A Thai-style Shotgun Wedding ... Part 1

[daddybangkok]

My ex-girlfriend just had our baby boy. We're still on talking terms, but very little else. That said, I hasten to add that I'm perfectly willing to support mother - within reason - and son 'til he leaves the nest. This girl knows that I am true to my word and will provide anything that they need.

She's in Udon Thani and I'm in Bangkok. I won't go into detail but when the baby was born, she said the hospital wouldn't allow her to put my name on his birth certificate - a long winded tale about red tape, my being a farang and not being there to sign in person. [she knew I was flying up the next day.]

So, she put down, "No Father". Of course, the doctor later confirmed to me there was no truth to her story and that it was her decision to write that. Like I didn't know already! So, clearly she's up to no good. By the way, the baby was only born on August 16th, so this story is still unfolding as I write this today.

Orginally I suspected it wasn't my child - but I'll come back to that later. Anyway, the paperwork was already completed - and there I am, a father but not legally a father to my son. Before anyone asks, I cancelled the flight to Udon upon hearing this news, so I don't even know what the baby looks like yet.

In a nutshell, she said it wasn't the end of the world not having my name on the birth certificate - and that I could adopt the baby. Yes, adopt. She had it figured that by pulling the birth certificate stunt, then I'd have to marry her in order to legally become the child's father. Ahem, that ain't going to happen. I know how outlandish this all sounds, but it is the absolute truth.

I didn't think she had it in her to be that conniving, but suddenly I'm being fleeced by a pro [pun intended - but she's not]. In light of this ruse, I've insisted we do a DNA test and she puts my name on the birth certificate - so I have some legal rights. I didn't trust her before and I sure as hel_l don't now. I said if she didn't do this that she could kiss any form of child support goodbye. She's 'thinking about it'.

Getting the test results takes weeks and I believe parents have to straighten out the birth certificate almost immediately. So, here's my dilemma: I'm assuming we can change the document. If I sign the birth certificate now - only to discover the child isn't mine later - am I still going to be legally liable for him under Thai law? If this girl can put the screws on me, I wouldn't put anything past her after this.

If he's not mine, I want to put as much space between me and this biatch as possible. If he is, I'll keep things amicable for his sake - and stick pins in her svelte little voodoo doll back in BKK.

Please restrict any advice to the question. After the week I've had, and the prospect of many thousands more, I don't need advice on whether I walk away from this or not - or why I went with her to begin with.

By all means criticise me for not using protection, I deserve it, but it's not going to change anything now. If anyone's ever been through something like this - anything's possible in Thailand - then please let me know what you did and how it resolved itself. Thanks in advance for your advice.

[ColPyat]

My ex-girlfriend just had our baby boy. We're still on talking terms, but very little else. That said, I hasten to add that I'm perfectly willing to support mother - within reason - and son 'til he leaves the nest. This girl knows that I am true to my word and will provide anything that they need.

She's in Udon Thani and I'm in Bangkok. I won't go into detail but when the baby was born, she said the hospital wouldn't allow her to put my name on his birth certificate - a long winded tale about red tape, my being a farang and not being there to sign in person. [she knew I was flying up the next day.]

So, she put down, "No Father". Of course, the doctor later confirmed to me there was no truth to her story and that it was her decision to write that. Like I didn't know already! So, clearly she's up to no good. By the way, the baby was only born on August 16th, so this story is still unfolding as I write this today.

Orginally I suspected it wasn't my child - but I'll come back to that later. Anyway, the paperwork was already completed - and there I am, a father but not legally a father to my son. Before anyone asks, I cancelled the flight to Udon upon hearing this news, so I don't even know what the baby looks like yet.

In a nutshell, she said it wasn't the end of the world not having my name on the birth certificate - and that I could adopt the baby. Yes, adopt. She had it figured that by pulling the birth certificate stunt, then I'd have to marry her in order to legally become the child's father. Ahem, that ain't going to happen. I know how outlandish this all sounds, but it is the absolute truth.

I didn't think she had it in her to be that conniving, but suddenly I'm being fleeced by a pro [pun intended - but she's not]. In light of this ruse, I've insisted we do a DNA test and she puts my name on the birth certificate - so I have some legal rights. I didn't trust her before and I sure as hel_l don't now. I said if she didn't do this that she could kiss any form of child support goodbye. She's 'thinking about it'.

