In a pickle - I want to divorce Thai woman, she refuses

[ThomasTT]

I have been married to my Thai wife since 2012. We got married in Europe and have since been moving around many Asian countries, where I have worked as an expat. We have two amazing kids together but in 2016 I cheated on her... yes, apparently sometimes the opposite of the norm happens... and it wasn't only once.... Anyway, our marriage broke down and about a year ago we moved back to Bangkok and she and the kids moved to one apartment and I moved to another apartment. 

 

I pay her a hefty sum of money every month for her and the kids to have a nice place to live. I pay for their international school but as you can guess she wants more and more and more money. I just say no when I don't feel comfortable paying her what she wants as I know she has more than enough.

 

However, I want to move on with my life and I am not happy about the way she keeps trying to extort money out of me. It has gotten worse lately, where she has refused to let me see my kids, IF I didn't do this and this or pay her that and that. So we are at a point where I feel this is hurting our kids and I simply cannot let that happen and therefore I want a divorce and get it finalised legally between us.

 

I am not asking for custody of my kids or not to pay her anything - but I want the marriage to end and to be a free man and know what I legally am bound to give her, so this nonsense can stop.

 

And herein lies my question: Like I mentioned, I was married in a European country and I have sought legal advice there and I cannot divorce in this country unless I have been a resident there the last 12 months, which I haven't. So dead end.

 

I have sought legal advice in my home country, which is another European country and that is the same answer. I cannot file for divorce there as I am not a resident and haven't been for 15 years.

 

Last option is to get divorced in Thailand where we both live. However, from what I have found out so far, that is not possible either because our marriage is not officially registered in Thailand. This of course gets even more tricky because she refuses to get divorced and as I understand it, I cannot register the marriage without her consent. 

 

So what the heck do I do? I feel I am completely stuck in this marriage with no options to get divorced. However, I can't understand that.... there has to be a way..... A few questions:

1. Is there anyway I can register our marriage in Thailand without her?

2. Would she as a Thai be able to register our marriage in Thailand without my consent? The reason for this question is of course that if the marriage isn't registered, then I am not legally married and therefore a single guy again (at least in Thailand)

3. At one point a few years back in 2015, I lived in Thailand on a spouse-visa. If I can produce this together with my marriage certificate, does that prove to the authorities that I am married?

 

Any and I mean ANY advice will be highly appreciated... I feel stuck !

 

[Just Weird]

To "register a marriage" in Thailand to enable you to subsequently get a divorce under Thai law means that you have to actually get married here, obviously; you cannot register a marriage without doing that.  Bearing in mind what you have said about her attitude to a divorce, good luck with that!  Would you even be able to get married here as you are already married? 

 

But even if she did agree to marriage and then divorce here, you'd still be married to her under the laws of the European country where you were married originally, surely?

 

 

[ThomasTT]

I was under the impression that if we were married in Europe, we could together go to some authority here and get that marriage verified, no? My idea was to find a way to get our marriage from Europe registered here without her consent and the file for contested divorce.

 

If I would be able to get married in Thailand, when I am already married. Well, as I see it, right now I am not married in Thailand, so I guess I would be able to.

 

One of my Indonesian friends suggested I converted to Islam if I wanted to get married again ?

 

In all honesty I don't care if I am still married in Europe, as I have no intention of ever moving back. But right now I just want to get divorced, which seems bloody impossible because she is resisting.

[poanoi]

i would stop paying just like that,

and tell her the facts that getting divorced is more important

to her than it is to you,

since she will want to land another income one of these days.

 

my ex wife came strolling by after around a year and wanted a divorce,

there was no mentioning of financial compensation whatsoever

[colinneil]

Well you got problems brought on by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Bit of advice for the future, learn to keep your zipper closed.

[ThomasTT]

@paonoi, that is not an option. Her temper, is like many Thais extreme. If I stop paying, I fear the worst for what she could do to my children. 

