.   She cried.

After six months of dating this girl I decided I wanted a more formal relationship.  That was 18 months ago now and, unlike other women whom I have dated or even married, no issues have arisen where suddently I find things that I do not like.  She remains as kind and easy going as the day I met her two years ago.

And she just turned 20.  When I met her she was 18 and (unbeknownst to me since she did not tell me) just finishing M6.  

There are a few things that make her unusual for a Thai girl.  She is 173 cm tall.  She was quite chubby until not long before I met her (most will not believe me, not that I care that much, but she has the body of a VS model--ok, ok with smaller breasts).  Her skin is not white.  Thai guys interested?  Nope.  Never had a bf before.  But in the US or other western countries I believe she could be a model.

She loves English and is currently on partial scholarship at her university.  She just finished her second year.

What wil the future hold?  Who knows, but its the best relationship with the least (literally non existent) drama in my life.  She seems really crazy about me still.  Honestly I could use her phone without notice at any time.  I jsut do not even worry about her cheating on me anymore, although i tell her all the time if she found another younger guy it would make sense for her to leave me.  I am a big boy I will be fine.  To this she swears she loves me more than I love her.  And I might even believe that.

Anyway, get those slings and arrows out.  :)

 

[HLover]

Meh, best of luck to you.  No arrow slinging material here mate.

[StreetCowboy]

Is it better to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take up arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them?

 

[Justfine]

Probably fall over but enjoy it while it lasts.

 

Use the old football cliche - take it 1 week at a time.

[faraday]

Enjoy yourself.

[colinneil]

OP if you and your lady are happy together that is all that matters.

What others think is not important, jealousy leads many people to say/ do unpleasant things.

I for 1 am happy for you, good luck, be happy.

[The manic]

You are as young as the girl you are feelling! 

[simoh1490]

There's no slings and arrows from me either!

 

Have you tried to figure out what she gets out of the relationship and/or what she wants from it, it might just be you of course but have you tried to think outside the box on this - security and/or status are both possible answers.

[MaeJoMTB]

You've checked it's not a bloke?

('cos of the height)

[Justfine]

48 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

You've checked it's not a bloke?

('cos of the height)

And weight and deep voice. Not to worry it's an experiment.

[marko kok prong]

Good luck to the op but a 34 year age gap is a fair one,my first Thai wife was 10 years younger than me my second is 13 years younger i am 53.It is hard enough to have a lot in common due to cultural differences,but we mostly get on fine,but i really don't know what i would talk about with a 20 year old.

[pgrahmm]

I know one couple he is 55 & she is about 25 - they're married and have been together about 7 years.....She's not a real looker, but he isn't either....

They get along famously with a lot of light banter going back and forth....He was around during her school years....

As far as I know they are both happy soul mates.....

My wife & I have an age gap but are older but are also soul mates....Nary a rift or hiccup over the years.....

We took a couple of years together before we married & we've never looked back....

[GoDucks]

5 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

You've checked it's not a bloke?

('cos of the height)

LOL yes this being Thailand I could confirm that after the third meeting.

[GoDucks]

1 hour ago, marko kok prong said:

Good luck to the op but a 34 year age gap is a fair one,my first Thai wife was 10 years younger than me my second is 13 years younger i am 53.It is hard enough to have a lot in common due to cultural differences,but we mostly get on fine,but i really don't know what i would talk about with a 20 year old.

Surprisingly we like a lot of the same music, enjoy the same movies, enjoy the same kind of activities, and as one of those girls who has liked Western culture for most of her life its weird how many things she is aware of--like Scoobi doo as an odd example.  I almost think her age is an advangage as she grew up being exposed to internet and all things Western.

As an example a few months back a Green Day song came up and she was singing along... A bit surprised I asked "You like Green Day?"  She said yes they were one of her favorites...

Edited March 8, 2018 by GoDucks

[brewsterbudgen]

A thought a 25-30 year age gap was the norm around here! Certainly works for me.

