NE live in village monthly

[Odysseus123]

2 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

Dinosaurs??  Its the "Last Frontier"according to the Tourist Authority.

 

And as somebody else said "they are already here".  I have sat outside my hotel in Udon and watched the coaches pull up, 3 or 4 at a time and the Chinese pour out and enter the big Pannarai Hotel next door not to be seen again till 9 in the morning when they get back in the coaches.  You may see 4 or 5 of them have a stroll in the street but there is nothing spent outside the hotel....I have actually asked some of the shops and bars.

When I first lived near Ubon there were any number of Western tourists heading up to Chong Mek or to see Khon Jiam and its environs (quite lovely) and when I left seven years later there were none and those towns were empty.

 

I had a brother-in-law who worked in the Tourist office there.How many could speak English or any other language besides their own?

 

None.

[ThaiFelix]

20 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Let's disregard the sisters and talk only of his wife's parents. They are both younger than he is, but he is providing them with home, food, utilities--what else, clothing, vehicles, cigarettes, alcohol . . . --for them to live in a house he bought and repairs; plus he gives them a salary of B5k.  And, they want more?

 

Worse yet, when he asks for opinions, so many of you say, "yeah, fine, sounds about right."  <deleted>?

 

Am I the only one with a wife whose parents don't expect the son-in-law to support them; not just support them, but give them a salary and they expect a raise?

 

Its the first thing my FIL asked me when I said I wanted to marry his daughter.  The MIL on the other hand got the family together and told them in no uncertain terms they were to all leave us alone!  I didnt understand at the time but now I do.

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

Its the first thing my FIL asked me when I said I wanted to marry his daughter.  The MIL on the other hand got the family together and told them in no uncertain terms they were to all leave us alone!  I didnt understand at the time but now I do.

What is it you understand now, but didn't then?

[ThaiFelix]

2 minutes ago, smotherb said:

What is it you understand now, but didn't then?

That they would harrass me for money....she saw it coming, I didnt.

[Odysseus123]

2 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

Its the first thing my FIL asked me when I said I wanted to marry his daughter.  The MIL on the other hand got the family together and told them in no uncertain terms they were to all leave us alone!  I didnt understand at the time but now I do.

Yes-My MIL was the rock that kept the family off my back.Quite strange isn't it?A fiercely independent,little old lady from Issan.

 

She wept when I flew out..and I have often wondered why but I think that she had a decent sense of reciprocity and the others did not..

[smotherb]

1 minute ago, ThaiFelix said:

That they would harrass me for money....she saw it coming, I didnt.

Maybe I misunderstood what you said at first. You said, " Its the first thing my FIL asked me when I said I wanted to marry his daughter. " I took that to mean your FIL asked for support. Did he not?

[smotherb]

4 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Yes-My MIL was the rock that kept the family off my back.Quite strange isn't it?A fiercely independent,little old lady from Issan.

 

She wept when I flew out..and I have often wondered why but I think that she had a decent sense of reciprocity and the others did not..

I think you will find that many have that decent sense of reciprocity; but it seems many expats never find it.

[ThaiFelix]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Maybe I misunderstood what you said at first. You said, " Its the first thing my FIL asked me when I said I wanted to marry his daughter. " I took that to mean your FIL asked for support. Did he not?

Correct.  Ok its not the west so he didnt ask if I loved her or would I take good care of her, no.  Would I support HIM was his only concern.

 

However to be fair the guy does bring the money home.  However he never gives all and he says he is broke  but then turns up with a boat etc.  And in some ways I dont blame him because otherwise the other parasites would be into him.

[OmarZaid]

Not another penny

[lucjoker]

can i come live in your house too?

I only need 20 000 bht a month ,a will sleep in the same bed as the youngest sister,

i can't work because no WP and i'm 70 y old.

Please ?

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

Correct.  Ok its not the west so he didnt ask if I loved her or would I take good care of her, no.  Would I support HIM was his only concern.

 

However to be fair the guy does bring the money home.  However he never gives all and he says he is broke  but then turns up with a boat etc.  And in some ways I dont blame him because otherwise the other parasites would be into him.

Well, if the first thing my FIL asked was if I would support him; I think I would have seen being  harassed for money was in the pipeline. However, I am happy to hear your MIL would have none of it.

[Odysseus123]

6 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think you will find that many have that decent sense of reciprocity; but it seems many expats never find it.

