Worst Joke Ever 2024

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[tomazbodner]

12 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Reminds me of Angela Merkel applying for visa...

 

First name? Angela

Last name? Merkel

Occupation? No, no, no, only tourism!

[ballpoint]

What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball?
She gagged.

[ballpoint]

This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle.
For lunch, I’m planning to make a Dutch person uncomfortable.

[ballpoint]

A widowed woman was sunbathing on a quiet beach when a man of similar age placed his towel nearby, lay down and began reading a book.  Being lonely, she attempted to strike up a conversation.

"How are you today?"
"Fine, Thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book

"I love the beach.  Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book again.
"I'm sorry to hear that.  My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely", she countered.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, quite nearby", he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted,
"Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,
"How on earth, did you know that was what I wanted?”

“Well, Madam”, the man replied.
"How did you know my name, is Katz?"

[ballpoint]

I’ve been accused of making love to a woman when she was asleep.
In my defence, she was awake when I started.

[ballpoint]

I jumped into a bucket of creosote earlier today.

No particular reason, just thought I'd treat myself.

[ballpoint]

I've started a new website which rates happy ending massages on their firmness.

For more details, head over to GripAdvisor.

[ballpoint]

My Turkish barber had a collection for the earthquake victims.
**** knows what they're going to do with 20 pounds of hair clippings.

[Zyxel]

 

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[still kicking]

Why do vegans often look miserable in photos?

They don’t like to say ‘cheese’

[still kicking]

For Thais only 

 

[chickenslegs]

16 hours ago, still kicking said:

The hardback comes in separate volumes for convenience.

Edited February 25, 2023 by chickenslegs

[Zyxel]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads...

[ravip]

9 hours ago, roo860 said:

I think its Lake Tits

[ravip]

[Beachcomber]

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes" said the one woman. "We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."

 

[Beachcomber]

2 antennas got married on a rooftop. Not much of a ceremony, but the reception was excellent.

 

[Beachcomber]

"Welcome to the Psychiatric Care Hotline ...
"Welcome to the Psychiatric Care Hotline.

If you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent, have someone press 2 for you, now.

If you have Multiple-Personality-Disorder, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 7.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 7.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 7.

If you are Fatalistic-Suicidal, it doesn't matter what button you press. Nothing will happen anyway.

If you are Paranoid-Schizophrenic, you may hang up now. We know who you are. And where you live."

 

[Beachcomber]

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a knight and a bishop.

I must have a chess infection.

 

[Beachcomber]

Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine's Day?

Her heart wasn't in it.

 

[Beachcomber]

Two people went to a costume party. One was dressed as a chicken, the other as an egg. They hit it off and ended up spending the night together. Between them, they were able to finally answer the age old question. It was the chicken.

 

[Beachcomber]

Yesterday, I Managed to book a table for Valentines Day tonight..

I am sure the wife will enjoy watching me and my mates playing snooker