Worst Joke Ever 2024

Zyxel · November 19, 2021

Don't you just hate it when you're sending a text, and you’re so rudely interrupted by a stupid jogger, bouncing off your windscreen?

Zyxel · November 19, 2021

This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.

The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?

The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile to her.

The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is....

Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill.

Zyxel · November 19, 2021

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

‘For the love of God!’ ‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Will write again soon.

Love, Grandma

Zyxel · November 19, 2021

Golf cart accident

While golfing, a senior gentleman accidentally overturned his golf cart late one afternoon.

A very attractive, young, female golfer, who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out,

"Are you OK?"

"I’m OK, thanks," he replied, as he pulled himself out of the twisted cart.

She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help."

The old guy noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.

"That’s mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don’t think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now!" she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive.

"Well, OK," he finally agreed. After a couple of Scotch and sodas, he thanked her and said: “I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d better go now."

"Don’t be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open.

"Stay for a while. Your wife won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?"

He replied, "Still under the cart, I suppose."

fangless · November 19, 2021

1 hour ago, Zyxel said:

Don't you just hate it when you're sending a text, and you’re so rudely interrupted by a stupid jogger, bouncing off your windscreen?

Especially when the text is unnecessarily underlined!

????

Edited November 19, 2021 by fangless