Seeking experts related to abuse.

[benalibina]

Hello, 

 

I have 3 children with a thai wife. They live with their aunt, older sister of wife and her 23 year old daughter. This is already going on for years. Against my wishes ofcourse. Mother of kids lives in Phuket.

 

Last week i returned to see my children. Upon me asking all 3 about their adress, they moved recently, nobody gave it to me. I had thus no other option then to go to their school. 

 

After a couple of minutes i saw my daughters, called them and they immediately came to sit with me. After 5 minutes they asked me if i wanted something to drink and went to buy it for me. They seemed happy to see me. I asked if they wanted to go with me to the hotel/restaurant. Yes, they both replied.

 

Just after i called a taxi the daughter of their aunt appeared and told me that she would call the police. I told this to one of my daughters who replied with a surprise look. The girl even halted one of my daughters. I pushed her and said to leave my daughter alone. Anyway....the police showed up after 15 minutes, teachers gathered around me too as were around 30 schoolkids. The boyfriend of the 23 yr old daughter, who suddenly appeared, got agitated and wanted to fight with me. Police stopped him.

 

Ofcourse my daughters did not want to go with me anymore. The police never even bothered to talk to me. Unlike the schoolteachers. I told them that its all a bit crazy that i, as a father, am being stopped by a 23 yr old girl, to leave the school with my own children. Nobody could care less so the daughters left with their minders.

 

A day later i went to the school and police to report about the emotional abuse done to my children and their inaction. They looked at me like i was an alien. Oh yeah my daughters were not present that day at school ?????

 

To my big surprise all 3 children came to see me for the weekend. The wife told me that she ALLOWED that. My daughters blatantly said that i was to blame for the incident at their school. I just left it at that. 

 

On sunday i spoke with my son, who really misses a fatherfigure, about what happened at his sisters school. When i told him that his sisters changed their mind about going with me, he immediately told me that they were scared. Of me, i asked him. No, of their aunt, he replied. 

 

The same evening i told the kids that they would need to stay with me because of my son his words to me. Anyway....when i mentioned what he said, in front of 1 sister, he looked surprised and denied it. I was baffled, to say the least. Did not push it further. Needless to say that because of all the pressure from their mother the kids were picked up by a familymember. My son even cried in distress 15 minutes before they showed to pick them up. 

 

Eventhough this abuse, manipulation and brainwashing, control being the aim, is already going on for years it dawned me today that if my son aint free to tell his truth in front of his younger sister, then there is alot more wrong than i already thought/knew. It is not possible to talk with their mother. She does not want me in their life and cares little about their emotional and educational wellbeing.

 

Eventhough i contacted, to no avail, a local kids/familyshelter, city and provincial organisations, police, school, courts and psychologists last year, i urgently need to speak to people or organisations who have knowledge about the dynamics related to any type of abuse and are able to assess the situation my children live under.

 

Over the years there are ofcourse plenty more examples of emotional abuse being done to my unaware children.

 

Are there people on this forum who can show me into the right direction.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

 

Edited September 24, 2018 by benalibina
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[BestB]

Family court to have full custody of kids is your only direction

[Catkiwi]

30 minutes ago, BestB said:

Family court to have full custody of kids is your only direction

Not entirely helpful considering he has already tried the courts, police etc..... 

I would ask the following;

 

1. Do the kids birth certificates have your name (also required a copy of your PP at the time of birth registration)

2. If their birth certs have your name then you should be able to get passports for them, for your country of birth, then take custody.

 

Maybe can work, just a thought.....

[FritsSikkink]

You have been fighting with the mother about your kids for a long time already and try to get your way to involve all sorts of organizations (including this forum) to win your fight against their mother by accusing her of loads of bad things. Stop fighting and try to solve your differences another way without involving the kids.

 

Edited September 24, 2018 by FritsSikkink

[cyberfarang]

To the OP:

 

Why are your children living with an aunt? You returned to see your children. From where? Do you financially support your children? Why have you not got joint custody with the mother of your children? Have you or are you considering going to the family court for joint custody or visitation rights?

