Is this bar girl keen? Maybe a different story here

[KiChakayan]

If I was 30 I'd run; better things to do in life. For someone who is 60, can retire and settle in Thailand why not; After 10 years with my Thai lady I am glad I didn't run.

[KC 71]

An Ausie once said to me’its not you mate,its what you’re sat on’
I said my chair ,he replied ‘your wallet’


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[BobbyL]

On 3/7/2019 at 5:47 AM, madmen said:

Nearly all first posts these days launch straight into a thousand word essay

It is just like Reddit and are obviously made to up the post counts I think. 

[Puchaiyank]

After we divorced she have borrow about 450,000 bath from me.

 

Dang bro...I am shocked you would trust this woman after the divorce.  The whole point of a divorce is to relinquish responsibility for her...

[tingtongtourist]

2 hours ago, Puchaiyank said:

After we divorced she have borrow about 450,000 bath from me.

 

Dang bro...I am shocked you would trust this woman after the divorce.  The whole point of a divorce is to relinquish responsibility for her...

can just imagine the gossip around the village..

"oh, (so and so) farang gave xxx 450k baht..."

 

Well sorry, but you must admit,

its a perfect example of the

stupid thing the foriegner keep doing over and over

that start all the sillyness and expectation with Thais then make it bad for everyone else to follow

when Thais assume we are all idiots!

 

 

[BritManToo]

13 hours ago, RiVape said:

My wife was a former bar girl and prostitute. 

...........

We are married now for 5 years and have a beautiful 3 year old together.  We are each others life and she treats me like a King, as I her my Queen.  She sacrifices a lot to keep us together as a family and never complains about a thing.  She also has her own successful business cooking meals and has it delivered to teachers around Bangkok.  

 

So, I guess it is possible to take the bar out of the bargirl.  I'm living proof it's possible.

Not really, 5 years is still 'short-time' IMHO.

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 8:42 AM, Puchaiyank said:

Been coming to Thailand for many years...retired here now...experienced many Kates along the way...all fun...

 

My philosophy...if it looks like an interesting train ride...board the train...enjoy the ride...if it derails...walk away...keep your happy memories...

Thanks! I like your philosophy 

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 9:08 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

Don't you mean "WHEN it derails".

Sounds like it'll happen regardless!! ????

 

On 3/7/2019 at 9:08 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

Don't you mean "WHEN it derails".

 

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 11:09 AM, WorriedNoodle said:

How come the username Hansuman hasn't already been done on TV? I'm sure it was my old username on Usenet back in the 80s?

You know it's gonna now after you said it!

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 3:00 PM, tingtongtourist said:

"You dont lose your Thai gf, you only lose your spot in the line"

So true but still so many dont get it!

 

Quite simple really.

-If she have 5 guys in the loop, she will keep all 5, until 1 will marry or 1

will provide the life so they wont have to do this kind of thing for a living.

 

why would they only have 1 exclusive bf? when all these deadbeat farangs lie to them, then brag to all about getting free sex, and then go home?

 

If you really like her and think she ok, then be the guy who will provide

..or risk someone else taking her.

 

you most likely can come back 3 years later and she will still claim to be single and be your gf,

though dont be suprised if she still have several other "possibles" just like you.

 

And before all the usual thaivisa wiseguys (thats the ones with the batchelor degree wife)

 come here saying i spend to long with bargirls..

NO!

your so-called normal Thai girl do this exact same tactic

When they work in a normal job they dont have to desperately rely on farang for money

but to be sure, if you get the wrong (normal) one  she will fleece you dry quicker than any bargirl!!!!

 

Of course, I guess the reason why I made the post originally was because I was baffled as to why she didn't want my cash.. (Thinking that's all they want!) 

Obviously there's always a catch... there always is

 

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 3:36 PM, Boomhauer said:

It's a trap dude. I have yet to hear a happy ending about a guy that meets a girl in a bar. All of these stories share one basic similarity: They all end in disaster.

 

Good luck and be careful out there!

You're right.. thanks for your thoughts Boomhauer.  I guess if it's too good to be true then I should GTFO

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 3:43 PM, samsensam said:

 

yea, they are usually troll click bait, at least this guy put some effort into his, probable, troll post. and thankfully for a change non of the usual, intentional, linguistic errors.