[cornishcarlos]

9 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Well you got problems brought on by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Bit of advice for the future, learn to keep your zipper closed.

 

I think he knows that Colin...

I would say as above, stop paying completely. It will be hard on the kids but she will change her tune pretty damn quick when the cash runs out.

Take control of the situation...

[ThomasTT]

8 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Well you got problems brought on by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Bit of advice for the future, learn to keep your zipper closed.

You could say that.... but then again, keeping it in my pants or not, should not put me in a situation where I am legally locked and cannot move on with my life. I don't think I am the first person in the world, who has been unfaithful. Oh, and by the way, I also have proof that she cheated on me later on - not that it makes much difference as it was probably revenge.... 

[colinneil]

9 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

You could say that.... but then again, keeping it in my pants or not, should not put me in a situation where I am legally locked and cannot move on with my life. I don't think I am the first person in the world, who has been unfaithful. Oh, and by the way, I also have proof that she cheated on me later on - not that it makes much difference as it was probably revenge.... 

Yes but 2 wrongs dont make it right.

You made the children, so you have a  moral responsiblility.

 

[poanoi]

43 minutes ago, ThomasTT said:

@paonoi, that is not an option. Her temper, is like many Thais extreme. If I stop paying, I fear the worst for what she could do to my children. 

ok, but my ex would have none of it and no offer sufficed when i tried

to make a case for divorce.

eventually i made a 180 degree turn according to einsteins theory

that continuing doing same thing over and over and hoping for a different result

is the very definition of insanity, so i told her i hadnt inform my home country

i was married, i told her i would be moving on to cambodia,

and that she would be stuck with a marriage unable to remarry indefinitely,

with no profit coming her way, and no harm coming my way.

..........and after a year she realized i was spot on

[ThomasTT]

43 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Yes but 2 wrongs dont make it right.

You made the children, so you have a  moral responsiblility.

 

I have no problem supporting my children, as I mentioned in the original post and paying a good sum of money to support them. I have a problem with not being able to get divorced. After divorce the support would continue but I am tired of not being able to move on with my life. I feel locked in.

[happylarry]

My wife tells me that you can sue your wife for divorce in the court, when they grant the divorce they will then issue an order for you both to register your marriage at an amphur first in order to then complete the divorce.

My wife tells me she has worked on a similar case before and this is what happened, however she will check it out today to be sure.

I’ll let you know.

HL

[ThomasTT]

6 minutes ago, happylarry said:

That would be amazing if true..... waiting for your response..... 

 

My wife tells me that you can sue your wife for divorce in the court, when they grant the divorce they will then issue an order for you both to register your marriage at an amphur first in order to then complete the divorce.

My wife tells me she has worked on a similar case before and this is what happened, however she will check it out today to be sure.

I’ll let you know.

HL

 

[Lungstib]

A specially trained teacher for problem kids in the USA once told me the golden rule was to ensure they knew there would always be consequences for their behaviour. We do things and then we have to take responsibility for our actions. getting married and having children is not something to be taken lightly and is usually considered to be as serious an action as we take in our lives. Deciding to put it all behind us and going back to the irresponsible ways of our early life (moving on? ) is maybe not possible. Not everything has a fix, there isn't always an easy way out or even a way out. You dont live with the woman or the kids any more so despite your protestations you have already given up some of your responsibilities to your children, giving up the rest is maybe next. By just giving her a certain amount of money and then going on to live how you wish will join you to the thousands of Thai men here who do the same. No-one will come looking for you or force you to pay more. It always pays to keep in mind that having sex with another woman is easy but explaining what you have done and why to your kids would take some doing. You are however in one of the easiest countries in which to have sex with other women without your wife ever finding out. That you couldn't even keep that a secret says a lot about your lifestyle.

[jvs]

Talk to a good qualified lawyer!!!!

[BritManToo]

12 hours ago, ThomasTT said:

So what the heck do I do? I feel I am completely stuck in this marriage with no options to get divorced. However, I can't understand that.... there has to be a way..... A few questions:

I would suggest you just stop giving her money.