Sorry-What I saw in Isaan was way different and that is that.I am neither attacking the Thai or foreigners.

 

I shall never be enlisted to attack foreigners-I saw too much for that-but I will always recognize and acknowledge the many kindnesses shown by the Thai but I reserve the right to describe some of their fantastical cargo-cultism on display as well.

 

The glass was neither half empty or half full-but it was one hell of a strange glass..

[ThaiFelix]

5 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think you will find that many have that decent sense of reciprocity; but it seems many expats never find it.

Difficult to find something if not there in the first place.

 

Look fair enough you have found a nice content niche but please dont think others have the same  but dont see iut.  I can tell you some horror stories like the poor guy that works 6 days a week at home, has nothing of his own, lives in a tiny bedsit because he is forever sending ALL his money here for his demanding wife and child.  If you go to the wife's house it is full of every kind of extended family sitting around drinking and gambling....none work.  And all along the MIL is grumbling that he is a cheap charlie farang!!

 

[Scouse123]

58 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Let's disregard the sisters and talk only of his wife's parents. They are both younger than he is, but he is providing them with home, food, utilities--what else, clothing, vehicles, cigarettes, alcohol . . . --for them to live in a house he bought and repairs; plus he gives them a salary of B5k.  And, they want more?

 

Worse yet, when he asks for opinions, so many of you say, "yeah, fine, sounds about right."  <deleted>?

 

Am I the only one with a wife whose parents don't expect the son-in-law to support them; not just support them, but give them a salary and they expect a raise?

 

 

Completely on your side smotherb.

 

They also work the market selling things and getting income from other sources. It is absolute bull <deleted> what they are doing and are trying it on to see how much they can get. GREED. simple as. What's wrong also with the father looking after the cows? Why pay a sister to clean the bloody house when she is hanging out there and no doubt eating free and doing nothing else of any useful consequence!

 

I have found up in Isaarn, the more money you give mother and father and/or family members, the more the money is misused and abused, as is your trust in them to do the right thing.

 

They haven't earned it (money), so they don't look after or respect it. We can all be good at spending other peoples money. My other half's mother lives in a house adjacent to us that you-know-who built. She is forever over here asking for money. She has another daughter plus six sons, one of whom drives a Fortuner! They give NOTHING and all work away in Bangkok.

 

When I pointed this out to the greedy old cow, she said ' They have families to support ' I then reminded her, I have two sons I still support from my UK marriage and was met with a stony-faced silence. I used to give her 8,000 baht a month, I have cut it to 4,000 as she just gives the layabout son money who lives with her for his Lao Khao and cigarettes, and then we have his layabout mates hanging around her house!. He is 35 and has never worked.

 

To the OP, you know who cleans our house without any salary? My other half and we have three bedrooms, three bathrooms, living room, kitchen, office, dining room and large gardens with drive.

Edited May 19, 2018 by Scouse123

[smotherb]

3 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

Difficult to find something if not there in the first place.

 

Look fair enough you have found a nice content niche but please dont think others have the same  but dont see iut.  I can tell you some horror stories like the poor guy that works 6 days a week at home, has nothing of his own, lives in a tiny bedsit because he is forever sending ALL his money here for his demanding wife and child.  If you go to the wife's house it is full of every kind of extended family sitting around drinking and gambling....none work.  And all along the MIL is grumbling that he is a cheap charlie farang!!

 

Well, I think that is the point. It is there in the first place. Your MIL, Odysseous123's MIL are just two examples. My son's MIL and FIL are both fine upstanding people; that is two more. Surely, they cannot be the only ones.

[smotherb]

2 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

 

Completely on your side smotherb.

 

They also work the market selling things and getting income from other sources. It is absolute bull <deleted> what they are doing and are trying it on to see how much they can get. GREED. simple as. What's wrong also with the father looking after the cows? Why pay a sister to clean the bloody house when she is hanging out there and no doubt eating free and doing nothing else of any useful consequence!

 

I have found up in Isaarn, the more money you give mother and father and/or family members, the more the money is misused and abused, as is your trust in them to do the right thing.

 

They haven't earned it (money), so they don't look after or respect it. We can all be good at spending other peoples money. My other half's mother lives in a house adjacent to us that you-know-who built. She is forever over here asking for money. She has another daughter plus six sons, one of whom drives a Fortuner! They give NOTHING and all work away in Bangkok.

