20 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

Maybe once in a while you should ask your wife "Are you happy,everything OK"

I do ask my wife quite often,and we have been together for 30 years,marriage 

you have to work a it.

regards worgeordie

And her reply is. . . ?

10 minutes ago, robblok said:

Of course because just like foreigners they are individuals. Are you the same as everyone else from your country ? I never get it why people think all Thais are the same and should share the same traits. For sure that  not all Dutch are the same and have the same value's and habits why would it be different for Thais. 

You don't get it.

I am saying that members' wives react differently when dealing with questions.

The member I quoted suggested that my wife's reaction was a cultural issue...yet obviously it is not!

All or almost all Thais eat spicy food...that, is a cultural issue...

1 minute ago, Brunolem said:

You don't get it.

I am saying that members' wives react differently when dealing with questions.

The member I quoted suggested that my wife's reaction was a cultural issue...yet obviously it is not!

All or almost all Thais eat spicy food...that, is a cultural issue...

I got it was just confirming it was not cultural and found it strange why people all expect things to be cultural. Plus that even cultural does not mean much, one could say that most Dutch like cheese but there are quite a few that don't. Cultural are often not major things and often are not universal. I feel that people on this forum think too much that things are cultural and that people from certain countries would all behave the same way. That is like saying that all Americans are gun lovers while there is a big anti gun lobby too. Yet culturally speaking gun loving is more American than Dutch but really does not apply to all Americans. 

 

Cultural could only mean that things are more prevalent then in other countries but even that does not mean everyone and there are far less cultural things then we think. We attribute too much to culture here we love to lump up Thais all together too much while they are just as individual as you and I are.

Just now, robblok said:

I got it was just confirming it was not cultural and found it strange why people all expect things to be cultural. Plus that even cultural does not mean much, one could say that most Dutch like cheese but there are quite a few that don't. Cultural are often not major things and often are not universal. I feel that people on this forum think too much that things are cultural and that people from certain countries would all behave the same way. That is like saying that all Americans are gun lovers while there is a big anti gun lobby too. Yet culturally speaking gun loving is more American than Dutch but really does not apply to all Americans. 

 

Cultural could only mean that things are more prevalent then in other countries but even that does not mean everyone and there are far less cultural things then we think. We attribute too much to culture here we love to lump up Thais all together too much while they are just as individual as you and I are.

Of course they are. There are about five Thais who don't assume all falangs are stinking rich. Most of these, of course, are themselves stinking rich.

i usually get the shit because I’m not listening and my partner has an English degree and speaks fluently. I tend to be distracted and in my own world....we talk a lot though, if I pay attention ?. Maybe make it a habit of sharing and talking more. My sweetheart is from the south, but then again everybody is different and generalizations don’t work very well in my experience.

The discussion has approached the point of Culture & Cultural differences...

 

But this isn't a cultural issue, it's an issue of respect and ignorance.

 

Wives, friends or anyone else who will not answer your questions with a level of effort deserving of the question posed has no respect for the person asking said question. 

 

The Ops asked for personsl experiences... Mine: I wouldnt accept this behaviour from my friends or my Wife and fortunately, neither have I had to. Mutual respect is easy to come by if you avoid the ignorant.

 

11 minutes ago, robblok said:

I got it was just confirming it was not cultural and found it strange why people all expect things to be cultural. Plus that even cultural does not mean much, one could say that most Dutch like cheese but there are quite a few that don't. Cultural are often not major things and often are not universal. I feel that people on this forum think too much that things are cultural and that people from certain countries would all behave the same way. That is like saying that all Americans are gun lovers while there is a big anti gun lobby too. Yet culturally speaking gun loving is more American than Dutch but really does not apply to all Americans. 

 

Cultural could only mean that things are more prevalent then in other countries but even that does not mean everyone and there are far less cultural things then we think. We attribute too much to culture here we love to lump up Thais all together too much while they are just as individual as you and I are.

