Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

Imagine The Titanic with a lisp.
It's unthinkable.

[ballpoint]

I've been banned from our local petrol station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo.
I won't get fuelled again.

[ballpoint]

Just how fast was this bloody ostrich running when it hit the tree?

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fasteddie]

[metisdead]

On 4/12/2020 at 12:29 PM, metisdead said:

Posts with videos or images containing profane language have been removed as per this forum rule:

 

8.) You will not post disruptive or inflammatory messages, vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

 

 

More posts containing profanity have been removed, please observe the following forum rule:

 

8.) You will not post disruptive or inflammatory messages, vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

[fangless]

An Officer is about to brief his men.

 While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decides to pose a question to assembled staff.
He explained his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and that he failed to get his usual amount of solid sleep.
He posed a question of how much sex was comprised of "work" verses "fun".

A Major chimed in that it was 75/25 in favour of work.
A Captain said 50-50.
A Lieutenant responded with 25/75 in favour of fun, depending on how inebriated he was at the time.

There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the Airman First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion.
Without any hesitation, the young AFC responded "Sir, it has to be 100% fun"
The Colonel was surprised, and as you might guess, he asked for an explanation.

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved in it, the officers would have all have me doing it for them".

 

[fangless]

Two doctors sitting on a bench at the park
They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:
- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong
- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia
- I have to disagree with you, that dragging of the leg is clearly indicative of a hip dislocation caused by defective surgeon technique
- You know I always respect your opinion, but in this case I happen to recognise the tell-tale signs of the shooting pain going down the leg and causing that distinctive careful step
...
As the man reaches them, they decide to ask him:
- My dear sir, allow us to introduce ourselves, we are doctors and have found ourselves puzzled about your condition. My colleague here thinks you have sciatica and I firmly believe you had a hip dislocation following a hip replacement. Would you please be so kind to tell us which one of us is right?

.

.

.

.

.

 

- Well, that makes three of us who got it wrong. I thought it was just a f^rt!

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

I have a one legged mate who works at the brewery.

He's in charge of the hops.

[ballpoint]

My wife started crying about her weight while we were eating our lunch today.

I said, "Chin up, love."

She said, "Aw, thanks babe. I'm glad I have you to support me."

I replied, "No, I mean lift your chin up. It's in your soup!"

[ballpoint]

I was caught smuggling a rugby ball through customs...

I thought it was worth a try.