Yeah "usually troll click bait" 

I've got better things to do than be an internet troll. 

You didn't have to read the post if you thought it was click bait.

[Hansuman]

On 3/7/2019 at 5:24 PM, Kwasaki said:

You gotta be kidding me.

Thanks for your opinion buddy. I'm sure we all wanted to see your comment 

[xylophone]

"You dont lose your Thai gf, you only lose your spot in the line"

So true but still so many dont get it!

 

AND "It's a trap dude"

 

As for the first quote, I heard something similar when I first arrived, which was, "you never lose your girlfriend, you just lose your turn".

 

And that did happen to me because I met and was extremely keen on a girl working daytime in a pool hall and to all intents and purposes she wasn't what was usually known as a "bar girl", so we went out together and got along very well and I even paid for her to have some English lessons.

 

I went back to NZ and came back a few months later and she was still here and we started going out again and all seemed hunky dory until one day she said to me that she couldn't see me for 10 days because she had "a friend" coming over to see her and he was from the USA, to which I replied, "no problem" you can see him but we will still be going out together (naive I know) she explained that she was going to stay with him for 10 days and he paid her 50,000 baht for that privilege, twice a year.

 

I was quite devastated because I considered myself her boyfriend and never thought she would be hiring herself out like that, but it happened and I had to move on, painfully so because I really did like her.

 

As for the second quote, well for a few years I helped an invalid friend of mine out in his bar and got to meet all of the bar girls there and many more who were friends, and friends of friends etc. They would tell me how they would perform some of their tricks and one of them would be the "fishing" action which the girls would use when they were out "fishing".

 

In effect they were trying to hook a farang and there were several ways in which they would do this, the first would be to allow some free sex and even pay for the occasional Thai meal, so the farang would never think that she was a bar girl or after his money. Another would be for them to go out with the farang and stop to put money into a beggars cup, so the farang would think she was a kindhearted soul and could not possibly be a money grabbing bar girl.

 

The other was to disappear up North to take care of her extremely stick mother, which all the girls would tell the farang about so that he would feel he was really onto something with his caring girlfriend, whereas she had arranged to meet a farang in a different city/location and was playing the game there.

 

I'm sure the OP gets the picture by now, however it's really up to him how he wants to play the game here, but just remember that most of the time it is just a game.

[Hansuman]

21 hours ago, OzMan said:

I agree with Mukdahanman, you are the only one that has met her and she seems genuine enough. Just go out with her for a while and see what happens. The problem I notice in Thailand is that time scales are shorter than in the West. I would not consider having a serious relationship with a girl in UK or Australia without knowing her for a few months. In BKK this get-to-know-you period seems to be just a week or two (at most). Good luck and go with the flow.

Thanks mate.

[Hansuman]

20 hours ago, cardinalblue said:

More than likely, she is being supported from abroad by one or more....this gives her the luxury basically to assess other suitors and give freebies so to speak...

 

she is sizing you to see who is her better haul long term or short term as you might fall for her Image. Yes, you are paying  nothing up front with her in her hope she can snag a farm or other monies literally from you down the road 

Yes I agree it all seems too good to be true

[yogi100]

I've known several successful marriages between falangs and bargirls. One of them has been going for 20 years and they live fairly happily in Pattaya. But the falangs involved have been older than you.

 

i've also heard of several out and out disasters. The troubles start with the families so avoid their home towns. Bringing them back to Falangland is not always a good idea either once they get their feet under the table and get educated by other women especially other Thai women

 

I'd say about 30 - 40% of these marriages I've known of work out.

[Hansuman]

16 hours ago, jsflynn603 said:

Let us look at this objectively. 

You.  We know nothing of you except that you use the name Hansuman, possibly in reference to Hanuman an ancient ardent devotee of Lord Rama. Hanuman is “heroic, brave and steadfastly chaste & complete Celibate.” (Wikipedia)  Beyond that we know nothing, rich, poor, educated, engineer or candlemaker—we simply don’t know.
Her.  We know quite a lot.  She is a prostitute.  “…perhaps as many 1 million women work in Thailand’s sex industry and as many as 20 percent of all Thai women have worked as prostitutes at one time.” (search google to find quoted reference.)”

