Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Seth1a2a]

13 hours ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

[Seth1a2a]

13 hours ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

 

[chickenslegs]

[ballpoint]

A man returned home after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have a very nasty virus that is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

[ballpoint]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Hard of hearing!

Three nuns arrived at the Pearly Gates and each was asked a question before they were allowed to enter.

The first nun was asked to name the first man. 
"Adam," she replied, and the gates opened for her. 
The second nun was asked to name the first woman. 
"Eve," she replied, and again the gates opened. 
Then a question was put to the third nun. 
"What were the first words that Eve said to Adam?" 
"Gosh! That is a hard one," she replied, and once more the gates opened for her to go inside. 
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

It was the funeral of John's wife and he sat crying his eyes out in the front pew. He seemed inconsolable, so the Vicar decided to go over and have a word. 

"I'm so sorry, John, I know this is a difficult time for you but the pain will eventually lessen. You're still quite a young man and maybe you'll meet someone else one day." 
John stopped sobbing and looked up at the Vicar. 
 "It's alright for you to say that, Vicar," he complained, "but where am I going to get a screw tonight?" 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

If only-What a way to go!

On the death of her husband, Eva placed a notice in the local newspaper. 
"Robert Percy, aged 62, died of VD on June 7, at 3pm." 
The next day, she met her friend in the street and her friend asked her, somewhat puzzled, "But Eva, I thought you told me he died of a bowel complaint?" 
"He did," she replied, "but I'd prefer people to remember him as a great lover rather than the little runt he really was." 
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Fond memories

Sweet old Fay Mahoney hobbled along to confession as she'd done for more than 70 years.

She went in, sat down and began. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I committed adultery with a young, good-looking milkman." 
"Oh my goodness," said the shocked priest, "and when was this?" 
"About fifty years ago, but I just felt like remembering the good old days." 
 

[scottiejohn]

[chickenslegs]

[Andrew Dwyer]

 

 

It’s that time already ???? ......... isn’t it ????

[Andrew Dwyer]

[chickenslegs]

US army freeing 50 ISIS sex slaves ...

[chickenslegs]

[ballpoint]

[Beachcomber]

Don't use autocorrect

*******************

My wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "does this make my butt look big?"
I texted back "Noo!"

My phone autocorrected my response to "Moo!"

...Please send help!

[Beachcomber]

déjà vu

 

I thought I’d tell you a brilliant time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it

 

????

[Beachcomber]

What animal is this?

 

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

 

????

[Beachcomber]

Dalmatian

 

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

????

[Beachcomber]

Sex on the Sabbath is a sin.

 

  A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
  So he went to a priest and asked for his opinion. After consulting the Bible at some length, the priest said, ”My son, after an exhaustive search I must say that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.”
  The man thought, ”What does a priest know about sex anyway?” So he decided to ask a minister who gave the same reply: sex is work and therefore it is not permitted on the Sabbath.
  Not at all pleased with this, the man called on a Rabbi. The Rabbi pondered the question and declared, ”My son, sex is definitely play.”
  Thoroughly confused, the man asked, ”Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?”

  The rabbi replied, ”If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”

????

[Beachcomber]

6% solution

 

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number

????

[Beachcomber]

What are you when...

 

If you are an American when you go into the bathroom and an American when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?

 

 

 

European (You're a peeing)

 

????