 

When I pointed this out to the greedy old cow, she said ' They have families to support ' I then reminded her, I have two sons I still support from my UK marriage and was met with a stony-faced silence. I used to give her 8,000 baht a month, I have cut it to 4,000 as she just gives the layabout son money who lives with her for his Lao Khao and cigarettes, and then we have his layabout mates hanging around her house!. He is 35 and has never worked.

And the beat goes on. Will we never learn?

[Odysseus123]

14 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

Difficult to find something if not there in the first place.

 

Look fair enough you have found a nice content niche but please dont think others have the same  but dont see iut.  I can tell you some horror stories like the poor guy that works 6 days a week at home, has nothing of his own, lives in a tiny bedsit because he is forever sending ALL his money here for his demanding wife and child.  If you go to the wife's house it is full of every kind of extended family sitting around drinking and gambling....none work.  And all along the MIL is grumbling that he is a cheap charlie farang!!

 

Ha..ha..that reminds me of the poor Dutch chap that I knew.Ended up in intensive care in Holland whilst the "poor" Thai family begged for money..

 

Thus occasioning one of the greatest piss-ups in the village and she had managed to lose the house and the Mom 'n Pop store as well...

 

 

 

Edited May 19, 2018 by Odysseus123

[Gecko123]

Too many family members on the payroll for my comfort level. Is the OP expecting that in return for his largesse he will be cared for in his golden years? I would periodically test how much genuine goodwill has really been built up. You may be disappointed by what you find.

Edited May 19, 2018 by Gecko123

[ThaiFelix]

3 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Well, I think that is the point. It is there in the first place. Your MIL, Odysseous123's MIL are just two examples. My son's MIL and FIL are both fine upstanding people; that is two more. Surely, they cannot be the only ones.

No you are right there are a lot of good ones but like with everything you get a few bad ones who tarnish the good name of the decent folk.  But it seems to me that the "law of proximity"seems to come into play a lot.  If there is a farang in the family somewhere there seems to be problems related to money.  I know Isaan people who have no contact with farang apart from me.  They work for me sometimes, work hard, have nothing, will one day finish their very modest house, but are as happy as Larry.  They never ask for anything but are always popping over to share some of their vegie or peanut crop etc. Poor but generous. They dont seem to have this insane necessity to show how they have a bigger car, or more gold, whitewr skin or hi so handbag???   I sometimes wonder what Thai people would be like if they never had contact with westerners...if in some way we are indirectly to blame.  Most think our wealth is unlimited, and because the REAL Thai is generally quite generous or sharing they can only see us as cheap charlies maybe.  What do you think?

[Odysseus123]

2 minutes ago, ThaiFelix said:

No you are right there are a lot of good ones but like with everything you get a few bad ones who tarnish the good name of the decent folk.  But it seems to me that the "law of proximity"seems to come into play a lot.  If there is a farang in the family somewhere there seems to be problems related to money.  I know Isaan people who have no contact with farang apart from me.  They work for me sometimes, work hard, have nothing, will one day finish their very modest house, but are as happy as Larry.  They never ask for anything but are always popping over to share some of their vegie or peanut crop etc. Poor but generous. They dont seem to have this insane necessity to show how they have a bigger car, or more gold, whitewr skin or hi so handbag???   I sometimes wonder what Thai people would be like if they never had contact with westerners...if in some way we are indirectly to blame.  Most think our wealth is unlimited, and because the REAL Thai is generally quite generous or sharing they can only see us as cheap charlies maybe.  What do you think?

Spot on.

[totally thaied up]

Hate to say after reading the part Papa was gaming you on the 200 baht over 'health issues, I most likely would have walked out. 

 

It is just how I am. 

 

Someone disrespects me like that, I pretty well will burn all my bridges to the ground with people/family that do that to me. Cash, love, and issues like that just are a no-go zone for me. I had this happen with one Thai girl many, many years ago, and once I saw what a fool I was and the moment I stop being the candy shop; I was dropped like a poisonous snake. 

 

Never again!

 

You sound like a great guy and someone I would love to have a dinner with and a beer with and shoot the wind with. Isaan is famous for this; the rural poor and the farang that is too soft. I would harden up now before it is too late. After you go to the pearly gates in the sky, that house and cash, you leave them will be gone in a year or in such disrepair, it will be like you never existed. 