On that I would agree 100% with you!

The "cultural" thing is branded by many members as if it was the ultimate answer to explain everything!

16 minutes ago, Krataiboy said:

And her reply is. . . ?

Depends on how she is feeling,if she has won a few THB on the lottery,

great,if she has a painful knee,or problem with her ear

that happened recently,the answer 

is not as positive,obviously ,OK

regards worgeordie

51 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

Maybe once in a while you should ask your wife "Are you happy,everything OK"

I do ask my wife quite often,and we have been together for 30 years,marriage 

you have to work a it.

regards worgeordie

Not far 10 000 posts of your this one is one of the very best!? (not joking) 

35 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

Are you a divorce lawyer?

For divorce lawyers, and most judges, the husband is always responsible, no matter what!

This is a specific case for which women are not asking for equality of treatment with men...go figure...

No I am not, but from the tone of your original post,

I feel you will be looking for one,unless you can get

your problems sorted out.

regards worgeordie

when i lived in hawaii had a japanese gal visit on holidays often and things were great until she became proficient in english

Edited June 3, 20188 yr by atyclb

Could it be the isaan factor !!

My little Beloved will frequently change the subject, and I will forget that I have asked a question.
I am pretty sure it is frequently due to not understanding what I have asked.
When pressed sometimes I get "My English no good.", which is not entirely true. I do believe loss of face enters in at some point.
We have some "spirited" discussions at times, because of the "face" deal.
I was recently trying to explain that US medical costs are roughly 10 X for the same procedure in even the high end Bangkok hospitals. She was insistent "Same same". I very much know better having done some comparison "shopping".
I was in 2011 charged a total in the neighbourhood of $300,000 for a triple bypass procedure at a high end Phoenix heart hospital, air ambulance, several road ambulance rides, angiogram diagnostic, etc. Fair broke the bank as Medicare was not "on" for me yet, and the cardiac diagnostic guy gave me a 20% probability of living with his best efforts until it did take effect.
So, "Same same " would have meant somewhere around 9,600,000 baht. Showed her some "Package" deals from Bumrungrad, etc, for 280,000 baht... about one tenth.
Along with the "face" thing, and perhaps the same syndrome, is the absolute inability to admit to error. "Okay, I wrong!" , obviously meaning the opposite,
Not meant one bit to "bash" this lovely and fascinating small person, with whom I am deeply in love, but I think there is a very interesting cultural phenomenon at work here, the real "Thainess".

17 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

No I am not, but from the tone of your original post,

I feel you will be looking for one,unless you can get

your problems sorted out.

regards worgeordie

That may be so.

Yet, I have to be sure because a separation with the wife would also probably mean a separation with the country, both being intimately linked.

Having reached the sixties, I am not sure if I am ready for a new start...we'll see...

My wife is educated and works in the health area.   She has read the post with interest and agrees with a lot of the comments, even laughed.  Her response is that Thai's have an insular approach to almost everything.  Most are not well educated and live in a small world, always looking inward rather than out as most westerners tend to do.  They are similar to people with ADHD - Attention Deficit Disorder.  She even run it over 'Google Translate' to make sure I got the right message.

Despite her own knowledge of English she is including her own behavioral tendencies.  The other day she was driving me home and I thought I was having a conversation when suddenly I found she was not responding.  I got her attention and asked her "had she listened"?  She apologized and said that "she had switched off me and was thinking in Thai about something else".  Not uncommon.  Her reason was that it was too noisy in the car to speak properly so she decided to switch off.  It happens without notice and takes some getting used to.

Education doesn't necessarily mean an interest in world affairs or things outside Thailand, even outside of family and simple survival, although my wife now prefers to follow CGTN, Aust Plus, etc TV.

The thing is, we all have agendas.  Wives have one, you have one, everyone has one.  Try as we might to enjoy a happy union there will always be times when those agendas get in the way.