[benalibina]

16 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

You have been fighting with the mother about your kids for a long time already and try to get your way to involve all sorts of organizations (including this forum) to win your fight against their mother by accusing her of loads of bad things. Stop fighting and try to solve your differences another way without involving the kids.

 

I just liked a post from you on another topic. And now you come with this crap. The mind boggles. I involve the kids....yeah right....solve matters on another way....tried that last year....anyway you have sprouted your unhelpful comment now. Thanks.

Edited September 25, 2018 by benalibina
Edit

[sanemax]

11 hours ago, Catkiwi said:

Not entirely helpful considering he has already tried the courts, police etc..... 

I would ask the following;

 

1. Do the kids birth certificates have your name (also required a copy of your PP at the time of birth registration)

2. If their birth certs have your name then you should be able to get passports for them, for your country of birth, then take custody.

 

Maybe can work, just a thought.....

Getting the kids a Foreign passport will not make any difference to the situation 

[benalibina]

15 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

To the OP:

 

Why are your children living with an aunt? You returned to see your children. From where? Do you financially support your children? Why have you not got joint custody with the mother of your children? Have you or are you considering going to the family court for joint custody or visitation rights?

They live with their aunt because their mother hates me more than she loves the children. Control being the perogative word.

From Europe.

No, always did and still this shambles happened.

Am still married on paper.

Last year, to smoothen matters when i even sat together at a mediator with that aunt to get "visitationrights" (how crazy is it that i as a father need to do that ?). Ofcourse the result being they not kept to their end of the bargain.

Going to court is not an option for me. Unfortunately.

 

Thanks for asking these questions.

[benalibina]

Does anyone know about organisations or people who are knowledgeable about the dynamics of ALL types of abuse ?

 

Thanks.

Edited September 25, 2018 by benalibina
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[sanemax]

Turning up at the school unannounced and trying to take the children away from school , considering it would be against the mothers wishes , is not a good thing to do .

   How ever good your intentions were , the family may view that as an abduction attempt

[Catkiwi]

13 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Getting the kids a Foreign passport will not make any difference to the situation 

Is that a fact? I thought maybe he could take his kids out of the country...not so sure of the laws around that though.

[sanemax]

3 minutes ago, Catkiwi said:

Is that a fact? I thought maybe he could take his kids out of the country...not so sure of the laws around that though.

Immigration wouldnt allow him to take the kids out the country without the mother giving her written consent .

   The problem would be that they would have a new PP without an entry stamp , maybe be different if they entered Thailand on their PP

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

Turning up at the school unannounced and trying to take the children away from school , considering it would be against the mothers wishes , is not a good thing to do .

   How ever good your intentions were , the family may view that as an abduction attempt

Hmmm....i really do not know how to reply to that comment. I do not think that thought crossed the mind of the girl for 1 moment. Control by making 2 children scared of me is more apt. Oh yeah, told her where i would take them to. So if she was scared of abduction  she would only have had to follow the taxi. But maybe she was low on petrol.????

Edited September 25, 2018 by benalibina
Edit

[sanemax]

8 minutes ago, benalibina said:

Hmmm....i really do not know how to reply to that comment. I do not think that thought crossed the mind of the girl for 1 moment. Control by making 2 children scared of me is more apt. Oh yeah, told her where i would take them to. So if she was scared of abduction  she would only have had to follow the taxi.

I did mean the aunty and the adult family .

If the whole (adult)family has turned against you and is hostile towards you , you just have to realise that you are surplus to requirements .

    Better off getting on good terms with the family , before trying to contact your kids

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

I did mean the aunty and the adult family .

If the whole (adult)family has turned against you and is hostile towards you , you just have to realise that you are surplus to requirements .

    Better off getting on good terms with the family , before trying to contact your kids

Get your point but me being "nice", a loving father whose love has always been reciprocated by my children a.o got us all in this mess. They are evil and will, and are, be the cause of lots emotional problems of my own children. 