 

Those family members that took of with the 12,000 baht, I would not have them in the house again. 

My wife works doing private accounting from home and makes average coin. Her mother works in her bakery; they had this before I met them. I helped out on a land deal and got the cash back plus 15% in interest. We are buying a car under my name shortly. Papa gave me 80,000 baht in cash this week to help. 

 

The brother is an Engineer and sub-contracts. My wife gives Mum and Dad 3,000 a month. Brother does the same (3, 000). It is more about respecting their parents than anything else as they have a bit of money behind them. 

 

I pay for power and the Internet and live at home with them. I did some renovations on my wife's house to make it farang friendly, and it cost me not that much. I own nothing here in Thailand and never will. It is not my house, not my rice fields and the land that they have in town are not mine as well. In a moments notice, it can all disappear.

 

Seen it happen a few times now. Thai 100 points - Farang - 0 points

 

We are all best to understand that fact.

 

A decent family will not try to game you. No BS stories about massage shops in Bangkok, using the store to eat out of day or night and then have the family run through the money. I have seen this done time and time again over the years. 

 

Like I said, you seem to be a good guy. Read what you wish to read on this forum and take it with a grain of salt, but you can get good information here. I would harden up, control the purse strings, and if they don't like it, evaluate what you are thinking.

 

If you do not harden up and don't wish to, take a step back to this fact; well before you came on the scene, they survived and will be the same story after. The only difference will be in a year's time things will be in disrepair, and the Chanote held under a loan at a bank.

Best of luck

[atyclb]

1 hour ago, Kadilo said:

2 hours ago, atyclb said:

 

 

the proper wording is  you are "less unfortunate than many" but to your credit possess fairly decent ability to rationalize

I doubt that he feels  unfortunate enough to want to swap his life with a half empty miserable outlook on life. 

 

 

"half empty miserable outlook on life. "      your perception or projection

 

reality sometimes bites

Edited May 19, 2018 by atyclb

[DjSilver]

5000 baht is to much. You should give nothing at all.

[Pdavies99]

I really never understand these type of questions? 

 

Surely like myself, you just say there is no more money to give?

 

Once they realise, (as in my circumstances, whether true or not) that the amount you have is at its maximum, then they will happily manage on what you "gift" them each month.

 

[Tongjaw]

My MIL and FIL live 2 hours drive from us in a small village. My wife works and we give her parents 2,000 a month each. They grow veggies and fruit on the wife’s land which they sell at the market plus fish from her pond. They have rice from her land and the wife pays electric at their home. They don’t use internet so no need for that. They don’t smoke, drink or gamble and are very nice genuine people. She has 2 brothers who have good permanent jobs  in BKK and Chonburi, they send 1,500 each to parents also. When we go to visit the in-laws are so sweet and the FIL even bought and installed a western toilet for me years ago. We stay in a small hotel during our visits but the western toilet was a nice gesture I thought. I was out of work for 5 months last year and they would not take the monthly payment from my wife, said they had enough savings. They travelled up a couple of times in the free train and brought rice, veggies and fruit for us. We didn’t need it but they thought as I wasn’t working then I had no money coming in. Never been treated as an ATM and I appreciate them so much for that. Good and bad people all over the world but I’m blessed that l’ve managed to find a decent wife and family. 

[superal]

2 hours ago, AaronC76 said:

Ha, just read that you were the guy asked to fund the massage shop, I remember that post and remember feeling sorry for you!!!

After reading about all the failed attempts at getting your wife to run a business and the endless funding of this I think you need to get a reality check and I feel less sorry for you now as you don't seem to learn!

Stop being soo nice and put your foot down. Only give money when they prove that they have have done something to deserve it. As I suggested in the massage parlour post, get them to come up with a business plan before parting with any more of your cash.

I am in a similar living situation but the attitude of my family is very, very  different...

I live with my wife's family in Nong Bua Lamphu and I cover the cost of all the utility bills and give my wife 5,000 a month to cover food for the family and our 4 dogs. Father in law is in his 60's and takes care of approx 25 cows all by himself and MIL takes care of crops and other livestock on the farm! I try and try to help out on the farm but they will not allow it because they do not want ME to get tired!!! I'm only 42 btw

My wife runs a convenience store from our home and also takes care of her 10 month old neice and elderly Grandma who is 80+ and cooks and cleans etc etc etc NEVER does she complain and always tries to pay for everything when we are out and about. I guess I am the lucky one compared to most guys that post on here.