Getting the test results takes weeks and I believe parents have to straighten out the birth certificate almost immediately. So, here's my dilemma: I'm assuming we can change the document. If I sign the birth certificate now - only to discover the child isn't mine later - am I still going to be legally liable for him under Thai law? If this girl can put the screws on me, I wouldn't put anything past her after this.

If he's not mine, I want to put as much space between me and this biatch as possible. If he is, I'll keep things amicable for his sake - and stick pins in her svelte little voodoo doll back in BKK.

Please restrict any advice to the question. After the week I've had, and the prospect of many thousands more, I don't need advice on whether I walk away from this or not - or why I went with her to begin with.

By all means criticise me for not using protection, I deserve it, but it's not going to change anything now. If anyone's ever been through something like this - anything's possible in Thailand - then please let me know what you did and how it resolved itself. Thanks in advance for your advice.

I see no other way out than going to an experienced family lawyer here, as this will most definately involve the courts if you want to proceed.

Having no name on the birth certificate is a serious disadvantage for the child, but as you said, you should make sure to get a DNA test if you have doubts about your status as the father. This will most probably a costly and lengthy procedure, and i somehow hope for your sake that you are not the father of that baby.

Edited January 24, 2007 by ColPyat

[Boo]

Until the DNA test is complete the whole situation is unresolvable. Stick to your guns & insist on the test & as difficult as it must be, you have to stay strong & not give in to any of this girls demands.

Good luck.

[sceadugenga]

Same thing happened to my mate, he went with a girl for two weeks. He's been paying for three years now. He wouldn't use condoms either.

[alexth]

Same thing happened to my mate, he went with a girl for two weeks. He's been paying for three years now. He wouldn't use condoms either.

If it's his, it's a fair game, the kid doesn't have any fault if the father was too horny and the mother too greedy...that usually happens when you are thinking with your lower head only...like thais say it Som Nam Na (spell?)

[britmaveric]

Not wear condoms???

[Mobi]

I wouldn't worry about rushing to do the paperwork. I very much doubt that there is any time limit on anything you need to do if the baby is yours.

Just take your time and get it sorted properly.

[AlexLah]

Now I ore better a female friend of me is in a sort of similair situation.

She is a girl and now pregnant from some Thai guy (Married and general in the army).

She was pregnant from him before and he pursuaded her to do abortion that time.

So this time she not do for whatever reason.

She is a si nger in a band and does not make lot's of money so I asked her if the guy will support her.

No she said and as a matter of fact he does not want to see her again.

I told her that when she files a lawsuit he most likely have to pay a monthly compensation.

But I am not really sure if that is possible in Thailand.

Does any of you have some more knowledge on this?

[Austhaied]

if you have the cash this lady is dynamite in family law, she helped me get custody of my son 5 years ago.. be warned though she IS NOT cheap, but you will win.. http://www.tillekeandgibbins.com/Attorneys/anongporn.htm

Edited January 24, 2007 by Austhaied

[Johpa]

I told her that when she files a lawsuit he most likely have to pay a monthly compensation.

But I am not really sure if that is possible in Thailand.

Does any of you have some more knowledge on this?

It may technically be possible, especially for those who can afford to hire a lawyer, but I have met countless Thai women over the past decades whose husbands left them with a kid, or more than one kid, and never recevied a s'taang. Talk to any group of bar girls and you will find many whose husbands left them once they became pregnant, or soon affter giving birth, and who had to leave their child with an older relative and are now working the bar scene to provide financial support. Plenty of Farangs who marry such women often discover later that a niece or nephew is actually a step-son or step-daughter.

[daddybangkok]

What a difference a couple of days can make. The ex-girlfriend baulked at the DNA test - so I'd say with about as much accuracy as that test would have provided, it's not my baby.

With the exceptions of helpful or friendly advice from people - and I thank you sincerely - a handful of the posters do indeed provide a compelling argument for the use of birth control. Just looking at the mountain of posts several had made over time versus the substance of their remarks, it makes one wonder if these people actually have a life.