Worst Joke Ever 2024

[sanuk711]

.

[ballpoint]

While riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked,

"Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[Crossy]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

 

One really has to be of a certain age ...

[sanuk711]

.

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[KC 71]

[KC 71]

[fangless]

4 hours ago, Crossy said:

One really has to be of a certain age ...

Is there anyone that old, apart from you of course?

[Seth1a2a]

Class Dismissed

[fangless]

“Doctor, doctor, please help me,” begged the man. “I can’t satisfy my wife, I think my penis is too small.” 
The doctor replied, “I think we can do something about that. 
Do you drink cider?” 
“Yes.” 
“Mmm, cider tends to keep it small. What you need to drink are bottles of stout. Try that for a month and then come back and see me.” 
A month later, the man returned to the surgery looking very happy. 
“Aah, I can see it worked, you’re drinking the stout.” 
“It’s worked alright, the sex is great now,” replied the man. 

“But I don’t drink the stout, I give it to the wife.” 
 

[fangless]

Jack, from the neighbouring farm, happened to see his mate Bill gathering in the harvest without any trousers on. 
“Hey Bill, how come you’re out here with no trousers on?” 
“Well Jack, it’s like this. Last week in that hot sun I was out all afternoon without a shirt on. Bloody hell, I suffered the next day. My neck was as stiff as a plank…

 

so this is my wife’s idea.” 
 

[fangless]

For some years the lawyer had been taking his holidays at the exclusive hide-away country hotel and carrying on an affair with the owner’s daughter. However, on returning one year he discovered his mistress had given birth to twin boys. 
“Why on earth didn’t you tell me?” said the astonished lawyer. 
“You know I would have married you and provided for the birth.” 

She replied, “That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over all the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b*stards in the family than a lawyer as a husband. 
 

[fangless]

Daddy was taking his young son for a walk in the park when they passed two dogs humping. When the boy asked his father what was happening he told him they were making a puppy. A few days later the little boy caught his mum and dad in the throes of sex and when he asked them what they were doing, dad replied they were making a baby. 
The little boy said,

 

“Well, can you turn mummy over, I’d much rather have a puppy.” 
 

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

A rat swallowed a diamond and the owner of the diamond contracted a man to kill the rat.

When the rat hunter arrived to kill the rat there were more than a thousand rats bunched up and one sitting by itself away from the pack.
He killed the one by itself and that was the exact one that had swallowed the diamond.

The amazed owner of the diamond asked: "How did you know it was that rat?"
He responded: "Very easy, when idiots get rich they don't mix with others!"

[fangless]

1 hour ago, Seth1a2a said:

Class Dismissed

What a load of C***

[tifino]

I've got a... 

 

[roo860]

[VBF]

On 1/15/2021 at 6:07 PM, roo860 said:

For Micky Flanagan fans...."She does make a lovely sandwich"