Worst Joke Ever 2024

[sanuk711]

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[overherebc]

[Yellowtail]

24 minutes ago, overherebc said:

Wow, you were so drunk you don't even remember drove everyone home?

 

[overherebc]

49 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Wow, you were so drunk you don't even remember drove everyone home?

 

Driver answers to the name 'Baccus'.

[VBF]

11 hours ago, LeungKen said:

The Thailand instruction manual? 

[roo860]

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[roo860]

[chickenslegs]

16 hours ago, ballpoint said:

The American Chemical Society (ACS) estimates that there are somewhere between 30 milliliters and 80 ml (1 to 3 ounces) of pee per person in a pool. And one study from 1997 estimated an amount in the middle: an average of 70 ml (2.4 ounces) of pee per person.

 

If that is a pool of Thai "beer" it can only improve the flavour.

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

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[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

I'd like to thank the girl with no sports bra, who ran with me for the last few miles of the marathon.

Your lack of support got me through it.

[ballpoint]

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour:
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

[ballpoint]

Doesanyoneknowwhatthelongbuttononmykeyboardisfor?

[ballpoint]

I made a ventriloquist dummy out of old bits of carpet.

It was ruggish.

[ballpoint]

I went up to a homeless man as I came out of a pub last night and said, "What would you say if I asked you to come back to my house for a few drinks and a 3 course meal in front of the fireplace?"
"I'd say yes," he replied.
"Exactly," I said, shaking my head and walking away, "What is wrong with women these days?"