I will ignore “trafficked” girls, she is likely not one.  She most likely came from a farm region and came into being a bargirl via an auntie.  She likely went to uh, “work” (purportedly at some factory) with auntie, hopefully (but not likely) at age 18.  She is likely a Buddhist and may be quite reverent, going to temple, etc.  Her parents may, or may not know her occupation—it does not matter.  What does is that she has done exactly what is expected of a Thai daughter—to support her family and she does just that.

Looking at 12 years x 6 days per week x 1 male, she has “experienced” certain things a minimum of 3,723 times.  Even if she religiously used condoms, condoms have a failure rate at the absolute best of ~2%, therefore she has “not” had “safer” sex a minimum of 74 times.  Further, condoms do little to prevent transmission of Herpes virus.  Therefore, she has herpes, but may not have visible outbreaks.

Even without visible outbreaks, you (unless you are + already and there are two different strains) will become + for Herpes.  It is likely that she has many of the 100+ strains of HPV and may have one or more of the cancer-causing strains, which will be transmitted to you, though you don’t have a cervix and aren’t as quite as much risk (though you can get penile cancer). 

If she has engaged in oral sex it is likely that she has numerous strains of HPV orally and is at + risk of oropharyngeal cancer.  Kiss her and you may become infected that way (LeWine, 2013).

She may have chlamydia, gonorrhea or in the worst-case HIV.  Should the latter NOT be true, no problem, those former ones can be cured (probably).  In the worst-case she is one of over 1,115,415 adults (Wikipedia, 2008) with HIV.  If she found recently that she has HIV she may well be “hunting.”  She may know that there is a very rough road ahead for her--for there is no cure for HIV (yet).

She is old.  She is old if she is 30.   You say, “we are both the same age in our 30’s.”  Well, 30 is old for a Thai, especially old for a sex worker.”  That is typical in many Asian countries.  In the Philippines women over age 30 are not likely to be hired—they are considered “too old.” 

Her life has been one of survival to support her family—an admirable feat in a land of poverty.  However, to survive her mind had to learn to survive and that I feel, “bend a person’s mind.”  This results in the old adage, “you can take the girl out of the bar, but never take the bar out of the girl.”

I have read here of successful bar-girl/foreigner relationships, so it is possible.  

However, let’s go back to you.  It is likely that you have a high school education and come from a Western country.  Therefore, you are desirable. 

Now I shall ask a question:  There are millions of Thai women who are not promiscuous and have never worked in the sex trade.  A great many of them (if you can connect) will desire you unless of course, you want to f*** them on day one.  High-so families will demand sin sod, low-so maybe not much.  No matter which way you look at it you are a desirable “catch,” especially for a bar-girl.

In short, go for it, though I suspect that over time it will not turn out well simply because her mind-set is one of survival and economics.  And, by the way, now and historically speaking Thailand is largely about economics, it’s as simple fact. 

Here is my suggestion.  Leave Thailand and go to Cebu, Bohol, Oriental Negros or one of the other islands of the Philippines and find a good girl at whatever age you care to be compatible with. 

I’m not Thailand bashing but it is easier to find a “good wife,” in the Phils than it is in Thailand.  I’ve lived in Chiang mai and was engaged to a lovely and wonderful woman there.  I tried bringing her to the US on a fiancée visa but the Thai government denied it.  She had been married (monk wedding) and became pregnant quickly.  The Thai husband did not like his now, “fat” wife and so abandoned her and the daughter.  However, the ปู่ย่าตายาย (grandparents) had only one grand-daughter and forbade the son to agree to let the child leave—end of K1.  (And no, 127,400 baht could not convince the son—who cared less but dared not defy the ปู่ย่าตายาย.

Some years later I read a book by Pamela Druckerman titled “Lust in Translation.”  It is a book on infidelity around the planet.  In short there are only three countries where women (of course there are exceptions) do not cheat.  One is an African country and a husband routinely pours gasoline on a cheating wife.  Another is Nepal, a bit out of the way.  The third is the Phils.  I have lived there and as said, there are exceptions but the culture is very Catholic.  Divorce does not exist there legally (there are exceptions).  
There are bar-girls in Cebu City so I suggest you look in the provinces.  Look for a good church-going Catholic girl who wants to show you her family and there will be a LOT of family, (I did an ancestry on my family there, and found over 200 members from grandparents forward.  (a mere 3 generations).

