Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

A man and woman meet at a bar and over a few drinks they get along so well that they decide to go back to her place.

A further few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

Watching him, the woman says, "You must be a dentist."

Surprised, the guy responds, "Yes... how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love. Once they're done, the woman says, "You must be a really, really good dentist."

The guy, now with a hugely boosted ego, says, "Well yes I think I am, how did you figure that out?"

"I didn't feel a thing!"

[ballpoint]

I have a mate who has been engaged to 9 different women, but never married any of them.

That's a lot of near Mrs!

[ballpoint]

Just watched a pirated movie.

On a scale of 1-10 I'd have to give it 3.14159265359

[ballpoint]

Gloria Gaynor invited 6 friends around for dinner but one of them cancelled.

Don't worry, she said, I will serve five.

[oxo1947]

[ballpoint]

My Rolex fell off my wrist the other day. Before I could pick it up, a man accidently stood on it and started shouting at a woman, so I knocked him out. 

No-one treats a woman like that.  Not on my watch!

[ballpoint]

The adjective for metal is metallic.

Except for iron, which is ironic.

[ballpoint]

A bloke's wife asks him to drop by the hospital after work and visit his mother-in-law, who was in a serious condition.

When he gets home she worriedly asks: "So, honey? How's my mum doing?"

He replies: "She looks great!  She is in good health!  She will still live for many years!  Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"

"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she'd only have a few days to live!"

"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst".

[oxo1947]

[oxo1947]

[Crossy]

Pizza Cassandra

 

[Crossy]

[Crossy]

[Crossy]

[roo860]

My 13-year-old son came home from school today and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I replied, "What is it?"

He said, "There's a pretty girl in my class who keeps flirting with me. She has great t!ts and is dirty as hell, but she has a boyfriend. What would you do if you were in my situation?"

"About 4 years in prison!" i replied..