Is your Thai companion averse to questions?

[observer90210]

Why are some complaining against their wives ?....Just curious, and no offence please but did you boys not notice all of this before you married ? ... or is the usual issue on people changing and showing their real nature, once they are financialy secured in life,  and in the relationship ?....just asking, so please do not get upset.

Edited June 3, 2018 by observer90210

[Lacessit]

I'm not surprised the OP is frustrated. He is asking binomial questions. It's inherent in Thais to approach a topic obliquely, to avoid conflict. Which is why the phrase "up to you" is so frequently used.

[anon537687643]

Perfect example of why never have a personal relationship with such irrational nationality


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[notmyself]

57 minutes ago, observer90210 said:

Why are some complaining against their wives ?....Just curious, and no offence please but did you boys not notice all of this before you married ? ... or is the usual issue on people changing and showing their real nature, once they are financialy secured in life,  and in the relationship ?....just asking, so please do not get upset.

 

Good question. It can take some time to realise that the issue is not a language barrier.

 

[observer90210]

59 minutes ago, markaoffy said:

Perfect example of why never have a personal relationship with such irrational nationality


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

With some types of women here, just rent...never buy !!

[rumak]

7 hours ago, Kinnock said:

After reading this thread, I thought "mine really is different".

 

Her English is good and my Thai is just ok - but in either language a question gets a straight answer.

 

A delay in answering means she's thinking of a polite way of letting me down gently, such as when I asked; 'am I too old to wear these ripped jeans?'.

 

After 8 years together she knows that I want a real answer to the most important questions such as; "where shall we go to eat?", and rather than 'up to you', I get a specific restaurant, the menu items and the sat nav entry.

 

If the OP's problem is not language, and you've got over the usual cultural hurdle of getting her to understand you want a real answer, and not an attempt to second guess what you want to hear, then I'm baffled by this one.

 

Is Kinnock meant to mean  kee nok ?   just wondering

[rumak]

1 hour ago, observer90210 said:

Why are some complaining against their wives ?....Just curious, and no offence please but did you boys not notice all of this before you married ? ... or is the usual issue on people changing and showing their real nature, once they are financialy secured in life,  and in the relationship ?....just asking, so please do not get upset.

i can't answer for all.....but...... probably some just didn't have enough experience to "see" behind that

beautiful thai smile.   Then others thought they had it figured out only to be surprised later, when the

"real nature"  came out little by little.  

hate to say it but loneliness and weakness are a recipe for disaster.  but just like thai ladies, most visitors

to the LOS think that they are different.

[mentalcolonization]

My wife ask me a lot of questions. i can't get a proper conversation.

[rumak]

21 minutes ago, observer90210 said:

With some types of women here, just rent...never buy !!

no need to buy with any woman !   happy you stay together.   not happy you leave.  simple

[ericthai]

13 hours ago, Brunolem said:

This is not the case with my wife who is very comfortable with the English language, having almost 20 years of practice.

 

On top of that, it is not like if I was asking about the phases of the moon, or how to fix the engine in the car...I am talking about very simple and basic questions, such as what time is it?

 

Finally, the language issue doesn't explain the difficulty of asking questions to other Thais...

Most thais (not all) dont like to ask questions or show they dont know something. So it's common for them to avoid the question or make up something.

 

My first girlfriend in Thailand was like this. We would go to the store for something is wanted she cant find it and I would tell her ask the owner and she would just say they dont have it without asking. 

[ericthai]

11 hours ago, Ombra said:

 How do you explain this in terms of Thai thinking?

Easy, most Thai's dont want to loose face. Asking a question, even a simple question shows they dont know something, which is looked down on in Thai society, so they either dont ask or make something up.

 

It starts in school, dont question the teacher they are an elder and know best, just listen and do as your told. Just the way the govt wants things!

[manarak]

I know many Thai women who don't like questions and also who don't like talking, don't like explaining, not even translating or teaching some words.

