Is your Thai companion averse to questions?

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, mugaly said:

Priceless!

Yeah, it seems to be beyond many of you and your relationships. However, I cannot understand anyone who would enter such a relationship; let alone stay in such a relationship

[LongTimeLurker]

On 6/3/2018 at 6:37 AM, Brunolem said:

Being a simple and practical guy, I try to generally formulate my questions so that they can be answered with a few words, or even a simple yes or no

NEVER ask a question that requires a yes or no answer because that is what you will get and it may not be the right answer.

 

ALWAYS as a question that requires the askee to have understood what you asked and then you have a slight chance of getting a useful answer. But most likely you'll just get a yes/no.

Edited June 4, 2018 by LongTimeLurker

[rumak]

26 minutes ago, smotherb said:

You think I am the one sending you to troubled waters. Sounds like you have managed that.

no winning with mr bruno.  and now he has atmcib to hold his hand.    thinks its time to end this useless

thread.  let those 2 exchange emails and that will fill a lot of void for them.  question. answer.question.answer......  2 peas lost in a pod 

[timkeen08]

2 hours ago, atyclb said:

 

 

his post does not comment on his own personal intellect level, it states known facts-statistics not even to mention their horrendous O Net scores the average of which they cannot even pass the thai language subject.

I just clicked to read comments from brunolem to bypass my original ignore for this one post.

 

I agree, this guy's attempts at any real intellectual level of knowledge and his lack of any true discussion skills still confirm my initial justification to click on ignore to begin with and is the only thing of value connected to Brunolem.

 

I read your post and now I am reminded why I chose to click ignore.  He is the only member that I have clicked ignore.  Many others I can just ignore them myself without clicking ignore.

 

I am keeping him ignored, I will never click to read his comments on any post again.  I have no interest in what he has to say to anyone else or to read what he says about any of my posts or comments.  I will not waste any more of my time.

 

Thanks

Edited June 4, 2018 by timkeen08
Typo error

[rumak]

3 minutes ago, timkeen08 said:

I just clicked to read comments from brunolem to bypass my original ignore for this one post.

 

I agree, this guy's attempts at any real intellectual level of knowledge and his lack of any true discussion skills still confirm my initial justification to click on ignore to begin with and is the only thing of value connected to Brunolem.

 

I read your post and now I am reminded why I chose to click ignore.  He is the only member that I have clicked ignore.  Many others I can just ignore them myself without clicking ignore.

 

I am keeping him ignored, I will never click to read his comments on any post again.  I have no interest in what he has to say to anyone else or to read what he says about any of my posts or comments.  I will not waste any more of my time.

 

Thanks

555   I can see why !   I think his wife has also clicked on the ignore button .

[timkeen08]

1 minute ago, rumak said:

555   I can see why !   I think his wife has also clicked on the ignore button .

I don't doubt it.

[shy coconut]

3 hours ago, Brunolem said:

I speak, read and write some Thai, but I have a lot of difficulties to understand it when they speak.

As soon as you speak a few words of Thai, most locals somehow believe that you are fluent and start talking to you as if you were Thai!

 

Things are even more complicated here is Isaan, where people speak...well, Isaan, which is for some parts a completely different language.

For example, in Thai a white foreigner is called "farang" as we know all too well, but in Isaan it is called "boksiida"...not exactly the same...

And despite my intellectual capacities, I am not ready to add Isaan to my list of languages to learn...

Fair enough, sorry about any perceived hostility.

 

Perhaps you could initiate conversation with the locals and let your wife take over once

you are out of your depth! That way you could save her any potential embarrassment

in asking the question.

 

I know that in the quiet spots of Isaan, the locals do seem to enjoy seeing a Bak si daa trying

to communicate, especially if they speak the local dialect rather than central Thai.

 

I have a book and CD by a Benjawan Becker which covers the basic Nth Eastern dialect it also

has the central Thai equivalent. I got it in the UK from Amazon and was less than £10 if I recall.

[smotherb]

On 6/3/2018 at 5:25 PM, Brunolem said:

My marriage is probably where one could expect it to be after almost 20 years, with its highs and its lows.

 

As incredible as it may seem, my initial post was really out of curiosity, and not about checking the status of my marriage.

 

From the multiple answers gathered, it would seem that we are in a fifty-fifty situation, that is, one half of the members dealing with similar issues as mine, and one half considering that my case is desperate.

You are right, it does seem incredible to describe your own wife as refusing to answer your questions, saying it is not your business, and even lying about the answer to avoid you; and be just curious about it. I would be furious.

I suggest there may be different conclusions to be drawn from the many posts made on this subject.

[notmyself]

22 minutes ago, smotherb said:

You are right, it does seem incredible to describe your own wife as refusing to answer your questions, saying it is not your business, and even lying about the answer to avoid you; and be just curious about it. I would be furious.

