Living Alone

[seiraa]

Hello everyone I reallly need some help!!!

I got my TEFL in Thailand, taught there and lived there for 8 months...in Chon Buri with my boyfriend.

We are no longer together:( However I really loved Thailand, the culture, food, people even the heat. The thing is I have been hearing so much reports about westerners,females and tourist being raped, murdered and robbed. Mind you I am not a man with Thai assistance such as a girlfiend or wife. I want to go back to teach in Thailand , don't ask why its only for a mere 30k baht! Anyways please give me advice to these provinces or could anyone ask a Thai??? I need help??

Nakhon Sawan 28k a month

Surrathanni 34k a month

Si Thammarat 30k a month

and possibly Chiang Mai

I already have job offers from the first three provinces, do you think its safe for a single whit female to go about this on her own?????

[sbk]

Yes, its safe. Gisele currently works in Nakhon Si Thammarat and would be able to give the best opinion, I believe. She started out single, teaching there, so has the background closest to yours.

One thing to remember, is the hundreds of thousands of tourists who travel Thailand every year, and it is a very small percentage of those who actually end up raped or dead.

[Jet Gorgon]

Hi, Seirra.

Sure, you can do it on your own, but make sure you check out each city first. ie, Not much in Surat, but you are close to Kanom, Samui and Khao Yai. Plenty of space for exploring. Expand your salary with private lessons.

[tracker]

follow your heart!

[meme]

When I came over I was single and taught in the north and the south. I think that if possible you should do as Jet suggested and check out the places first if you can. However in saying that I didn't and loved both places that I lived in the North and South. I have to say that one of my favorite places in Thailand is Chiang Mai but I never lived there. As far as weather or not you are safe as a single women you should check out the other thread about women travelling alone in Thailand, a lot of good advise there. Personally I felt very safe both as a single women in Thailand and with a Thai partner. Good luck!!

[seiraa]

Thanks alot for the advice. Gisele can you give me advice as well??? I tried to PM you and e-mail you, but somehow your account is not working.

thanks

[hellohello]

I came here solo as well, and I volunteered in the South. I never had any problems myself. But I should add, we received a phone call one night that one of our other volunteers (a young Canadian) was attacked. She fought back, but she did receive a nasty gash in the neck, and luckily, fully recovered. She was staying with another single woman teacher (Thai) and they caught the guys, whom were known drug criminals.

Needless to say, I was flipped out for a while, and I felt pretty creepy living in a big house alone. The feeling passed and Ive never had any problems. I'm now married to a Thai, (one year today.. happy valentines day girls! ) and sometimes I 'm little uneasy when hubby is out fishing and Im alone all night. But, All in all I still think Thailand is very safe.

And once you start teaching Seirra, you will have a huge network around you. Thai's really honor those who come here to teach IMO. Best of Luck!

HH

[Sheryl]

I'm a single white female living alone in Thailand, have done so for many many years. NO PROBLEM!!!! And you will learn a lot more about Thailand and yourself than you would if you had a Thai partner to lean on.

Any of the locations you mention will be fine in terms of safety, so think more in terms of what part of the country you want to be in and also whether you want to be in an all-Thai environment like Nakon Sawann or want the company of other foreigners and access to shops, restaurants etc with foreign food... which CM would have and to a lesser extent Surathani, plus of course you are near the beach in Surathani.

I live in Prachinburi which is I think rather similiar to what living in Nakorm Sawann would be like. Pluses: people are very nice and friendly, it is peaceful and rural. Minuses: no place to buy foreign foods, little opportunity to meet other foreigners (but that is also a PLUS in terms of lack of tourists and touts).

In terms of safety, just apply the same common sense you would to living anywhere in the world on your own. Learn Thai if you don't speak it already, and get to know your neighbors, they'll be the ones you call on if you ever have a problem. In rural areas particularly, where tourists haven't soured people on farang, your neighbors will be very friendly and protective. If anything, the challenge will be setting boundries in terms of your privacy with them....

Don't listen to Thais when they try to warn you against living alone, Thais are terrified of living alone and can't imagine anyone doing so. It is just not done in their culture plus they are afraid of ghosts. (Literally). You'll be fine.

The one thing you will need to be sensitive too is your dealings with Thai men, as many of them have stereotypes about farang women being highly promiscuous. This plus different cultural norms can lead to misunderstandings and awkward situations. Just keep in mind that in Thailand there is no physical contact between men and women that isn't viewed as sexual and that unrelated men and women being alone together carries a definite sexual/romantic connotation, and avoid these things unless that is your intention. Socializing between the sexes is fine in groups. If you ever suspect a Thai man is making advances...he IS. And if that's not what you want, react with extreme coldness and leave.

It's also a good idea to try to sit next to women on long distance bus rides, again to avoid unwanted attention.

Don't let this give you the impression that you are going to be hassled all the time, you won't be, but the occasional problem can arise just as it can in any country, usually come from men with low levels of education and men who have been drinking.

Make some Thai women friends, learn about Thai culture, apply common sense and you will have a wonderful and safe experience.

