Worst Joke Ever 2024

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                 Stars of the 80s (tho sure some pedantic <deleted>

                                             will say they started in the 70s!)

 

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                    Teach your children the true meaning of Easter.

 

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An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.

"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."

 

"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."

"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and besides, I'm hungry!"

So the two of them left the bus and went into the restaurant.

 

While they were eating, a news report came on the TV.

"A bus was crushed in an avalanche fifteen minutes ago," said the reporter. "Everyone on the bus was killed." The optimist and the pessimist recognized the bus as the one they had gotten off.

 

"See?" said the optimist. "I told you something good would happen if we got off the bus!"

 

"Good?" sputtered the pessimist. "If the bus hadn't stopped to let us off, it might have missed the avalanche!"

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[ravip]

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalgic for their time in school and the food takes them back. They're so happy they give very generously!"

 

The man is skeptical of the pastor's claims and figures that, on a plane with limited options, there's no way the pastor could come up with his favorite food on the spot. "OK, well, I went to Temple University in Philadelphia and my favorite food is cheesesteak. Let's see you conjure one for me now."

 

The pastor lowers his head and whispers a prayer. "Dear Lord, please bestow on this man the food he desires, a Temple Cheesesteak." Before he can lift his head, a bright light fills the cabin and a cheesesteak appears on the man's tray table! It's overstuffed with perfectly-cooked meat, peppers seared but still juicy, and the best-smelling fried onions the man had ever encountered. And the cheese was a perfect blend of more cheeses than could be counted. Grilled into the roll was the Temple University logo.

 

The man was floored and, after taking a bite that took him right back to his college days, offered the pastor $100. As you can imagine, this scene got the attention of the other passengers, who started lining up in the aisle to test the pastor themselves.

 

Next up was a woman who went to Northwestern University in Chicago who wanted a deep dish pizza. Sure enough, the pastor prayed and there appeared a perfectly-baked pizza with stringy cheese, amazing sauce, and the Northwestern logo made of pepperoni on top. The pastor said "Enjoy your Northwestern Pizza!" The woman was so impressed she emptied her wallet in the pastor's lap.

 

After the Northwestern woman was a man who had just graduated from the University of Mississippi. He told the pastor, "When I was in school at Ole Miss, I used to go every Friday to this family restaurant off campus and get a ribeye. They were so perfectly grilled, so juicy, so delicious, that I worked three jobs just to be able to afford them every week. Now that I've graduated, I can't find beef like that anywhere. Can you give me a ribeye like I used to have?"

 

The pastor sighed and said, "I'm sorry, but I can't. God doesn't make Miss Steaks."

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[ballpoint]

A policeman sees a couple cycling along on a tandem, and then sees the bloke cycling it alone later that same day. He races after the guy, pulls him over, and says he thinks the guy's wife may have fallen off the back.

"Oh thank goodness for that" says the cyclist.

Surprised by the response, the policeman asks him to explain himself.

"I thought I'd gone deaf" replies the guy.