I found my wife there on Filipino-cupid and one needs to learn the tricks as most are there to pick up some load or cash—but she was not.  It took connecting with her family and we chatted for months before visiting.  No disease issue—she had never kissed a male before.  I’m thinking of taking a contract job at the military base on Kwajalein Atoll.  I have zero fear that she’d cheat on me for the six months I’ll be gone.  

We went shopping the other day and she was thrilled to purchase a handbag at Walmart, it was marked down to $1.  She is an asset, not a debit.  This will not be the case with a Thai wife in your country.

I suggest that you consider both risks to yourself and your future.  Then assess your worth in the eyes of an Asian woman.  Then do as you will, as it is axiomatic that we all do what we think is best—but let the large brain think before the small brain does.  At any rate I wish you, and her, the best.

Btw, the inevitable question, I’m 68, she’s 25.  I have attached a photo of her (degraded quality to protect her privacy).   The photo was taken 2016.

LeWine, H. (2013).  HPV transmission during oral sex a growing cause of mouth and throat cancer. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/hpv-transmission-during-oral-sex-a-growing-cause-of-mouth-and-throat-cancer-201306046346
 

Wow thank you so much for your extensive response.

In summary: yes I'm educated and come from a white collar background.

I'm actually unemployed since moving cities.

Fun fact I'm also a single father.

She's aware of this..

....................

I've been curious about the Phillipines for a while and I think you've sold me on the idea!

Congratulations to you!!!!

 

Cheers 

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, Hansuman said:

Thanks for your opinion buddy. I'm sure we all wanted to see your comment 

It would seem so there are 1000's of of posts like yours.

If you like the woman take care of her and see how it goes.

[Bangkokazy]

Here's my suggestion to you

[Nyezhov]

Some guys would be better off choken the chikken then going into a bar in Pattaya. Save a lot of future misery.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Nyezhov

[observer90210]

oh c'mon OP...get the facts...how much did she take for the bunga-bunga that you suggested ???.... that's all that matters here for all the old TVF perverts like me ????

[RocketDog]

On 3/7/2019 at 3:21 PM, stigar said:

I been married 11 year with a former bargirl..we have 2 kids together..she live in norway now and our kids too.

¤5 year ago she went to visit her family alone wioth our ids...didnt want me to go same time.She came back after 2 months..

I thougth she look fatter..and her stomack get bigger..i ask why..she admit she was pregnant with her secret thailover..

I divorced her rigth away.Even i speak thai she and her family lies to me for 15 years.Her father is nice and honest.He told me when we drinking beer together that my son is not mine,but son of her thailover.I contacted the court in norway and they decide after my story that they orded she to bring my son for DNA-test before 4th of march.The judge said also that if she dont go to the hospital and take DNA-test the police will go to her and bring she and my son to the hospital.After we divorced she have borrow about 450,000 bath from me.Now she refuse to pay back!!!!!!!My lawyer get every transactions from my bank,so now shes in deep shit.

 

Really? She's in deep sh*t? 

[Bangkokazy]

Married asian girl. Only if she can take care of me.

[Scooby and Puppy]

On 3/7/2019 at 1:38 AM, A1Str8 said:

All this never try to take the bar out of the girl is nonsense. I have seen many, i mean many, that were eager to leave with a man like you(based on your description), nice looking, well dressed, etc and never look back.