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[GoDucks]

5 hours ago, simoh1490 said:

There's no slings and arrows from me either!

 

Have you tried to figure out what she gets out of the relationship and/or what she wants from it, it might just be you of course but have you tried to think outside the box on this - security and/or status are both possible answers.

She dated a few other guys and said... I am just her style, in personality, mostly.  But unlike my last "hiso" gf who constantly barraged me with complaints about my weight, this girl says she likes "fat guys" and tells me if I want to lose weight for health thats fine, but she likes how I look.

[GoDucks]

Now I am not going to ay she is the most beautiful girl to ever walk the earth, but she looks good to me.  And when I said she has the body of a VS model (sans big boobs) i was not joking.

 

[MaeJoMTB]

28 minutes ago, GoDucks said:

LOL yes this being Thailand I could confirm that after the third meeting.

Just checking ........

One poster on this forum managed to  get engaged to a bloke and didn't notice for 6 months.

 

Looks at photo ........ big hands .........

Edited March 8, 2018 by MaeJoMTB

[Rolanddrums]

My GF ( Of over a year) is 35 years younger than me , at just 22. Looks 17 some say. Lives with me 24/7   . Small cute and Ive seen the ID card to.... all girl ...and all 22 . I look  good for my age to btw . Just as well as we are both like a pair of horny teenagers....keeps me young ...Good luck .

[GoDucks]

Her sister, who is a Tom, is actually taller than her.  And I have seen her ID card.

[AsiaCheese]

Two thumbs up - if it works for the two of you, it does. It may last, and it may not. In my (personal, from experience) opinion, things can drift South-ish after some time, when you start to realize that there's no knowledge base (on ground of her education/experience background), which puts you in a permanent father/teacher role and makes any discussions beyond household matters difficult. But having said that, it's often not just a matter of age difference in Thailand...

 

As long as both of you manage to keep each other happy on a daily basis with small things (not talking rivers of gold or constant supply of newest mobiles), you've both won the lottery. I've often seen interest and willingness for the small things tapering off after two years, and that usually signalled the beginning of the end. In any case: enjoy it while it lasts - if it's a lifetime, so much the better!  ;-)

[connda]

Personal choice.  I personally prefer gals in the mid-30s and up.  I've liked gals in their 30s and up since I was in my twenties.  Getting older never changed that preference.  So if some 70 year old prefers 20 year olds, hey, more power to him.  Unfortunately, a lot of those younger gals are gaming the older guys, e.g., Nong Natt and Harold.  In the November - February demographics, it's probably smart to simply date and to watch the outflow of money.  Marriage with that large of an age difference?  That I think is rather stupid.  But, that's just my humble opinion. People have to live their own lives and learn by their mistakes. 

[AsiaCheese]

PS: that mirror needs cleaning   55555555  (that's just the virgo in me)

[Toscano]

I guess your relationship is like father and daughter , which can be fun .  My advice is to keep it as an open relationship , not to be possessive or buy a house in her name , rent so you can keep the escape door open .

[MaeJoMTB]

26 minutes ago, AsiaCheese said:

PS: that mirror needs cleaning   55555555  (that's just the virgo in me)

I thought that too ...... that's another Thai thing, they never clean their mirrors.

[GoDucks]

Condo is in my name.  She never wants anything from me.  Insists she will not go to US with me until she can pay for it herself.  Not sure about the father/daughter thing.  She is pretty easy going, as am I.  

[GoDucks]

3 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

I thought that too ...... that's another Thai thing, they never clean their mirrors.

She never wants me to "waste" my money on a maid.  LOL

[realenglish1]

Don't concern yourself what others think If you and she are happy, go for it

 

Even if someday you want to marry her Why not Love knows no age

 

 

 

[brewsterbudgen]

It helps to have a much younger wife if you want kids.

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[GoDucks]

14 minutes ago, brewsterbudgen said:

It helps to have a much younger wife if you want kids.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

No, neither of us want kids.  I already have some, she never wants them (at least for now)