Go Australia!

[donna]

I got this emailed to me today. VERY funny. many of you may have seen it before, as have i, but it still makes me laugh.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!!

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and Only in Australia can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy People can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Australia do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Australia do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Australia do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call-waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Australia are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

and finally,

In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

[skippybangkok]

I got this emailed to me today. VERY funny. many of you may have seen it before, as have i, but it still makes me laugh.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!!

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and Only in Australia can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy People can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Australia do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Australia do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Australia do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call-waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Australia are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

and finally,

In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Hate to be the party pooper, but its been posted many times over already.

[khall64au]

I got this emailed to me today. VERY funny. many of you may have seen it before, as have i, but it still makes me laugh.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!!

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and Only in Australia can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy People can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Australia do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Australia do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Australia do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call-waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Australia are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

and finally,

In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Hate to be the party pooper, but its been posted many times over already.

So c'mon Aussies - give us an update, this one is 7 years old!!!

Only in Australia..... (hmmmmm?)

[Momo8]

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.They

were

posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers

are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a

sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,

how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching

them

die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

tracks?

(Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a

list

of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of

Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which

does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday

night in

Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and

we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

is...oh forget it.Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every

Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come

naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year

round?

(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

its

name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out

of Gum

trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before

you go

out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you

tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female

population is

smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

[Nignoy]

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.They

were

posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers

are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a

sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,

how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching

them

die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad

tracks?

(Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a

list

of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of

Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which

does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday

night in

Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

and

we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which

is...oh forget it.Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every

Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come

naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year

round?

(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All

Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and

make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget

its

name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out

of Gum

trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.

You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before

you go

out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you

tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female

population is

smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Come on Be Honest!! We queenslanders celebrate christmas in July Nignoy