As SBK said, the number of tourists raped and murdered is very small relative to the total numbers...I would add that I think female tourists are actually at much more risk than foreign women who live here. For one thing, the bad guys target tourist spots. For another, tourists don't have the knowledge of the culture and language skills to spot danger signs, and people tend to throw caution to the wind when on holiday.

Go for it! and if I can be of any help, feel free to PM me anytime.

[girlx]

i lived in thailand alone for the past year and it was great. now i have a boyfriend and that has it's benefits too, but i felt good that i could live here alone with no problems. i didn't even really have any near-problems. people are very helpful to a girl alone as long as she is nice and polite and not an interfering gossip.

oh (edit)- i wanted to reference this too:

The one thing you will need to be sensitive too is your dealings with Thai men, as many of them have stereotypes about farang women being highly promiscuous. This plus different cultural norms can lead to misunderstandings and awkward situations. Just keep in mind that in Thailand there is no physical contact between men and women that isn't viewed as sexual and that unrelated men and women being alone together carries a definite sexual/romantic connotation, and avoid these things unless that is your intention. Socializing between the sexes is fine in groups. If you ever suspect a Thai man is making advances...he IS. And if that's not what you want, react with extreme coldness and leave.

very true. i did have a couple guys actually break in to my house in the middle of the night and try to sleep with me because they think that's what a girl alone wants. the funny thing about thais is they listen though, when you tell them sternly to get the 'f' out! they just seem really surprised! so i never considered it a big problem, they never bothered me again!

Edited February 14, 2007 by girlx

[solid]

Sheryl has given a concise and tight answer.

[tilac2]

You're teaching English with grammar, spelling and punctuation like that?

[Patsycat]

You're teaching English with grammar, spelling and punctuation like that?

What's that got to do with asking about living alone?

[donna]

i say go for it. ive lived here for over 7 years now as a SWF. i HAVE had my house broken in to but i think the previous tennant must have left drugs or some stash in my air conditioning unit, so all they did was take the stash, leave me a note saying sorry, and 200thb for a new padlock! going by the handwriting it was farang, not thai.

aside from that i have never felt in any danger. i use common sense, dont do anything i wouldnt do back in australia, and dont put myself at risk.

i feel safer here than i do in australia and love living in thailand.

[monteith]

I've been living outside of Bangkok for only about four months, three of which were alone, and during one my boyfriend came to visit. I have been hassled a lot, even to the point of getting phone calls, and my room number is the extension of my phone number, so whoever called obviously knows where I live. He also knew my name (?!). (I've never given out my number, I don't even have it memorized.) Even though it's ######ing hot, I do not feel comfortable wearing even the most modest sleeveless shirt outside, or skirts unless it's to work. But I like living alone, so I guess it's worth it--and thank god my boyfriend's coming for the summer.

Edit: I'd also like to add that I'm from Memphis, one of the murder & rape capitals of the US, and I always felt completely comfortable living alone there--for me it's about cultural confusion rather than just "oh my! i'm allll alone! i'm gonna get raped!!"

Edited February 22, 2007 by monteith

[bri1guy]

yes its safe.... just don't go out all hours of the night or drunk or otherwords make your self a target...

DO WHAT YOU LIKE & LIKE WHAT YOU DO !!!

[Sheryl]

Even though it's ######ing hot, I do not feel comfortable wearing even the most modest sleeveless shirt outside, or skirts unless it's to work.

Dear Monteith,

I empathize with your difficulties, many similiar things happened to me when I first starting living in Thailand...and from time to time still do although seldom, partly because I'm older and partly because I'm more acculturated.

Do not hesitate to wear comfortable clothing as long as it is something a "respectable" Thai woman living in that part of the country would also wear. The hassles you are getting are not caused by what you wear and won't be prevented by what you don't wear. They are caused by ignorance, sexism and stereotyping on the part of some Thai men, especially those with low education. Don't let them intimidate you into dressing uncomfortably, they'll still hassle you to boot. (Of course, there are some limits to what I just said..the key point being to observe Thai cultural norms, i.e. obviously don't sunbathe in shorts and a halter top in public...)

Cultivate a "Don't f__k with me" attitude, glare at and then ignore anyone who hassles you, do not make eye contact with or return the smile of Thai men you don't know, hang up straight away on any unknown male callers, and above all, make friends with your neighbors so that you become a known person ratrher than a farang sterotype in people's minds.

It will get better with time as the novelty wears off and you become known as an individual.

Would also be a good idea to represent your boyfriend as your husband and have him glare at every Thai male in sight when you walk around....

[monteith]

Thanks for the advice, Sheryl. I've also started wearing a ring which seems to help too, heh.

[chatette]

I lived alone as a SWF in Nonthaburi and Bangkok for 6 yrs with far less hassle than 4 yrs as one in Melbourne, Australia for 4 yrs. My house in Nonthaburi was in the middle of a fruit orchard and only once did I have a disruption - when the gardener turned up drunk one night to keep me company. He was quickly dispatched. That compares with burglaries in Australia, a wierdo trying to clamber thru my bedroom window, and a druggie who battered down the door into my courtyard. Go for it!

[undercover]

Everywhere's ok until something goes wrong.