Extortion & blackmail only work if the victim pays.

In Thailand marriage doesn't seem to have any financial consequences for foreigners.

Just say NO.

 

I wouldn't be paying for the kids either ..... walk away.

Mom can get a job, the kids can attend local schools.

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, colinneil said:

Well you got problems brought on by your inability to keep it in your pants.

Bit of advice for the future, learn to keep your zipper closed.

There are no rules in Thailand (religious or legal) stating a man must 'keep it in his pants'.

Mind you, these days there is absolutely no reason for a man to get married either.

Not all countries have the same laws and rules of morality, I never understand why so many posters seem to have brought their western rules with them. You didn't like the west, you came to live here, so why not live the way the locals do?

 

[Ahab]

Even for Thai males there are no consequences to just walking away from a marriage, even if children are involved. If you really want to be done with it walk away.

 

[Just Weird]

4 hours ago, colinneil said:

Yes but 2 wrongs dont make it right.

You made the children, so you have a  moral responsiblility.

 

He has not said, neither is there any suggestion, that he thinks he has no "moral responsibility", quite the opposite, in fact!

[Just Weird]

1 hour ago, Lungstib said:

A specially trained teacher for problem kids in the USA once told me the golden rule was to ensure they knew there would always be consequences for their behaviour. We do things and then we have to take responsibility for our actions. getting married and having children is not something to be taken lightly and is usually considered to be as serious an action as we take in our lives. Deciding to put it all behind us and going back to the irresponsible ways of our early life (moving on? ) is maybe not possible. Not everything has a fix, there isn't always an easy way out or even a way out. You dont live with the woman or the kids any more so despite your protestations you have already given up some of your responsibilities to your children, giving up the rest is maybe next. By just giving her a certain amount of money and then going on to live how you wish will join you to the thousands of Thai men here who do the same. No-one will come looking for you or force you to pay more. It always pays to keep in mind that having sex with another woman is easy but explaining what you have done and why to your kids would take some doing. You are however in one of the easiest countries in which to have sex with other women without your wife ever finding out. That you couldn't even keep that a secret says a lot about your lifestyle.

Good grief, why did you think that he needed a lecture from your holier-than-thou-ness?

[Just Weird]

20 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I would suggest you just stop giving her money.

Extortion & blackmail only work if the victim pays.

In Thailand marriage doesn't seem to have any financial consequences for foreigners.

Just say NO.

 

I wouldn't be paying for the kids either ..... walk away.

Mom can get a job, the kids can attend local schools.

"In Thailand marriage doesn't seem to have any financial consequences for foreigners".

 

Don't know much about Thai Marriage/divorce, do you?

[colinneil]

13 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

There are no rules in Thailand (religious or legal) stating a man must 'keep it in his pants'.

Mind you, these days there is absolutely no reason for a man to get married either.

Not all countries have the same laws and rules of morality, I never understand why so many posters seem to have brought their western rules with them. You didn't like the west, you came to live here, so why not live the way the locals do?

 

You clearly have no morals.

As the OP married in Europe, he swore an oath to keep himself only unto his wife.

So yes he should have kept it in his pants.

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, Just Weird said:

To "register a marriage" in Thailand to enable you to subsequently get a divorce under Thai law means that you have to actually get married here, obviously; you cannot register a marriage without doing that.  Bearing in mind what you have said about her attitude to a divorce, good luck with that!  Would you even be able to get married here as you are already married? 

 

But even if she did agree to marriage and then divorce here, you'd still be married to her under the laws of the European country where you were married originally, surely?

 

 

Agree with last paragraph. OP's only option, IMO is either to fulfill residence requirements to get divorced in country of marriage, or abandon her ( with payment to her of a reasonable amount to cover children ).

However, IMO, that option would require OP to leave LOS or any of many unpleasant things might happen to him.