That was a good read and despite some of my criticisms there are true authentic relationships with Thai ladies and their families to be had . I have been with my lady for over 7 years and never had an row , always happy & smiling . She has her own restaurant , beauty business and owns her house and mother lives with us and till of late her father who recently passed away and a decent guy . So we are the lucky ones but we are far outnumbered by the unlucky ones . For sure I help out financially and also pay my way but not to the extent of being milked .

 

I have lost count where I have seen a new guy in town and got to know him and listened to his aspirations of buying land and building a family house . But love is blind especially if there are children involved and more often than not it all ends in tears for the falang who leaves with nothing. I have kept most of my wealth in the UK and followed the advice from this forum that said  " do not invest more than you can afford to lose in Thailand " and that has served me well unlike some I know who have burnt their bridges . 

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, ThaiFelix said:

No you are right there are a lot of good ones but like with everything you get a few bad ones who tarnish the good name of the decent folk.  But it seems to me that the "law of proximity"seems to come into play a lot.  If there is a farang in the family somewhere there seems to be problems related to money.  I know Isaan people who have no contact with farang apart from me.  They work for me sometimes, work hard, have nothing, will one day finish their very modest house, but are as happy as Larry.  They never ask for anything but are always popping over to share some of their vegie or peanut crop etc. Poor but generous. They dont seem to have this insane necessity to show how they have a bigger car, or more gold, whitewr skin or hi so handbag???   I sometimes wonder what Thai people would be like if they never had contact with westerners...if in some way we are indirectly to blame.  Most think our wealth is unlimited, and because the REAL Thai is generally quite generous or sharing they can only see us as cheap charlies maybe.  What do you think?

 I think it is true that we farangs ruin it for ourselves--some of us anyway. I live in an area that has relatively few farangs and the prices are cheap in comparison to the tourist ghettos; e.g., a three story, four bedroom, four bath home with back yard and garage in a very nice residential area for B8k/mo and a Jack Daniels and Soda at my local for B60. I couldn't get a similar place or drink in Samui or Phuket for thrice the price. Still, that is more expensive for the Jack than in my local in Florida.  Look at the holiday millionaires, blowing money on a holiday only to go back to a menial job and a meager existence until the next holiday. Look at the retiree with a meager pension who comes over here with his life savings--maybe just what he got from selling his house--and buys a lot and builds the best house in the village trying to impress someone and has to live on B30k/mo. Sure, the poor locals think they are rich, while the rich locals think they are fools. Yes, I have found generous Thais, but they have something. The poor can hardly afford to be generous; especially those existing hand to mouth.

[Kadilo]

1 hour ago, atyclb said:

 

 

"half empty miserable outlook on life. "      your perception or projection

 

reality sometimes bites

Fortunately it's only his perception that matters, the rest is irrelevant.

[zoza]

4 hours ago, tweedledee2 said:

 

   Don't compare your lack of trust and love you don't seem to have for your wife and her family to me.  Its evident from your post of the distrust and insincerity in your relationship. 

    Nowhere in my post did I claim to own land.  "We now have a home with 3 rice fields" ("we" meaning wife and I). 

    The 3 ricefields total yield is between 850-1000 kilo. Just enough to feed both our families for 1-year and seed for next season.  

     When I said I give the in-laws money for staying and the work they do while I'm gone but let my wife decide how much, are you suggesting she gives more than they deserve.  The last time they stayed was not quite 4 weeks long. For the work they do and for staying with my wife, she gave 3000 baht. I don't consider this an exorbitant amount, but a pentice. They would have stayed with their daughter for free. 

    You have doubts that your wife actually loves you or just your money. I have no such doubt about my wife's love.  Your boat is sailing on rough water under stormy skies due to your poor navigation and will probably sink.   My wife and I co-pilot our boat in a pristine sea with blue skies, sunshine and cool breezes. 

 

looks like I hit a nerve, sorry if my post upset you? I have been married for fourteen years, and my boat and  its crew have come through a few stormy days, let me know when you have left the harbour and I will give you a once over, Sailor......  

[tweedledee2]

6 minutes ago, zoza said:

 

 If you have been married to the same woman for 14 years, it must be a marriage of convenience and money because, with your perspective of Thai women and their families, that's all it could be.