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Posted

Yesterday my wife asked me what size dress she should order online.  I suggested a 'Mark F'.
When she asked what that was I replied 'Its one up from a Mark E'

I've just woken up in hospital.  The food's not too bad, though I have to suck it through a straw.

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Posted

As I went to the bus stop, I saw a heavily pregnant woman there.
"When's it due?" I asked.
"Two weeks," she replied, with a lovely smile on her face.
"Well I might as well walk then..." I said

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Posted

Chatting to a guy at work, he happened to slip that I was known as the office computer amongst the other employees.

"That must be due to my high intelligence and fast operating speed", I said.
"No" he said, "You go to sleep if left alone for more than 15 minutes"

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Posted

I went to a night club last night...
I said: "Do you do a 60s night?"
The manager said: "We used to."
I said: "When?"
He said, "In the 60s."

Posted
22 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Have you been hit with a rhythm stick?

 

If so, you could be entitled to compensation if you make a personal Ian Dury claim.

You Blockhead! 

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Posted
10 hours ago, Zyxel said:

main-qimg-9ed3f1fc2adda85be3409dc8f00fe52b-lq.jpg

Only after he's flushed you out! ????

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