 

I suggest there may be different conclusions to be drawn from the many posts made on this subject.

 

 

With very few considering it unusual and mostly regarding female partners though I suspect many who have posted are male so it's to be expected. As mentioned very early on, this behaviour is not gender specific.

 

[smotherb]

8 hours ago, zaZa9 said:

That seems the case ...  you have to accept that lots here cant take anything like a light hearted post at face value as well.

 

On the subject of asking directions..

Ive had numerous Thai gfs who shuddered at the thought of asking , and even one or two who outright refused to.

Some posters here state that issues like this are NOT cultural..

Well of course they are cultural !

 Ive never had even ONE gf in the US , Australia or Mexico who would willingly stay lost over asking for directions!

Has any of you ??

 

I also think that Thai culture is not 'inquiry driven' and I think we all know that it  can be considered impolite  here to ask too many questions ... I hark back to when I first arrived and everything was so different and all I did was ask and ask.... Now I  find myself thinking , "Is this question ok to ask ?  Could asking this demonstrate a lack of sensitivity  ? Maybe I should simply wait and see ..."

 

While Im reticent to bring religion into the picture , I think that if Buddhism brought anything to the Thai it was the idealised  picture of  the monk in 'contemplative silence'. Im not saying the Thais are contemplative , but they certainly understand silence and hold it highly.

Compare the Buddhist monk to the US Evangelist ..

Go to a Thai school and see how quiet they are.

 

Others here have pointed out that school is where the Thai start learning to curtail their expression of their  thoughts and to not ask questions.

By adulthood they have had years of practise at  'wait and see' over anything else. And there is nothing interrogative about their religion ... it is about 'jai yen yen' and acceptance that things just "are".

 

So I can see why Thai ladies  can get exasperated with  our questions.

 Sometimes they simply dont know the answer. Sometimes they know the answer but are ill equipped to convey it . Sometimes they  figure we  should already know the answer. Sometimes there is NO answer.

Look at the average Farang ( male ) - Thai ( female ) couple here and Im sure the male is asking the majority of the questions.  I think that back home and in say a Australian/Australian relationship , it would be the opposite.

 

Ive certainly experienced a reaction of annoyance from some Thai gfs at my questions... sighs or shrugs being at the polite end.

And I think all of us have experienced a myriad of 'non-answer' answers whilst living here.

 

Back home , the vast majority  have an understanding of the boundaries of the  'personal question' .

Perhaps what a Thai sees as 'personal' is just far wider in scope than what we do... 

I have not encountered numerous Thais who would not ask directions or would not ask or answer questions, but neither have I encountered foreigners—except, of course, the man leading a group of men—who refused to ask directions.  However, since you have, it may be the affectation of a group or sub-group of Thai culture.

I disagree with your statement that Thai culture is not “inquiry driven.” I have been asked numerous and sometimes very personal questions by Thais I do not even know—How much does that cost?, How many gfs do you have?, Where is your wife? etc., ad infinitum.  

Regarding silence, I think you may have confused fear of non-conformity or of losing face to silence. You mention a temple or a school scenario. In temple Thais are expected to be quite and contemplative, in school they may lose face with a wrong answer. However, get them outside in an environment where they are among friends and silence ceases.

I doubt your statement that the average Thai female does not ask questions or answer them. I have not seen that. So, once again, I must conclude it is the Thais you know.  I am not suggesting your group of Thais are bargirls, average nice girls, or hi-so girls. I know Thais from all three demographics and they all ask and answer questions. At least they do with me.  

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have had the odd Thai who will not speak, even if I speak Thai; but that is rare and I certainly would not call it a cultural trait.  

[smotherb]

12 minutes ago, notmyself said:

 

With very few considering it unusual and mostly regarding female partners though I suspect many who have posted are male so it's to be expected. As mentioned very early on, this behaviour is not gender specific.

 

Did you read the post to which I responded?

[notmyself]

Just now, smotherb said:

Did you read the post to which I responded?

 

Yes and what you have just written. Very interesting.

 

[FritsSikkink]

On ‎6‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 4:00 PM, peter48 said:

"a Thai girl I once knew, she always answered my questions with: »Don't think too much."

 

Maybe that explains Thailand's weaker schooling system relative to the other Asian Tigers , its weaker high tech innovation , wealth and income  inequality , its higher crime or its extremely higher accident rate and so on. Just an idea

No, it only explains you knew a girl that wasn't smart. 

[atyclb]

4 hours ago, Bill Miller said:

No trip cost. I live here. ?

 

i have had crowns in thailand but coincidently while in vietnam i needed dental work and discovered high quality at about 20% the cost in thailand. for the thai price (or less) of a root canal i can cover trip and all and have a nice little trip . i also live in thailand

Edited June 4, 2018 by atyclb

[atyclb]

3 hours ago, timkeen08 said:

I just clicked to read comments from brunolem to bypass my original ignore for this one post.

