Worst Joke Ever 2025

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Dear Deirdre, c/o The Express newspaper

 

I hope you can help me here.

The other day I set off for my daily drive to leaving my husband in the house who is supposedly working from home but is watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

 

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

 

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He has been “working from home and feeling lonely without his work colleagues and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him any more.

Can you please help?

 

Sincerely,

Mrs. Mary Lamb

 

 

Dear Mary,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

 Deirdre

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What two places do ghosts like to go swimming?
Lake Erie and the Dead Sea
 

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21 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

That's the peace time edition. This is the front line one:

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