3 hours ago, JLCrab said:

 "Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies" -- attributed to Irish playwright Oliver Goldsmith (1728-1774).
 

I think this should be stapled into everyone's passport,  along with their departure card !

31 minutes ago, robblok said:

I got it was just confirming it was not cultural and found it strange why people all expect things to be cultural. Plus that even cultural does not mean much, one could say that most Dutch like cheese but there are quite a few that don't. Cultural are often not major things and often are not universal. I feel that people on this forum think too much that things are cultural and that people from certain countries would all behave the same way. That is like saying that all Americans are gun lovers while there is a big anti gun lobby too. Yet culturally speaking gun loving is more American than Dutch but really does not apply to all Americans. 

 

Cultural could only mean that things are more prevalent then in other countries but even that does not mean everyone and there are far less cultural things then we think. We attribute too much to culture here we love to lump up Thais all together too much while they are just as individual as you and I are.

5

"We attribute too much to culture here we love to lump up Thais all together too much while they are just as individual as you and I are."

As far as I am concerned you are absolutely right, but reading TV regularly would totally suggest the opposite!  When we are eating home or restaurant with my wife never she looks at her telephone(s) on the contrary she is very talkative. When she looks at them (telephones) in the house Facebook, Lines and so on, she comes regularly to show me, look at this look at that unbelievable is'n it!  For instance about the Thai drivers, never have I seen my wife not using the turn signal, never ever,  she checks whether the lane is free in its rearview mirrors every time... and she stops at any orange traffic light.

She answers every of my question gently, only sometimes answers are: because Thai people do like that ? Also she never been a bar girl when I met her she was working for a foreign company does that changed something? Maybe yes maybe not. All I know everyone in her close family are very kind smiling and joking most of the time to each other and behave with me in the same way.

After reading this thread, I thought "mine really is different".

 

Her English is good and my Thai is just ok - but in either language a question gets a straight answer.

 

A delay in answering means she's thinking of a polite way of letting me down gently, such as when I asked; 'am I too old to wear these ripped jeans?'.

 

After 8 years together she knows that I want a real answer to the most important questions such as; "where shall we go to eat?", and rather than 'up to you', I get a specific restaurant, the menu items and the sat nav entry.

 

If the OP's problem is not language, and you've got over the usual cultural hurdle of getting her to understand you want a real answer, and not an attempt to second guess what you want to hear, then I'm baffled by this one.

 

35 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

That may be so.

Yet, I have to be sure because a separation with the wife would also probably mean a separation with the country, both being intimately linked.

Having reached the sixties, I am not sure if I am ready for a new start...we'll see...

Don't know what in the world is going to "make you sure".

1.  It's a cultural thing..... opinion of some here

2.  She doesn't love you ...obvious to some here who view her behaviour as totally unacceptable.

 

Now it's up to you to choose.  

I found this with my separated partner in fact in some ways it partly led to our drifting apart. They do not like lots of questions but I am not sure if that is a function of their education ; maybe university girls can sustain analytical questions while 'country girls' who left school early do not like it and get shirty about questions such as about their friends, relatives or even about things at the temple.

It's frustrating for Farangs and in long term marriages blocks talking a lot because happily married couples in the west will talk things through at breakfast etc ...over coffee and tea.   

 

Its like talking about the future or mapping out options- they just can not do it. Its like part of their cognitive functions are not developed. Maybe its too abstract. However even all this is not like moods and short tempered rants. if you pick up  on poor temper control and ranting leave the relationship early as it only gets worse later - by then you may have kids, mortgages etc and it gets difficult.  In the end its always about compatibility and fun and sex yes but in longer term its not just sex as you get older with the same lady. 

5 hours ago, Brunolem said:

In another option, she makes up the answer though not to have to search for it.

Q: are the neighbors going to the temple this morning?

A: yes!

Yet in fact they are not going...

Q: Are the neighbors going to the temple this morning?

A: None of your business! Get a hobby. Why don't you stalk the neighbors to see where they went?

