No wonder the door's open...

 

^^

Ee, back in my day, a carbon footprint were why mother made father wipe his feet after coming home from t'pit

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Spot on!

3 hours ago, Zyxel said:

What a bummer!

Oops wait a minute so do I!

3 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

.

And get a driving licence with insurance!

My father was not a very good inventor!
He invented a burglar alarm but someone stole it.

This guy walked up to me the other night and said:

“Did you see a policeman around here recently?”

I said no.

 

He said: “Good. Stick’em up.”

Gambling has brought my wife and our five kids much closer together.

We had to move to a single bedroom house last week!

I'm on a whisky diet

Last week I lost three days I think!

They always say start at the bottom if you want to learn something.

But suppose you want to learn to swim or skydive?

Vegans will be the first to invent intergalactic travel

Imagine living in the Milky Way

I came home from the pub after a good night out. Julie had already gone to bed. I was feeling a tad horny.

I lay on the bed and my hand began to wander. I soon found what I was after.

"My word Julie, you are getting so hairy down there, and so soft and lovely."

My finger began investigating.

"Very tight too. But a little dry."

Julie replied.

"That's the cat. I'm further over."

24 minutes ago, still kicking said:

Vegans will be the first to invent intergalactic travel

Imagine living in the Milky Way

A Vegan couldn't but a vegetarian might milk it for all it is worth!

Two genies were walking away from the tree. They chatted as they removed their white hoods.
"Sometimes I think humans are strange."
"What you mean?"
"Well, take today. That guy, who released us from the bottle."

"This one, who got the three wishes." Nodding back to the tree.
"Yep. I can understand his first wish; to have a large house in beautiful grounds.
And the second; to be surrounded by lots of beautiful naked ladies.
But his last wish? I don't get it."

 

"What? That he wanted to be hung like a black man."

Edited August 4, 20232 yr by owl sees all