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Posted

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.
The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"

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Posted
13 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

A horse with no name? (1971)

Not 72............... should have got that--but once my head gets into a certain track of thought....etc ...etc

 

 

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Posted
16 hours ago, fangless said:

PS;  Would you believe that the <deleted> was the abbreviation for "Oh My God"!!

 

Would I believe it.........:w00t:

 

Would you believe that one of the most often deleted 4 letter words (Begins with S---ends T, we shall call it $$$$)  is printed 7 times whenever "A certain person of great responsibility " makes a post.... its in a humorist  little ditty at the end of his posts.

 

If You Buddhist  $$$$ happens....

...if your Muslim...etc etc.

      X7

 

 

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Posted


"Hey, come over here," hissed a voice.

Looking round the man could see no one but an old mangy greyhound.

"Yes, over here," said the greyhound.

"Look at the state of me. I'm stuck here in this shed when I should be out winning more races. I was a triple champion in my time, you know."

The man was dumbfounded. A talking dog! He could become famous.

Everyone would want to see it.

Millions could be made.

He went to look for the dog's owner.

"I'd like to buy your dog," he said, "is it for sale?"

The owner shook his head and said, "No, mate, you don't want that old thing."

"Oh, but I do," persisted the man. "I'll give you £100 for it."

"Well, alright, but I think you're making a great mistake."

 

"That dog's a bloody liar. He's never won a race in his life."
 

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Posted

Two women talking over the garden wall.

The first said, "It's no good, Beryl, I'm at my wits' end. I can't stand the sight of that skinny runt George any longer.

He treats me like dirt, he's never at home, he just uses the place as a hostel and I know he's going to bed with  every bit of skirt in town. It's had a terrible effect upon me, I've already lost half a stone in weight."

"Leave him, Sylvia, leave him and take him for everything you can," replied her outraged friend.

 

"Oh, I will, I will, just as soon as I lose another ten and a half stone." She panted.
 

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Posted


"Mummy, Mummy, Bobby's got something I haven't got," said the upset little girl, pointing between her legs.

"Oh, don't worry about that," said Mummy, relieved,

"as long as you've got one of these you'll always be able to get one like his."

*

"Daddy, Daddy, are you still growing?"

"Why do you ask, son?"

"Because the top of your head is coming through your hair."
 

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