 

I agree, this guy's attempts at any real intellectual level of knowledge and his lack of any true discussion skills still confirm my initial justification to click on ignore to begin with and is the only thing of value connected to Brunolem.

 

I read your post and now I am reminded why I chose to click ignore.  He is the only member that I have clicked ignore.  Many others I can just ignore them myself without clicking ignore.

 

I am keeping him ignored, I will never click to read his comments on any post again.  I have no interest in what he has to say to anyone else or to read what he says about any of my posts or comments.  I will not waste any more of my time.

 

Thanks

 

its a good thing you two guys are not married (with each other) . lol

[toofarnorth]

On Sunday, June 03, 2018 at 9:34 AM, JLCrab said:

 "Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies" -- attributed to Irish playwright Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774).
 

' I saw a BiB doing up his flies '. 

[timkeen08]

19 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

its a good thing you two guys are not married (with each other) . lol

Sorry it took so long to get back to you, my wife and I were busy.  I agree with you, it is a really good thing that I'm not married to either of you.  I'm already married to a really great Thai woman.  Sorry but I take marriage seriously, I do not cheat around on her, and we are not into threesomes.

 

You would really be the best match for him anyway since you have already had the idea of marriage to him enter your thoughts.  I on the otherhand,  was not the originator of that thought and I never have had that kind of thought even begin to enter my mind.  Is something subliminal going on there we do not know about?   Besides, he is definately not my type, maybe your's?

 

Not much real thought ever goes into oneliners, just uncontrollable or hidden impulses.  Plus it is not even a new line.  even more lol

[varun]

Quote

My Thai wife hates questions!

She hates answering questions as well as asking them.

 

Let's start with answering questions.

There are a few options regarding how she might react, none of them good I am afraid.

 

The most common is to answer the question with another question.

Q: are you going to visit your friend later today?

A: why?

 

Yet, if she doesn't like the question, for whatever unknown reason, the answer is more brutal.

Q: are you going to visit your friend later today?

A: why do you ask? this is not your business!

 

In another option, she makes up the answer though not to have to search for it.

Q: are the neighbors going to the temple this morning?

A: yes!

Yet in fact they are not going...

 

She also does that when I ask her to translate a question of mine to a third party.

Q: ask the monk if he would like to visit our house.

A: yes he would!

Q: but you didn't ask him! ask please.

A: he says he doesn't have the time

 

Let's now move to asking questions.

 

With friends and relatives there are never any questions asked, other than related to money, that is.

After spending a good half hour talking on the phone, I come with my stupid practical questions.

Q: so your sister is on the road to visit us, will she stay for dinner, overnight...(or any other issue you might think about)?

A: I didn't ask (the answer is always this one)

 

Now, out in the wild world, I sometime have to force her to ask a question to a stranger.

It feels like she'd rather eat a bar of soap.

For example, I am driving in some city, looking for a place where I have never been before.

Q: let me stop and you go ask directions to this guy

A: why don't you turn around a little bit, I am sure we are close.

After finally gathering the strength to go ask someone, it turns out that we were on the wrong side of the city.

 

One last point.

Being a simple and practical guy, I try to generally formulate my questions so that they can be answered with a few words, or even a simple yes or no.

Well, once my question is delt with between my wife and other Thais, it often takes a good ten minutes of talking to get an answer.

 

Is your personal experience similar to mine, or is my wife a special case (lucky me!)?

This is what you get when you marry a baan nok Isaan bumpkin.

 

[colinneil]

4 minutes ago, varun said:

This is what you get when you marry a baan nok Isaan bumpkin.

 

Why are you disrespecting Issan ladies?

 

[faraday]

8 minutes ago, varun said:

This is what you get when you marry a baan nok Isaan bumpkin.

 

Bit rude.

[neeray]

10 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Why are you disrespecting Issan ladies?

 

I know a lovely, refined lady (and I might add, beautiful too) who owns a small, successful, specialty costume manufacturing business in Chonburi. She learned her trade by working in textile manufacturers in Bangkok when she was in her twenties. 

During one national holiday period, she advised me that she was driving home to be with family. That is when she finally had to reluctantly tell me she was born and raised in Issan on the family farm. "Reluctantly" because she thought that would affect my thinking about her. She also has two equally refined and respectable sisters in the area.

Did that knowledge affect me? Yes! With all the negative comments I hear about Issan females, it made me prouder than ever to know Wan and to treasure our long standing, quality friendship.

So like Colinneil asks, "why are you disrespecting Issan ladies?" Painting a group with a broad brush based on their demographics is a disgusting and unfair trait.

Excuse me please, I must end this response now. I want to send Wan a message and tell her how much I appreciate her, even more now than before after reading your remark.