Given the legal requirements to get divorced the OP faces, I don't see any other alternative other than just paying a reasonable amount monthly and accepting that he won't see the kids, as she is obviously using them as blackmail. Otherwise, the demands will just increase.

[Mattd]

12 hours ago, Just Weird said:

To "register a marriage" in Thailand to enable you to subsequently get a divorce under Thai law means that you have to actually get married here, obviously; you cannot register a marriage without doing that.

That is not correct at all, in fact, if you are married overseas then you cannot get married here.

 

It is possible to register a foreign marriage in Thailand, anybody who married a Thai overseas, then come to Thailand to live after and want to extend their stay based on marriage knows this.

 

1. Legalization of the marriage certificate at the Bangkok embassy of the country where the marriage originally took place.

2. Translate the foreign marriage certificate and legalization paperwork in to Thai.

3. Take these to the MFA office at the Government Complex, Chaengwattana to be certified.

4. Most translation services can do the translation of the marriage certificate and the certification at the MFA for you.

5. Registration of the Marriage at an Amphoe to get a Kor Ror 22 foreign marriage registration certificate.

 

Unfortunately for the OP, step 5 would take the cooperation of his wife, as would the eventual divorce.

 

[BritManToo]

Just now, Just Weird said:

"In Thailand marriage doesn't seem to have any financial consequences for foreigners".

Don't know much about Thai Marriage/divorce, do you?

I tried marriage once in the UK, that was enough for me.

I'm really good at walking (driving/flying) away with no forwarding address.

[Just Weird]

15 minutes ago, Ahab said:

Even for Thai males there are no consequences to just walking away from a marriage, even if children are involved. If you really want to be done with it walk away.

 

He's not talking about "walking away from his marriage with no consequences", he's talking about doing the right thing in his circumstances and getting a divorce!

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, colinneil said:

You clearly have no morals.

As the OP married in Europe, he swore an oath to keep himself only unto his wife.

So yes he should have kept it in his pants.

I was married in the UK once, she promised to love, honour and obey me. Guess how many of those vows she kept?

Feminism insists I adapt my morals and behaviour to match up with women, I'm all for equality.

 

PS. I do have morals, they are just different to yours, that's the fun of living in a multicultural society.

[Just Weird]

2 minutes ago, Mattd said:

That is not correct at all, in fact, if you are married overseas then you cannot get married here.

 

It is possible to register a foreign marriage in Thailand, anybody who married a Thai overseas, then come to Thailand to live after and want to extend their stay based on marriage knows this.

 

1. Legalization of the marriage certificate at the Bangkok embassy of the country where the marriage originally took place.

2. Translate the foreign marriage certificate and legalization paperwork in to Thai.

3. Take these to the MFA office at the Government Complex, Chaengwattana to be certified.

4. Most translation services can do the translation of the marriage certificate and the certification at the MFA for you.

5. Registration of the Marriage at an Amphoe to get a Kor Ror 22 foreign marriage registration certificate.

 

Unfortunately for the OP, step 5 would take the cooperation of his wife, as would the eventual divorce.

 

You missed out the part about getting divorced which is the whole point of the thread!   You think that being married overseas with that marriage just being registered here he would be able to get divorced in Thailand to get out of that overseas marriage? 

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, colinneil said:

You clearly have no morals.

As the OP married in Europe, he swore an oath to keep himself only unto his wife.

So yes he should have kept it in his pants.

I'm sure the Op is regretful, but he did what many do, and using the kids as blackmail is also immoral.

As for that "oath" it's a joke. They also swear to stay married till death etc and over 50% take no notice of that obligation.

Many women still promise to "obey" their husbands, but they lie when they say "I do" to that.

Even just getting married in church is a lie for many as they are not even religious.

Anyway, IMO, the institution of marriage is a farce now, and just used to enrich women when it fails.

 

[richard_smith237]

Op it would be best to see a Lawyer... Tilleke & Gibbins may offer a free 1 hour consultation to decide if they can help with your case. 

 

As this potential divorce involves children you may have no other path than to pursue a contested divorce.