The girlfriend of hers phoned her immediately when you showed up and she wasnt there, because Kate obviously told her friend, that wow, i really like this guy. Thats why they gave her the intel right away, your guy is here. If she wasnt into you, that would have never happened. You gotta watch the subtle signs, which they think you dont notice.
Of course, do not by any means trust her and think that oh yeah, she loves me. But you already know that. But if you like her and she clearly likes you, why not see where it goes. You just have to get clear with yourself from the beginning: you wont make fool moves! as in no money to her family, no moving to isaan, nothing goes under her name, not giving her large amounts of money, not believing everything she says and not letting her control any aspect of your life.
Here is how their brain works: if he is nice with me i am nice with him. if he gives me some money, i will be still forced to go with other guys. if he gives me more dough, then i wont have to. i can stop being a bar girl. if he leaves me, i will go back to the bar. if he cheats on me, i will take revenge. Pretty simple.
All you have to do is clearly let her know by your actions and words the next time you meet her, that you are not one of these clowns that she can take advantage of. Have fun with her, get to know her  but keep a keen eye on her. Never mind what she says. By their actions you shall know them.
And who cares if she is a slut. Every girl is, i know from experience. They just wont say it ,like these girls do. And what would you do if you were in their shoes? You either work at 7-11 and never make ends meet or use the only asset you were given and go with guys.
Its actually quite easy to see, whether she is the type of bar girl, that would leave this job behind, the moment she gets a chance or the one that has no aspirations and is totally hopeless. Watch her behaviour. How does she conduct herself? Watch the things she does for others. Is she a shrewd little thing or a pleasant one to be around? Does she do drugs? A lot of them do. If yes, run. She wont quit. Its actually so simple to read people, especially women, because they are more emotional by design. Which is easy to read. 

What a great response. That's the sort of thing I would say, but you put it very well. You are how all Thai visa members should be like. You see it how it is, and not how others see only the stigma attached to bargirls. 

As you say, there are ordinary girls who have to make a living, they do it for their family usually, even scared to tell their parents exactly what they do do. 

We don't live in Pattaya, but when we are there, which we go down a few times a year, I find myself looking at bargirls (not all the time, and not as a bar fine ????) to see if I can spot the real girl inside. I would say about 30% are not 'career' bar girls...

The sweaty Chang vest brigade will think differently though, I would imagine.

[xylophone]

13 hours ago, Bangkokazy said:

Here's my suggestion to you

They look a bit "suspect"...........sure they're not blokes!!

[DaRoadrunner]

How many times have we seen this before? Farang looks for diamond in bucket of Asian shit and wonders why he is not finding? He expects to find a good girl in a bar and not pay for it.

 

Get with it. Whether she's good or bad, woman will always cost you money. All men are slaves to their dicks. Girls know it and it has cost man ever since.

 

Usually when the money runs out the girl runs out, so you can test em this way. However, there are notable exceptions to the rule so explain you really like her and give her a chance.

 

See it from her point of view. What would you do if you were a poor Thai girl from Issarn?

Edited March 9, 2019 by DaRoadrunner
drunk in charge of a computer

[Bugsy777]

Well, it can happen. You are far more likely to fall in love than she is. When that happens, and it will if you pursue this, she will be in control. Control means access to money, your money. You may think not but you ignore the power of the p#**y at your peril. When she has completely drained you of cash, you will be discarded to become one of the many sad destitute characters hanging around Pattaya or you'll go home with your tail between your legs.

 

Having said all that, I personally know guys who have taken the girl out of the bar and are still going strong 11 years later and living in another country. Take care, keep your wits about you. But if you give yourself completely over to 'true love' then heaven help you.

[Logosone]

@JSFlynn603 so you read a book that said that in only three countries in the world women don't cheat, and one of them is the Philippines?

 

I have a hardly used bridge in Brooklyn I could sell you, if you're interested?

 

I think you'll find that the Phillippines ARE FULL of dating professionals, who will cheat on your ass faster than you can say 'Pinay allowance'.

 

If you think Filipinas don't cheat, BOY are you in for a surprise. 

 

Lol.

 

I went to see a girl in Cebu, she told me of her undying love, and how we are perfect for each other. Three weeks after meeting me she went on a <deleted> holiday with a 58 year old guy, because she thought he had money. 

 

If you think Filipinas are not about money, again, BOY are you in for a surprise.

[cdemundo]

Not really sure how to say this tactfully, oh wait there isn't a way to say it tactfully.

Whenever I read a post like this I have a sneaking suspicion that it is "bragging in the form of a question".

Not helpful to the OP,  but does he really need or want advice?

I know I am probably gonna get attacked for this post so I'm gonna go watch my Stuart Smalley tape.