[sanemax]

7 minutes ago, benalibina said:

Get your point but me being "nice", a loving father whose love has always been reciprocated by my children a.o got us all in this mess. They are evil and will, and are, be the cause of lots emotional problems of my own children. 

Thats the way that you see it , the (adult ) family will see it quite differently .

That wont care about what you want , what the children want or what is for the best .

They will just see it as a competition for who gets the children .

You or the family .

They will turn the children against you and tell them that you dont care about them .

I am going through something similar myself .

Try keeping in contact with your kids through facebook

[BritManToo]

13 hours ago, benalibina said:

Just after i called a taxi the daughter of their aunt appeared and told me that she would call the police.

I think you're being too reasonable.

As dad you have the absolute right to take them anywhere you want and Auntie has no say in the matter (why would you wait for the police to turn up?). You've been talking and negotiating way too long.

You clearly aren't prepared to take them, so maybe it's time to just walk away.

 

 

Edited September 25, 2018 by BritManToo

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I think you're being too reasonable.

As dad you have the absolute right to take them anywhere you want and Auntie has no say in the matter.

You clearly aren't prepared to take them, so maybe it's time to just walk away.

 

You've been talking and negotiating way too long.

Would you walk away knowing your kids are being abused by the people they should trust ? 

 

Walking away could always have been easy but unfortunately not for me. Mate....i tried it mentally many times....but i can't. 

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

Thats the way that you see it , the (adult ) family will see it quite differently .

That wont care about what you want , what the children want or what is for the best .

They will just see it as a competition for who gets the children .

You or the family .

They will turn the children against you and tell them that you dont care about them .

I am going through something similar myself .

Try keeping in contact with your kids through facebook

Abuse is never ever acceptable. Never. Especially not to ones own children.

 

The fact that 1 daughter is in touch with me via fb, sometimes she is gone for a week but always comes back, since January on fb shows that despite all she is strong enough to show her feelings towards me. 

 

My son usually does not reply often but out of the blue a couple of months ago he wrote...i love and miss you. 

 

The children are deliberately hurt by people who are evil and show a total lack of love and empathy towards those same children.

 

Control by fear is not love.

[sanemax]

7 minutes ago, benalibina said:

Would you walk away knowing your kids are being abused by the people they should trust ? 

 

Walking away could always have been easy but unfortunately not for me. Mate....i tried it mentally many times....but i can't. 

In what way are they being "abused" though ?

You have to do whats best for the kids .

If they have a settled family life and are happy in School .

The disagreements between you and the family will unsettle them 

Sometimes its better if you just walk away .

  

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

In what way are they being "abused" though ?

You have to do whats best for the kids .

If they have a settled family life and are happy in School .

The disagreements between you and the family will unsettle them 

Sometimes its better if you just walk away .

  

Feel for you and your kids that you justify the behaviour of your kids caretakers and walked away. I sincerely suggest that you educate yourself in regards to the help i require. May the cycle of abuse continue. Generation on generation. Right ?

[Sheryl]

Unless there is clear evidence of physical abuse you are not going to get anywhere on this "abuse" angle.

Why is going to family court not an option? That is the appropriate venue for resolving custody and visitation issues if you are not able to resolve them with your wife.

Why have you not divorced? The marriage certainly sounds over. Negotiating a custody arrangement with your ex in the context of a divorce would seem the best aporoach with resort to family court if you and she can't reach an agreement.

Ate you able to care for the kids yourself (i.e. take full custody)? If so thst should be your aim.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, benalibina said:

Feel for you and your kids that you justify the behaviour of your kids caretakers and walked away. I sincerely suggest that you educate yourself in regards to the help i require. May the cycle of abuse continue. Generation on generation. Right ?

I did physically take my son from the grandparents , forcefully .