 

Much is due of course to the culture here, but I also think that after a while together, it's almost insulting to be treated like just another person in her environment that should be "handled" with sweettalk, avoid conflict, lie... it gives the feeling of not being on the same team, not sitting on the same boat. Once this feeling sets in, it's difficult to not terminate the relationship.

Edited June 3, 2018 by manarak

[jamesmacleod]

don't think too much, is like don't ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies usually, but in a way which is like don't worry about it, everything is okay.

 

Many Thai's keep their cards close to their chests, as a Brit myself I am wired and programmed very differently to Thai ladies and therefore Thai ladies programming can cause me issues... I am guessing that is the same for most people in thailand here visiting from ferang nations

[theguyfromanotherforum]

8 hours ago, observer90210 said:

With some types of women here, just rent...never buy !!

 

Yes, it's the best to pay for aids

[starky]

20 hours ago, Happyman58 said:

Ok, I have read what you guys have written and can relate to that. I think most farang husbands are in the same boat. The fav saying from Thai ladies is "Up to You"

"Or I do not understand" that's another favorite

 

When you say you want 5,000 baht they seem to understand that. I am afraid my wife has two bad habits. One is she loves to gossip and the other is it's ok for her to go out with her Thai mates for hours and cant give a time when she might make it home. Tomorrow we were asked to go to Lunch with a group of farangs and their Thai wives and she is making every excuse not to go. Why do I wonder? Do they feel uncomfortable with a group of farangs or do they just like Thai company? She cant see my way of thinking. Hey, I don't want to go but I will go maybe he might make some friends. Does anybody come across this? I think they want you to sit at home know nobody and they go out and enjoy themselves

In a nutshell. Time is relative. For a lot of Thais "Thai time" is a very real concept. They may feel uncomfortable with a group of falangs they may also not prefer to hang out with a group of falangs. They will ALWAYS prefer to hang out with a group of Thais. Honestly just ask yourself the same questions your answers will be the same. If you go out with your mates do you wish to be constrained by time and answer to someone about what time you will be home?  And what would you rather do sit around with a group of your mates or sit around with a group of Thais? Fycks sake it's not rocket science. 

[AntDee]

It seems to me there are at least a couple dimensions at play. 

 

We all know that how our wives react at any given moment is highly dependant on the overall relationship. Does my wife respect me? Did we have a fight last night? Ect. 

 

Also, are Thais, in general, averse to asking questions? Yes, probably. My observations are that they are. Not sure why, but seems they are fairly imprecise communicators even amongst themselves. And, the language also does not lend itself to precision. And, there may be a FACE element at play. 

[Farang99]

No

[smotherb]

After only one page of responses we see that several posters think their Thai wives just don't understand English well enough to provide a proper answer. Others, including the OP, say their Thai wives just don't handle questions well. Other posters' suggested it was gestapo tactics, or prying, or too much info to ask simple questions. One poster stated his Thai wife had no problem with questions, because she speaks English well. Other than the fact that some Thai-farang couples just do not communicate well, is there another explanation?

 

My family and I were at a farang friend's house for dinner a couple of weeks ago. The farang friend asked my Thai daughter-in-law to ask his Thai wife, or explain to his Thai wife, some issues on different subjects several times during the evening. The friend's Thai is non-existent and his wife's English is limited, at best. The friend and his wife have been married for 16 years; yet they still cannot communicate even simple constructs easily; heaven forbid trying to understand complex subjects. 

 

How do you establish a lasting relationship; if you do not understand each other well? Or, do you think understanding each other is unimportant?

[smotherb]

20 hours ago, Krataiboy said:

And her reply is. . . ?

We eat pla duk for dinner.

[smotherb]

23 hours ago, Brunolem said:

There are not so many different ways to ask a five word question...

I can also ask the same question in Thai, yet the answer remains the same.

 

As for being confrontational, we are not talking about an interrogation here, but about simple daily life questions...

