Worst Joke Ever 2024

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[roo860]

[Yellowtail]

Ladies, when at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking 'till you do! 

[roo860]

[scottiejohn]

5 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Ladies, when at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking 'till you do! 

If at first you don't succeed
Skydiving's not for you.
Also the bomb squad is not the job for you either.,  nor for that matter is Russian roulette,
but you can try and suck another seed, but please don't volunteer for the suicide prevention hotline!

[scottiejohn]

Kids

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.>
While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic !

1. Don't change horses .......until they stop running.

2. Strike while the .............................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before ......Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of ............termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but ........how?

6. Don't bite the hand that .................looks dirty.

7. No news is ..........................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a ............Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ..............stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust .............. me.

12. The pen is mightier than the ................... pigs.

13. An idle mind is .............the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution.

15. Happy the bride who ............gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ......................not much.

17. Two's company, three's .............. the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ...........you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as ............Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not ...............spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed .........get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you .......see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind .... get out of the way.

25. Better late than .............pregnant!

[scottiejohn]

Random thoughts from last night's dreams;

 

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk in my study/relax room, I have a work station...

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

 

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Any OAP's having cleaning problems?

 

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[Zyxel]

When a Bartender finds a new job as a Mechanic...

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

A chicken farmer went to the local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says "how about that! I just ordered a glass of champagne too!"

"What a coincidence," he said. "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me too and I'm celebrating also" said the woman.

"What a coincidence" said the man.

As they clinked glasses he asked "what are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!!"

'What a coincidence. I'm a chicken farmer and for years my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great" said the woman. "How did your chicken eggs become fertile?"

He said "I switched cocks"

She smiles and says "what a coincidence!"

[Zyxel]

[MJCM]