[Happyman58]

21 hours ago, ncc1701d said:

Lol. This. For me it’s the question I’d like to ask someone that doesn’t speak English, so I ask tgf to ask them a question, tgf and Thai person chat away for quite some time. They finish and I’m waiting for an answer and I get nothing. I ask tgf what’s the answer and she looks at me blankly as though I’m mad. I used to get annoyed, now I just laugh it off. I would love to know what they had been talking about for the last few minutes - because if I hadn’t asked her to ask the question, they wouldn’t have been talking in the first place. 

 

As as for the original op, I often get an answers she thinks I want to hear. It’s taken many years of me saying “that’s not what I asked you”, for her to now answer the quesrion directly.

Just of the subject a bit. You ever noticed when 2 Thai ladies are talking. Apart from not catching there breath when talking therefore not stopping for a minute and thinking what they say next, they sound like they are having an argument But its just normal talk lol

[atyclb]

11 hours ago, timkeen08 said:

Sorry it took so long to get back to you, my wife and I were busy.  I agree with you, it is a really good thing that I'm not married to either of you.  I'm already married to a really great Thai woman.  Sorry but I take marriage seriously, I do not cheat around on her, and we are not into threesomes.

 

You would really be the best match for him anyway since you have already had the idea of marriage to him enter your thoughts.  I on the otherhand,  was not the originator of that thought and I never have had that kind of thought even begin to enter my mind.  Is something subliminal going on there we do not know about?   Besides, he is definately not my type, maybe your's?

 

Not much real thought ever goes into oneliners, just uncontrollable or hidden impulses.  Plus it is not even a new line.  even more lol

 

first off i had really though back to a us tv series called "the odd couple" . 2 guys, friends sharing a flat but personality conflicts.

[atyclb]

36 minutes ago, Happyman58 said:

Just of the subject a bit. You ever noticed when 2 Thai ladies are talking. Apart from not catching there breath when talking therefore not stopping for a minute and thinking what they say next, they sound like they are having an argument But its just normal talk lol

 

the ones that sound like they are arguing are usually the lower class poorly educated ones because they seem to have not learned to speak without yelling.

[timkeen08]

1 hour ago, varun said:

This is what you get when you marry a baan nok Isaan bumpkin.

 

I will take any of the fine Isaan women we know, or have met, any day but my Isaan wife is a keeper.  You must have had some really bad experiences.

[timkeen08]

10 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

first off i had really though back to a us tv series called "the odd couple" . 2 guys, friends sharing a flat but personality conflicts.

Really, then why mention marriage?  But I will let you save face, after all it was a very funny show.  I enjoyed the talk, unlike the other guy we mentioned, it was just opinions & playful bantering.  Not a copy & paste post trying to get the last word in but I do hope there is no "second off".   Let's close this on good terms and hope we can talk again.

[atyclb]

7 minutes ago, timkeen08 said:

Really, then why mention marriage?  But I will let you save face, after all it was a very funny show.  I enjoyed the talk, unlike the other guy we mentioned, it was just opinions & playful bantering.  Not a copy & paste post trying to get the last word in but I do hope there is no "second off".   Let's close this on good terms and hope we can talk again.

 

because tv show was a long time ago and in america thus the % of familiarity was not high therefore i used the term "marriage" losing face or saving face is something i have no belief in

[Happyman58]

42 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

the ones that sound like they are arguing are usually the lower class poorly educated ones because they seem to have not learned to speak without yelling.

wow, thanks.  I tell my wife that one. Funny my uneducated lower class wife makes a lot of money out of her business. I will pat her the back next time keep up the good work you lower class uneducated woman lol

[Happyman58]

2 hours ago, colinneil said:

Why are you disrespecting Issan ladies?

 

Yeah, Col I also have an issan lady.  She is top class. But maybe not as top class as those bar girls who come from and work in Bangkok And Pattaya Now they are a top act

[Happyman58]

1 hour ago, neeray said:

I know a lovely, refined lady (and I might add, beautiful too) who owns a small, successful, specialty costume manufacturing business in Chonburi. She learned her trade by working in textile manufacturers in Bangkok when she was in her twenties. 

During one national holiday period, she advised me that she was driving home to be with family. That is when she finally had to reluctantly tell me she was born and raised in Issan on the family farm. "Reluctantly" because she thought that would affect my thinking about her. She also has two equally refined and respectable sisters in the area.

Did that knowledge affect me? Yes! With all the negative comments I hear about Issan females, it made me prouder than ever to know Wan and to treasure our long standing, quality friendship.

So like Colinneil asks, "why are you disrespecting Issan ladies?" Painting a group with a broad brush based on their demographics is a disgusting and unfair trait.

Excuse me please, I must end this response now. I want to send Wan a message and tell her how much I appreciate her, even more now than before after reading your remark.

Well said Neeray