The Urgency of Addressing Iran’s Nuclear Threat

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I bumped into William Hill the other day.

What are the odds on that happening?

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David Beckham’s son arrived for football training. He asked the coach: “What number shirt am I ?”
The coach said: “Wear four out there, Romeo”.

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My friend told me he felt sad because he didn’t know the lyrics to ‘YMCA’.
I said ‘Young man there’s no need to feel down’…

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Two blokes are walking their dogs. One has a labrador the other a jack russel. One suggests going for a pint but is worried they wont get in the pub with the dogs
His mate suggests a pub nearby that lets guide dogs in, so they decide to try it by pretending to be blind.
The one with the labrador goes in and orders a pint.

The barman says, sorry mate, no dogs allowed unless they are guide dogs.

The man says but I’m blind. The barman apologises and gives him a pint.
The second one walks in with his jack russell and the barman says, sorry mate, no dogs allowed only guide dogs.

He says but I am blind.

The barman says, I’m not being funny mate but guide dogs are usually labradors.
The second man replies, “Why, what have I got?”

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I rang the Emergency Incontinence Help Line.

They asked me where I was ringing from.

I said “the waist downwards.”