But it was heartbreaking when he was sitting there crying saying "I want to see my mummy"

Soon as I let his mum see him, she took him back (Threatening to call the police and tell them that I attacked her) .

   I did even resort to following the family around and going to sit uninvited at restaurant tables and the situation got quite hostile .

A terrible situation to be in and was detrimental to my Sons well being .

   If the mother and family want you out the kids life , theres not much that you can do about it 

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, Sheryl said:

Unless there is clear evidence of physical abuse you are not going to get anywhere on this "abuse" angle.

Why is going to family court not an option? That is the appropriate venue for resolving custody and visitation issues if you are not able to resolve them with your wife.

Why have you not divorced? The marriage certainly sounds over. Negotiating a custody arrangement with your ex in the context of a divorce would seem the best aporoach with resort to family court if you and she can't reach an agreement.

Ate you able to care for the kids yourself (i.e. take full custody)? If so thst should be your aim.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Ohhh...ok so the only abuse judgeable is physical abuse. Swell..

 

I not asked advice about custody and the rest.

 

Seems difficult to just stick to my question.

 

Childprotection is a different matter then divorce or custody.

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, sanemax said:

I did physically take my son from the grandparents , forcefully .

But it was heartbreaking when he was sitting there crying saying "I want to see my mummy"

Soon as I let his mum see him, she took him back (Threatening to call the police and tell them that I attacked her) .

   I did even resort to following the family around and going to sit uninvited at restaurant tables and the situation got quite hostile .

A terrible situation to be in and was detrimental to my Sons well being .

   If the mother and family want you out the kids life , theres not much that you can do about it 

Understand understand but i do not accept it. Because it is bad for the kids. Short term pain, long term gain.

 

No decent parent wants to hurt their own kids and feel no remorse about it.

 

Read my messages to you and educate yourself. You and your kids deserve better.

[Sheryl]

There are government child welfare depts. But I do not think you will fare well going there claiming emotional abuse of the children because the family interferes with you visiting them. The authorities will immediately ask who has legal custody and all the questions I did and likely advise you to go to family court to seek a custody order.

 

Since the action you consider emotional abude is preventing your visits it is in fact inextricably connected to custody.

 

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

[benalibina]

5 hours ago, Sheryl said:

There are government child welfare depts. But I do not think you will fare well going there claiming emotional abuse of the children because the family interferes with you visiting them. The authorities will immediately ask who has legal custody and all the questions I did and likely advise you to go to family court to seek a custody order.

 

Since the action you consider emotional abude is preventing your visits it is in fact inextricably connected to custody.

 

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

 

Which i consider ????

Which is, is a better way to describe it. I sincerely suggest that you educate yourself on this matter.

 

Actually i am quite shocked about your lack of knowledge related to this matter and moral code. This because you are well respected on here.

 

Again....my children do not have a father or mother in their daily lives and live amongst people who control them via fear a.o ....and thats ok ?????

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation

[sanemax]

5 minutes ago, benalibina said:

Understand understand but i do not accept it. Because it is bad for the kids. Short term pain, long term gain.

No decent parent wants to hurt their own kids and feel no remorse about it.

Read my messages to you and educate yourself. You and your kids deserve better.

I do agree that its better for the kids to have two Parents and that no decent Parent wants any harm to come to their kids.

   If the mother thinks differently , then theres not much that you can do about it .

If you were to get full custody in Courts then...................the kids would still have one Parent .

The only solution is to get on friendly terms with the mother and family

[BritManToo]

45 minutes ago, sanemax said:

In what way are they being "abused" though ?

You have to do whats best for the kids .

If they have a settled family life and are happy in School .

The disagreements between you and the family will unsettle them 

Sometimes its better if you just walk away .

  

Agreed,

No point in two parents fighting over the kids like two dogs over a bone.

Best for them to have one parent, and no contact with the other.

Which is clearly the only outcome possible in this situation.

[BritManToo]

13 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

I did and likely advise you to go to family court to seek a custody order.

I don't think this is possible in Thailand when the parents are still married.