So, you don't think it has anything to do with her ability to understand what you are saying, it is just she does not want to answer or does not believe you need to know?

[Happyman58]

1 hour ago, starky said:

In a nutshell. Time is relative. For a lot of Thais "Thai time" is a very real concept. They may feel uncomfortable with a group of falangs they may also not prefer to hang out with a group of falangs. They will ALWAYS prefer to hang out with a group of Thais. Honestly just ask yourself the same questions your answers will be the same. If you go out with your mates do you wish to be constrained by time and answer to someone about what time you will be home?  And what would you rather do sit around with a group of your mates or sit around with a group of Thais? Fycks sake it's not rocket science. 

2

Ok Rocketman  I answer some of your questions

1/  Would I wish to be constrained to someone about what time I would come home. Well, a bit of an idea would be ok don't you think? You are married to the lady not just someone  or would you prefer an answer like " I see ya when I see Ya"

 

2/ Would I rather sit around with a group of farangs or Thais when I go out. Ok, When I read this question I presume that we were talking about married couples  Farang to Thai ladies. You are talking like you are you are a single man or lady. For a start, I don't go hanging out with my mates and turn up at all hours of the morning. I use to do that when I was a lot  younger and single. We don't hang out with a group of farangs We were just asked out for lunch with farangs married to Thai ladies so it would not just be farangs there.

Can you see a problem with that?

I see you are making an issue where she does not like going out meeting farangs. I think I am in the same boat as most Farangs here are married to Thai ladies. Most of us are in our 40s 50s 60s 70s. The Thai lady you are married to was probably married before to a THAI like mine or they only dated Thai men. So they probably never have gone to lunch or party where there are other farang men there also married to Thai ladies. That was the reason she was a bit nervous. Its all bloody new to them ok. 

My wife is never restricted to where she goes. Yes, she does go out with Thais. You are acting like I am a prison warden and keep her in a jail but far from the truth. But for Fycks sake I really can't see your point.  When you are married to someone a bit of communication between the couple helps a bit don't you think?

 

 

[smotherb]

23 hours ago, Damrongsak said:

To hell with all you lucky guys who can get a question in edgewise.  I have to jump up and down and wave my arms to get any air time.

Why would you be with a woman who makes you jump through hoops?

[smotherb]

22 hours ago, Brunolem said:

In my opening post, I asked members to share their experience, not to rub in my face because I don't have a life as perfect as theirs!

 

 

Well, you ought to know that this or any other open forum will have posters with many differences of opinion. You asked, so take the answers at their merit. 

[smotherb]

22 hours ago, norrska said:

Just don't ask me any questions, I am not in the mood to answer!

No one is forcing you to answer, or is the gestapo making you do it?

[smotherb]

22 hours ago, Damrongsak said:

" Thai not my language. "

 

Boy, if I ever used that expression except in a conciliatory tone, my wife would have my head. For years, she's managed to keep words to a minimum and understandable to me.  We met when we barely spoke the others language, but could share a bit of life philosophy.  She has a way with children. My Thai has not gotten much better in 40 years in the USA, but her English took off.  So now I'm all ears and they hurt.

 

Funny thing, my wife wrote a book in English before she went back to Thailand.  Home spun philosophy.  In the Acknowledgements, she says "I thank my husband XXX YYYY for helping correct my spelling and grammar.  Although it has driven near divorce many times, we made it."   

 

No kidding, 100+ agonizing pages and endless edits. My girl ...  

 

 

Good on her. Many of the Thai wives who do not speak English well have never lived outside their home-country, but that too is not the cure-all. I know Thais who have never lived elsewhere, but speak fluent English and I also know Thais who have lived in the US and do not speak English well at all. You can replace the word "Thai" in the above statements with "Vietnamese" or "Filipino"  and the same is true.

[neeray]

19 hours ago, chippendale said:

Q: Are the neighbors going to the temple this morning?