 

ps. Maybe your wife just isn't very bright. Or maybe your daily interrogations make her feel uncomfortable around you.

44 minutes ago, Antioc said:

The other day she was driving me home and I thought I was having a conversation when suddenly I found she was not responding.  I got her attention and asked her "had she listened"?  She apologized and said that "she had switched off me and was thinking in Thai about something else".

I think this has nothing do to with being "Thai", this is just normal behaviour, i also do this sometimes if it's about a topic that's not important and in which i'm just not interested

I told my GF many times already that i really have no interest in talking about stuff like makeup with her and she can do this with her girl friends. But sometimes she just keeps talking for 10 minutes about which foundation she should buy, then i also just stop listening and let her talk ?

Edited June 3, 20188 yr by jackdd

3 hours ago, Brunolem said:

In my opening post, I asked members to share their experience, not to rub in my face because I don't have a life as perfect as theirs!

 

 

OK....i agree with you on that !   Many of us have had "failed"  relationships.   And the only honest advice I can give is :    Get the hell out.     That is not to belittle you.....actually it is an attempt at helping.

From your post I can only view it as disrespect.  But none of us actually know if you have earned it or not.

2 minutes ago, chippendale said:

Q: Are the neighbors going to the temple this morning?

A: None of your business! Get a hobby. Why don't you stalk the neighbors to see where they went?

 

ps. Maybe your wife just isn't very bright. Or maybe your daily interrogations make her feel uncomfortable around you.

Let's assume that you are not joking...

 

Don't you get it that I used these simple basic questions as examples, in order to illustrate what I was talking about?

 

Like a few others, can't you make a difference between interrogation and questions?

Is asking the time or asking for directions an interrogation in your mind?

 

Finally, as I said in a previous post, what has that to do with your personal experience regarding Thai women and how they react to questions?

Try asking her what she is trying to accomplish by not asking or answering questions.

you can ask a few questions to see if she really understands you.

If she answers " it is not your bussiness " or " up to you " or " why" on the question :" how much money do you need ".......than you are sure she does not understand you

Thank you to the OP for a good chuckle in the morning.

 

The issue is not individuals but rather the system of education where inquisitiveness is considered bad, frowned upon or looked down upon and is often literally beaten out of children at school.

relationships !   such intelligent people,  highly educated,  successful in business... still can't figure 

this one out :

 

com·pat·i·bil·i·ty

kəmˌpadəˈbilədē/

noun

 

1. a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.

6 minutes ago, rumak said:

OK....i agree with you on that !   Many of us have had "failed"  relationships.   And the only honest advice I can give is :    Get the hell out.     That is not to belittle you.....actually it is an attempt at helping.

From your post I can only view it as disrespect.  But none of us actually know if you have earned it or not.

Should we get the hell out for such issues, especially when there is a child in the middle?

What happened to being married for better and for worse?

Except for the very lucky persons that seem to be everywhere in this forum, a large majority of people, of all nationalities, go through some difficulties after many years spent together.

Nowadays, instead of trying to make things better, they simply go from one partner and one divorce to the next.

This had led our society where it stands today, which is not in a good place...

3 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

Let's assume that you are not joking...

 

Don't you get it that I used these simple basic questions as examples, in order to illustrate what I was talking about?

 

Like a few others, can't you make a difference between interrogation and questions?

Is asking the time or asking for directions an interrogation in your mind?

 

Finally, as I said in a previous post, what has that to do with your personal experience regarding Thai women and how they react to questions?

You ask me four questions. That's too many.

 

Chill.

 

You could try lightening the mood with her. She may be of peasant ancestry and not bright enough to deal with lots of questions at a time. Some women are like startled rabbits. Smile and exchange some jokes and banter to put her at ease. Play Kenny G and Michael Bolton on the stereo. Pour her a drink. Then she'll open up and become a torrent of chatter and tell you lots of girly talk, so all your questions will be answered in advance.