A: None of your business! Get a hobby. Why don't you stalk the neighbors to see where they went?

 

ps. Maybe your wife just isn't very bright. Or maybe your daily interrogations make her feel uncomfortable around you.

Or maybe the relationship has seen better days. Maybe she really doesn't give a rats ass anymore.

[CanuckThai]

23 hours ago, Happyman58 said:

Ok, I have read what you guys have written and can relate to that. I think most farang husbands are in the same boat. The fav saying from Thai ladies is "Up to You"

"Or I do not understand" that's another favorite

 

When you say you want 5,000 baht they seem to understand that. I am afraid my wife has two bad habits. One is she loves to gossip and the other is it's ok for her to go out with her Thai mates for hours and cant give a time when she might make it home. Tomorrow we were asked to go to Lunch with a group of farangs and their Thai wives and she is making every excuse not to go. Why do I wonder? Do they feel uncomfortable with a group of farangs or do they just like Thai company? She cant see my way of thinking. Hey, I don't want to go but I will go maybe he might make some friends. Does anybody come across this? I think they want you to sit at home know nobody and they go out and enjoy themselves

I think some Thai women are frightened of situations, where they may lose face in a non-Thai speaking crowd.

 

I experienced a situation a few months ago that was interesting.  I met a farang and his Thai girlfriend a the local market, my wife knew the man's girlfriend, I had never met the farang before.   He was from Canada, so we struck up an enjoyable casual conversation about current events going on back home, and different places we had experienced here .  Simple.  My wife enjoyed the conversation, and was actively participating.  The Thai girlfriend (who could speak some english), petered off somewhere while we chatted...   

Found out later, from my wife (and later by the farang), that the Thai girlfriend thought we were talking (gossiping) about her, and  dumped the farang to save face, thinking he now knew her colorful history.  

[Happyman58]

12 minutes ago, CanuckThai said:

I think some Thai women are frightened of situations, where they may lose face in a non-Thai speaking crowd.

 

I experienced a situation a few months ago that was interesting.  I met a farang and his Thai girlfriend a the local market, my wife knew the man's girlfriend, I had never met the farang before.   He was from Canada, so we struck up an enjoyable casual conversation about current events going on back home, and different places we had experienced here .  Simple.  My wife enjoyed the conversation, and was actively participating.  The Thai girlfriend (who could speak some english), petered off somewhere while we chatted...   

Found out later, from my wife (and later by the farang), that the Thai girlfriend thought we were talking (gossiping) about her, and  dumped the farang to save face, thinking he now knew her colorful history.  

5

Look so many things can happen. But I find it great from time to time to meet other farang . I spend lots of time with my wife's friends all Thai even though I can't speak Thai  We still have a great time But really dumping him for that is a bit weak but who knows how some think? Maybe dumping him was on her mind long before that.

[Brunolem]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

So, you don't think it has anything to do with her ability to understand what you are saying, it is just she does not want to answer or does not believe you need to know?

She doesn't want to answer.

Questions really make her very uncomfortable.

 

Here is another example: I am on the phone with some local administration or company and can't get someone who speaks English, so I ask my wife to speak for me and ask the question(s) I wanted to ask.

 

You should see her face...

[Happyman58]

3 minutes ago, Brunolem said:

She doesn't want to answer.

Questions really make her very uncomfortable.

 

Here is another example: I am on the phone with some local administration or company and can't get someone who speaks English, so I ask my wife to speak for me and ask the question(s) I wanted to ask.

 

You should see her face...

Look I have read what you are writing. Everybody here has the same problems. Maybe you should change your approach to things Use a bit of humor. Ok eg  My wife is on the Mobile I ask her something. No answer  So I say "Earth to the spaceship. Are you reading me? Come in space-ship. Then she looks up and starts laughing. Then it is ok you get her attention and she starts talking LOL Thais love humor. But if they see you are getting frustrated like when you were on the phone they tend to clam up and say nothing. Then it becomes a no win situation